Chosen (28 page)

“She is,” I said. I felt like I'd fallen in love for the first time today. “She definitely is.”

TAYLOR SLIPPED HIS HAND INTO MINE AS WE
walked down the sidewalk.

We'd left the Italian restaurant a few minutes ago and had already walked the short distance to the park. Over dinner, I'd told Tay all about Whisper.

He'd been a good sport, smiling the entire time. He probably would've let me talk about her all night.

“I love seeing you so happy, Laur,” Taylor said. “Whisper sounds like your perfect match.”

“You should come with me some time to Briar Creek. I'd love for you to meet her,” I said.

Taylor's easy smile was visible in the streetlight. The sun had set under half an hour ago and fireflies already dotted the grassy park.

We walked at an easy pace, neither of us wanting to be the bad guy and start the conversation. If I didn't just do it, I knew we might just lap the park until the sun rose again and my mom came to get us.

When we reached a park bench, I motioned to it. “Want to sit?” I asked.

“Sure,” said Tay, obviously reluctant.

We sat next to each other, and I smoothed my jean skirt over my legs. I took a breath, trying to gather my thoughts, but I wasn't even sure how to start.

“I know you wanted to talk at the dance,” I said. “But then I freaked because I thought you were going to break up with me.”

“Laur—”

I touched his hand, stopping him. “I have to just get this out,” I said. “Please.”

Taylor nodded, his gaze settling on my face.

“I was scared. Of losing you, going away, missing my family, my friends. I wanted to enjoy that last night at Yates. I couldn't handle having this conversation with you because I wasn't ready for it then.”

I looked down at my lap, then back at him. “I like you so much, Tay. I know you care about me, too.”

“A lot,” Taylor said.

I nodded, knowing I should let him talk, too.

“I was nervous at the dance, too,” he said. “Because I was afraid that
you
were going to break up with me.”

“Oh, Taylor,” I said, shaking my head. “I didn't know you felt that way! I knew something was going on, but I thought it was because you . . . well, that you didn't want a long-distance girlfriend.”

The street lamp above us caught Taylor's eyes—I could see the brilliant green even in the dark.

“That wasn't it at all. I'm sorry you thought that,” he said. “Maybe I should have talked to you instead of trying to have a serious conversation like this at a dance.”

“I'm sorry, too. I wish I'd done things differently. I wish I'd told you how I'd felt sooner, too.”

We looked at each other, both falling short and silent. The noises of the park at night—dogs in the distance, crickets, frogs in the nearby pond—seemed unusually loud.

“What do
you
want?” Taylor asked, his tone gentle. The question was more inquisitive than combative.

I looked at him. Taylor Frost. My first boyfriend, whom I'd dated for five whole months. My boyfriend who smelled like chlorine all the time—not just after swim practice. Who could eat burgers every day and never get
sick of them. Who listened to me talk about every riding lesson like it was the most fascinating thing he'd ever heard.

“I want what's best for you, for me, and for
us
,” I said. I swallowed, knowing what I had to say but really, really didn't want to. “I think . . . I think that maybe what's best for us is if we stop dating. I care about you enough to say that, no matter how much I might prefer to stay together, just pretending that it will all be fine.”

I watched Taylor carefully, but his expression was unreadable.

“I'm trying really hard not to be selfish. I want you to have a girlfriend that you can see—and hold hands with—every day if you want to.”

I stopped and waited, not sure how he was going to react.

Taylor took my hand. “You're so amazing—you don't even know. I care about you, too. Thinking about you with another guy is . . .
really
hard. But I want all that stuff for you, too. It's not fair for you to be all the way over at Canterwood stuck with a boyfriend who lives hours away. Canterwood should be a complete and total fresh start for you, Lauren.”

I sniffled. “This kind of sucks.”

“I know.” Taylor's chest rose as he took a deep breath.

“If I'd stayed at Yates, we wouldn't be breaking up,” I said. “I ask myself a million times a day if I'm making the right decision leaving this place.”

“It would be a mistake not to go,” Taylor said. “This is the chance you've been working for, Laur! The shot that you've deserved ever since you first started riding. You're doing the bravest—the hardest—thing by leaving. I don't think anyone else in our class is as strong as you.”

“Strong?” I asked. “Do you know how
scared
I am about all of this?”

“You wouldn't be Lauren Towers if you'd decided to do something just because it was easy. You'd be a cocky girl who'd get to Canterwood and mess it all up because she assumed she had the
right
to be there. But you see this opportunity for what it
really
is—a privilege.”

“But this is a decision that affects everyone in my life—you, my friends, my family. I'm leaving
everything
. And maybe even being a little bit selfish.”

“To do something amazing with your life,” Taylor said. “Not to hurt people. I hate that you're leaving, but I'd be devastated for you if you hadn't gotten in. This, right now, is hard. But if we hadn't done this, we would have stayed together and both just been unhappy.”

“I
never
wanted to break up with you,” I said. “But I know it's right. How could we be together while we're really apart?”

I could see the pain in Taylor's eyes, but it was mixed with understanding and relief. I knew my expression was similar.

“I don't want you totally out of my life,” I whispered. “I know I'm asking a lot, but could we still be friends? Somehow?”

Taylor squeezed my hand. “The only way I could handle you leaving is if we stay friends. I want to BBM you about swim practice and I want you to tell me what school's like.”

I couldn't stop my eyes from getting teary. “I want that, too. Too many things are changing for us not to have each other.”

We let go of each others' hands and Taylor wrapped his arms around me. I leaned into him, holding on. With each passing second, I felt like I could breathe a little easier, something I hoped would continue as I got closer and closer to Canterwood.

I still had time to get ready.

There was time to figure out how to be friends with Taylor. Brielle, Ana, and I would fit it a dozen or more sleepovers.

Becca and I would spend countless summer afternoons lounging in the pool.

Dad and I would drive to Briar Creek every day.

Mom would be there to help me pick out dorm room furniture.

Charlotte and I might even find something to bond over.

There were hundreds of mugs of kettle tea to find comfort—and home—in.

And Whisper. I had all summer to get to know my new horse—the one who'd be going along with me on this wonderful, terrifying journey.

For the first time since I'd been chosen, I felt like I was ready.

It was time to stop making so many lists. Choose to live
off
the paper more than coming up with ideas about how to live . . . in
theory
.

This wasn't just the end of a book—it was the beginning of a whole new series.

And I, Lauren Towers, would be the new main character.

Twenty-four year old Jessica Burkhart (a.k.a. Jess Ashley) writes from Brooklyn, NY. She's obsessed with sparkly things, lip gloss, and TV. She loves hanging with her bestie, reading, and shopping for all things Hello Kitty. Visit her online at
www.jessicaburkhart.com
.