Chloe and Cracker (4 page)

When we got into our beds, Bella was going on and on about how great Charm is so I pretended to fall asleep, and after a while she and Georgia fell asleep too so now I can write in here by the light of my key-ring torch.

While Bella and Georgia were playing against each other in the table tennis tournament I slipped off to the yard to visit Charm. I spent ages leaning over his stable door, stroking him and telling him how much I wish he was my pony.

I felt a bit bad then, because Cracker hadn’t been turned out yet, and I could see him in the barn, munching hay. I’m sure he saw me too – but I didn’t go over and fuss him. I would have, if I’d had more time. Maybe. But I didn’t really feel like it.

The table tennis was fun – Millie’s older brother James organized it, with her dad. Millie actually won, but she said the second-place person should get the prize, ’cos she’s here all the time and she plays a lot. So Mai won the
Spirit
DVD – when she gets back to school she’s going to ask her house mistress to put it on for all the girls. She and Suki board at their school because their parents are in Japan. They must be used to not seeing their mums and dads much because they don’t seem to miss them at all.

I’m not used to it though, and after I got knocked out of the table tennis tournament I was suddenly desperate to speak to Mum, so
Jody let me phone. Dad answered, as he’d just got in the door from work. The good news is that he’s almost definitely coming to the gymkhana on Friday. The bad news is that he said, “So, still reckon you’re on for that clear round you promised me?”

I said, “Definitely!” but my stomach was churning. Then Mum came on the telephone and I told her all the good bits of what we’d been doing this week and none of the awkward things like how jealous I feel about Bella getting Charm. I don’t want her to worry that I’m not settling in here.

Anyway, I have to think positively about that clear round. There are still three days to sort out my jumping before the comp – I’ll make more effort with Cracker tomorrow and hopefully everything will go well!

I haven’t had time to write in here all day, but loads of things have happened. Our flat work lesson this morning went fine and the Pony Care lectures on feeding and points of the horse and everything were really fun. But this afternoon’s jumping lesson was a disaster.

Everything has gone wrong. I mean,
really
wrong. I’ve fallen out with Bella and Georgia. And the worst thing of all is that it’s my own stupid fault.

This afternoon when we rode into the manège all eight jumps were in place, and my stomach flipped with excitement. Before starting at the beginning, though, we did some work on the last jump, which is the water tray.

Sally explained that although it’s only a single it’s the most challenging fence, because ponies
can find the water a bit spooky. She said we’d just walk our ponies through the water first, without the pole, so they could get used to it.

Well, Charm didn’t mind at all and Tally splashed straight through it. Even Prince was fine once he’d had a good look.

But not Cracker.

He walked through it on the second try, and for a moment I thought we’d be okay. But when Sally put the pole up, even at a much lower height than it will be on Friday, he just absolutely refused to go over, even in trot. He had this way of seeming like he was going over, then scampering sideways at the last minute, and it
caught me out every time. After a few tries, I felt like I was holding everyone up, and I had to do the fast-blinking thing to keep myself from crying. Sally came over and explained that Cracker was finding it easier to run out because the fence is narrower. She said, “You just have to ride forward positively and look ahead to the finish. You’re looking down at the water, and that’s going to make him think it’s scarier than it is.”

I wanted to say that I was doing my best, but I didn’t dare. I tried looking ahead and riding Cracker forward like Sally said, but it still didn’t work. Then I got annoyed and rode him at it quite fast, and this time when he lurched to the left I came flying off on to the woodchips.

Everyone laughed. I realize now they only meant it in a friendly way but I didn’t see it like that at the time. As I got up and dusted myself down I didn’t look anyone in the eye. I got on again and trotted to the back of the ride, but
what I really wanted to do was run indoors, get in bed and have a good cry with my head under the covers. I’d thought we’d only have to worry about the gate when it came to getting a clear round but then I realized we had to deal with the water jump as well and the whole thing just seemed hopeless. It didn’t help that Charm was flying over everything without even trying and Sally kept saying, “Well ridden, Bella!”.

Then things got even worse. When we tried the last couple of jumps together, I still couldn’t get over the water tray. Bella offered to give me a lead so Cracker could follow Charm over, which made me feel absolutely stupid, like she was just showing off and trying to make me look silly. “No thanks, I’m fine,” I mumbled, without looking at her. I know now that she wasn’t being mean at all, but it’s too late to take back what happened.

Anyway, Sally said it was nearly time to finish and let us all have a pop over a single, to end on a positive note. I didn’t feel positive though, and as we walked our ponies round on a long rein to cool them off, I was simmering with fury at Bella.

As I dismounted on the yard, I found her right behind me and when I saw her happy, smiling face I just snapped. “You were only offering me a lead to make me look hopeless!” I hissed. “You think you’re such a good rider, but it’s only ’cos Charm’s so good that he makes you look good too. It’s not fair that you get the easy-peasy pony while I’m stuck with Cracker!”

And then I marched Cracker straight through to the barn and untacked on my own, not even waiting to hear if Bella said anything back.

I got on with brushing him down, but my heart was pounding and I felt terrible – how could I have said something so mean? Everything had gone wrong and I wanted to ring Mum and get her to drive down here and take me home.

That was when Olivia and Asha came up, looking nervous. “Bella’s crying,” Asha announced.

I felt like running away, but I made myself follow them back to the main yard. When I got over to Charm’s stable, Georgia had her arm round Bella, and Suki, Mai and Joelle were hovering beside them, looking worried.

But before I could say

anything Georgia looked up and gave me a glare so cold it made me shiver. “How could you be so mean to Bella when she was only offering you a lead to help you?” she hissed.

The younger girls all stared at me and I felt completely awful, like I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I realized that there was only one way to explain how I’d acted – I had to tell the truth. I took a deep breath. “Bella, I’m sorry,” I began. Georgia snorted but I clenched my fists and carried on.

“The thing is, I wanted Charm,” I admitted. “I’ve been trying not to let it show, but when I was struggling so much on Cracker, I couldn’t help thinking, if I only had Charm… I didn’t want to feel jealous and I tried my best to hide it–”

But Georgia interrupted me. “It’s even worse that you’ve pretended to be her friend all this time!” she said icily.

“But I
am
her friend!” I cried. I tried to get Bella to look at me but I only caught a glimpse
of her red, tear-stained face before she buried it in Georgia’s fleece again.

“It’s okay, Bella, you’ve got real friends, forget about her,” said Georgia. “Come on, you’ll be okay with us lot.” And with that she led Bella off towards the farm house. The others followed, giving me very cross looks. I started crying then and hurried back into the house. I tried to creep through the kitchen to get upstairs but Jody was at the sink, testing Millie on her times tables. As soon as she saw my face she made me sit down and tell her what had happened. While I was explaining it all, and trying to stop crying, I realized that I’ve been so focussed on Charm I haven’t even given Cracker a chance. I felt like I’d been mean to
him
, as well as Bella, and that made me cry even more.

I don’t blame Georgia for being so angry either. She must think I’m such a horrible person after today. “I said sorry,” I sniffled, “but
I don’t think Bella will want to be friends with me any more.”

Millie got me some Jaffa Cakes even though it was nearly time for tea and Jody gave me a hug, saying, “I’m sure deep down Bella knows you didn’t mean it. You can always try apologizing again later. Just give her time to calm down and it’ll blow over, you’ll see. Now how about helping me get the tea going?”

So I did, and then I set the table.

I dreaded having to face the girls at tea, but Millie sat next to me and no one said anything nasty. I tried to smile at Bella a couple of times but she still wouldn’t look at me. I didn’t dare smile at Georgia in case she did her icy glare and it made me start crying again.

It’s so lucky my washing-up duty tonight was with Millie. After we’d cleared up, she had to carry on with her maths practice, so when I’d put everything away I just sat down next to her
and got my Pony Camp Diary out and I’ve been writing in here ever since. I should have gone to the games room for the film, but I sort of haven’t quite made it yet. There’s someone else I need to say sorry to (as well as Bella), and it can’t wait till tomorrow, or even one more minute.

I just went to ask Jody and she says I can go up to the field because Lydia’s there, but I have to come back when she does. And Jody’s given me a carrot from the fridge.

Got to go now!