Chef's Delight (Stories of Serendipity) (15 page)

Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,

Be it ever so humble there’s no place like home!

He awoke with a shuddering cry, his sheets a sweaty, jumbled mess, only to discover he had actually had an orgasm in his sleep.  Rolling out of bed, he grabbed a tissue from the makeshift nightstand, and lumbered into the bathroom.  Feeling nauseated at the memory of the dream, he managed to quell the trembling uneasiness, which threatened to overtake him.

Was that real?  Did I just have dream sex with a ghost?  Shaking his head, groggily, he tried to figure out what it meant.  Was that a re-enactment of Louise’s trysts with her lover in the hayloft?  What the fuck just happened?

Realizing it was four-thirty, and he wasn’t likely to be getting any more sleep tonight, Connor walked outside.  He didn’t want to wake Luke, who was sleeping on the sofa, and he wasn’t ready to deal with the house during his morning coffee, so he got into his truck and drove around. 

He thought a lot about the dream, and of Jessie, although thinking about the two together made him feel guilty.  He felt like he had cheated on Jessie, even though the sex in his dream had felt so wrong.  It was like he had been in a sort of trance.  He had been an unwilling participant, hadn’t he?  Hell, it was a dream. 

But so was sex with Jessie.

Connor continued to drive around, eventually stopping at a fast food restaurant for some awful coffee.  He sipped the harsh brew as he thought some more about Jessie.  She hadn’t called him back yesterday, but he was just going to assume she woke up, and got busy.  He’d try to catch up with her later today.

Thinking about Jessie made Connor feel better.  She took his mind off his own ghost troubles.  He realized he hadn’t even obsessed over Brandy, or Madeline in a couple of weeks.  A pang of guilt gnawed at his gut at the realization he hadn’t thought of Maddie in that time.  Not that thinking about her did anybody any good…

Connor hoped he and Jessie would get a chance to talk about Maddie soon.  He really wanted to share her with Jessie.  He hadn’t met a woman he’d felt such a connection to.  He would say he hadn’t met one since Brandy, but he never really had much of a connection with her at all.  Now, he finally had met someone he wanted to have a relationship with, someone he wanted to fight for.  Because he knew, as soon as Brandy found out about Jessie, he would have to fight.  Connor may not be on Brandy’s radar now, but he knew he would be at some point.  And when she found out about Jessie, she would use her infinite resources to turn her against him, or use her against him in court. 

Connor realized he needed to let Jessie know what she was getting into.  He groaned.  He didn’t realize Jessie might not want to get involved with a man who had a psycho ex-wife that might drag their personal life through the mud.  He should have thought about that.  Looking at the clock on his truck, he realized she might be up milking her goats.  He called her.  No answer.

“Jessie?  This is Connor.  Hey.  Um…I just realized there is something I need to talk to you about.  So, give me a call when you get this, okay?  Talk to you later.  Bye.”

Feeling a sense of disappointment that he couldn’t talk to Jessie, he continued to drive and think about her.  It occurred to Connor his feelings for Jessie ran deeper than he had realized.  The fact the dream bothered him so much, and the realization he wanted to tell her about Maddie showed him he cared for her more than he initially thought.

He had lost his heart to Jessie, and the realization made him giddy with anticipation.  He couldn’t wait to talk to her.

With each day that passed, Jessie’s feelings of despair from Connor’s duplicity turned to anger.  The first time she had tried the whole relationship thing had bit her in the ass.  She should have just stuck with her initial feelings about Connor.  If she had kept him in her fantasies, as she had planned, none of this would have happened.  He could have continued being the perfect lover inside her head.  She never would have felt the treachery that finding out about his daughter had bestowed on her.  If she hadn’t have gotten to know him, she wouldn’t have become emotionally invested in him.

That’s what bothered her most, Jessie realized.  She had feelings for him, and finding out he had kept secrets from her hurt.  It hurt her in a way she hadn’t realized was possible.  Her heart ached to know he hadn’t trusted her enough to tell her about his daughter.  And if he’d kept that from her, what other secrets was he hiding? 

Preparing for her open house, she carried on with the plans she and Connor had made, hoping like hell she could pull it off without his help.  She understood she couldn’t count on Connor for anything, now.  She shouldn’t have ever opened herself up to him in the first place.  She had come this far alone, she would continue on.  Alone.

Jessie didn’t answer her phone for days after her discovery.  She didn’t go into town.  She got up, milked her goats, made cheese, and worked in the yard.  Luke still came over to work on the roof, the gutters, and replacing rotten wood around the exterior of the house.  She didn’t tell him she had discovered Connor’s secret.  In fact, she tried her damnedest to avoid Luke at all costs.

On day three of evading Connor’s phone calls, Jessie was in her kitchen working on her third batch of cheese for the day, when a knock at her door interrupted her.  She looked through the window next to the door, and her stomach did a summersault when she saw Connor standing on her porch.

She shouldn’t have been surprised, his voice mails had gotten increasingly desperate, and she knew she couldn’t dodge him forever.  Steeling herself for a confrontation, and reminding herself Connor was not violent, like
Chad, she took a deep breath and opened the door.

Connor looked bad.  Her gut clenched as she took in the circles under his eyes, his waxy complexion, and his bed hair that looked like it hadn’t seen a comb in days.  He stood, stiffly, watching her warily, with a pained expression in his eyes.

“Why are you avoiding me, Jessie?”  The hurt in his voice was evident.

Deciding to treat this like a band-aid, Jessie said bluntly, “I’m not doing this, Connor.  I can’t trust you.” 

“Why?  What happened?  Jessie?  Talk to me.  Tell me what happened.”  He took a step toward her, and she backed up against her door, reflexively.  She was afraid of what would happen if he touched her.

“You have secrets, Connor.  It’s obvious you don’t trust me.  I thought that’s what relationships were about.  Mutual trust.” 

Connor took another step forward, and opened his arms, as if to pull her toward him in an embrace, and Jessie knew if he did, her body would betray her.

“Don’t touch me.  Please.”

He exhaled slowly, pulling his arms slowly back to his sides.  “So.  You found out about Maddie?  How?”

“Facebook, Connor.  How stupid do you think I am?  That I wouldn’t find out?”  Tears were stinging her eyes, threatening to spill over, but she was determined to not let them.

“I was going to tell you.  I swear.  It’s…complicated.”  Frustrated, he raked his fingers through his hair.

“How hard is it?  ‘Jessie.  I have a kid.’  There.  Simple.  But you didn’t tell me.  I had to find out from the fucking internet.  You played me, Connor.  You win.  Now go.”  She turned to go back inside the house, but Connor reached out and grabbed her elbow.

“Jessie, wait, I can explain.”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“Please…”

“Let. Go. Of. Me.”

Expelling a sigh that sounded like a choked sob, he released her, and she went into her house, shutting the door on Connor.

Chapter 14

Connor spent the next week trying not to think about what he had fucked up this time.  Every time he thought of Jessie, he caught himself reflecting on what could have been.  His dreams at night had gotten stranger, and each morning he woke with the scent of moldy hay on his skin.  He couldn’t shake the sensation of fleas in his hair, crawling on his scalp.  The dreams were driving him crazy, and not having Jessie during his waking hours left him feeling hopeless.

He got up, showered to scrub the smells and sensations from the dreams from himself, had coffee, ignored the stupid music he heard, and tried to work twice as hard in the restaurant.

Business was better, the lunch crowd getting a little bigger each day, and Connor tried to focus on coming up with new specials.  He emphasized local producers for his ingredients, making signs to highlight them.  Discovering Jessie, and her talents on her farm, made him realize there was a need in the community for a restaurant that focused on locals.  This seemed to help his business immensely, as people wanted to support local producers.  He found a lady to supply him with eggs and chicken, and a local dairy supplied cow’s milk and another local rancher supplied him with beef.  He was working on a deal with another woman to supply him with produce in the fall and spring.

All of this didn’t make him feel any better, though.  The success of the restaurant was nothing, if he didn’t have anybody to share his life with.  He wasn’t sure why he’d never seen it before.

Kathy was still giving him the silent treatment, even though she was working hard at the restaurant.  He figured she knew about him and Jessie, and he suspected she had found out first and told Jessie.  He couldn’t be angry with her, though.  Kathy was fiercely protective of her friend, and wouldn’t want her to be hurt.  Hell, he probably would have done the same thing.

A couple of mornings before Jessie’s open house, Connor was in the carriage house having a beer between the lunch rush and dinner, when Luke walked in.

“Hey, man.  I think everything’s finished at Jessie’s.  I know you guys seem to be on the skids, but I thought you might want to know.”  He grabbed a beer from the fridge and plopped down on the couch next to Connor, who grunted in response.

“Dude…I know you like her a lot.  What the hell happened?”  Luke looked at Connor expectantly, but Connor didn’t respond.  “Fine, you don’t want to talk about it.  I get it.  But, she’s not doing so hot, either.”

This got Connor’s attention.  “What do you mean?  Is she alright?”

“Same as you.  She works like a dog, I don’t think she’s sleeping at night, because y’all have matching luggage under your eyes.”

“She found out about Maddie.”

“Ahh…”  Luke responded, as if it explained everything.

“She’s pissed I didn’t tell her.  I was going to, but there never was a good time…”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”  He dropped his head to his hands.  “I just don’t know.  I can’t think straight about her.  I think this house is messing with me.”

“Have you talked to Kathy about it?”

“No.  Why should I?  She’s not speaking to me, either.”

“Make her talk to you, man.  You’re her boss.  She may have some insight into the female mind.  She could tell you how to make up with Jessie.  You do want to, don’t you?”

“Yes.  I do.”

“Then see if Kathy will talk to you.  If she won’t, I’ll try and see if I can squeeze some information from her.”

Connor didn’t have the energy to ask his brother how he and Kathy were doing, but he could tell by the lascivious grin on his face they had apparently taken their relationship to the next level.  As much as he loved his brother, he just didn’t want to hear about his success at the relationship thing.  Luke seemed to sense this, and he clapped Connor on the shoulder. 

“Take Kathy a beer and talk to her, man.  It couldn’t hurt anything.”  Luke said reassuringly. 

Reluctantly, Connor stood and walked over to the fridge, grabbing two beers and went to the big house.

“Kathy?”  She looked up from the paperwork she was sorting through in the office, and raised her eyebrows at him.

He held up the beers.  “I call parlay.  We need to talk.”

She sighed.  “Fine.”  Grudgingly, she took the beer from Connor and followed him into the dining room.  “What?”  She sat, and drank deeply from the proffered beer.

“I messed up with Jessie, but I’m pretty sure you know that.”  He looked at her, squarely, trying to gauge her reaction.

She didn’t look surprised.  “Well, how long did you think you could keep a kid a secret?  I thought you guys were getting serious.  That’s not a secret you can keep forever, Connor.”

“I know.  I was going to tell her.”  He took a healthy swig from his drink.  “Maddie’s mother is a problem, and I was trying to save Jessie from that.”

“How is not telling her saving her from anything?”  Kathy’s fiery temper was on display, her fierce protectiveness evidenced by her rising voice. 

“I get that.  I screwed up.  Big time.  Now I need to know how to fix it, Kathy.  Please help me.”  His ragged voice pleaded.

“I’m not sure you can, Connor.”  Kathy said simply.

“I have to.”

Kathy sighed.  “Look.  Jessie has never opened herself up to anyone the way she has with you.  Now she doesn’t trust you to tell her the truth about anything.  That’s what you’re going to have to fix.”

“How can I fix that?  She won’t even talk to me.”