Chosen Heart (12 page)
“I don’t do this. I guess
what I’m saying is that I’m not really good at it,” he explains, sitting deep
in thought, staring out at the water.
Looking at him sideways, I still
can’t figure out his puzzling explanation. I want him to spell it out for
me. “I can’t imagine there are many things you aren’t good at.” My
eyes look over at Ms. Light Bright who’s making a fool out of herself,
again. With her hand on the bicep of a busboy, she throws her head back
in laughter before throwing her arm around his waist, traipsing by our table.
Momentarily, his eyes follow her
movement before returning to my gaze. “Trust me, there is plenty.
But, what I was referring to was this…” Brushing his finger through the air,
pointing between the two of us he continues, “I’ve never had to pursue a woman
before.” The taste of blood drips in my mouth as I bite down on my lip,
trying hard to hide my eager smile. Though, I can’t help the blush
blossoming over the apples of my cheeks.
“So the women in your life,
they’ve always just given in to you?” As I utter the words, I realize it
doesn’t seem so inconceivable, considering I’ve pretty much given in to him
since the moment we met. The childlike behavior of our hostess is also
proof that his appeal is addictive, worthy of making any woman act compulsively
just to vie for his attention.
“Is that hard to believe?”
I shake my head, staring down at my napkin.
Unable to ignore the annoying
situation playing in the background, “I have to ask. What’s up with your
stalker over there?” My head nods towards the back wall where the hostess
is now standing.
“Absolutely nothing!” his mouth
turned up. His attempt at evasion is not working.
“Doesn’t seem like nothing to me,
considering her reaction in your presence. Is she a friend of yours?” I
ask, still not knowing if I want to know the answers to my never ending
questions.
“I don’t have female friends;
usually doesn’t end well. Women have a tendency to get…attached and with
attachments come expectations.” That poor girl definitely had
expectations; I could see it in her eyes. With a sigh of relief, Alex
notices the waiter returning with our wine. But, just as fast as he came,
the waiter retreats, and I’m free to continue my ‘interrogation’.
“So, you don’t do friends with
women, got it.”
Yet you’re here with me?
Thinking over my next line of
questioning, I start thinking of Cole. “You can’t tell me that with the
numerous women you’ve been with, that you’ve never had to deal with their
ex-boyfriends. Ones they’ve remained friends with.”
“Once you’ve had sex, there’s no
going back. Are you telling me that your so called friend,” Alex’s raises
his hands, making quotations with his fingers, “has never tried to blur the
lines?” If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that he had personal insight
into my relationship with Cole.
“You’re the first man I’ve met
who approaches dating as if he’s fishing in a catch-and-release pond.”
I’m clearly irritated and this dinner is not going the way that I
expected. My heart was fluttering when I got sent the flowers, but I
can’t shake the feeling that he wants to add me to his long list of conquests.
Alex sighs, taking a deep breath
before explaining. “I think it’s obvious that I’m attracted to you.
Let’s just put that out there now,” he admits, running his finger over the
edges of his napkin. I flush at his words, but bite back the urge to
profess my own attraction.
“Like I said before, I’ve never
had to pursue a woman. You may think my outlook on dating is troubling,
but I’ve been released back into the pond a few times myself. But let’s
make this clear, I’ve never made promises that I’ve never kept or led a woman
on.” His brows furrow as he stares at his wine glass, and then at
me. “God, it’s maddening not knowing where I stand with you.”
My heart swells, but I also
realize he didn’t deny the fact that he’s had numerous women. How am I
supposed to compete with the unknown? Something in the back of my mind
tells me that he’s not the gentlemen that I hoped he was, at least not one
hundred percent of the time.
“There are thousands of reasons
why we should walk away from one another. But, I just can’t seem to…” he
stops, searching for the right words.
“Seem to what?” I urge him to
continue, leaning closer.
Suddenly, the waiter returns with
the food, effectively ending our little confession session, making me jolt
upright in my seat. But, if he thinks this discussion is over, he’s
sorely mistaken. Occasionally glancing at each other, we begin our meal and
sit in silence.
The food is delicious, and as I
appreciate each bite, it gives me a chance to watch Alex. He takes
pleasure in every bite, slowly savoring each morsel. The silence is
surprisingly relaxing. And when we do speak, there’s something to be said
about small talk, about the weather and our likes and dislikes. There are
no worries about work, ex’s, or family members interrupting the night.
It’s nothing but a pleasant conversation, without any ulterior motives.
Just two people trying to get to know one another.
Our time together is ticking away
and I still haven’t had the chance to figure out what’s going on between
us. I’m not the type of girl that has random sexual encounters, but Alex
seems to have more than enough women opening their legs to him. I just
need to know, for my own sanity.
“So, when you say you’ve never
pursued a woman before…what exactly do you mean? Are you…well, are you
saying that you are pursuing me?" I want to look him in the eyes,
but my confidence has waned with the setting sun. I play with the ring on
my middle finger, hoping my silent prayers are not obvious to my dining
companion.
“What do you want it to
mean?” There he goes again toying with me, being evasive. I’m
starting to think he’s doing it on purpose.
“I hope it means that you want to
get to know me…” My eyes drop to my fingers, once again.
“Elyssa, quit dropping your eyes
and look at me.” Waiting for me to meet his piercing blue gaze, he
continues. “I want to know you, on so many levels; on a more intimate
one.” Alex releases my stare and reaches over to grab my hand. “But
before we take this any further, I have one main concern. My intentions
are not to hurt you, but what I’m about to say may do just that.”
“Why don’t you let me make that
decision for myself,” I retort, trying to calm my breathing, while he slowly
traces the lines of my hand.
“At work, no one can know
anything about us.”
In that moment, the range of
emotions that passes through me is fast, but hard.
Is he embarrassed
of me?
I try to hide the frown sweeping across my face as my heart
feels a pang.
He said he didn’t want to hurt you Ely; that means
something, right?
Reality slaps me upside the head, bringing me back
down to Earth. He
is
the Senior Vice President of Sales,
at
Arianna’s company, where
I
just started. How would that look if
the V.P. was dating a Sales Executive? Not good at all, for both of us.
“I have to keep my personal life
very private, and it wouldn’t be good for you either.” Sensing my
anguish, I guess he felt the need to explain.
Knowing he’s right, relief washes
over me, feeling slightly embarrassed by my thoughts. Of course I
understand. The words he uttered about not wanting to hurt me, resonates
true. “I get it. I don’t want anything to affect my position in the
company either.” His lips quirk up, resting his eyes on the still lake,
not letting go of my hand.
“Listen, I have to go out of town
for a few days, but I want to see you this weekend. Definitely dinner,
and maybe hit up a lounge afterwards?”
“I would love that.” Just
the thought of loud music, Alex’s toned body rubbing against me, sends shivers
up my spine. I squirm in my seat at the thought. But, once again,
my attention is brought back to the hostess as her laugh echoes from the front
of the restaurant, killing my mood.
Looking down at my hand in his, I
need to know if there’s anyone else I’m competing with. “Are you seeing
anyone else? I know I asked if you had a girlfriend, but…”
“But what? I told you I
wasn’t with anyone. Period.” His brows raise and his lips curve
slightly. “I’m going to assume you aren’t, or I wouldn’t be having this
conversation with you.”
What the hell is that supposed to
mean? Am I that obvious?
Really, Ely! He’s right. He
knows you are a one man, woman. It’s not a bad thing to be right about.
Shaking my head, I agree with him.
“Elyssa, no one else interests
me…especially not when I have tunnel vision at the moment.” My breath
hitches. He really is trying to make me combust, right in front of
him. “Let’s get out of here.” Tossing cash on the table, we both
rise from our seats simultaneously; Alex grabs my hand and leads me out the
door.
With my hand in his, I smirk
towards Ms. Light Bright as we walk out of the restaurant. Smiling in her
direction, I stake my own claim, gripping his bicep with my free arm.
“Have a good night,” I call out, letting Alex guide me to the parking
lot. What a difference one dinner can make.
“I had a great evening,
Alex.” A knot builds as we reach my car.
“Me too…I’ll call you while I’m
away.” We both hesitate, and I fumble with my keys. I don’t want to
say goodbye, not yet.
Thankfully, neither does he.
Reaching up the length of my
body, he places his hand on the nape of my neck. Looking into his eyes,
he slowly lowers his lips to mine and I meet him half way, our lips barely
touching as he grazes my lips with his. Resting his forehead against
mine, I feel his breath quicken. Attempting to control his breathing, he
teases me all over again, brushing his lips softly against mine as his hand
travels up my neck and into my hair. This time his lips return to mine,
but with more urgency.
In the moment, I wrap my arms
around his neck, drawing him in. With restrained force, he pins me
against the car and our kiss deepens. A moan escapes and I feel his
erection stirring against my belly. Thrusting his tongue into my mouth, I
can only reciprocate with the same demanding energy. Alex’s strong hands
travel south, brushing over my breasts, sliding down past my hips, cradling my
behind. Moaning against his lips, he lifts me to rest against the car,
slowly grinding against me. His lips leave mine, placing supple kisses
along my jaw line and the nape of my neck. Embarrassed by my breathing, I
search the skies, hoping to calm down before I combust.
Pulling back with a sigh, Alex
once again places his forehead against mine before lowering me. “I want
you,” he whispers. My body yearns for his touch; the throbbing between my
legs almost unbearable. If he pursues this sensual attack right here in
the parking lot, I may end up making love to him on the hood of my car,
changing his impression of me drastically.
“I’ve never wanted anything more
than you, right now in this moment, but…” I declare, my breathing erratic.
“It’s time we say good night,” he
finishes my sentence. I sigh in disappointment, still trying to catch my
breath.
“Good night, Alex. Have a
safe trip.”
“Elyssa,” he kisses me softly,
“I’ll call you.”
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
BUZZ…Buzz..buzz…my phone vibrates
across my desk almost falling directly into my trash can. Luckily, my
reflexes are quick as I catch it just in the nick of time. I was
daydreaming before this rude interruption. Our first kiss has been on
replay in my mind all day. It was the type of first kiss every girl
dreams about, but doesn’t dare speak of. The type of first kiss that left
me bereft after his vehicular sexual assault.
Closing my eyes, I slowly brush
my fingers against my swollen lips retracing where he was, just hours
ago. The thought resonates in my head as I savor the softness of his
lips, the heat of his breath, the closeness of his body…I want to remember him
this way.
Thank you, Alex. Thank you for giving me something to
hold on to until I get to see you again.
I pull myself away from my
thoughts to glance down at my phone.
*I dreamt about
you last night.*
Not familiar with the number, the
text startles me.
**Who is this?**
*Do you normally
get texts from men telling you they were dreaming about you?*
**The only man I
want this to be assaulted me last night against my car, leaving me wanting.**
*I told you I
would call, but I’m in back-to-back meetings. I’ve been thinking about you.*
**I was actually
just thinking about you. What was your dream about?**
*How about I
call you later tonight and tell you ALL about it?*
**Can’t
wait! Wait…how did you get my number?**
*Call it misuse
of company resources. I’ll call you tonight.*
My heart is beating a thousand
beats per minute. Even though he’s hundreds of miles away, I can’t help
the hope in my heart; I’m still on his mind.