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Authors: Kevin Kwan

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Colette placed a hand on Rachel's arm. “I'm sorry for this madness—it's all my fault. When we arrived at Three on the Bund, I got recognized immediately and a mob started to follow us up to the restaurant. It was so annoying! And things only got worse at the Whampoa Club, as you could see. Carlton didn't want to meet you for the first time in front of three million people, so I told him to wait for us a few blocks away.”

“It's totally fine. But where is everyone else?” Rachel asked.

Carlton began to explain. “My father sends his profuse apologies. The family dinner had to be called off because my parents had to fly to Hong Kong to deal with an emergency. Dad thought he could make it back in time for dinner, but he miscalculated. So I flew back on my own.”

“Wait a minute, you just came from Hong Kong?” Rachel was confused.

“Yes. That's why we were late.”

Colette jumped in. “When everything went wonky with the dinner plans, I suggested that Carlton and I fly up to meet you.”

“We couldn't possibly leave you two alone on your first night in Shanghai, could we?” Colette said.

“That's so nice of you. But Carlton, are your parents okay?” Rachel inquired.

“Yes, yes. It was just a business emergency…at their factories in Hong Kong. My father should be back in a few days,” Carlton said a little haltingly.

“I'm glad to hear it's nothing too serious,” Rachel said. “Anyway, I'm so thrilled that you and your girlfriend could be here.”

Colette burst out laughing. “Oh how
cute
! Am I your girlfriend, Carlton?”

“Er, Colette's just a good friend.” Carlton smiled in embarrassment.

“Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed—” Rachel began.

“That's quite all right. You're not the first to make that assumption. I'm twenty-three, and unlike most girls my age, I don't believe in tying myself down to anyone right now. Carlton's one of many suitors and perhaps someday—if he behaves himself—he will receive the final rose.”

Rachel caught Nick's eye in the rearview mirror. He shot her a look that said,
Did she
REALLY
just say that?
Rachel bit into her lip and looked away, knowing that if she saw his expression again she would burst into laughter. After an awkward pause, she said, “Yes, when I was your age, getting married wasn't really a priority of mine either.”

Carlton looked over at Colette. “So, Miss Bachelorette, what's the plan now?”

“Well, we can go anywhere. Do you want to go to a club, a lounge, a restaurant? Do you want to go to a deserted beach off the coast of Thailand?” Colette offered.

“You should know she's being totally serious,” Carlton added.

“Er, beach later. I think some dinner might be nice,” Nick said.

“What do you feel like eating?” Colette asked.

Rachel was still too frazzled to make any decision. “I'm up for anything. How about you, Nick?”

“Well, we're in Shanghai—where can we find the best
xiao long bao
?”

Carlton and Colette glanced at each other for less than a second before chanting in unison, “Din Tai Fung!”

“Wait a minute, is it the same as the Din Tai Fung in LA and Taipei?” Nick asked.

“Yes, it's the same Taiwanese chain. But believe it or not, it's better here. Ever since they opened, it's become wildly popular even with locals. There's always quite a queue, but thankfully, we're in special company tonight,” Carlton said, winking at Colette.

“Let me text Roxanne—she'll arrange for us to get in through the back door. I'm done meeting my public for today,” Colette declared.

• • •

Fifteen minutes later, Rachel and Nick found themselves comfortably ensconced in a private dining room with windows overlooking the skyline.

“Does everyone always dine in private rooms in China?” Rachel asked as she stared out at the nighttime view. Almost every building seemed to be putting on some kind of light show. A few towers looked like they were edged in Day-Glo, while others pulsated neon lights like giant boom boxes.

“Is there any other way? I can't imagine dining with the masses—all
those people staring at you and taking pictures while you eat,” Colette said, giving Rachel a look of horror.

Soon stacks of bamboo steamers containing Shanghai's most famous delicacy were paraded into the room. There were juicy
xiao long bao
dumplings of every imaginable variety along with other crowd-pleasing dishes—hand-pulled noodles with minced pork, chicken and golden egg fried rice, sautéed string beans with garlic, vegetable and pork wontons in a spicy sauce, Shanghai rice cake with shrimp, sweet taro buns. Before they began to eat, Roxanne rushed into the room and took a few pictures of Colette smiling over the food.

“Sorry to keep everyone from eating—I just have to throw my fans a bone every hour!” Colette explained. She quickly perused the selection of images with Roxanne and instructed, “Just tweet the one of the black truffle dumplings.”

Nick tried not to laugh. This Colette was a trip. He realized that she wasn't intentionally trying to sound pretentious—she was just perfectly blunt. Like someone who was born famous or royal, Colette seemed genuinely oblivious to how the rest of the world lived. Carlton, on the other hand, was down-to-earth compared to Colette. Nick had been forewarned by his mother that Carlton was “terribly spoiled,” but he was nothing if not impressed by his impeccable manners. He expertly picked out all the dishes, ordered a round of beers, and made sure everyone—especially the ladies—had plenty of food on their plates before placing any on his own.

“You must have the first pork and crabmeat dumpling,” Carlton said as he deftly placed one onto Rachel's porcelain spoon. Rachel nibbled carefully on the side of her dumpling, slurping most of the flavorful broth inside before downing the rest of the succulent meat.

“Did you see that? Rachel eats her soup dumplings exactly like Carlton does!” Colette said excitedly.

“Score one for genetics!” Nick quipped. “Well, Rachel, what's the verdict?”

“Oh my God, that's the best
xiao long bao
I've ever had! The broth is so light and yet so intense. I can probably eat about a dozen of these—they're like crack cocaine,” Rachel said.

“You must be famished,” Colette said.

“Actually we snacked a little earlier—which reminds me, Carlton, thank you so much for all the gifts!”

“Gifts? Not sure I know what you mean,” Carlton said.

“The boxes of food from Daylesford Organic?”

“Oh, that was from
me
!” Colette interjected.

“Really? Wow, thank you!” Rachel replied in surprise.

“Yes—when I heard that Carlton's father had arranged for you to stay at a hotel at the very last minute, I thought, ‘Poor things! They'll starve at the Peninsula! They are going to need provisions.' ”

“So the hotel was a last-minute thing?” Nick inquired.

Colette pursed her lips, realizing she had made a slipup.

Carlton quickly came to the rescue. “Er…no…I mean, my father likes to plan things very far in advance, so this was rather last-minute by comparison. He wanted the two of you to have a special honeymoon treat.”

“So did you like the goodies I sent up?” Colette asked.

“Oh, very much. I especially love Daylesford's marmalade,” Nick said.

“Me too—I've been addicted ever since my days at Heathfield,” Colette said.

“You were at Heathfield? I was at Stowe,” Nick said.


Phwoar!
I'm an Old Stoic too!” Carlton pounded the table excitedly.

“I guessed as much. Your blazer was a dead giveaway,” Nick said with a laugh.

“Which house were you in?” Carlton asked.

“Grenville.”

“This is too much of a coincidence! Who was the housemaster? Was it Fletcher?”

“Chitty. You can imagine our nickname for him.”

“Haha—brilliant! Did you play rugby or cricket?”

Colette rolled her eyes at Rachel. “I think we've lost the boys for the rest of the night.”

“Clearly. Nick's like this when he gets together with his Singapore classmates too. A few more drinks and they'll start singing that song about Old Man whatshisname.”
*1

Carlton shifted his attention back to Rachel. “I'm being a terrible bore, aren't I? I take it you went to school in the States?”

“Monta Vista High in Cupertino.”

“You're so lucky!” Colette said. “I was shipped away to school in England by my parents, but I always dreamed of going to high school in America. I wanted to be just like Marissa Cooper.”

“Minus the car wreck, of course,” Carlton chimed in.
*2

“Speaking of which, I'm glad to see how well you are after your accident,” Nick said.

Carlton's face clouded over for a split second. “Thanks. You know, I must tell you how grateful I am to your mother. I don't think I would have made such a quick recovery if I hadn't done my rehab in Singapore, and of course, if it hadn't been for your mum, none of us would have ever met.”

“Things have a strange way of working out, don't they?” Nick said.

As if on cue, Colette's personal assistant entered the room and announced, “Baptiste is here.”

“At last! Send him in,” Colette said excitedly.

“Baptiste is one of the top sommeliers in the world—he used to work at the Crillon in Paris,” Carlton whispered to Rachel, as a man with a handlebar mustache entered the dining room bearing a wine satchel with such ceremony, one might have thought he was carrying a royal baby to its baptismal font.

“Baptiste! Did you find the right bottle?” Colette asked.

“Yes, Château Lafite Rothschild from the Shanghai private reserve,” Baptiste replied, presenting the bottle to Colette for inspection.

“I usually prefer the even years for Bordeaux, but you'll notice that I chose a very special year—1981. Isn't that the year you were born, Rachel?”

“It sure is,” Rachel said, touched by Colette's thoughtfulness.

“Allow me to make the first toast,” Colette said, raising her glass. “Here in China, it's so rare for kids of our generation to have siblings. I have always dreamed of having a sibling, but I've never been so lucky. I've known Carlton for several years now, but I've never seen him more excited than the day he discovered he had a sister. So here's to the both of you—Carlton and Rachel. Brother and sister!”

“Here, here!” Nick cheered.

Carlton stood up next and declared, “First, I want to make a toast to
Rachel. I'm glad you made it here safely, and I look forward to getting to know you and catching up on all the lost years. And to Colette—thank you for making this wonderful evening possible. I'm so glad you kicked my arse in gear and made me do this. Tonight I feel like I've gained not just a sister but a brother too. So here's to Rachel
and
Nick! Welcome to China! We're going to have a brilliant summer, aren't we?”

Nick wondered what Carlton had meant by Colette “kicking his arse in gear,” but he said nothing for the moment. He looked over tenderly at Rachel, whose eyes brimmed with tears. This evening had turned out far better than he ever dared to dream.

*1
ACS Old Boys, all together now: “In days of yore from western shores, Oldham dauntless hero came…”

*2
See
The O.C
., season three. If you ask me, the show jumped the shark after its heroine, Marissa Cooper, played by the incomparable Mischa Barton, was (spoiler alert!) misguidedly killed off in a car accident.

5
CHARLIE

WU
THERING TOWERS, HONG KONG

“Mr. Wu? It's 9:00 a.m. in Italy now,” Charlie's executive assistant said, poking her head into his office.

“Thanks, Alice.” Charlie reached for his ultra-private phone line and called Astrid's cell phone. She picked up after three rings.

“Charlie! Oh my God—thanks for calling me back.”

“Am I calling too early?”

“No, I've been up for hours. I guess you heard about last night?”

“Yes—I am
so
sorry—” Charlie began.

“No,
I'm
sorry. I shouldn't have said a thing to Isabel.”

“Nonsense—I'm the one who screwed up. I should have communicated better with my wife.”

“So you talked to her? Did you explain that my cousin Alistair was with us the whole time in California?”

Charlie paused for a few seconds. “I did. Don't worry about it anymore.”

“Are you sure? I couldn't sleep at all last night—I kept imagining that I had gotten you into trouble and that Isabel thought I was some philandering home wrecker. I was trying to find ways to contact her myself.”

“Everything's fine. Once I explained how our California road trip was last-minute—that we all just happened to be there at the same time—she was fine.” He wondered how convincing he sounded.

“I hope you told her that the most romantic thing that happened was
watching Alistair projectile vomit out the car window after stuffing down too many In-N-Out burgers.”

“I left that part out, but don't worry—it's all good,” Charlie said, trying to add a little laugh.

Astrid let out a deep sigh of relief. “I'm so glad. You know, I should have been more circumspect. After all, she was meeting me for the first time, and I am the woman who—” She paused, suddenly unsure of how to put it.

“You're the woman who dumped her husband,” Charlie said matter-of-factly.

“Yes, that's right. I hope she knows that we're much better friends now than we ever could have been before. My God, we were a terrible couple,” Astrid said with a laugh.

“I think she realizes that now,” Charlie said cautiously. He desperately wanted to change the subject. “So how's Venice? Where are you staying?”

“I'm staying with Domiella Finzi-Contini. Her family has the most spectacular palazzo near Santa Croce—I walked onto my balcony this morning and thought I had stepped into a Caravaggio. Do you remember Domiella from our London days? She was at LSE, but part of that whole crazy set that ran around with Freddie and Xan.”

“Ah yes—messy blond hair, right?”

“It was platinum blond then, but she's back to her natural chestnut now. Anyway, we were having the most marvelous time together until last night.”

Charlie groaned audibly. “I'm sorry again.”

“No, no, it's nothing to do with Isabel. There's another drama brewing back home—I have two stubborn boys who are refusing to behave.”

“They probably miss Mommy.”

“Now, don't you start on me too! I feel bad enough as it is that Cassian's getting locked up in a closet.”

“Who locked him in a closet?”

“His father.”


What?
” Charlie said incredulously.

“For four hours yesterday, apparently. And he's only five.”

“Astrid, I would
never
lock my child in a closet, no matter what age.”

“Thank you. My feelings exactly. I think I need to cut this trip short.”

“Um, sure sounds like it!”

Astrid sighed. “When is Isabel coming home?”

“Friday, I think.”

“She's incredibly beautiful. She looked so elegant last night—I adored the necklace she was wearing. And she was perfectly civil to me even after I must have given her quite a shock. I'm so glad everything's okay now.”

“I am too,” Charlie said, forcing himself to smile. He heard somewhere that people could sense the smile in your voice, even over the phone.

Astrid paused. She felt she needed to make one more gesture to make up for her faux pas. “The next time Michael and I are in Hong Kong, we should go on a double date. I want to get to know Isabel under better circumstances.”

“Yes, we should do that. A double date.”

Charlie ended the conversation and got up laboriously from his desk. He was light-headed, and his stomach suddenly felt like someone had poured a gallon of bacon grease into it.

“Alice, I'm just going to pop downstairs for some fresh air,” Charlie said into the intercom. He took his private express elevator to the lower street level and walked through the parking garage toward a side exit door. The moment he was outside, he leaned against the concrete wall and began inhaling and exhaling deeply. After a few minutes, he lumbered toward his favorite spot.

Sandwiched between
Wu
thering Towers and its neighboring skyscraper on Chater Road was a pedestrian alleyway where there was a small makeshift drink stand. A blue-and-white-striped plastic tarp stretched over the stall, anchored by two refrigerator units filled with soft drinks, packet juices, and fresh fruit. Under the single tube of fluorescent lighting was the owner, a middle-aged woman who stood all day preparing fresh soybean milk and juicing oranges, pineapples, and watermelons. There was always a queue during lunchtime and in the evenings when people left work, but in midafternoon, it was quiet.

“Playing hooky again?” the woman asked, teasing Charlie in Cantonese. She knew him as the office worker who always came down from one of the buildings for a drink at odd hours.

“Every chance I get, auntie.”

“I worry for you, son—you take too many breaks. One day your boss is going to find you here and fire your ass.”

Charlie cracked a smile. She was the one person in the vicinity that had no idea who he was, let alone that he owned the fifty-five-story tower that shaded her all day long. “Can I get a cold soybean milk, please?”

“Your color is no good today. Why are you as pale as a ghost? You
shouldn't be drinking anything cold—you need something hot to help awaken your chi.”

“I get like this sometimes, when I'm feeling a bit overworked,” Charlie explained rather unconvincingly.

“You spend all day in air-conditioning. Bad recycled air. That's no good for you too,” the woman continued. Her cell phone rang, and she began jabbering for a few minutes. While she spoke, she poured some hot water into a FIFA World Cup mug and filled it with a few slices of ginseng root. Then she stirred a few spoonfuls of grass jelly and sugar syrup into the concoction. “Drink this!” she ordered.

“Thanks, auntie,” Charlie said, sitting on the plastic milk crate by a little folding Formica table. He took a few measured sips, too polite to tell her he didn't care much for grass jelly.

The woman finished her call and said excitedly, “That was my stockbroker. Here, let me give you a hot tip. You must start shorting TTL Holdings. You know TTL? Owned by Tai Toh Lui, that fellow who dropped dead of a heart attack two years ago in a brothel in Suzhou? My stockbroker knows for a fact that his good-for-nothing son who inherited the empire has been kidnapped by the Eleven Finger Triad. Once everyone finds out, the shares will collapse. You should start shorting it now.”

“You should let me check on that rumor before you start shorting,” Charlie advised.

“Hiyah, I already told my broker to start shorting. If I don't jump on it, I won't make any money.”

Charlie took out his cell phone and called his chief financial officer, Aaron Shek. “Hey, Aaron—I know you're golfing buddies with the CEO of TTL. There's some rumor going around that Bernard has been kidnapped by the Eleven Finger Triad. Can you please check on that for me? What do you mean there's no need?” Charlie paused for a moment to listen to Aaron, and then burst into laughter. “Are you sure? Man, that's
way
better than the kidnapping rumor, but if that's what you're telling me, I believe you.”

He ended the call and looked at the woman. “I just spoke to my friend who knows Tai Toh Lui's son very well. He has not been kidnapped. He is very much alive and free.”

“Really?” the woman said in disbelief.

“Cover your shorts before the end of the day and you'll make a good profit. It's just a vicious rumor, I promise. You may trust your stockbroker, but I'm sure you know there are others out there who are not so
honest. They spread rumors just to move the price of the share a few points to make a quick profit.”

“Hiyah, all these people and their rumors! I tell you, this is what's wrong with the world. People lying about everything.”

Charlie nodded. Suddenly his father's words from a long time ago echoed in his head. It was one of the many occasions when Wu Hao Lian was in the hospital and thought his time was almost up. Charlie would stand at the foot of the bed while his father issued his final dictums, which went on for hours. Among the various exhortations about making sure his mother never had to move out of the big house in Singapore and that all his younger brother's Thai ladyboys needed to be paid off was this constant refrain:
I worry that when you're in charge, you'll run everything I've built over the last thirty years into the ground. Stick to the innovation side, because you're never going to manage on the finance side. You need to make sure management is always stocked with the biggest motherfucking assholes—only hire Harvard or Wharton MBAs—and then get out of the way. Because you're too damn honest
—
you're just not a good enough liar
.

Charlie had proved his father wrong when it came to running the business, but what he'd said was true. He hated being dishonest, and his stomach would feel like it was being put through a vise whenever he was forced to tell an untruth. He knew he was still feeling sick because of the lies he had told Astrid.

“Finish your drink—it's expensive ginseng I gave you, you know!” the woman admonished.

“Yes, auntie.”

After braving the rest of his medicinal drink and paying the stall owner, Charlie returned to his office and sat down to compose an e-mail:

From: Charlie Wu

Date: June 10, 2013 at 5:26 PM

To: Astrid Teo

Subject: confession

Hi Astrid,

I don't quite know how to begin this, so I'll just go for it. I haven't been completely honest with you. Isabel is furious at me. She called me up
in the middle of the night screaming bloody murder, and then she had our daughters taken over to her parents' house. She refused to listen to my explanations, and now she won't return my calls. Grégoire told me that she's conveniently sailed away on Pascal Pang's yacht this morning. I think they are heading for Sicily.

The truth is, Isabel and I were not able to patch things up even after that Maldives second honeymoon. Things between us have been worse than ever, and I've been back at my Mid-Levels flat for a while now. The only agreement we've had is that I not do anything that would publicly embarrass her, anything that would give her a loss of face. Unfortunately, that happened last night. Her image of being happily married was shattered in front of Pascal Pang, and you know whatever he knows the rest of Hong Kong will soon know. I'm not sure I even care anymore.

You have to understand something, Astrid. My marriage to Isabel was a mistake even before it began. Everyone thinks I was sent to Hong Kong to take over my family's operations there, but the truth is I fled. I was devastated after our breakup and depressed for months. I was a complete failure at business, and my father ended up shoving me into a role in our R&D department just to get me out of the way, but that's where I began to thrive. I got lost in developing new product lines rather than just being a copycat contractor that steals from the best Silicon Valley tech firms. As a result, our business grew exponentially. I have you to thank for that.

I met Isabel at a party on a yacht that was thrown, coincidentally, by your cousin Eddie Cheng and his best friend Leo Ming. Eddie was one of the few people who actually took pity on me. I have to confess—I initially stayed far away from Isabel because she reminded me of you. Like you, she was constantly being underestimated because of her looks. Turns out she was an intensely smart lawyer, University of Birmingham Law School grad, and fast becoming one of Hong Kong's top litigators. And she had a sense of style and breeding that set her apart. Her father was Jeremy Lai, the distinguished barrister. The Lais are an old-money family from Kowloon Tong, and her mother is from a rich Indonesian Chinese family. I did not want to fall for another unattainable princess who was chained to the rules of her family.

But then as I got to know her, I found that she was nothing like you. No offense, but she was your polar opposite—wild and uninhibited, completely carefree. I found it exhilarating. She didn't give a damn
what her family thought, and as it turns out, they thought the sun and moon orbited around her and she could do no wrong. And to top it off, her parents liked me. (I think it was partly because her last three boyfriends had been Scottish, Aussie, and African American, respectively, and they were just so relieved when she brought home a Chinese boy.) They welcomed me into the family even during the early days of our dating, and it was such a refreshing change to be accepted and even liked by my girlfriend's family. After six months of our whirlwind romance, we got married, and you know the rest.

But actually, you don't.

Everyone thinks that we got married so fast because I got her pregnant. Yes, she was pregnant, but it wasn't with my child. The thing I initially loved about Isabel—her unpredictability—was also her curse. Three months after we started dating, she suddenly disappeared. Things had been going so well, I was actually beginning to heal from our breakup. Then one day Isabel was gone. Turns out she had met up with one of her Indonesian cousins for a drink at Florida (you remember that ghastly bar in Lan Kwai Fong), and he had another friend tagging along. Some Indonesian chap who was a model. Before her cousin even knew what was happening, Isabel had disappeared with the guy. After a few days, I found out they had gone to Maui and were holed up in some private villa having a torrid romance. She wouldn't come back to Hong Kong, and she broke off contact with all of us. I couldn't understand what was happening. I was distraught, as were her parents.

Then it came out that something like this had happened before. Not once, but several times. The year before, she had met this African American guy on a plane on the way to London, and suddenly she quit her job and moved to New Orleans with him. Two years before that, it was the Aussie surfer and a condo on the Gold Coast. I soon realized that the problem was bigger than any of us could have fathomed—my sister was studying psychopharmacology at the time, and she thought Isabel might have borderline personality disorder. I tried to talk to her parents about it, but they seemed to be in denial. They could not face up to the fact that their darling daughter might have any sort of mental illness—albeit one that can be managed with proper treatment. Through all her episodes, they never made her see a psychologist or get a proper evaluation. They just put up with her “dragon phases,” as they called it. She was born in the year of the dragon, and that was
always the excuse they had for her behavior. They implored me to go to Hawaii and “rescue her.”

So I went. I flew to Maui, and it turns out the male model was long gone but Isabel was now living in some sort of commune with a bunch of Radical Faeries. And she was pregnant. Four months pregnant, no longer manic, but too embarrassed to come home. It was too late to have an abortion, she didn't want to give up her child, but she couldn't go back to Hong Kong like that. She told me no one ever loved her like I did, and she begged me to marry her. Her parents begged me to marry her quickly in Hawaii. And so I did. We had one of those “intimate weddings with only close family” at the Halekulani in Waikiki.

I want you to know that I went into this marriage with my eyes wide open. I saw the good in Isabel underneath her illness, and I desperately wanted to help her. When things were great, and when the full sunlight of her being shined on you, there was nothing like it. She was a magnetic, beautiful soul, and I was in love with that part of her. Or at least that's what I told myself. I thought that if she had a stable husband by her side, a husband who could help her properly manage her mental health issues, everything would be okay.

But things were not okay. After Chloe was born, the hormones really messed with Isabel, and she struggled with horrendous postpartum depression. She started hating me and blaming me for all her problems, and we stopped sleeping together. (I mean in the same bedroom, because we hadn't been physically intimate since before she took off for Maui.) She only wanted the baby in the bedroom with her. And the nanny. It was an unusual arrangement, to say the least.

One day she woke up and it was as if nothing had happened. I moved back into the bedroom, the nanny and Chloe went into their own room. Isabel was a loving wife for the first time in over a year. She went back to work, and we went back to being the social couple about town. I could focus a little more on my work again, and Wu Microsystems went through another terrific growth phase. Isabel became pregnant with Delphine, and I thought the worst was behind us.

Then suddenly, things turned on a dime again. This time it was less dramatic—there was no sudden whirlwind romance with a mysterious stranger, no fleeing to Istanbul or the Isle of Skye. Instead, Isabel's new behavior turned out to be more insidious and destructive. She claimed she was having secret affairs with married men. Three of them at her law firm—as you can imagine it made for insane office politics. She
was also involved with a high-profile judge, whose wife found out about the affair and threatened to go public with everything. I will spare you the rest of this story, but by this point, Isabel and I were for all intents and purposes living totally separate lives. I was at the flat in the Mid-Levels, and she was at the house on The Peak with our daughters.

When you came back into my life, I realized two things: First, that I never stopped loving you. You were my first love, and I have loved you since the day I met you at Fort Canning Church when we were fifteen. And second, I also realized that, unlike me, you had moved on. I saw how much you loved Michael, and how you wouldn't give up on your marriage. I knew that I had been unfair to Isabel from the start—since I wasn't truly over you, I had never given all of myself to her. But I was determined to change things. I was ready to let go of you at last, and that would be the key to saving my marriage, to saving Isabel. I wanted to be able to love her free and clear, and to love my daughters as much as you love Cassian.

And so I redoubled my efforts, and you became my de facto marriage counselor. All those e-mails we've exchanged over the past two years were a beacon in the night for me as I tried to rebuild my marriage. But as you can clearly see, nothing has worked. The mistakes are all mine. Isabel and I might finally be heading to the bottom of the ocean once and for all, but it has been a long time coming.

This is my rambling way of trying to explain to you that you should not feel a single ounce of regret about what happened between you and Isabel in Venice. And more important, I want you to know the real story, because I can no longer live with any dishonesty between us. I hope that you'll be able to forgive me for not being truthful with you from the start. You are one of the few bright spots in my otherwise fucked-up life, and now more than ever, I count on our friendship.

With all my heart,

Charlie

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