Child Garden (20 page)

In anticipation, horns began to blow, and whistles to screech. There was a dull roar of noise, barely intelligible.

'ZERO!'

Nothing happened. There was a wave of laughter and ironic cheering as darkness deepened.

'ZERO!' the people called again. 'MINUS ONE! MINUS TWO!'

At 'minus two,' there was a leaping of light. Bam! Suddenly light flooded the face of the Savoy hostel for the homeless. A chain of lights hanging from lamp posts came alive with light.

Bam! Spotlights were suddenly shining upwards on the face of the Shell Mex. It gleamed, newly washed against the navy blue of the sky. Lights came on in succession all along the North Bank, in the boat-houses and along the docks at the foot of the stone embankments. Light glinted on the granite length of Cleopatra's Needle. Lights came on all along Waterloo Bridge. Bam, bam, bam, in quick time, pools of light, golden as if in sunset, spread in contrast to the darkness of the sky.

Oh! the people sighed. Oh! it was even more beautiful than they had thought it would be. They had all tried to imagine what it had once been like, the electric cities spangled with light, light in windows shining like eyes, and here it was, as if they had been transported in time. The electric city was reborn. This was to be called the Restoration.

The Bees leapt to their feet, shivering with other people's delight, and they jittered up and down in place, wailing, warbling in tongues.

And on the face of the Shell-Mex, giant shadows slowly crept. The hands of the clock had begun to turn again, as if time had begun once more. It was as if the clockwork of change itself had started up once again.

Milena felt the artificial light prickling on her Rhodopsin skin. Everything is going to change, she thought. There would be power now, light and holograms. It would be possible to perform the Comedy.

All around her people whistled and stamped and cheered. Bam, bam, bam, the lights came on in succession, like memories.

And Milena remembered being in a vehicle that could orbit the Earth. It was alive, and it floated, swollen with gases like the throat of a frog. It rocked in the wind as it drifted upwards. Below her, Milena the director saw England swing in and out of view.

Milena saw huge autumn fields, golden brown with harvest. She saw lines of motion trailing through prairies of grain, blown by wind. It was as if the grain were the legs of the Earth. By waving them, the Earth turned. Between the fields, there were tiny copses of sycamore and beech. There was a river moving in a straight line, held by banks of coral. The shadow of the vehicle floated across the river, sending up a flock of ducks that flew in panic, the mass of their wings scintillating brown/white/brown as they flapped.

England was a revelation to Milena the director. She had not been outside Greater London since early infancy, and she remembered almost nothing of her childhood. This was an unknown country, huge and full of life and forgotten, like childhood itself.

There were villages below, with houses shaped like bee hives, next to ancient churches or barns made of stones. Giant pear-trees were stretched out on the ground beside them, pinioned to catch the sun and occupying whole fields. Children carried food on their heads out into the fields. Flocks of them ran in the Child Gardens, running and gathering and breaking apart like starlings in the air. Giant horses pulled machinery through the fields, churning up a golden haze of dust. Milena saw through the glass roof of a laboratory. Inside there were vats and tanks and rows of glinting dishes like sequins. She saw groves of bamboo, and people sitting in the sun, having their lunch.

Milena saw many lives held in one pattern, the events in different fields, neighbouring villages. It was as if she could suddenly see the shape of Now, the simultaneity of life. She could see the shadows of clouds and an advancing front of weather. It was as if she could see the future of the children below.

Elevated, she thought, in every sense of the word I have been elevated.

Milena Shibush was going to produce and direct
The Divine Comedy.
She was going to produce it as she had always wanted to, filling the heavens with light and music, Rolfa's music.

Rolfa's music filled her life. She heard it everywhere she went, in her mind. Even without the viruses to help her, she would by now have known it all by heart. The music had become a way for her to talk to herself. If she were alone, unhappy, perplexed, triumphant, she would find herself humming the music, and the music she had chosen would tell her what she was really feeling.

Now she was humming the mountain theme, the music of climbing, that followed Dante's footsteps up the mountain of Purgatory.

In a flurry of cottonwool white, the landscape below was snatched away, with the suddenness of a viral illness. Milena was inside a cloud! She leaned forward to see, to remember. Everything was grey, like fog. Of course, of course a cloud would be like that! Soft and grey and full of dampness. Between the panes of cellulose that was the window, there was a pimpling of condensation. Milena had time to think: I want to see. Then the vehicle blinked. A fold of flesh slipped down between the panes, to wipe them.

Milena was Terminal now. She could feel the vehicle all around her. She could sense the miles of its nervous system. She could feel her own position within that system, a concentrated knot at its very centre. The vehicle was alive, but it had no self. Milena was its self. The vehicle did whatever she wanted. Milena could feel it crowd all around her, needing direction, needing a centre. The need was desperate and she withdrew from it.

All down the centre of her head, there was a weight in a line. It felt like scar tissue, dead but somehow tingling at the same time. It was a wound, a disease. It was where Milena was Terminal, attached to the machine.

The pressure on its gasbag was translated for her into altitude in kilometres. Wind velocity and direction, temperature and estimated time to ignition were all ticking through her mind like her own thoughts. She could feel the opening and closing of the creature's valves, the seeping of its glands, its eagerness for a command.

The vehicle had a scientific name, in muddled Latin and Greek:
nubiformis astronautica.
Most people called it the Bulge. The Bulge electrolysised water into oxygen and hydrogen. It inflated itself. Lighter than air, it drifted up to the border of the stratosphere. Then it mixed and electrochemically ignited the gases, to blast itself free from the Earth.

'Fart-propelled,' old Lucy of the Spread had called it once. Milena the director saw her in memory, her grubby fingers lifting up a pint in a salute.

Outside the window, the mist began to glow a pearly-white. There was suddenly dim light and shadow on Milena's arm. Then as suddenly as someone gasping, the Bulge swept out over a landscape of white.

And Milena heard the music of Heaven in her head, Rolfa's music, the mounting bass line, the crying of the Angel voices. She was swept up between mountains of cloud, with highways of light and blue-shadowed valleys between. Remember, remember, she told herself.

She rose higher with Rolfa's music. There were plains of cloud below that looked crisp enough to walk on. There was a coastline, with bays and inlets and an ocean of air, with floating icebergs and islands of white. Outside the window, sunlight glinted on ice crystals. Something bobbed jiggling between them. There in the air, between the particles of ice, there were cobwebs, great nets of them, and there were aerial spiders dancing, legs akimbo. The spiders looked like Bulges, in their net of nerves, as if the universe were a series of Russian dolls, a smaller likeness contained in the larger.

Overhead the sky was mauve. It was time for the Bulge to blow.

Yes, Milena told it, and the Bulge began its internal dance, its heart pounding, closing its hiatuses, opening others. Milena felt its shell, a latticework of bone, begin to close around them. As its eyes closed, Rolfa's music reached the peak of Purgatory, about to leave the Earth altogether. Rolfa wasn't with her, and would not be with her, except in the music. Always present by her very absence.

Tongues of flesh wrapped themselves around Milena to hold her in place. Milena felt the Bulge gather and clench for the blast. She felt in a line down her head like a collar that pulled a weight.

I am not a Party Member, she thought, but they treat me like one. I still have not been Read, and they know it. I have not been Read, but they have made me Terminal. They need me for something. In a line down her head, she felt another weight, something vast and tangled and the size of planet. It was the Consensus. It was present by its absence too. It was watching, through her eyes, listening through her ears. It used her hands to do its work. Milena closed her eyes and waited.

There was dull roar in the bowels of the vehicle below, and the walls trembled, soft and slightly crinkled like chamois leather.

How, Milena wondered, thinking of her life, how did I end up here?

Then she sat back and surrendered to the roar.

After Rolfa had gone, Milena had tried to find her. She remembered wandering through the Shell, through the Zoo, along the walkways between them, asking everyone: where is Rolfa? Where is Rolfa?

Milena asked the little girls who worked at the desks of the Zoo. They giggled at each other's jokes and were slow to pay attention to her. She stood hopping up and down inside herself, trying to keep her hands still.

'Rolfa. Rolfa Patel. She has probably just joined the Zoo as a trainee Tech. You must have heard something about her.'

'No,' said the child, her pink cheeks swollen with a smile, no trace of doubt or fear. 'Nothing.'

'Well, you've heard nothing. Maybe the others have?' Milena looked at the other two children. They were bargaining in low voices, arms folded, something about shoes.

'Have you heard anything?' Milena demanded of them.

'We're all linked,' explained the first child. 'Terminal. One of us knows something, all of us knows it. There's been no Rolfa Patel.'

Rolfa had disappeared.

Milena looked for her in the Graveyard. She took a candle with her. In the golden light she saw that the dust of the floor had been undisturbed. It lay thick on the shoulders of the mouldering clothes that still smelled of sweat.

Rolfa's nest was empty. The desk was there, with a few spare pieces of paper still scattered about the floor, and a few dry pens still in the drawers. Milena stood in the place where this particular story seemed to have begun. The place produced a very slight sensation of sadness, a kind of lowering in the stomach, as if accelerating upwards at high speed, but it would have been an exaggeration to say the place was haunted for her. It had already become just another place. Milena wrote with her finger in the dust on the desk.

Where is Rolfa?

I still have your things

Milena

She didn't sign it 'Love, Milena'. She thought that might frighten Rolfa away.

Milena left the Graveyard, and went to the Zoo Keeper. She asked his assistant, the sleek young man, if Rolfa had been there. Had there been any news?

'No,' said the sleek young man. 'Hoi. Can a Polar Bear become an Animal?'

His name was Milton, and he was given to bad jokes.

'Tell the Minister, I would like to be told when she reappears. It may be a joke to you, but she has no money, and she has to eat!'

Milton was not used to high emotion of any sort. His face went blank and slack as Milena marched away.

She went to the Zoo Cafe. She talked to the plump and surly woman who washed all the cups and filled them with tea. Had she seen a very tall woman? Milena asked her. Had anyone come in begging for food, someone perhaps who needed a shave? The woman looked at Milena through swollen, puffy eyes and shook her head.

Milena visited all the pubs, all the kaffs on the South Bank, up along the Cut and back towards the Elephant. Had they seen a very tall woman, not Rhodopsin? The Tykes behind the bars looked surprised. 'I think we would have remembered,' they said. Milena crossed the bridges and tried the north. She went to the Comedy Restaurant. Rolfa had been in none of the shops, none of the stalls. She wasn't drinking. She wasn't eating.

Milena went back to her room, and found Cilia waiting for her.

'Well?' Cilia asked. Milena slumped down next to her on the bed.

'Nothing. Oh Cill, there's nothing!' Exhausted, Milena lay down, the back of her head on Cilia's lap. Cilia began to stroke her hair.

'Don't worry,' said Cilia. 'She's just working it all out. Don't you remember after you were Read? All those new viruses hitting you on the head all at once? It takes a while to sort through the new filing system.'

No, Milena did not remember.

'She hasn't come out to eat, Cill! She's not like us, she's not Rhodopsin. She hasn't eaten in six days.'

Then Milena had a thought. 'Oh Marx and Lenin.' She sat up and turned around. 'Bears hibernate. It's a response to stress. They go to sleep and hibernate.'

'Then that's fine, she'll sort things out that way.'

'No, no. They have to build up reserves of fat first. If they go under while they're hungry, they starve to death in their sleep. I mean she hadn't eaten properly for weeks when she left.'