Christine Dorsey - [MacQuaid 02] (39 page)

He was life and love and passion. More than she could ever hope to have. But for this moment in time he was hers.

“I love you.” The words vibrated against her neck as Logan’s lips skimmed up to nibble her ear. “I love you.” An admission, a litany, he could do naught but repeat and repeat as his body pressed hers to the door.

He bunched up her skirts, causing them both to laugh as he cursed at the plethora of petticoats.

“Damn frills.”

“I can’t stand not to touch you.” Her fingers worked feverishly, tugging his shirt, skimming down over the strong rack of ribs, then lower. The flap front of his breeches strained against his manhood. He shifted; she plucked at the buttons, sighing when his hot flesh surged into her hand.

“God, Rachel. I want you so much.” His hands molded her bottom, clutching, separating. “Wrap your legs around me.”

How could she not? Her knees were so weak she sagged against the door, barely able to stand. He lifted her. Slowly. Rachel moaned as her mound slid along the pulsing power of his rod. Then he impaled her and she melted around him, knowing she was home.

The trembling started immediately. First her breasts tightened till the feel of her nipples rubbing the cotton shift was near unbearable. Then her thighs tightened and the shudders wracked her body.

“Logan. Logan.” Rachel could only call his name and cling to him as his fingers dug into her hips. As her body convulsed around him. Her lashes lifted and she stared at him, her eyes dark with desire as the power of their coupling shook through her. It was heaven, she knew. The wonders and glory of life beyond the restraints of earth. Heaven she felt. And Logan she saw.

Later, after a shared bath and meal, after the passion of another joining left them satiated and replete, they lay on the bed in each other’s arms. Rachel knew what he was thinking, but she liked to hear his voice as he whispered words of love. She closed her eyes as his fingers sifted through her curls, then trailed down the side of her neck, and wished it could be.

But Ebenezer had been a reminder.

Rachel knew it as surely as she knew she didn’t want to leave Logan. But she wouldn’t leave yet. Surely not. There was still his life to save.

“Are you asleep?” Logan tucked his chin, catching a glimpse of her thick, golden-tipped lashes as she glanced up at him and smiled.

Rachel cuddled up closer. She didn’t want to talk about it. Logan’s mind was replaying the way she survived Bingham’s pistol ball. He was confused and beginning to wonder... wonder so many things. And how could she blame him? But she didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to waste any time they had left together. So knowing full well what she was about, Rachel propped herself up and began raining kisses down across his chest.

His stomach muscles tightened and his moan vibrated against her ear. His reaction made her bold, made her dip her head lower.

“Do you know what you’ve done to me?”

Rachel let her tongue slip across his smooth tip. When she lifted her face, blowing a strand of hair aside, mischief was sparkling in her eyes. “I think I do.”

Logan laughed, reaching down to pull her atop him. “Before you came to me my world was black. You brought the light.” His palm curved about her cheek, touching the corner of her smile with his thumb. “You taught me to love. Made me believe in myself.!” He paused. “Saved my life.”

Saved my life.

The words echoed though her head, draining all the warmth from her body. Rachel tried to catch her breath, to stop the shivers coursing through her, but it was useless.

“Rachel, what’s wrong?” Logan’s arms tightened about her. “You’re so cold.”

“I am. Oh Logan, I can’t stop trembling.” Rachel burrowed beneath the blanket he tucked about her.

“No, don’t leave me. Where are you going?” She felt strange, so strange, as if his arms were her only link to life. As if she might slip away if he didn’t hold her.

Logan kissed her forehead. “Let me build up the fire.”

“But—”

“I’ll be right over here.” Logan tossed several slabs of wood on the fire, stoking it till the flames danced in the grate. When she called his name he looked around.

And found her gone.

“Rachel? Rachel!” Logan strode back, then felt beneath the blanket, though he knew she couldn’t be there. Turning this way and that. Seeing the locked door, the closed window.

Knowing that a person didn’t just disappear. Any more than they survived a pistol’s deadly shot. Any more than they simply appeared on your mountain.

It was impossible. Logan yanked open the door, knowing she wouldn’t be there. She wouldn’t be anywhere. She was gone, as she’d come. “Rachel.” Logan sank into the chair by the hearth. His head fell back against the cushion, and his eyes closed.

What was he to do now?

“How many angels are there?

One—who transforms our life is plenty.”

— Traditional saying

“Impossible.”

“That seems a strange word, coming from you.”

“Nonetheless, I believe we’ve given you all the special consideration we can.”

“But it was your fault in the first place. I mean, I wasn’t supposed to die.”

“She has a point there.”

“Oh, do be quiet, Ebenezer.”

Rachel listened none too patiently as the two spirits quibbled among themselves. If she’d had a foot, she would be tapping it now. She was back among the angels, the darkness calming, the light, a beacon in the distance. But it wasn’t the light that drew her.

“All I want is a peek. Just to assure myself that he is all right,” she said during a moment of silence.

“You had your chance with him.”

“And I did as you asked. I saved his life. He told me so.”

“Which is why you are back with us.” Ebenezer didn’t sound too pleased by the idea.

“He’s correct... for once. You must forget about this man and get back to your life. Your real life.”

Which was what she’d wanted from the beginning. To return to court. The gowns, the jewels, the finery. There were no discomforts at the court of King George. No work. Servants were everywhere. She had but to lift her finger.

There was no hunger. No rustic setting. No fear of the unknown.

No Logan.

Rachel tried a different tact. “He may need my help again.”

“In which case his guardian angel will intervene.”

“Logan has a guardian angel?” The thought was intriguing... and comforting.

“Everyone does.”

“Even me? I mean, when I wasn’t one myself.”

“Of course. Why do you think Ebenezer looked after you so well?”

“Ebenezer?” Rachel felt herself being smiled at. “I recognized you as the elderly man, but—”

“Such an uncomfortable persona to assume. My bones ached and the filth... I think I preferred living the life of a dog, though that was a bit trying, too. All those silly rabbits to chase and fleas. Not to mention—”

“Henry? You were Henry?”

“Having to answer to any stupid name someone decides to call me.”

Rachel thought Henry a fine name but decided not to argue the point. This aspect of heaven surprised her, though given Logan’s dog’s penchant for complaining Rachel realized she should have known all along. But all this discussion—of sorts—was not what she cared about. “I only need a little time with him. Just to assure myself that—”

“It would never be enough.”

“That’s not true. I just want—”

“Rachel, I have been at this business a very long time, and I know of what I speak. You say it is only a moment you wish, to discover if your charge is all right. But he is human. He will always have problems.”

“Which is exactly why I should go to him.”

“No, Rachel. That is not a good enough reason.”

“But—” Rachel felt the warmth of the spirit as it touched her.

“You taught Logan to love. To believe in himself. You gave him all he needs to survive.”

“May we get on with this now?” Ebenezer interrupted. “I’ve arranged for you to turn up in a small gardener’s cabin on the grounds of Queen’s House. ’Tis not far from the lake, so there should be no question of how you got there after your near drowning. I thought a loss of memory would explain the time you were absent rather well. That always works nicely if I do say so myself.”

Ebenezer rambled on, obviously quite proud of his idea to restore her life. And on some level Rachel had to admit it was an excellent plan. She was certain Her Highness and the king would welcome her back, dote on her. Her life would be the same as before. Queen Charlotte would insist her private physician check Rachel over. The queen might even expect her to stay abed a few days, but then it would be over.

And all would be as it was.

Before Logan.

Before she showed him the meaning of life. Before she discovered it herself.

“I don’t wish to return to England.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You see what I have to deal with. I told you she was trouble.”

Rachel ignored Ebenezer’s remark and the other spirit’s surprise. She had no idea how this might work, or even if it would. But she knew what she wanted— needed— for her life to be complete. And it wasn’t to live in a palace smothered in jewels and costly silks.

“If you force me to return to my old life I shall get to Logan somehow. By coach, then ship. I will find a way.”

“And she will, too. Haven’t I told you how obstinate she can be?”

“Determined is more the word I would use.”

“I don’t care which you call it.” Rachel’s being seemed to tremble with an excitement that not even the soothing effects of her surroundings could subdue. She finally, finally knew. “My life is nothing without him. Without his love.”

~ ~ ~

Very little had changed since he left.

It was simply the way he saw things.

The cabin was still roughly built, untidy, with a crooked chimney that smoked more than heated. The view from the top of the knob was still breathtaking, the vista a wide expanse of valleys and hills peeking through the gossamer veils of mist. He still felt a bit of discomfort standing too near the edge.

But the urge to take one more step and end it all was gone. As was the desire to drown his troubles in drink.

One of the first things Logan did when he returned to his mountain on the frontier was pour out every last drop of rum he’d squirreled away over the years. At first he was frantic to smash the jugs... until he realized there was no reason for his concern. He had no compelling need to drink. Not like before. Not like before Rachel.

Logan sank to his haunches, facing out over the world below. He smiled as he always did when he thought of her. Of her beauty. Of the light she brought to his life. Of the love.

Beside him the dog... Henry... lolled on his back and Logan absently rubbed the spaniel’s spotted stomach. He still had a hard time seeing the animal as anything but rather lazy, but Rachel said he was different, so Logan tried.

“I miss her, Henry.” Logan took a deep breath. He didn’t expect any response, despite what Rachel said about the dog communicating with her. Not that he didn’t believe it possible.

After Rachel, he believed anything possible.

The night she disappeared he searched the inn and surrounding area. He roused people from their beds, questioning them like a madman. Knowing in his heart that she was no longer there. Knowing everything she told him was true.

He’d held an angel in his arms. A bit of heaven in his heart. And thanks to her it was still there.

With a final pat to the warm stomach. Logan pushed to his feet.

“For heaven’s sake don’t jump. Not when I’ve worked so hard to come back to you!”

Gravel slipped beneath Logan’s feet as he jerked around. But her arms were there, reaching out to him, and there was no danger of falling.

Logan held her as tightly as he could, relishing the solid feel of her, bones and smooth, smooth flesh. His Rachel that he would never let go. Would never allow to leave him again. The wild thoughts ricocheted through his mind, slamming into reality.

There was nothing he could do to keep her, if it was not meant to be.

Slowly, he released her till it was only his hands cupping her shoulder that held her captive. Her face—wide angelic blue eyes and sweet mouth—looked up at him. He could barely resist swooping her into his arms and carrying her away.

“Is it really you?”

Her smile widened. “Oh yes, I’ve come back to you...” She hesitated. “That is if you want me.”

“Want you? God, Rachel, I’ve always wanted you. Always loved you, I think, though I may not have realized it.”

“And I love you, too.” Rachel’s admission won her a kiss, one that curled her toes and made her dizzy enough to pull them both away from the edge of the mountain. “Love you,” she repeated, as he tongued the side of her neck. She moaned when the warmth of his mouth disappeared and she once more was held at arm’s length.

She
was more than willing to postpone any discussion of the whys and hows till later, till they’d made love and dozed only to awaken and enjoy each other again. But she supposed there were questions that needed to be answered. And by the quizzical expression in his light-green eyes, she knew he deserved an explanation.