Cherish & Blessed (20 page)

“Ugh, you’re both so gross,” Helena moaned teasingly as she wrapped her arms around Evan’s shoulder, ever the affectionate drunk. “Shane and I aren’t even that gross and we’re still in the honeymoon phase.”

Shane—the daring drunk who sometimes forgot he’d moved out of the frat house—took the cue to rush over to Helena and picked her up bridal style as she shrieked. “The honeymoon phase demands I throw you in the pool!”

“
What?
That doesn’t even make sense!” she squealed as Shane took off out the open sliding door toward the back deck.

“Don’t drown!” Bennett yelled in their wake, then huffed out a “watch, they’re gonna drown” before heading after them.

A newly arrived Jim looked around warily as he joined the mix. “What did I miss?”

“Drunken pool shenanigans. I think it’s safe to warn for heterosexual nudity and canoodling very soon,” Matt said dryly. He laid the dishtowel he was using over a little rack.

“At least someone is getting lucky.” Jim shrugged, then went to the fridge.

“Griffin still on baby duty?” Evan asked. Matt caught a certain tone in his voice and looked over to find Evan’s face serious.

“I’m thinking that kid is sleeping with us tonight.” Jim came out of the double-wide fridge with a beer. “He won’t put her down.”

He sounded frustrated.

“Hey, he’s taking this godfather thing super serious,” Matt said lightly. “Plus he’s not really able to be around her as much as he’d like now that the movie stuff is heating up. That’s rough, I’m sure.”

“Hmmm” was Jim’s only response. He looked at the beer in his hand like it was a surprise, then shrugged. “Gonna take a walk. I’ll see you guys later.”

When they were alone, Matt sidled up to Evan, pressing against his side. “You gonna tell me what’s going on in that big sexy brain of yours?”

Evan put his arm around Matt’s waist. “Jim ever say anything to you about wanting a family?”

That
caught his attention. “What? No. It was tough enough him deciding to settle down. You know us old bachelors. Stubborn till the end.”

Evan didn’t answer; he just made a noncommittal sound in his throat.

“What?”

“You took to having kids in your life pretty easily,” Evan said slowly, tipping his head to look at Matt. Something about his expression—tender and nervous at once—reminded Matt of their beginning days, when the feelings were powerful and terrifying and despite all the reasons it might not work, they couldn’t seem to stop the collision between them.

“Yeah, I guess. Didn’t expect to, but your kids are amazing. And you were worth it to try,” Matt murmured, pressing a kiss against Evan’s jawline to punctuate his words. “Why?”

“I was watching Griffin with Sadie, and I think maybe he’d like for Sadie to be his.”

“And you’re telling me as the head of security for the Ames family to check his bags for a baby when he leaves?”

“Matt.”

“I know what you’re saying, and you’re probably right, and wait—this is you telling me to talk to Jim, right?” Matt sighed against his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Why are we meddling?”

“We’re not meddling. We’re just… being friends.”

“By being nosy.”

Evan huffed, jabbing Matt in the stomach with an elbow. “Helping our friends isn’t about being nosy, it’s about being concerned for their well-being.”

“So you get the nice guy cooing over a baby and I get the grouchy one—I see how it is.” But Matt knew Evan was right, and it was clear there something was up with Jim—his shoulders and expression held a tension that hadn’t been there in the past. At least not post-Griffin. Matt pressed a few more kisses to Evan’s neck.

“Go find Jim and I’ll meet you down by the fire in a little bit,” Evan murmured, and Matt made a sound suspiciously close to a whine.

“Dangling a carrot in front of me.”

“If that’s a euphemism, you’re sleeping on the couch.”

The dirty bargaining Matt so enjoyed from January made an appearance. He let Evan push him against the counter, rough and handsy, and insinuate his thigh between Matt’s legs in a way that made him want to forget all about Jim’s problems. They made out for a few minutes, trading deep kisses and wandering hands until Evan pulled his tongue out of Matt’s mouth with a rude smacking sound.

“Go find Jim,” Evan said. Matt felt quite smug at the breathless delivery of the three words. “Then come and find me.”

“Deal.”

J
IM
SAT
on the beach, watching the last licks of the burnt orange sunset sink into the ocean. The breeze coming off the water had a bite, and he wished he’d remembered to bring a jacket.

He could go back to the house to get one, but Jim’d rather avoid Griffin and deal with this surge of questions haunting him alone for as long as he could.

He nursed his beer, feet sunk in the rough sand, thoughts swirling in his head until the mess resembled a swarm of angry bees and it started to cause actual pain. When he heard someone approaching, he knew exactly who it was.

“Mr. Shea.”

“Mr. Haight,” Jim said, not even bothering to turn around. Tell me you brought beer.”

Matt settled down beside him, bearing two blankets and a six-pack of some microbrewery stuff Bennett had found locally.

It would do.

Jim wrapped the blanket around his shoulders, waited for Matt to settle next to him. They sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping the beer as the night swallowed up the last bit of daylight.

“You okay?” Matt murmured as Jim sighed and let their bodies connect at the shoulders, a weight sinking his heart down to his stomach. He didn’t want to shoulder this burden alone anymore. He just wanted to get it out of his head.

Maybe it would help.

“I’m jealous of an infant. And Griffin’s career,” he said finally, the truth hurting his throat. “I’m tired of traveling,” he added, the words hanging in the air for a long minute.

“Well,” Matt said, quiet then, as if he was thinking about a response. “That doesn’t seem to be the end of the world.”

Jim frowned. “Didn’t say it was.”

“And yet here you sit, staring at the ocean and making my boyfriend feel bad for you. I could be getting laid right now, on fancy sheets in a badass luxurious bed, but instead I’m here, making sure you’re all right.” The words were sharp but the tone was gentle, friendly, and Jim laughed, dry and tired.

“I’m fine.” Jim paused. “Just a little unsettled right now. Living out of a suitcase is apparently not the glamorous life I was told it was.”

Matt kicked off his shoes and let them roll down the little rise and into the dark. The illumination from the house’s distant patio lights didn’t quite reach their spot, and kept the two of them in the shadows, right on the edge of pitch-blackness. “Did you have a plan? Like—what happens when you’re done?”

“No, not really. It was just about getting away from life for a while.” Jim kicked a bit of sand. “We didn’t have an end date.”

“So you tell him you need one. He’s got the movie in LA—you fly back there, you go back to Seattle, you decide what’s next.”

Jim heard something loaded into the words, and he turned to look at Matt’s strong profile. Staying friends with an ex-lover wasn’t his style, especially when it was borne out of a one-night stand between two emotionally compromised people—one that had less to do with sex than with a desperate need for intimacy. When he let his gaze settle on Matt, he wasn’t remembering the sex. He was remembering how vulnerable he’d felt in the moment of them being together.

There would always be something between them, something tender and caring, and Jim knew what he was holding close to his chest right now was something he could share with his friend.

“He… he wants kids,” Jim murmured, a hitch in his breath punctuating the word. Matt grunted next to him, and Jim knew everyone could see it, that it was like skywriting over the monstrous house behind them.

“Yeah,” Matt said gently. “I think you might be right.”

“I’ve never….” Jim tried to put it into words. His cold, impersonal upbringing. His disastrous relationship with his father and brother. His feelings, for so long, of not believing he’d find someone to love, someone to share his life with.

Kids didn’t factor into his thinking at all.

Neither did falling in love with someone fifteen years his junior.

Matt let out a sharp bark of laughter. “And I never imagined falling in love with a guy and then helping to raise his kids. So, you know. Things change.”

“True.”

Had his feelings changed?

He looked at Sadie and saw a fragile life to be responsible for. He saw an innocent little creature you sent out into the world every day, a world he was intimately aware was filled with terrible people.

He saw Ed Kelley burying Carmen before her eighteenth birthday, and a chill went through him.

Jim shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t think my mind’s changed about that,” he said finally. He drained his beer. Matt was a good friend, because he let Jim sit there and let the silence surround them like the night.

“Y
OU
’
RE
SO
good with her,” Daisy said softly. Sadie nursed, her eyes drifting closed as she started to fall asleep. The chair and a half—upholstered in the new grass green that matched the rug and crib linens—comfortably held the three of them, Griffin tucked up next to her, gently stroking the baby’s hair. He couldn’t seem to look away.

“All that uncle experience,” he said absently, the soft, fine hair under his fingers giving him goose bumps. That was the truth—he was comfortable with babies, always had been, but this… this felt like something else.

“You’re a great godfather,” Daisy continued. “I love having you around so much.”

“Just like old times,” Griffin laughed, tracing a finger down from Sadie’s temple to her downy cheek.

“No, not at all like old times. I’m sober, you’re your own person, and oh right, there’s a human attached to my breast.”

“I could make a dirty joke right now, but I won’t, out of deference to my goddaughter’s innocent ears.” Griffin dropped a kiss on the top of Daisy’s head. She looked healthy and happy, and that filled him with warmth. He wanted her to have everything—even more so when it wasn’t his responsibility to give it to her.

“When are you going back to LA?”

Griffin sighed, the bubble broken. “Wednesday. Probably stay for a few days, then head up to Seattle.”

Daisy looked up, her eyes wide. “You’re moving back?”

“What? No. No, I….” Griffin opened his mouth, shut it. Opened it again. “I don’t think so. We haven’t really talked about it.”

“Oh.” Daisy returned her attention to Sadie; the little one had stopped suckling and fallen asleep, her little mouth open and eyelashes fluttering. With a confident hand that gave Griffin a pang in his heart, Daisy lifted the baby to her shoulder, rubbing her back as she stood.

“Oh?” Griffin tracked Daisy and Sadie to the curved walnut crib, watched her duck to lay the baby down as the flower mobile danced over her head.

“You should probably figure out where you’re going to live,” Daisy whispered. She walked back over to Griffin to lay her hands on his shoulders. “Talk about what’s next.”

They walked out of the nursery hand in hand, Griffin’s thoughts colliding and tripping over one another.

“When the movie wraps, we have the trial coming up,” Griffin said as they headed downstairs. “So we’ll be back in Los Angeles for a while. Or we’ll stay in Seattle.”

They ended up in the living room, and Griffin started in surprise when he saw Evan on one of the large couches, reading something on his phone.

“Hey,” Evan said, looking up. “Daisy, Bennett was looking for you a few minutes ago.”

She squeezed his hand. “I’ll be back, unless you want to come down to the beach,” she said, but he shook his head.

“I’m gonna wait here.”

“Jim and Matt are taking a walk. They should be back soon,” Evan added.

“Yeah, so I’ll wait,” Griffin said again.

Daisy gave him a pouty face but kissed his cheek and then walked across the kitchen and exited through the doors to the patio.