Christmas With The Houstons (Acceptance #4) (7 page)

As I exit my car, I give her a slight wave and she cracks somewhat of a smile in return.

“Mind if I have a seat?” I ask, not waiting for a response as I lower myself to the porch.

“You came to see me just like you said.”

“Of course I did. I’d never break a promise.”

“Thank you,” she whispers.

We sit in silence for a few moments as the sun begins to lower in the sky.

“April, do you think my grandma is in heaven with my mommy and daddy?”

“I’m sure she is, Mia, and I’m sure they’re looking down on you right now, wishing they were here.”

She nods softly. “Can I go home? Hannah has to stay here because she doesn’t have a house, but my house is right there, so can I go home?” she asks, pointing across the street.

How can I make her understand this?

“I’m so sorry, Mia, but you can’t. The lawyers are going to figure out what to do with the house when they read your grandma’s will. Do you know what a will is?”

She shakes her head.

“A will is a piece of paper where your grandma lists all of her belongings and where she wants them to go when she goes to heaven.”

“Oh. Did she give them to me? She always said what’s hers is mine.”

“We won’t know that for a few days. The court will review all of her paperwork and decide when you can have it.”

“Will I stay here until then? With Hannah and Mrs. Robinson?”

“No, sweetie, probably not.”

“Oh,” she replies sadly and lies down on me, her head propped on my stomach. Jaxson chooses that moment to kick and Mia giggles.

“Your baby kicked me!”

“He does that a lot. He likes to kick his daddy, too.”

“He’s lucky. His mommy and daddy are here and not in heaven.”

Her eyes grow solemn and she carefully considers her words.

“April, am I going to heaven, too?”

Her words bring tears to my eyes but I blink them back. She can’t see me get emotional.

“Someday, when you’ve lived a long life and you have grandkids of your own, I’m sure you will go to heaven. Not before, though, because you have a whole life to live first.”

“Do you want to see Tank?”

Tank makes me think of Jake and Luvbug and puts a natural smile on my face.

“I’d love to see Tank. What is he?”

“You’ll see,” she says, laughing as she runs inside the house.

A minute later, she’s back out on the porch clutching the polar bear from the mall.

“This is my bear, Tank,” she says as she wiggles him back and forth in front of my face.

What are the odds her polar bear is named Tank? It’s not a really common name. At least I don’t think it is.

“Nice to meet you, Tank.”

“Nice to meet you, too, April. Are you going to find Mia a new mommy and daddy?” Her voice sounds like a cartoon character; she’s using imaginative play to address her biggest fear and her greatest hope at once.

Swallowing over the lump in my throat and blinking my eyes to ward off tears, I answer as honestly as I can.

“We’re going to do our very best Tank… I promise.”

“Can Tank come, too?” she asks in her adorable little Mia voice.

“Of course, sweetie. Wherever you go, Tank will be able to go, too.”

Denise has been watching us through the window and Hannah’s little head pops up. I give her a subtle nod and Hannah runs out.

“Mia, the cookies are done. Come help me decorate them!” she says excitedly, grabbing Mia’s hand and pulling her to the door.

“Will you be here when I’m done, April?” Mia asks sweetly and my heart just melts.

“Absolutely. Especially if you make one for me.”

“Okay!”

Denise sits next to me on the porch. “Everything is on the table, girls, you know how to do it. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Okay, Denise,” they call out in unison.

When they’re out of earshot, I finally ask Denise how it’s going.

“It’s been rough. She’s been through so much. She’s like an old soul. She sits at the window and stares at the house. Unlike other kids, she doesn’t ask when her grandma is coming back because she knows she isn’t.”

“Have you known the family long?”

“Oh, yes. Mia and her grandmother, Rose, have lived across the street for years. When Mia’s mom was younger, she used to play with the foster kids I had back then. Such a tragedy what happened to her.”

“I don’t know what happened to her since I’m not technically on her case. I just happened to be there when it happened and had promised I’d check in on her.”

“You’ve always been one of the good ones, April. Nothing ever falls through the cracks with you. Mia and her mom lived with Rose. Maggie, Mia’s mother, got involved with the wrong crowd, and she was pregnant at sixteen. After Mia’s dad was killed, she worked her butt off to change her life.”

With a sigh, she pauses and then continues, “Maggie was working the late shift at a restaurant. On her way home, she was hit by a drunk driver. Poor thing never had a chance. It took a toll on Rose, but she kept going for Mia. She had a heart condition, and the stress didn’t help, but she seemed to be doing okay. I guess looks can be deceiving.”

“Mia sure has suffered a lifetime’s worth of sadness at such a young age.” My heart continues to break for this little girl. I should be distancing myself from her, but I can’t help wanting to dig my heels in deeper and help.

“She has indeed. I hope you’ll be able to find her a good home. If I had a wish, it would be for her and Hannah to be placed together. They’re so close and it’s such a shame for them to suffer another loss.”

I think about Kate and Jess and how they only had each other growing up, aside from Maryanne. Denise makes a good point but it’s almost impossible to get siblings adopted together—most people are only looking for
one
child to adopt, at least at first. Because of that, most siblings stay in the system a long time. That makes the odds of placing the girls together even worse… if no one wants to take siblings together they’re even less likely to take non-siblings together.

“In a perfect world, Denise.”

“April! Denise! Your cookies are ready, come see!” Denise lends me a hand to help me up and I take it gratefully. The house smells wonderful as we walk inside; it reminds me of being a kid myself.

On the table is a huge tray of ghost- and pumpkin-shaped sugar cookies. From the looks of the counter, they aren’t the store cut-out kind, either. These were made from scratch, just like my mom used to make with us. There are cut up candy bits, sprinkles, and colored frostings in a bowl.

“Here you go, April, I made this one special for you.” It’s a ghost cookie but she made a circle at its stomach area and used a different color frosting. The ghost is pregnant, and again my heart melts. With all she’s going through right now, she put so much thought into making me a cookie.

A tear escapes and I quickly wipe it away.

“Are you okay?” Mia asks sweetly.

“I’m fine. Sometimes the baby makes me cry when I’m happy.” And when I’m sad, but I don’t tell her that.

“My cookie made you happy?” she asks hopefully.

“Yes, Mia, it made me very happy. You put a lot of thought into decorating it for me and I really appreciate it. It was very sweet of you.”

Her answering smile could light up even the coldest of hearts. This little girl is going to be an amazing blessing to someone’s life.

Why not ours?

After eating my cookie and watching Mia and Hannah play for a while, I finally head home with promises to visit again soon. The entire drive home, I keep thinking about her and wishing Jake and I were in a different place in our lives right now. I’d love to give Mia the world if I could.

It’s after eight when I finally get home and I’m surprised to see Jake finished the yard and it looks amazing. Everything is lit up—from the cemetery to the blow-up ghost, vampire, and witch. He’s such a kid at heart; he even has the fog machine going. There are signs and lights going every which way. The kids are going to
love
this.

Who am I kidding? I love this.

I’m hesitant to go inside because the last thing I want to do is fight with him. He didn’t come home last night but I know he was with Mike. Before, that wouldn’t have been a comforting thought, but now that Mike and Misty are together and raising a family, it doesn’t worry me at all.

Jake said some extremely hurtful things to me yesterday and I’m still angry, but mostly I’m hurt. This is the longest we’ve gone without talking or texting in years. His lack of sleep and troubles at work are really plaguing him and I know they’re really at the core of why he said what he did to me. But his troubles don’t make it okay to lash out and intentionally hurt me.

And that’s exactly what he did.

He hurt me.

If my stomach wasn’t growling I might stay out here longer, but I need to eat so Jaxson can eat. I reach across the seat for my purse and the plate of cookies Mia and Hannah made me to-go. Those two little girls are adorable and at five years old, they already have each other’s backs. It makes me happy they at least have each other.

For now.

The garage door opens into the house and Luvbug comes running out and dances at my feet. I squat down as much as I can and pet him with one hand while carefully juggling the plate of cookies with the other.

“Hey,” Jake says cautiously.

“Hey,” I answer coolly, pushing my way past him and into the house where I stop dead in my tracks. The lights are off and candles are lit everywhere. Our dining room table is set and there’s a vase of sunflowers in the center of the table.

My heart melts. Sunflowers are my happy flower.

It smells heavenly and from the looks of the kitchen, he’s been hard at work. After placing the cookies and my purse on the counter, I pause. This is the first time in our entire relationship I’ve never known what to do or what comes next. Luckily for me, I don’t have to.

“I’m the biggest asshole on the planet and there isn’t an apology big enough for what I did to you yesterday, April.”

I’m quiet as he stalks toward me. There’s no way I’m letting him off the hook that easily but as he wraps his arms around my waist, the tears glimmering in his eyes are obvious. With the exception of an occasional funeral, I’ve never seen Jake cry.

Not once.

“My work problems have nothing to do with you and I should’ve never taken my frustrations out on you. You and our son are my world, Mrs. Houston, and no one… not Derek, not Trina… could ever take that away from us.”

And the iceberg around my heart continues to melt rapidly.

Swallowing over the lump in my throat so I can speak is difficult. Saying the words is even more difficult.

“You broke my heart, Jake, and when you did, you broke my trust.”

He nods and one single tear falls from his eye. He doesn’t move to wipe it away, just pulls me tighter to him. In all our years together, I’ve never seen him this vulnerable.

“We’re never supposed to leave mad. What if you’d been in an accident? What if something horrible had happened to you like it happened to Grant? I’d never have been able to forgive myself! You were being selfish and acting like a petulant child. I
deserve
more than that, Jake. I’m
worth
more than that.”

“I’ve never been sorrier for anything in my life and I
promise
you, I’ll never leave like that again.”

I’m still angry but my growling stomach supersedes any further discussion.

“When was the last time you ate?”

God, other than the cookie I ate with Mia, it was hours ago. From the guilty look on my face, Jake knows it’s been a while.

“Lunch, April? Please tell me it was lunch and not last night.”

“It was lunch.”

“That was eight hours ago. You need to eat when you’re hungry.”

“I
wasn’t
hungry.”

“Well, maybe
you
weren’t but
Jaxson
was. Don’t starve my son because you’re pissed at his father. You have to remember to eat at least a snack sooner than eight hours after your last meal. Let me feed you, I made all your favorites.”

Telling him I ate a cookie is pointless; he’d argue I should have eaten more than one… and he’d be right. He releases me from his embrace and leads me to the table. After pulling out my chair and pushing me in, he kisses the top of my head.

Even though I’m extremely angry with him, I’m relieved he’s home. Sleeping in Daniel’s arms is not the same as sleeping in the arms of my husband. Jake brings two glasses of ice water to the table and bends over, kissing me on the cheek before heading back into the kitchen to get the food.

Watching Jake in the kitchen has always been one of my favorite things. He loves to cook; I think it’s therapeutic for him, especially since he’s usually not home in time to do it. He always jokes about me being barefoot and pregnant in his kitchen. Although I don’t agree with the pregnant part, I get the appeal. Jake barefoot in
our
kitchen is so fucking sexy.

What’s even sexier is when he takes his shirt off to do the dishes—every muscle, ab, and sinew on display. There have been many nights the dishes have remained unfinished. Barefoot and shirtless Jake is hard to ignore. I’m still not sure how I ended up with such an amazing man; he is the epitome of perfection.

Except for last night; last night he was a righteous asshole.

When he comes back to the table with our dinner, my anger rapidly dissipates. Jake made beef stew with fresh vegetables and homemade biscuits.

My favorite.

Jake knows when I’m upset this is one of the only comfort foods I like to eat. We’ve been together so long there isn’t much he doesn’t know about me and vice versa. His comfort food is tacos. I’m sure he’d much rather be eating them right now.

“Save room for dessert. I made black forest cherry cake.”

My absolute all-time favorite.

“Jake, you didn’t have to go to all this trouble. I’m mad at you, not leaving you.”