Chosen by Sin (35 page)

Grief overrode her feelings of failure.

The worst thing about seeing him approach his end was that he was doing
so with regrets. He was clearly haunted by the things he’d done in his past.
And she knew most of his demons came from guilt over Dex.

She raised his weathered hands to her lips and kissed them.

She didn’t completely discount what Dex had claimed. That Bodin had
merely seen her as a pawn to use with the Draci. She also still harbored
questions about whether the vampire Bodin’s men had been searching for on the
day he’d rescued her had been Dex’s father. But she had only to be near Bodin
to feel the goodness in him. That, at least, was true. If Dex saw his
grandfather, would it help him see that goodness, too?

She hadn’t told Dex that Bodin was here because she’d feared what he
would do. But now there was nothing Dex could do that nature hadn’t already
taken care of. He deserved to see Bodin before his grandfather passed. “I’ll
bring him to you,” Jes whispered “I’ll bring Dex.”

“No need. I’m already here.”

She jumped and whirled.

Dex. His hate-filled gaze was latched onto Bodin. And when he turned
his gaze on her, that hatred didn’t diminish.

“I didn’t believe Cy. Not until I saw him with my own eyes. How long
has he been here?”

Dex hadn’t bothered talking quietly, yet Bodin seemed unaware of their
presence. That told her he wasn’t asleep but still unconscious. “He’s been here
several months,” she said. “He knew his time was coming and—and he sought
my help.”

Dex nodded. “You’d be the one to see, I suppose. Given the little
display I just saw, you love him, just not enough to sacrifice your own life,
right? Otherwise, you’d have turned him into a vampire.”

“If it was that easy,” she said, her voice shaking, “I’d have turned a
whole bunch of others into vampires. But you’re right, considering I’d have
been risking my life, I didn’t make the offer to anyone. Anyone but Bodin, that
is. But he refused and I already told you, I don’t make people do things
against their will.”

“No. You just make sure they don’t have the knowledge to protest. You
trick them, so you can justify your actions and tell yourself they were
committed without force. So long as you get what you’re after, that’s all that
matters. That’s why you didn’t tell me you knew my grandfather or that he was
here. Because you knew you wouldn’t get what you were after. Me. Isn’t that
right?”

When she didn’t answer, he moved aggressively forward. “Isn’t it, Jes?
Answer me.”

“Yes, you’re right,” she whispered.

His aggression slipped away and was replaced by genuine confusion.
“Why? Why did my grandfather send you after me?”

“He didn’t send me, Dex. I was the one who wanted something from you. I
wanted to test your blood. I—I took several vials from you while I was in
L.A. After we made love—I mean, after we had sex.” She would always
remember it as making love. That’s what it had been every time they’d been
together. But she knew Dex no longer viewed it that way.

“My blood? Why? You already had Amanda, a full-blooded werewolf. Any
healing properties my blood carries are diminished compared to hers.”

“That would be true if you were an ordinary werebeast. But you’re not.”

“I’m not, huh?”

“No, Dex. I’m afraid not. You’re a half-breed, but you’re not half were
and half human. You’re half were and half vampire.”

He barked with disbelieving laughter. “For a scientist, you haven’t
done your research. Dharmires, no matter what type of race mixes with vampire
blood, always present as vampires.”

“You’re an anomaly. One that’s been foretold for centuries.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s not. It’s called the Legend of Wolves. Legend has it that a
half-werewolf, half-vampire who presents as a were will have the ability to
gift immortality. Because Bodin knew you were half vampire but presented as a
were, he believed you were the one to fulfill the legend. He sent you away,
Dex, because it was the only thing he could think of to protect you.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I can. You can. I see it in your eyes.”

“All you see in my eyes is disgust. For him and for you. I knew you’d
do anything to help your cause. Why not add whoring to the list?”

It hurt more than she’d thought it would. It hurt so bad she wasn’t
sure if she could survive the pain.

His gaze returned to Bodin. The hate was still there, but so was a
flash of longing. A longing that he extinguished as easily as he could choke
the life out of the weak, aged were. His gaze slid back to hers. “It’s just too
damn bad,” he said, “that we conceived a child from your lies. Now another
child has to suffer, stuck with freaks like us for parents. One more life my
grandfather has had his hand in ruining. But this time, he had your help.”

After Dex left his grandfather’s room, Jes saw very little of him. He
remained on the grounds, and despite the vast depression Jes had slipped into,
their baby continued to thrive. Occasionally she’d venture from her bedroom and
she’d catch a glimpse of him, but he’d immediately disappear.

Days passed. Bodin was on the verge of death. Soon, she began keeping
vigil by his bedside, trading shifts with Amanda, often sleeping in the chair
next to his bed. When Jes wasn’t caring for him or comforting Amanda, she
forced herself to sleep and eat for the baby’s sake.

She was doing just that, sitting in the kitchen and forcing herself to
drink bottled blood and choke down soup, when Dex appeared in front of her. She
dropped her spoon and stood, swaying slightly. He looked both bad and good. Bad
because he looked tired. Troubled. But good because he was him, and she wanted
nothing more than to draw him in her arms and beg his forgiveness.

“Congratulations,” he said, his tone as cold and unforgiving as ever.
“I didn’t realize I could think less of you, but I just talked to Lucy. She
told me you talked to Mahone before leaving the States. And that you told him
about this legend of yours. Even managed to get some money out of him for your
trouble. For your research, right?”

She sank back into her chair. “That’s right,” she said softly, though
she sounded nothing like herself. Did that faint, scratchy, defeated voice
actually belong to her? “You might as well know I spoke to Rurik Pitts, too.
Before I returned to France. I paid him for information about you, so he
probably traveled here for me.”

His expression darkened before he composed himself again. “It doesn’t
matter. Not anymore. There’s something going down. I’m returning to the
States.”

“What?” she asked in disbelief. He was leaving her? “Today?”

He averted his gaze. “I leave tonight. Lucy and I are going to meet
with shape-shifters in the States and try one last time to negotiate with
them.”

Since Dex had never told her what he and Cy had learned from the
shape-shifters, she wasn’t certain what that meant. All she knew was that she
didn’t want him to leave. “Why—why can’t Lucy handle it herself?”

He scowled. “Because Lucy’s been doing everything herself while I’ve
been wasting my time here with you. I need to get back and do my job. You said
the baby’s been growing. That it’s almost ready to be born. It should be fine.
Unless there’s something I don’t know. If so, just tell me.”

He couldn’t even look at her, she thought. She disgusted him and he
wanted no part of her. But of course that was true. She’d done nothing but lie
and deceive him since the moment they’d met. No matter what her intentions had
been, she’d acted with dishonor and he’d never forgive her for that.

Still, she felt compelled to ask him one last question. “So you’re not
going to be here for the birth? You—you don’t care about the baby?”

He turned toward the door. Over his shoulder, he said, “I’ll check in
when I can. If the baby’s born before then…” He shrugged, dismissing the birth
and her, and at the same time giving her the answer to her question.

***

That evening, Dex held his phone to his ear as he stood outside Jes’s
castle. For once, his cell reception was crystal clear. Good, because he wasn’t
standing in that damn gazebo ever again.

“I’m not expecting much from this meeting,” Mahone said, “but it’s all
we’ve got. We haven’t been able to get anything from the weres. Bodin’s MIA,
and they refuse to say anything until they hear from him.”

“What about the First Lady?” Dex asked, his voice flat. He wasn’t going
to discuss Bodin with Mahone. Not yet.

“No word. But the President has called a press conference. It’s
scheduled for tomorrow evening. Seven p.m.”

“My flight will just have arrived.”

“And we’ll know, one way or another, if going to the Quorum was a lost
cause or not.”

“Right,” Dex said. “I’ll check in when I get Stateside.”

“Dex…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry about Jes. I don’t think she meant any harm, which is why I
didn’t say anything.”

Dex heard a noise behind him. He sensed Jes. Smelled her. For a second,
he closed his eyes, wishing with all his heart things could’ve been different
for both of them. But they couldn’t. She’d lied to him. One time too many. He
no longer trusted her.

“It doesn’t matter,” he forced himself to say to Mahone. “Jes means
nothing to me, Mahone. Less than nothing.” He hung up. Stood there. Expected
her to scamper away. But she didn’t. Instead, she spoke.

“Dex. Please don’t leave.”

Her plea stunned him. He knew how proud she was. Knew she’d heard what
he’d said to Mahone. How could she think she could sway him? Why did she want
to even try?

Slowly, he turned.

At some point, the dark dye had completely faded and he hadn’t even
realized it. Standing under the entryway lights, she looked like the same vamp
he’d first met in L.A. Well, except for the fact she looked decidedly pregnant.
But her lush curves only made her more attractive. Too bad all she’d wanted
from him was what she thought he could give others—immortality.

“It’s no use. I don’t fulfill any crazy-assed legend. Even if I do, I
don’t know how to gift immortality. I can’t help you.”

“I don’t care about that,” she cried, walking closer to him. “I mean, I
did. That’s why I deceived you. And I’m so sorry for that, Dex. But I’ve
changed. I understand what’s important now, and that I’ve been denying myself a
real life because I didn’t think I deserve it.”

“And now you do?”

“I don’t know if I deserve it,” she conceded, “but I know I want it. I
want you. Not for my experiments, but because you make me happy. I love you and
I know you can love me. Love our child.”

“It’s too late.”

Her expression crumpled and tears fell from her eyes. It was the first
time he’d ever seen her cry, he realized. And the first time since he’d been a
child that he felt the sting of moisture in his own eyes.

“I’m sorry, Dex! I’m so sorry.
S'il te plait me pardone-moi
. Please forgive me. Please stay with me.”

“I said no,” he snapped, too tempted by his own need to forgive her.
But he couldn’t give in. He’d been a fool to think Jes was different. To think
that he could be different with her.

His harsh tone seemed to jolt her. “Is it because of Lucy? You don’t
need me anymore because you’ll be fucking her?”

“Stop it, Jes. You know that’s not true. Even if it were, so what? Lucy
has never lied to me. When she was using me, I knew exactly what was going on.
That’s the difference between you and her.”

“But she doesn’t love you, Dex. Not the way I do.”

“Goddess save me from your kind of love, Jesmina. If this is love, I
hope I never love again.”

Her stricken expression was the last thing he saw before she finally
gave up. She whirled and ran from him.

And although Dex took a step toward her…

Although he wanted to chase after her and tell her he’d changed his
mind…

He didn’t.

He swiped at his face and any trace of tears that might have lingered
in his eyes. After taking a deep breath, he forced himself to recall Mahone’s
last words. He’d said the weres wouldn’t talk until they’d heard from Bodin.

Fine.

Dex would just have to make sure that happened.

Without hesitation, he retraced the path to Bodin’s room. Although he’d
half-expected Jes to have moved him, she hadn’t. He was still in bed. Pale.
Old. Helpless.

Harmless.

But he hadn’t always been that way, Dex reminded himself.

He stepped farther into the room, determined to shake the old were to
consciousness, but he froze when he saw Amanda. She sat in the chair next to
him, looking like she hadn’t slept in weeks. She stood when she saw Dex.

“Come in,” she whispered, shocking the hell out of him.

Not waiting to see whether he complied, she bent down, kissed Bodin’s
cheek, and spoke in his ear. Then she straightened and walked past Dex. Before
she walked out, she paused to look at him. “I know why you hate him,” she said,
her voice barely audible. “I hate him for the same reason.”

“Really?” he drawled in patent disbelief, telling himself not to be
swayed by the sadness in her eyes. “Tell me about it,” he said, even though he
just wanted her to go.

“You hate him because he sent you away and your mother never recovered
from it. She fought her depression, even married and had other children, but
she never got over losing you. She ended her life rather than face her loss.”

Okay, so she did know why he hated him. But what did that have to do
with her?

“You still don’t get it, do you, brother?” She laid a hand on Dex’s arm
and squeezed softly. “Can’t you see who I am?”

“No,” he choked out, jerking his arm from her touch. She was full were.
She looked nothing like him. But something reached way back into his memory… If
he allowed himself to remember the beautiful visage of his mother, rocking him
to sleep and singing him a lullaby… He pictured a face startling similar to
Amanda’s.