Child of Grace (Love Inspired) (14 page)

All her life she’d been a planner. In both business and personal matters, she’d always thought ahead, prepared for contingencies, done her best to avoid surprises or last-minute decisions.

But she’d blown it with this baby.

Now, under the most stressful circumstances, with pain dulling her usual clear, precise thought processes, she’d have to make a choice about the future of this baby that would affect her future as well. For the rest of her life.

And she wasn’t ready to do that.

The pain was building again, and she pressed her hands against her stomach, bracing.

God, please…show me the way! Help me make the right decision!

Suddenly Luke was beside her again, his voice calm, his gaze steady as he talked her through the contraction. She liked focusing on his face better than picturing an unfurling rose. Those dark brown eyes sucked her in, and she let herself fall into their caring depths, concentrating on the man in front of her and the breathing he was coaching her through.

The instant the pain subsided, though, he stood and motioned to the aide with the wheelchair. With their assistance, she eased into it and was rolled inside.

Whatever Luke had told them when he’d gone to retrieve the wheelchair had galvanized the staff. They didn’t stop at the desk, but headed straight for the birth center. She was wheeled into a private birthing room where a nurse was waiting. The woman already knew Luke was a physician, because she called him Dr. Turner.

Just as the aide rolled her up to the bed, another contraction took hold.

There was a muted, clipped exchange between Luke and the nurse. A moment later he lifted her onto the bed and took her hand, coaching her through the pain again.

When it ended, he moved aside to make room for the nurse.

“Hi, Kelsey. I’m Sandra, and I’ll be with you until this baby decides to arrive. I need to do a preliminary evaluation to see how far along you are, then I’ll check the baby’s heart and help you change into a gown.”

The nurse went to retrieve some latex gloves, and Luke released her hand and stepped back. “I’ll wait outside.”

As he turned away, panic clawed at Kelsey’s throat. “Luke!”

At her call, he angled back toward her.

She bunched the sheet in her fingers, torn. She shouldn’t ask him to stay. He had things to do. The baby wasn’t his. In fact, her child was a stumbling block to their relationship.

But she desperately needed his gentle touch. His quiet confidence. His steady support. Without it, she didn’t know how she’d get through the next few hours.

As if reading her mind, he moved to the foot of the bed. “Would you like me to stay until the baby is born, Kelsey?”

“Yes.” Warmth and gratitude spilled out of her heart as she whispered the response.

“Then I’ll be here.”

The nurse returned to the bed and glanced at him. “Give us five minutes.”

With a nod, he exited.

She missed him immediately.

Sandra chatted with her during the exam and while she helped her change, assuring her the baby was doing fine. But Kelsey’s mind wasn’t on that conversation. It was on the kind, compassionate army doctor who had taken up residence next door—and in her heart.

A man who might be poised to play a starring role in her future.

Yet much could depend on the momentous decision she faced. A decision that had been thrust on her far sooner than anticipated. Nor was this the way she’d planned to make it—under stress and in crisis mode. But as she well knew, her plans didn’t always mesh with God’s.

All she could do was put herself in His hands and pray for wisdom and guidance in the hours to come.

H
ands in the pockets of his jeans, Luke paced the hall outside Kelsey’s room, waiting for the nurse to summon him back inside. After the bombshell she’d dropped last evening, he hadn’t managed to clock more than two hours of sleep. Instead, he’d spent the dark hours tossing as he’d grappled with the implications of the choice before her—and prayed she’d make the one that would clear the path for their friendship to transition to something deeper.

Because as the long night had dragged by minute by agonizing minute, he’d become more and more convinced he could never accept as his own the child she carried. Every time he looked at her son and daughter he’d think of the man who’d brutalized the woman who was stealing his heart. That, in turn, would lead to feelings of anger and resentment instead of love. Feelings a child could pick up. And he feared Kelsey would have the same problem.

All of which had convinced him that everyone would be best served if the child was adopted by a couple who had no baggage and could offer the baby the unconditional love it deserved.

The only bright spot in his long night had been the hope that in the month before the child was born, he could persuade Kelsey to see the logic of his reasoning.

But now that opportunity had been snatched from him. The baby was coming and Kelsey would be forced to make her decision under less than ideal circumstances.

He closed his eyes and wearily propped a shoulder against the wall.

Why, Lord?

The silent question echoed in his mind, unanswered, leaving him confused, bereft and frustrated. He tried to find some redeeming value in the situation, but if there was any, it eluded him. He hadn’t a clue why the Lord would bring a woman like Kelsey into his life, then set up roadblocks on the path to romance.

“You look like you could use some caffeine.”

He turned, and a smiling aide extended a disposable cup of coffee toward him. Considering the day’s worth of stubble on his face, his uncombed hair and his stained T-shirt, he figured that was a gross understatement.

“Thank you.” He reached for it and took a gulp of the strong brew.

“Long night?”

“Yeah.”

“Is this your first?”

He blinked, uncomprehending for a moment. Then her meaning registered. “I’m not the father. I’m a…friend.”

If the misstep embarrassed the woman, she didn’t let on. “Friends are good, too. Sometimes more helpful than fathers, to be honest. A lot of
them
are basket cases.” She winked and motioned toward a doorway behind her. “There’s a pot of coffee in there if you need more.”

“Thanks.”

With a nod, she headed down the hall.

“Dr. Turner?” The nurse stuck her head out of the door behind him. “Kelsey needs her coach.”

Downing another swig of the hot brew, he followed the woman back inside.

Even before he checked the readout from the sensor that had been attached to Kelsey’s stomach, he knew this contraction was bad. She was gasping, every muscle taut, and her grip was crushing as he set his coffee on the bedside table and took her hand.

“I’m here, Kelsey.” He got up close to her face. “Look at me, sweetheart. Look at my eyes. We’ll breathe together.”

She tried. Hard. He could see the effort she was making to focus on him. But it was becoming more difficult for her to distance herself from the pain.

By the time the contraction ended, she was shaking and shivering.

Smoothing the hair away from her forehead as she collapsed against the pillow, he spoke to the nurse. “How far along is she?”

“The cervix is anterior and seventy-five percent effaced. It’s at seven centimeters.”

“Have you called her OB?”

“I’m going to do that now.”

“She could use a warm blanket.”

“On my list.”

As the woman exited, Kelsey opened her eyes. “Wow.” The word came out in a weak rush of breath.

“You’re doing great.” He leaned closer and touched her cheek again. “But if you want an epidural, we need to move fast. You’re already past the usual stage for one. As it is, they might have to use a spinal block.”

Her brow wrinkled. “What do you think I should do?”

He was tempted to tell her to go for it. Watching her suffer was eating at his gut. But professionally, he had a different opinion.

“This isn’t my specialty, Kelsey. But there are potential complications with pain medication—for both you and the baby. Your blood pressure could drop without warning, which would affect blood flow to the baby. Pushing will be more difficult, so forceps may have to be used. Sometimes a doctor will have to go the cesarean route. And there are other issues—all relatively rare, but real. It comes down to how well you think you can hold up.”

She caught her lower lip between her teeth. “How much longer could this go on?”

“The rule of thumb is one centimeter an hour. You have three to go. But you’re progressing a lot faster than that. Unusual for a first baby, but not unheard of.”

“How fast?”

“You’re very close to the transition phase. That’s the most intense part of labor. The contractions will be coming faster and stronger.”

“Wow.”

The monitor caught his eye, and he took her hand again. “Here comes another one. Get ready.”

Luke talked her through the contraction, wondering what she would decide about pain medication, prepared to support her whatever her choice.

But in the end, the decision was taken out of her hands.

Over the next fifteen minutes, her contractions started coming every two minutes and lasting more than a minute. She had little chance to recover in between. Her OB arrived, Kelsey was prepped for delivery, and after an intense period of pushing, the baby’s head, topped with damp blond hair, crowned.

She was panting now, under his direction, her focus on the mirror positioned so she could see her baby’s arrival. Luke found himself mesmerized, too. The forehead appeared. The nose. The mouth. The chin. The shoulders emerged, one at a time.

And then, with one final push, the baby slid into the doctor’s waiting hands.

“You have a daughter, Kelsey.” As the doctor passed on the news, she suctioned the baby’s mouth and nasal passages.

Kelsey was still clinging to his hand, shaking, and Luke squeezed her fingers, motioning to the nurse. “We need another warm blanket.”

Seconds later, the woman handed him one and he draped it over Kelsey.

“It’s a girl, Luke.” Her voice was filled with awe, her face awash with the wonder of the miracle they’d just witnessed.

He smoothed back her hair. “I know.”

“Is she all right?”

“She’s fine, Kelsey.” The OB spoke from the foot of the bed. “On the small side, but looking good. Do you want to cut the cord?”

“No. I—I’m too shaky.”

The doctor took care of the procedure as she continued talking. “After we check her out you can hold her. Meanwhile, we’ve still got to deliver the placenta. Hang in there for another few minutes, okay?”

Luke doubted Kelsey even heard the doctor’s last comment. Her attention was riveted on the tiny bundle of life the nurse was weighing and measuring a few feet away. The new arrival was waving her fists and already displaying an impressive set of lungs as she howled in protest about leaving the warm cocoon that had been her safe, protected haven for almost eight months.

“Why is she crying?” Kelsey tensed, straining to get a better view of the baby. “Is something wrong?”

“No. She’s just announcing her arrival,” Dr. Evans responded. “But we’ll have a neonatal specialist check her out after you two say hello.”

“Four-point-eight pounds, seventeen inches,” the nurse announced as she picked up the squalling baby and moved next to Kelsey. “Okay, Mom, here we go.”

Bending over Kelsey, the woman positioned the kicking baby on her stomach. After covering the tiny infant with a warm blanket, she tugged a pink cap over the damp, golden ringlets, leaving a few curls to peek out.

Luke heard Kelsey’s breath catch as she looked at the baby. Reaching out a tentative hand, she stroked a trembling finger down the infant’s spindly arm, which was more bone than flesh at this stage of development. Big blue eyes, fringed by thick lashes clumped with tears, stared back at her. Then the baby grabbed Kelsey’s finger with a tiny fist and held tight. A few moments later, her sobs morphed into snuffles. She stopped quivering and lay on Kelsey’s stomach, quietly watching her mom.

As Luke transferred his gaze from the baby to Kelsey, the air whooshed out of his lungs. The serenity of her expression, the absolute peace in her eyes, told him she’d made her decision.

There was no way she was giving up this baby.

Even if that meant there was no future for them.

She was beautiful. Perfect. Sweetness incarnate.

And a gift from God.

As her baby held tight to her finger, Kelsey realized her prayers had been answered. She’d asked for guidance about what to do with this baby. Had worried she’d never be able to love this child, the product of a brutal crime. But all along God had known that once she laid eyes on the daughter who had grown within her, she’d never be able to let her go. Maybe that’s why He’d let her come early—to save Kelsey the agony of wrestling with a decision that was so clear-cut in hindsight.

“Does this little lady have a name, Mom?” Sandra smiled at Kelsey.

Dr. Evans looked up, as if to intervene. Her OB knew the story of the baby’s conception, knew Kelsey had been thinking about putting her child up for adoption. But Kelsey answered first.

“Yes, she does. It’s Grace. Grace Elizabeth.”

That, too, had come without forethought. Grace wasn’t a product of the baby name book she’d perused. Nor a tribute to some beloved family member. It was a reflection of what this child had meant to her. For out of an act of violence, God had showered her with grace and redeemed her life.

But the middle name
was
a tribute. To Gram—and her example of strength and independence, which had given Kelsey the courage to follow a new path after her world was turned upside down.

The nurse smiled. “That’s lovely. And it suits her.”

“Would you like me to recommend a pediatrician, Kelsey?” Dr. Evans asked, stripping off her gloves as she rose.

“Yes. Thank you.”

The OB moved beside her. “You haven’t asked, but everything went fine with the delivery. No complications, and very few restrictions on activity once you’re released in a couple of days. We’ll want to keep Grace a bit longer, since she’s mildly premature, to make sure she can maintain body temperature, eat and gain weight. A week, maybe. But her doctor will decide that. Now it’s off to the nursery for you, young lady.”

She motioned to Sandra, who wheeled a crib enclosed in plastic next to the bed.

“Are you planning on breast-feeding?” The nurse lifted the baby, gently disengaging her from Kelsey’s finger. Grace’s face crumpled and she let out a howl of protest.

Kelsey’s heart contracted as the woman settled Grace in the crib. She understood how her daughter felt. She, too, wanted to howl at the separation. But at least it was only temporary.

“Yes, I am.” That, too, was a spur-of-the-moment decision. But it felt right. And at this point Kelsey was winging it, following her heart, riding on a sudden wave of euphoria.

“I’ll have a lactation consultant come in and talk with you.”

Kelsey watched Sandra wheel Grace away as Dr. Evans moved back beside the bed.

“You did great, Kelsey. And so did your coach.” She smiled and reached a hand across the bed. “It was nice to meet you, Dr. Turner.”

Kelsey’s eyes flew open. Luke! She’d forgotten all about him! Twisting her head, she watched him shake hands with the OB.

“And good luck with the youth center project,” Dr. Evans continued. “My husband and I have already purchased tickets to the dinner auction. I hope it’s a resounding success.”

“Thank you.”

“Ring if you need anything, Kelsey. I’ll be back to check on you later today.”

With that, the doctor strode toward the door, leaving her with the man whose warm, brown eyes had coaxed her through the pain. Whose firm clasp had given her a lifeline to cling to during the rocky ride. Whose gentle touches and encouragement had not only comforted her, but touched her heart and made her feel less alone, if only for a few hours.

No way could Dorothy have accomplished all that during her intense labor, much as Kelsey loved the older woman.

Her eyes misted, and she twined her fingers through his. “How can I ever thank you? You were my rock. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

One side of his mouth hitched up. “Yes, you could. Babies come, no matter what.”

She conceded the point with a slight lift of her shoulders. “True. But I couldn’t have done it as gracefully without you.” She squinted, trying to remember the past few hours, but they were all a blur. “Or
did
I do it gracefully? I didn’t yell at you or anything, did I?”

“Actually, my ears are still ringing.”

Her mouth dropped open. “Are you serious?”

He chuckled. “No. You were a champ.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Really.” He tugged his fingers free, glanced at his watch and moved to the bottom of the bed. “Listen, I need to go home and clean up. Will you be okay by yourself? The call button is right there if you need anything.” He gestured to where the nurse had pinned it to the blanket.

Kelsey surveyed him. He did look in desperate need of a shower, shave and change of clothes. But she also sensed the distance he’d put between them was more than physical. His eyes were still warm and caring. But now that the crisis was over, there was a touch of reserve in them. As if he’d withdrawn a bit.

And the reason was obvious—her decision to keep Grace.

She’d known last night that he had serious reservations about such a choice. And he’d had less than twenty-four hours to digest everything she’d thrown at him. Maybe he just needed some time to think things through. After all, no matter the circumstances of her conception, how could anyone look at Grace’s sweet innocence and not fall in love with her? While Luke didn’t have the connection to her that she had, he did have a compassionate and kind heart. He could learn to care for Grace. Her daughter didn’t have to be a deal breaker.