Christmas Choices (6 page)

She grabbed his hand. “Talk to me, please. I shouldn’t have blurted out the thing about Italy. What did you want to tell me?”

He sat back down. “Look, I had a fucked up childhood. My parents were drunks. Dad spent most of his time in a bar, and Mom just didn’t give a shit about me. My sister stayed away as much as she could. Hell, the only time my parents talked to me was to tell me what a piece of shit I was.” He dropped his head into his hands. “I’m trying to understand why you feel the need to run. Having someone care so much they smother you seems a hell of a lot better than not having anyone care.”

“You said you have wonderful memories of your childhood and Christmas. I don’t. Every year it was the same thing. We’d get a tree, she’d decorate it, promise not to get drunk. But she would and somehow knock the tree over and there would be nothing under it Christmas morning. So yeah, I learned at a very young age, there is no Santa and family sucks.” He turned his head as tears started pooling in his eyes.

She touched his shoulder gently. “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine having parents like that. My family has always been there for each other. Sometimes to the point of feeling as if they are smothering me. ”

Kellen pulled his shoulder away from her hand and shook his head. “I don’t want your fucking sympathy.” He stood to walk away.

“Kellen, don’t leave.”

He stopped and shook his head. “Maybe you are different, but you told me you can’t get involved with me. You told me it was too important for you to find yourself. I get it. I’ve spent a long time trying to find myself too. Do what you need to do, Rhian. You know where I am.” He strode through the gate without looking back.

She heard the Harley roar to life and listened to the sound as he rode off into the night.

R
hian woke to the sun spilling through her bedroom windows. The memory of last night flooded back.
What happened?
She thought about the look on Kellen’s face and the secret he had shared about his childhood. Had he felt rejected by her? She wished for once in her life she’d kept her mouth shut and let him finish what he had started to say.
Why do I blurt things out when I get nervous?

She sat up, grabbed her cell phone, and scrolled to the number of the local travel agency. She hit “call” and walked to the kitchen to start her coffee.
Why did he kiss me like that? Could he have feelings for me, too?

Someone picked up on the third ring, pushing the thoughts of the kiss away. “Southern Travel Agency, Shari speaking.”

“Hello, Shari. It’s Rhian St. Claire. How are you today?” she asked, wanting to get the pleasantries over quickly.

“Well hello, Rhian. I’m so sorry to hear about your grandfather and the business. How is he?”

“The doctors said he might be released in a few days. Thank you so much for asking.”

“Not a problem, honey. What can I do for you today?”

“Are ya’ll still running those specials for Italy? I’m ready to book that villa in Tuscany if it’s still available.” Rhian held her breath and prayed no one had rented it.

“I’m so glad you called. I haven't cancelled your reservation yet! It slipped my mind. Oh gosh, my boss would have been so upset with me.”

“Perfect! How soon can I leave?”

“I can have you on a flight a couple of days after Christmas. Will that work? Unless you want to wait for your grandfather to be released.”

“No, that is perfect.” Part of her felt relief; part of her felt pain when she thought about not seeing Kellen again. Christmas this year wouldn’t be the same anyway. She would be visiting her grandfather in the hospital. “Thank you. I’ll come by tomorrow to finalize everything.”

“You’re very welcome, Rhian. And thanks for saving my butt on this one!”

Rhian poured herself a cup of coffee and walked into the bedroom to select her outfit for the day. After her shower, she called a cab. When she arrived at Deanna’s, she had to knock loudly for a few minutes before her friend finally threw open the door.

Shading her eyes from the sunshine, she said, “Rhian, are you trying to beat down my door? What time is it?” She turned and motioned Rhian to come inside. “I had so much fun last night. Where did you go?” Deanna asked, as she flopped down onto her favorite over-stuffed, green-checkered chair. “Sit down girl, I want all the details. But talk softly, please.”

“There is nothing to tell you. I wanted to leave, you were having fun, so I asked a friend to take me home.”

Deanna scrunched her eyes. “What friend?”

“Okay, it was Kellen Slade, you know the builder working on my grandfather’s café.”

“He took you home and you seriously want me to believe nothing happened? I’m not stupid, Rhian. What are you hiding?” She wiggled her eyebrows up and down.

“Nothing, I swear. I’m telling you the truth. You look really goofy doing that by the way, so stop. May I please have my keys?”

“You’re no fun. I certainly would have something to tell if that man took me home.”

Rhian stood up, her mouth set in a thin line. “That’s you, Deanna, not me. Keys, please.” She held out her hand.

“Fine, be that way.” She stood, snatched the keys off her end table, and tossed them at Rhian. “Lock the door on your way out.” Deanna waved her hand without looking back and slammed her bedroom door.

“I’ll call you later when you’re actually awake.” Rhian knew she wouldn’t stay mad long. Deanna had a flair for the dramatic and would be over her anger before she pulled the car out of the drive.

She forced herself to drive to the café, determined to meet with Kellen one last time before she left for Italy. She would get it out of the way and then go home and pack.

She parked her car on the far side of the café and took the little pathway around to the side of the building. She loved the little dirt path through the gardens and now it gave her some needed time to get her feelings under control. She drew in a breath and forced herself to walk in, say what she came to say, and leave. She turned the corner to see Denny helping Kellen. “Excuse me, fellows, you look a bit busy. I came to speak to you for just a moment, Mr. Slade.” Her hands trembled as she took another deep breath. “Hello Denny, how are you doing today?”

“Why, Miss Rhian, I’m doing swell. Mr. Kellen gave me a job working with him on the café.” He gave her a lopsided grin.

“That’s wonderful. I know you’ll do a great job. It’s good you can help out.” She turned towards Kellen. “May I speak to you for just a moment?” She tried hard to keep her feelings in check. He stood without saying anything and followed her as she walked off a little way from Denny.

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m leaving in a few days. You’ll have to deal with my father or grandfather. You can contact one of them for anything you need or if there are any problems with the job. Please don’t call me.” She couldn’t make eye contact with him.

“When are you coming back?” he asked in a husky whisper.

“I don’t know. Do you have their numbers?”

He nodded.

She turned to walk away but felt his hand on her arm.

“Rhian, please answer me. When are you coming back?”

“I don’t know if I am. Please Kellen, just let me go.”

***

“W
hy wouldn’t you come back?” Kellen whispered. But she had already turned the corner. He stood there feeling as if he had just lost something. He wanted to run after her, and beg her not to leave, but his pride wouldn’t let him.

Denny walked over and glanced down at Kellen’s face. “Mr. Kellen?” he waited for the man to look up at him. “What’s wrong?”

Kellen looked up into the big man’s eyes. “Everything is great. Rhian just wanted to inform me she is taking a trip.”

“That was nice of her. Where’s she going?”

Kellen laughed. “She’s going somewhere in Italy, but other than that, I have no idea. She didn’t give me any specifics.”

Denny picked up a board. “I like knowing where my friends are.”

“Do you now?”

“Sure, if I know where they are, I can always find them if I need them.”

Kellen turned, cocked his head, and looked deep into Denny’s eyes. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Sometimes, it’s good to have a friend to talk to, someone who just listens. Don’t you ever need that?”

“Never had any friends. I always handled things on my own.”

“That’s kinda sad.”

“Why is it sad? I don’t need friends.” Kellen smirked.

“Mr. Kellen, what happened to you?”

“Nothing for you to worry about. Let’s call it a day, okay?” He glanced at the materials and tools scattered around the café. “Let’s get this cleaned up.” He would finish the job and make the café perfect for her. He was glad she was leaving; it would be easier not having to see her day after day.

T
he day of her trip finally came. Rhian paused at her front door to take a last look around her apartment. The closed curtains made the usually bright room dark and gloomy. She had removed her tree the day after Christmas; the decorations were packed away. Her father had called from Florida, to say he was delayed by work, while she visited her grandfather sharing turkey sandwiches.

She picked up her bag and walked out the door. As she strolled through the courtyard, she thought back to the night she had danced with Kellen and how kind he had been.
I need to paint again and find out who I am—on my own.
She couldn’t let her feelings for Kellen Slade stop her.

She climbed into the limo, eager to leave behind all the men in her life. Yet, tears slid down her face. As she laid her head back against the seat, the distant roar of a Harley engine made her heart quicken a few beats.

***

K
ellen pulled up in front of her house and rushed to the gate. He hit speed dial on his phone, praying she to pick up. The phone went to her voicemail. “
You have reached Rhian. I’m not available at the moment. Just leave your name and number, and I will return your call. Ciao.
” His heart sank when he heard her new greeting. He hung up without leaving a message.

He rode back to the worksite and was surprised to see Denny sitting on a bench in the backyard. He waved when Kellen pulled up. His eyes sparkled with excitement as they always did when Kellen rode the Harley.

“Hi, Mr. Kellen! Where you been? I was worried since you ain’t been here in a few days.”

“I know, Denny. I’m sorry about that. I was sort of busy”

“Oh, it’s all right. Did you talk to Rhian?” His eyes danced with mischief.

“No. I went by her house this morning, but she wasn’t there.”

Denny stood with his mouth open. “You didn’t go until this morning? Why’d you wait?”

“Because I wanted to let her have a few days to cool off before I talked to her. You know where she is?”

“Well, you said she was leaving. So I guess she went wherever she was going.”

“Yeah, I guess she did.” Kellen ran his fingers through his hair. “Guess I should have called her sooner.”

“Well, there’s nothin’ left for us to do but get this café finished now, is there?”

Running his hands through his hair again, he shook his head. “I’m a fool, Denny. Look, I knew she was planning a trip to Italy, I just didn’t think she would leave without coming by one more time.”

The two men worked silently, each lost in his own thoughts. Kellen wondered what might have happened if he had just dealt with his damn past instead of trying to bury it.

Denny mumbled, “Why is it people who are supposed to be so smart are so damn stupid?”

“Did you say something to me?” Kellen asked as Denny helped him with the next board.

“No sir. Just thinking out loud. How many more of these are we gonna cut today?”

“I just want to get enough cut to frame in the new wall and door frame. Do you have somewhere you need to be today?” Kellen had noticed Denny’s unhappy tone.

“No sir. I just don’t like so much quiet when we’re working. I like it when you talk to me and tell me stuff.”

“Sorry. I guess I have a lot on my mind today. Hey, do you want to ride with me to Garrett’s tomorrow? The shipment of flooring came in.”

A smile spread over Denny’s face and his eyes lit up. “I’d love to go with you.”

“Great. I’d like the company. Why don’t we stop for lunch now? What did you bring us today?” He liked the way Denny carried his big cooler packed with a lunch and drink for both of them. He had shown up the first day and every day since with it, always surprising him with something tasty.

“Today I brought us some of my potato salad and fried chicken. It’s my mom’s recipe. You’re gonna love it.” Denny pulled the cooler out from under the tree and carried it to their makeshift table.

Kellen stood with his arms folded as Denny made quick work of spreading a checkered red and white tablecloth down and set out the containers of food.

Denny motioned. “Come on, let’s eat.”

“Hey, thanks for cleaning up all the tools for me,” Kellen said as he took a bite of the chicken.

“Well, you always told me everything has to be put away. You left, so I figured you would want me to put it up.”

“Did you come and sit here every day waiting to see if I would show up?”

“Yeah, you said we were gonna work and you hired me to work.” Denny shrugged his shoulders. “I came and waited in case.”

R
hian walked through the airport terminal towards the gate, each step making her heart ache even more. Was she doing the right thing? Had she read Kellen right? Was he too afraid to give in to his feelings? She shuddered at the thought of how mad her father would be when he found out she was gone.

She kept walking, her head held high. If Kellen wanted a relationship with her, he would have to do the right thing and decide. Maybe time away would do both of them some good. It definitely would give her time to think and to paint. She didn’t even know if she desired a relationship with him. It would set her father on the warpath.
I am twenty-three years old. Why do I always feel thirteen when he is around?