Choosing America's Next Superstar (21 page)

C
OREY
really didn’t care one way or the other if he won the contest. He’d decided a long time ago that the fame and money were not his true ambitions. Sure, the national media attention would help. It could catapult him to stardom. If he were lucky, he’d be able to make a career of his music alone.

But what Corey really wanted was that farmhouse in Kentucky. He wanted a life with Jimmy, maybe even a family someday. He wanted a family like Jimmy’s that loved and accepted him for who he was. He could picture it, living in a small town like that with the man of his dreams. Jimmy, with his deep baritone voice and broad shoulders, was Corey’s living, breathing dream come true.

He sat on the couch and stared at the package in his hands. It was an eight-by-ten manila envelope, and it contained photos. Lots of photos. And they were all of Jimmy.

Corey wasn’t a prude. He’d never expected that Jimmy was perfect. Didn’t everyone have secrets? Didn’t everyone have at least some skeleton in their closet? The hard thing for Corey to swallow was the fact that Jimmy obviously had lied to him. He’d told Corey that night they made love for the first time, that Corey was his first.

Well, no, Corey obviously was not Jimmy’s first. Could it be that the photos were photoshopped? Maybe, but how would they know that Jimmy had the heart tattoo on his upper bicep with his mama’s initials? How would they know the exact size and shape of Jimmy’s, um… privates? That expression on his face when he reached orgasm—Corey had seen it dozens of times—and it was also there in the photos.

So Jimmy had been a porn star. Was it really that big a deal?

That fact alone would probably not have been enough to devastate Corey. They could have worked it out. Corey was pretty sure that the reason Jimmy had never told him this detail of his past was because he wasn’t proud of it. He was probably embarrassed. And when he told Corey that he was his first, maybe he meant that he was the first person he’d really and truly “made love to.” Wasn’t that more than just fucking?

But what was most troubling to Corey was the fact that Reuben had made it very clear that the photos would be released to the media. The results would be catastrophic if this happened. All of Jimmy’s dreams would be shattered. His family would be mortified. His brother would be utterly devastated, and Jimmy would be immediately kicked off
America’s Next Superstar
.

The only option that Corey had was to comply with Reuben’s wishes. He had to report to Reuben’s room at midnight, and any other time that Reuben beckoned him, from now until the contest was over. If he failed to do as ordered, Reuben would ruin Jimmy.

Tears streamed down Corey’s face as he stared at the images. It was so ironic, because if Corey had seen these photos before meeting Jimmy, he’d have found them extremely hot. They
were
hot, because Jimmy was hot. But at this stage, they felt like a betrayal. It felt to Corey as if Jimmy had lied and had cheated on him. He couldn’t get it out of his mind, seeing Jimmy with these other guys—several other guys, and in several positions, doing several different things.

After Jimmy called and said he’d made it to the airport, Corey hung up the phone. Slowly he pushed himself up off the sofa and padded his way down the corridor into the bathroom, where he then showered and got dressed. He turned off the lights and closed the door behind him, then headed down the hall to the elevator.

J
IMMY
got checked into the hotel and dropped off his suitcases in his room. He checked his appearance in the mirror and splashed on some cologne. He then took the elevator back downstairs to the lobby. He waited patiently until the desk clerk who’d checked him in moments before left the front desk area. Jimmy stepped up to the counter, and another clerk acknowledged him. “May I help you, sir?”

“Uh, yeah. I feel like an idiot. I locked my room key in my room….”

“Not a problem. sir. Happens all the time. What’s your name and room number?”

“Corey Dunham… and well, I can’t remember the exact number. I’m sorry… uh… it was a long flight.”

“Four thirty-seven,” the clerk said with a smile. He handed Jimmy another key.

“Oh, thank you so much. You’re a lifesaver.”

Corey was probably sleeping, but Jimmy would just slip in and surprise him. He’d curl up next to him in bed and hold Corey tight. He could picture it now: Corey would feel his warm body beside him and would curl up in his arms and they’d snuggle.

When Jimmy pushed the door open and stepped into Corey’s room, it was dark. Yeah, he must be in bed already. He felt against the wall for a light switch and turned it on. A lamp on the opposite side of the room came on. Jimmy closed the door behind him and stepped inside. Quietly he made his way down the hall toward the bedroom.

Once inside he saw the room was empty, and the bed hadn’t been slept in. He flipped on the overhead light and saw Corey’s suitcases in the corner. Well, he definitely had the right room, but where was Corey? Maybe he’d gone down to get a bite to eat.

Jimmy pulled out his phone and called Corey’s number. As it rang, Jimmy heard Corey’s ringtone in the living room of the suite. Corey must not have taken his phone with him, wherever he’d gone. Yeah, he must not have gone far. Probably to get a soda or something. Silly guy, he should have just ordered room service. It was included.

He headed back out to the living room and took a seat on the sofa. There it was—Corey’s phone. It was sitting there atop a manila envelope. Jimmy picked up the phone and looked at the missed call from himself. He smiled. He then grabbed the envelope. He probably shouldn’t look. Really, it was none of his business, but he doubted that Corey would mind. They really didn’t keep any secrets from each other, and besides, it felt like pictures. Corey was probably planning to show them to him anyway.

As Jimmy pulled out the large glossy photos, his felt the blood drain from his face as his jaw fell open. This explained the why Corey had been crying, why he’d hung up on him. But how? Where had Corey found the photos?

C
OREY
felt too defeated even to cry. The mixture of disgust, humiliation, shame, and self-hatred was crippling. It was quite literally a matter of sensory and emotional overload. What he wanted to do was simply find a place to hide—a hole to crawl in and never come out. Unfortunately, he didn’t have that option. Tomorrow would be a very busy day.

Superstar
was already broadcasting the second week of their preseason episodes. Last week they’d featured the auditions in Louisville. This week it would be Detroit, and Corey’s audition might, in fact, be one of the segments they elected to air. The contestants would have only two weeks to prepare for the live shows. This would include a very tight schedule that included rehearsals, meetings with voice coaches, media consultants, wardrobe and hair specialists, and a multitude of public appearances. All of the Top Twenty-four contestants would be attending press conferences and giving television interviews. Some would be selected to star in commercials for sponsoring companies. Some would be making public service announcements. They all would participate in the filming of music videos.

Regardless of the vote tallies and who won the competition, they all would be terribly busy. It was now after three in the morning, which gave Corey a mere four hours to get some sleep. He was thankful he’d had the short nap yesterday evening.

Worst of all, he’d likely have to face Jimmy. It was going to be difficult. As hard as it was to get the images of those photos out of his head, it was even harder to forget what he’d experienced with Reuben. He felt so dirty, so defiled. What he needed was a shower—a long, hot shower to wash away Reuben’s filth.

How could he ever be with Jimmy again? Maybe Corey would be able to forgive the indiscretions of Jimmy’s past, but Corey could never expect Jimmy to forgive what he’d done tonight. What he’d allowed Reuben to do. What he’d willingly participated in.

Though he felt numb, the tears just seemed to flow on their own. It wasn’t like an emotional breakdown. He wasn’t sobbing. It was just a steady and heavy ache that he felt in the center of his chest, almost as if he were grieving. Maybe he was. Perhaps he was mourning the loss of his purity and innocence. What he’d shared with Jimmy had been beautiful, but his three hours with Reuben had been vile and disgusting.

It was dark in his room when he pushed the door open. He flipped on the light switch to turn on the lamp. As he did so, he noticed the body curled up on his sofa. Jimmy was lying there, holding the manila envelope against his chest.

As Jimmy sat up, Corey closed the door behind him. He stared at Jimmy, unable to speak.

“Where were you?” Jimmy whispered.

He shook his head and looked away. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Corey, we need to talk.”

“You should go to your room. We have a long day tomorrow….”

“I’m sorry you found out this way,” Jimmy said. “I wanted to tell you.”

Corey looked down at the floor in front of his feet. He toed his shoes off and left them by the door. “Jimmy, in four hours we have to meet with all of the other contestants and the judges for a plenary session. I don’t have the energy to discuss this now.”

Jimmy stood up and stepped toward him. “Baby, you’re crying….” He reached out to place his hand on Corey’s shoulder, but Corey pulled away.

“I’m taking a shower and then going to bed for three hours. How’d you get in my room, by the way?”

“I lied to the desk clerk.”

“That’s not like you, Jimmy… to tell lies.”

The hurt look on Jimmy’s face made Corey regret his sarcasm.

“I know. It was wrong.” Jimmy obviously wasn’t referring to the lie he’d told the hotel staff. “It was when Charlie was so sick. I was giving my parents all of my paychecks, but it wasn’t enough. They almost lost the house….”

“Jimmy, I wouldn’t have cared what you did before you met me… if only you’d told me the truth.”

“I’m so sorry,” his voice cracked. “Corey, please forgive me.” It broke Corey’s heart, the way this man hung his head so shamefully, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Are there any other secrets? Any other pictures you haven’t told me about? Movies? Orgies? Drugs?”

He shook his head. “It was a movie. One movie, and they paid me a thousand dollars. They told me it would be distributed in Europe, that there was no chance my family or anyone I knew would ever see it.”

Corey laughed, his tone laden with sarcasm. “Jimmy, haven’t you ever heard of the Internet? How could you ever believe such bullshit?”

“I didn’t care! Why would I? My brother was dying. My parents were penniless, three payments behind on their mortgage.”

“But you said….” Corey was on the verge of losing it himself. He took a deep breath. “You said I was your first.”

“You
were
my first, Corey. In that movie, I was acting. I was being paid money to be a fucking whore!” It was the first time Corey had ever heard him swear. “And you don’t think that every day of my life I regret it? Sometimes you have to do things you’re not proud of… to protect the people you love.”

He wanted to embrace Jimmy, take him in his arms, and tell him he understood. He wanted to tell him everything was going to be all right, that there was nothing to forgive. He couldn’t though. He couldn’t return to Jimmy’s arms when he knew he’d be returning over and over to Reuben’s.

“Maybe I’m not man enough to understand that, Jimmy. I’m sorry.”

“Please…,” Jimmy pleaded. “Corey, please try to understand. I love you. I want to spend my life with you.”

Corey walked into the kitchen area of his suite and opened the mini fridge. He took out a bottled water and unscrewed the cap. “Jimmy, I need some time.”

“If anyone finds out about these pictures, I’ll be out of the competition,” Jimmy said. “I should probably just drop out, save myself the embarrassment. I’ll do it and wait for you, Corey. I know you can win it.”

“It would kill Charlie. It’d be devastating to your whole family.”

“It’d be worse if they saw me disgraced… if they saw the photos.”

“They won’t see them. No one will ever see them….”

“You don’t know that!”

“Jimmy, go back to your room and get some sleep. Get yourself ready for tomorrow, and then concentrate on the competition. That’s what you’re here for. Give me the time and space that I need, and we can sort this all out when it’s over….”

“Thirteen weeks from now?”

“Thirteen weeks, thirteen days? What’s it matter? We’re both here until one of us gets voted off. All I know is I’m too tired to deal with this tonight, and so are you.”

Jimmy walked out into the kitchen. “At least let me hold you….”

Corey placed the bottle on the countertop and slid into Jimmy’s arms.

“I love you,” Jimmy whispered, “and I’m so sorry.”

“I love you too,” Corey said with absolute sincerity. “But I have to go to bed.”

Jimmy kissed him on the forehead. “Please… meet me for breakfast.”

“Be here at seven.”

“I’ll be here at six forty-five.”

Chapter Thirteen