Christmas in the Snow (41 page)

Massi waded in. ‘Hey, hey! Leave him to me, my friend. I can throw this boy further in the snow. Leave him.’

Massi lowered Sam’s arm, patting him on the shoulder as Sam dropped Max from the hold.

‘Hey, what’s your problem, man?’ Max coughed, his eyes catching everyone’s stares.

‘You know exactly what my problem is,’ Sam snarled, his jaw clenching again.

‘You’re just jealous I got there before y—’

Sam flew again, but this time Massi stopped him, blocking his path and hauling Max off his feet and through the crowd like a naughty little boy.

Allegra looked after them both in open-mouthed horror.

‘What the
hell
is wrong with you?’ she demanded, turning to Sam. ‘Who do you think you are to treat him like that? What’s he done to you to deserve being
humiliated like that?’

‘It’s what he’s done to you that’s the problem.’

Allegra cocked an eyebrow. ‘
That’s
what this is about? You’re behaving like some jealous little schoolboy because he kissed me? Jesus Christ, just grow up, why
don’t you!’

‘Allegra—’

‘No! Fuck you!’ she said angrily, turning away from him and darting into the crowd, past Zhou and Jae Won – still deep in conversation – past the Russian escorts showing
what they had on the dance floor, past the waiters scurrying to and from the kitchen with sterling-silver trays pressed flat on their upturned palms. She ran into the lift, the doors closing as she
heard her name called.

Her heart accelerated as the lift moved down and she willed it to go faster, but half a flight on pulleys took longer than on foot. Oh God,
why
hadn’t she taken the stairs?

The doors opened again on the lower level just seconds later and she darted out, but it was too late: Sam was already at the bottom steps, his jacket flying behind him as he rushed at her.

‘Wait!’ he demanded, standing in her way.

‘No!’ she shouted, pushing against him to get past.

His hands closed on her elbows and held her in place. ‘You don’t know what’s going on!’

‘I know enough,’ she snapped, trying to wrest her arms free, but he held her fast. ‘Let me past!’ she shouted. She was almost shaking with rage. She couldn’t stand
it with him any more. None of it. Just his presence in the same room made her lungs compress, her head spin, her palms sweat. He made the world tip off its axis so that nothing made sense: kindness
felt like a trick, intimacy a cruel joke. Aggression and hostility were the only behaviours she understood in him, for they were clear to read and easy to understand, the inevitable consequences of
chemistry turning toxic.

‘He drugged you, Allegra.’

Her body slackened in his grip and he let her go, taking a step back.

‘What?’ she whispered, her eyes never leaving him, searching his face for clues.

‘It’s called sparkle, one of these so-called legal highs. It dissolves in your drink, makes you . . . happy, free . . .’

She watched his lips moving, but her mind was elsewhere, remembering the killing hangover the next day . . . the persistent blank about the night before.

‘His friend put it in your drink in the bar. Massi saw them and alerted the managers, then told us. Apparently those guys have already been banned at half the clubs in town.’

She tensed suddenly, panic infusing her face. ‘Did I . . . ? How did I get home? What did I . . . ?’

‘We took you back ourselves.’

‘
You
did?’ She stared at him, completely unable to conjure a single memory of him or Massi or Zhou walking her and Iz back to the apartment. Oh God! She covered her face
with her hands. She had thought it had been bad enough that Zhou had seen her drunk! But drugged too?

‘Hey.’ She felt his hand on her shoulder. ‘It’s OK. Nothing happened. They didn’t touch you.’

She looked up at him, shaking her head from side to side. ‘I didn’t know.’

‘I know . . . And I wasn’t sure whether or not to tell you. I thought you might think I was . . . interfering or trying to scare you.’ He shrugged. ‘So I decided not to.
I told myself the chances were you wouldn’t see him again anyway, but then the next morning, before the race—’

She looked up at him.

‘When he came over and kissed you, I . . .’ He looked down. ‘I thought he was going to try again. I chased after him all the way down that freaking mountain. Nearly took you
out too, I realized, when you then started chasing me!’ He shrugged.

She blinked. He hadn’t done it on purpose?

‘By the time I caught up with him at the bottom, Massi was already on their case, roughing them up a bit. He told them to get the hell out of town. So when they turned up tonight . .
.’

She didn’t know what to say. How could she have got this all so wrong? ‘Can’t the police do anything?’

‘Technically no. They know about them and have alerted the bars and clubs owners, but the drugs are legal to buy, and there haven’t been any allegations made against these guys. Not
yet anyway.’

‘I don’t know what to say,’ she murmured, looking away, before looking up at him, before looking away again.

‘None of it’s your fault. You were just trying to blow off some steam . . . No one could blame you for that.’ He shifted position, looking awkward, and she knew they’d
moved onto new ground.
Them
.

‘I should go,’ she said in a quiet voice, turning to move past him.

‘Wait,’ he said, taking a half-step towards her. ‘Please. Can we just . . . talk for a bit?’

‘There’s nothing to say, Sam.’

‘There’s
everything
to say.’

She looked up at him. ‘Is talking going to change what you did? Is it going to change what you said that night to Pierre? What you made him say to me?’

Sam looked taken aback. ‘Allegra, I—’

She stared at him, waiting for a justification she knew he couldn’t give, even while his eyes were telling her a different story.

‘I had to do it.’

‘You
had
to?’ She almost laughed. Whatever had flickered between them for one night in Zurich hadn’t been able to survive the ambition he had bared in London.
‘The deal comes first, right?’

He stared at her, conflicting emotions running across his face so that she couldn’t tell what he was going to say next. ‘I know you understand it. We’re the same,
Allegra.’

‘No, we’re not. I never would have hung someone out to dry the way you did with me.’

‘No? Then tell me this – would you have hated me if I
hadn’t
turned up in London afterwards? Would there have been something between us if I’d stayed in Zurich
or gone back to New York – off your patch and out of your deal?’

She looked away, refusing to go down that path. What did he expect her to say when he’d just admitted he’d deliberately thrown her under the train to save himself?

‘Answer me.’ He took another step towards her.

‘Of course not. That was the point! There was nothing between us except a few hours to kill. It was easy because it meant nothing.’

‘Nothing? You want us to keep pretending there’s nothing there?’

‘Who’s pretending?’

He raked back his hair, keeping his hand there, an almost pitying look on his face. ‘Allegra, you never
stop
pretending. You pretend that you’re not lonely, that you feel
nothing but contempt for me. But I know it’s a lie. Every memory from Zurich tells me it’s a lie.’ His voice had changed and she felt her pulse begin to quicken, her body getting
ready for flight. ‘Why are we doing this to each other? I thought you were the smartest, sexiest, most intoxicating woman I’d ever met.’

‘I’m not interested in what you think.’ She took a step back, but he simply followed and she swallowed hard, hating the way his movements directed hers. She tried standing her
ground, but she couldn’t tolerate him standing that close and it was all she could do not to raise her arms like a barrier.

‘I don’t believe you.’

‘Fine. Be delusional.’

She twisted away, walking round him, but he simply hooked his arm around her waist and gathered her into him, kissing her with a passion that stripped her of every conscious thought and left
nothing but instinct, an instinct that impelled her to kiss him back.

He pulled away, breathless, his eyes intense and heavy upon hers as her heart beat so loudly she could feel it like a bass beat. ‘I’m the deluded one? Really?’

She wanted to laugh, she wanted to cry, but she did neither, his eyes had her in a lock that made it impossible to move. She had run out of fight and excuses. And as his mouth lowered to hers
again, slowly this time, she wrapped her arms around his neck and did something she’d never done in her adult life. She gave in.

She lay in his arms, listening to his heartbeat. She knew its rhythm now; she could play it on a drum as it thumped gently beneath her cheek like the kick of an unborn baby.
She thought she could lie here forever, his arm heavy and bent around her, his skin warm and tanned beneath her.

But that was a fantasy. It was already almost over. The Yongs would be arriving soon and these were their dying moments. Her eyes were still, upon the brooding hulk of the Matterhorn, which
watched over them in silent constancy, the pre-dawn sky like a bruise behind it. She only had as much time as the night’s span, and the sun was beginning to leach a lambent glow that even the
mountains could only hide for so long. When the first shadow hit the north face, she would rise. There would be no point in lamenting it. Tears were a waste of energy, the past a dead thing. And
soon this would be past like everything else.

A twist of hair fell over her face and she pushed it back, holding her arm up in the air as she noticed the ring still on her finger. She’d forgotten about it last night, her token effort
at display. Was it made from tin? It really was as modest and humble as a drawing pin.

She twisted it slightly, thinking how different it was to the flashy engagement ring that had bright yellow gold and not one, not two but three diamonds, and as she did so, her eyes widened in
surprise at what she saw. For there, on her skin where the ring had been, was a tiny but perfect indent of a heart.

Allegra slipped off the ring and saw, under the widest part – where one ordinarily might expect a seal or crest – a shallow heart-shaped rim. Hidden, like a secret.

Sam stirred slightly, bending his leg so that hers – slung across him – slipped into the warm space, rolling her deeper into him. Sliding the ring back on, she dropped her arm down
and closed her eyes, inhaling his scent. He groaned softly in his sleep, the sound a low growl against her ear. She smiled. And her eyes stayed closed.

‘Good morning.’

Her eyes flew open. Sam was sitting with wet hair on the edge of the bed, wearing just a towel and holding a mug.

‘I guessed tea. Was I right?’

She nodded wordlessly, her gaze stuck on him in bafflement. What had happened? Why was he here? Why was she still
here
?

She looked out at the Matterhorn basking in full sun, the sky a speedwell blue behind it, mocking her. He put the tea on the bedside table and leaned in, kissing her on the mouth and pushing her
back against the warm pillows. ‘How did you sleep?’

She nodded again as she looked up at him, trying not to think how good he looked, trying not to panic. She had fallen asleep again. She had fallen asleep in his arms and now it was too late to
make the discreet exit that would have told him wordlessly how things had to be.

His eyes tracked her face lazily, like he had all the time in the world to drink her in. They met hers again. ‘I didn’t want to wake you, but the Yongs are due soon and I
didn’t think you’d want to be in your pyjamas. Or worse . . . mine.’

He grinned at her, a lopsided smile with bright eyes that almost winded her. How could she want him and yet hate him at the same time?

‘Thank you,’ she whispered as his mouth came down on hers again and the world receded . . .

No. Her hands found his shoulders and pushed against them. He rolled back, resting his head on one hand, the smile seemingly tattooed to his face.

‘I’d better get up,’ she said quietly.

‘Well, you can certainly try,’ he grinned, leaning down and kissing her yet again, feeling her immediate response.

Oh God, oh God . . . She knew she had to re-establish a cool that would draw a line between them again, but her heart was pounding with a wildness she couldn’t tame, and her emotions felt
dangerously close to the surface. How could she have fallen back to sleep? Every minute spent with him was wearing her down, making it harder to leave.

‘It was a good party,’ she murmured as he tenderly pushed her hair away from her face. At least if they could get on to talking, that might lead to arguing . . .

‘No it wasn’t. It was terrible. Far too flashy. You were forty minutes late, and he turned up. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a worse party.’

‘Forty minutes?’ She blinked up at him. ‘How do you know that?’

‘Why do you think I was standing where I was standing? I had an uninterrupted view of everyone coming and going. I could clearly see you trying to avoid me,’ he laughed. ‘Not
that I had any intention of letting you get away with that.’

She wriggled away from him, jumping up from the bed, but the duvet was pinned fast beneath him, so she grabbed the nearest thing to hand off the floor. His . . . ? His shirt.

‘Oh,
now
you’re coy?’ he asked, watching as she turned away and shrugged her arms through the sleeves, buttoning it up loosely with trembling hands. She had to get out
of here, away from these words, away from those eyes, because the reasons she was here in this chalet were nothing to do with him. The chemistry between them was undeniable, yes, she’d admit
that, but she hadn’t come here to be in his bed. She was here because of Yong’s promise, that headline in Sunday’s papers, the report in the room next door . . .

She couldn’t afford to forget that. She reached down to scoop her knickers and bra off the floor. Her jeans were by the door, and the sooner she got out of here, the better – his
words were spinning her off in directions she couldn’t take. She had only one path.