Chihuahua Confidential (12 page)

Felix was a star as soon as we walked into the soundstage. He seemed to know everyone and everybody knew him. After all, he had worked as an animal trainer in the film industry for years before moving to Seattle. One of his cousins was a grip, and it turned out that Robyn, the costume designer, was the daughter of his mother's sister's husband's sister.

Then Alice, the vet, came running up. “Felix!” she squealed, and threw her arms around him.

Felix, to give him credit, immediately disengaged from her embrace. He turned to me and drew me closer, saying, “Alice, do you know Geri? I met her in Seattle. That's why I'm down here, to support her. And Pepe, of course!”

“Of course,” she said. I saw her look back and forth between me and Felix, and her expression shifted subtly. Had she once gone out with him? “I know Geri and Pepe. In fact, I brought my scanner for her!”

“Hey, I brought mine, too!” said Felix, opening the bag he was carrying and pulling out something that looked like a hair dryer. “It's a 2007 Dataman 40X Scanner.”

“Well, I've got a 2009 Minitrack Trojan Scanner,” said Alice, brandishing a green item with a big dial in the middle of it. “Mine can read more chips than yours.”

“Not true,” said Felix. “Let's try them out and see.” He called Pepe over to him and ran the hair-dryer-like appliance over Pepe's back. It made a little pinging sound. “Definitely chipped!” said Felix, looking up at me.

“Yum, chips!” said Pepe. “I worked up an appetite dancing. I would like more chips.”

Alice pushed Felix aside and swept her green machine down along Pepe's spine. It made a beeping sound as it passed over his neck. “I got a reading, too!” she said.

“What data do you have?” They stood side by side, looking at the gauges on their machines.

“What did you learn?” I asked.

“I do not want Cheetos today. I am craving potato chips,” Pepe said.

“Oh, we have to submit the numbers to the registries,” Alice said. “It might be twenty-four hours before we get any results.”

“I can get mine immediately!” said Felix, and they were off again, arguing about the process.

I left them deep in conversation and took Pepe off to the craft service table to get his potato chips. Of course, he also wanted some of the turkey and cheese, which I put on a paper plate on the floor under the table for him to sample.

“You still owe me some Tofurkey, Geri,” he pointed out.

 

 

Our next stop was the costume area. Robyn had created a stunning gown for me, a midnight blue satin dress, crusted with sequins around the neckline and hem. It plunged to a deep V in front and an even deeper V in the back. I was pretty happy that Felix had turned up for this particular dance. Pepe was supposed to wear a little black satin tuxedo coat with a bow tie around his neck, and he was not as happy.

From there we proceeded to hair and makeup. I was getting used to being pampered. It was so pleasant to have someone feed me and dress me and style my hair and do my makeup every day. All I had to do was put on a new pair of yoga pants and a camisole in the morning, and for the rest of the day I could just float along and let others take care of me.

As I relaxed with my hair in a basin full of warm soapy water and Zack's strong fingers massaging my scalp, I thought I heard Pepe calling my name.

I sat up abruptly, getting water all over everything. Yes, there it was again!

“Geri! Help!” Then shrill barking and Pepe's voice: “Unhand me, you vicious brute!” That was Pepe, using the language of a telenovella actor, but the terror in his voice was real.

I threw off my towel. The sound seemed to be coming from the grooming station where Pepe was supposed to be having a bath. It's true Pepe hates baths, but this seemed like an extreme reaction.

I jumped up and dashed around the corner, but Pepe wasn't on the grooming table. I heard his voice again: “Geri, help!” It was coming from the vet's office, which was right next to the grooming station. I ran to the doorway and saw Pepe, standing on a stainless-steel table, shivering, a syringe sticking out of his hide. I surmised that he was afraid to move, afraid the sharp instrument would embed itself farther.

But I couldn't reach him to pluck it out, because my way was blocked by Ted and Felix, who were pushing and shoving each other, and they were surrounded by at least two cameramen with their cameras aimed on the action and the set's still photographer, snapping away.

“What do you think you're doing?” shouted Felix, pushing Ted back with both hands.

“I was trying to help the dog!” Ted protested as he struggled to keep his balance.

“You were trying to drug him!” shouted Felix with another push.

Ted staggered back, bouncing off one of the cameramen and coming back at Felix, his hands raised to ward off another blow.

“She was giving the dog a shot when I came in the room. I tried to stop her!”

“Oh, right!” said Felix. “So who is this mystery person? Where is she now?” He glanced around the tiny room.

“Will you let me get to my dog?” I said, clawing at the cameramen in my way, but they didn't budge. My hair was dripping down my chest.

“I don't know who she is. I've never seen her before!” Ted said.

Rebecca showed up. To my surprise, she seemed pleased. A crowd of others gathered, alerted by the noise. I saw Alice, the vet, and Robyn, our costume designer.

“You're the one who shouldn't be here,” said Felix. “I know all about you. Phony choreographer! Spy!”

“Hey! Just because I'm the one hanging out with your girlfriend while you're up in Seattle picking up dog poop—”

And then the fight was really on. Felix shoved Ted again, and Ted fell against the partition, knocking it over and taking down a light and a mike with it. He got to his feet and launched himself at Felix with both fists swinging. Felix did some sort of complex maneuver where he bent down and Ted went flying over him and landed on the other side of the room, knocking down that partition. He still wasn't done. He got to his feet again and ran straight at Felix, his head down, hitting him in the stomach. Felix went down with a mighty “Oof!” Ted danced around, holding aloft his hands in the victory clasp.

I finally saw my opportunity and dashed around the two men and got to Pepe. I grasped the syringe and jerked it out of his hide, then fell on him, rubbing my face against his fur.

“Are you OK, Pepe?” I asked.

“I think so,” he said, but his voice was so small and shivery I could barely understand him.

Felix had gotten to his feet, with a little assistance from one of the cameramen, and now he went after Ted again. Rebecca was directing the cameramen to move around to get a better shot. She was obviously delighted by the conflict.

I began to wonder how much of it was staged. Felix had worked on movie sets all his life. He would know how to fake a fight. Still it sounded real. I heard the thud of a fist on flesh, the moan of pain.

I wasn't sure who was hitting who anymore. I had gathered Pepe up and was holding him against my chest, kissing the top of his head and saying over and over, “Pepe, you're safe now. I'll take care of you.” I had been backed into a corner by the fight, and they were getting closer and closer to me.

The syringe had fallen to the floor. Ted stepped on it as he backed away from Felix's flailing fists. The hard plastic caused him to slip. He went down backward, falling against the stainless-steel table and knocking it over. He landed on the syringe itself. “Ouch!” he said. He raised himself up, pulled the needle out of his rump, and then sat back down, an odd expression on his face. A few minutes later his eyes got all glassy and he passed out.

Alice rushed over to him. “Move back, people!” she said. She put her fingers on Ted's neck, checking his pulse. She pulled up his eyelids and examined his eyes.

“Oh my God! What was that?” I asked.

“It must have been pretty strong,” said Felix, bending over to pick up the syringe.

“Do not touch,” said Pepe weakly. “It is evidence.”

“Don't touch it! It's evidence!” I said, passing along Pepe's advice.

“See if you can find the vial that was used to fill this!” snapped Alice, kneeling over Ted. “And someone call nine-one-one.”

“Not again!” moaned Rebecca.

“Let's clear the room!” said Felix, shooing people toward the door. One of the cameramen refused to leave. I saw Rebecca whisper in his ear. This would be great footage for the show.

“Are you OK?” Felix said, coming up and giving me a quick hug.

“I'm fine! But I need someone to check Pepe!” I said. I looked at Alice, but she was busy with Ted, unbuttoning his shirt and pressing her ear against his chest.

“Do you think he needs CPR?” I asked.

“Alice will know what to do,” Felix said firmly.

“What about Pepe?” I asked. “If it knocked out Ted, think of what it could do to Pepe!”

“He seems all right,” said Felix, looking at Pepe, who was still shivering in my arms. He squeezed Pepe's mouth open and checked his gums. “He's got good color.”

“What about you?” I asked. “Are you OK?”

“Felix! I need your help,” Alice said. “Find that vial for me.”

Felix hugged me again. “I'm fine. I'll send Alice to check on Pepe as soon as she's done here. Once we have the vial, we'll know more.”

I found a quiet corner a few yards away, where I could still watch the action. With two partitions knocked down, the room was open to the view. Felix was going over every inch of the floor while Alice tended to Ted, who still wasn't moving.

“Pepe, what happened?” I asked.

“This woman came and took me away from the groomer. She said the vet needed to check me. And then she took me in that room and put me on the table and pulled that syringe out of her pocket and started to stick it in me. That is when I started calling your name!”

“I heard you!” I said, kissing the top of his head. “I got there as soon as I could.”

“Well,
sí
, and Ted seemed to hear me, too, because he came rushing in. He had a cameraman with him. And he shouted at that woman. And she went running out of the room. I think Ted was going to pull the syringe out, but he was nervous and he had just put his hands on it when Felix came in and saw him. Naturally he thought Ted was the one giving me a shot, and he pushed him away from me and that is when the fight started.”

“So who was this woman?”

“I think it was the woman in the room with Siren Song this morning,” Pepe said.

“I wonder who she is,” I said. “We've got to find Rebecca and warn her.”

“Yes, who knows what she might do?” said Pepe, shivering. “Dog poisoner!”

“How much got in you?”

“I think I am OK,” Pepe said, turning around and sniffing his butt where the needle had gone in. “She had just poked it through my skin when Ted came in.”

“We need to find out what that was,” I said. “Let's go find Rebecca!”

The whole set was in an uproar. No one was where they were supposed to be. The cameramen were filming the revival efforts going on around Ted. People were standing around in groups talking. We saw Max the Poodle and Maxine in their costumes. I wasn't quite sure what dance they would be doing, but Maxine was wearing a skimpy black costume that had little black pom-poms all over it that matched the pom-poms on Max's paws. We finally found Rebecca talking to Miranda in the greenroom.

I didn't beat around the bush. “Who was the woman who was in the room with Luis and Siren Song this morning?” I asked.

“What?” Rebecca looked frightened.

“She's the one who knows what was in that syringe,” I said.

Rebecca shook her head. “Impossible!”

“No, it's not impossible!”

“How do you know that?”

“My dog told me.”

“Right!”

Miranda's eyes grew wide. “Oh, that explains why you and your dog are so attuned to each other. How fascinating. You will have to tell me how you do that!”

“Seriously, my dog talks to me. And he told me that woman was the one who gave him the shot. Who is she?”

“That's Brandy, Luis's special friend,” Rebecca said. When she saw my puzzled look, she said, “Special friend. Like Felix is your special friend.”

“He's not my special friend,” I said. I hated that euphemism. And I really didn't think it applied to whatever was going on with me and Felix. “So where is Luis? Where's Siren Song? She must be with them.”

“I don't know,” said Rebecca, “but I'll send someone to find her. You should sit down and relax. You and your dog had quite a fright.”

But I couldn't settle down. Pepe and I combed the whole soundstage from one end to the other, but we couldn't find any sign of the mystery woman. But we did find Luis and Siren Song.

They were in the greenroom being filmed about their upcoming performance. “The most important performance of the competition,” said Luis to the camera. They were doing a number from
West Side Story
. Luis looked great with his hair slicked back and wearing a leather jacket. Siren Song wore a little pink poodle skirt.

We waited until the interview was done, thinking we would get a chance to question Luis about the groomer's whereabouts, but Rebecca showed up and blocked us.

“Onstage now!” she shouted at Luis and Siren Song. As they headed out the door, Siren Song turned around and snarled at Pepe.

“Wow! She's really competitive!” I said to Pepe. His tail was between his legs.

“What's going on?” I said to Rebecca. “You've got to ask him about Brandy.”

I saw Luis turn around and give us a puzzled look.

“I already asked him,” Rebecca said. “She hasn't been around since this morning. She was at the rehearsal hall, but she's never been on the set. Your dog doesn't know what he's talking about,” Rebecca said. “Now get in there. We've got to get back on schedule.”

“But my dog can't perform until he's been checked by a vet,” I said.

“Just do the interview and I'll send someone in as soon as I can,” said Rebecca, motioning the cameraman over and whispering in his ear before shutting the door to the greenroom. My hair had never been styled, and my curls were beginning to frizz up all over my head.

“I can't do this,” I said to Mark, the guy who usually directed these interviews.

“Rebecca insists we do it now,” he said. “We're behind schedule. Even though we allowed some extra time for the fight.”

“You mean the fight was staged?” I asked. And here I was all worried about Felix! That rat! He must have been in on it.

“Let's just say we knew something would happen,” Mark said. “But it got a little more complicated than Rebecca anticipated. So tell me how you and Pepe are feeling about this evening's performance.”

“We feel confident we will win,” said Pepe. He sat up straight and turned his snout toward the light. “A little trick I learned from Tyra Banks,” he told me. “You must always find your light. That and smizing.”

“What the hell is smizing?”

“That is when you smile with your eyes,” Pepe said. “Like so!” He looked at me with those big brown eyes fixed on me, his eyebrows slightly raised.

“Can you repeat that, Geri?” Mark asked.

“Oh yes,” I said. “We feel confident we will win. . . .” My voice trailed off. Actually, there was no reason to believe we would win. We hadn't even finished our choreography session, and with Ted knocked out, that seemed unlikely. Plus we had not yet rehearsed onstage.

“You don't sound too confident,” Mark observed. “Do you want to do that again?”

“There's no way we can win,” I said.

“That's not the attitude we want,” said Mark.

“But it's the truth!”

“That is not so, Geri,” said Pepe, his ears pricked up and his head held high. “We are professionals. We know our steps, and we know how to please an audience. Plus, we are the underdogs. And everyone knows the underdog always wins.”

“Your dog seems confident,” said Mark.

“My dog is always confident,” I said. “If anyone can pull this off, it's Pepe.”

“That will do! We just need one good quote. That's a wrap,” said Mark.

I was so glad. We tumbled out of the room. I still needed to find the mystery woman, identify the substance she had tried to inject into Pepe, and get my hair and makeup done for the performance.

I returned to the scene of the crime, just in time to see the EMTs moving Ted onto a gurney. He was moving a little. I saw his eyelids fluttering. Alice stood alongside, holding his hand and murmuring, “Just hold on. You'll be OK.”

The EMTs gathered up their equipment: used gloves, plastic wrappers, a cotton mask.

“Did you ever find out what was in the syringe?” I asked Alice.

“We found a vial of ketamine. That's a horse tranquilizer.”

“Why would someone give that to my dog?”

“Maybe someone wanted to slow your dog down.” She saw my confusion. “For the performance.”

“Sabotage!” Pepe breathed. “And it came from the camp of
mi amor
. I was going to let Siren Song win, but now I will not. We will take this competition, Geri, and we will win the hundred-thousand-dollar prize and the contract for our own reality TV show.”

The EMTs began to roll the gurney toward the outside door. Alice followed along beside it, still holding Ted's hand. I followed after her. We could hear music and cheers and applause coming from the stage area. Apparently one of the contestants was already performing. I wondered if it was Max or Siren Song.

They were taking Ted out through the back door, as exiting through the front door would have disturbed the show. This was the heavy door where I had first met Ted. As we approached, the door burst open and five uniformed policemen entered with guns drawn. They motioned us to the side.

“Move aside,” one of them said. “We're looking for Ted Messenger.”

At those words, Ted sat up and tried to get off the gurney, but he was strapped in. In the ensuing struggle, the police wrestled Ted to the ground and handcuffed him.

Alice begged them to leave him alone. “He needs to go to the hospital,” she said.

Eventually, after consulting with the EMTs, the police agreed that Ted could be conveyed to the hospital, but he was going to be under guard, and as soon as he recovered sufficiently, they were taking him to jail and charging him with murder.