Christopher Unborn (37 page)

The first things we feel: the bustle, the ambition, the obstacles—other bodies—that impede our own movement, my mom's and mine for instance, our tensions, our fear of everything around us that moves with or against us, said my mother and I. Don't, your worships, jump to conclusions because I was there and you weren't, as we were once again on burro or on foot heading for the hills and the mountains that Uncle Fernando knows like the back of his hand, as he heads for Malinaltzin, he tells us, because there is very little landscape left and even less land left in this land of ours: where are we Mexicans going to walk around? North of the Temazcal is off-limits because there's a war on there, east of Perote is out of bounds because that's where the oil is, north of the Infiernillo is out of bounds because that's where …

“Pacífica is…” says my father in a low voice, but Uncle H. was not listening, neither to my father nor to my Uncle Fernando, as he snorted in rage astride the longest-suffering burro in burrodom: the rotund personage whines and regurgitates, not even listening to what my father and my other uncle, Don Fernando, are saying.

“Oh, Lord, what could I have done to deserve this humiliation, I, saved twice in the same year by my nephew Angel to whom I have done so much evil? Oh, I beg forgiveness, a thousand times I beg forgiveness.”

Homero Fagoaga slipped off his burro as they went down a mountainside and kissed the feet of my father—ramrod-straight, bearded, green-eyed, and Guelfish. Forgive me, nephew, I am in your hands, you saved me from the Acapulco mob by sending Tomasito to warn me in time so I could escape by speedboat and parachute instead of using the minisub I had prepared (they didn't take my etc. into account) …

“It was Tomasito who warned you?” groans my mother.

“Precisely. And because of his loyalty the heroic son of the archipelago died, died, I say, at the hand of pimpish types whose faces and manners I seemed to recognize,” said Uncle H., staring at us with eyes that said I'm holding a royal flush too, but we're all pals here, right? “Who will ever be able to explain what makes some people completely loyal?” he added, wagging his tremendous Tartuffesque jowls. “Tomasito is dead!”

“And you are alive, Uncle.”

“Thanks to you. And I had time to prepare my campaign and call my plane from Mexico City, so that I could keep my appointment with our well-beloved Mexican soil. Now you have saved me from those monolingual aborigines, oh how can I ever pay you for doing me such favors?”

“You miserable fat slob,” interrupted Uncle Fernando, “what are you running away from?”

“My best speech, dear oh dear, the one I'd worked over most, the one I'd virtually chiseled out of Parian marble, the most eloquent, the most erudite, my most heartfelt one as well, lost in the face of five thousand sandal-wearing plebes who didn't understand a word! Mexico in a nutshell, my dear, dear relatives! Everything for nothing and nothing for everyone! But doubt, doubt is what's consuming me! Did they love me? Did they hate me? Please, don't take my doubt away from me!” said Homero, standing up with dignity.

“The one thing there can be no doubt about is what your buddies from the PRI will be thinking about you, you pudding on legs,” Uncle Fernando declared.

“Bah, after all that confusion they'll understand my reasons just as I'll understand theirs,” said Uncle H. with diminishing haughtiness, as he mounted his burro with bizarre agility.

“Well, my dear Uncle, it seems to me that even as we speak the tribe has probably already chopped up the hierarchs who vainly sought refuge in the religious sanctuary. Dear me, yes, Uncle. The purest tamale. Just you think about that.”

“All sixty-three, nephew?”

“But of course, Uncle.”

“Elijo Raíz, the delegate born in Cuajinicuilapa?”

“Ground up fine.”

“Don Bernardino Gutiérrez, first and foremost supporter of President Calles in the state of Guerrero?”

“Ground up fine.”

“But just yesterday, as we were leaving the airport for the hotel, I asked him, listen, Don Bernardino, you who've been in national politics since the days of General Calles, how have you managed to survive and adapt yourself to so many changes, fluctuations, and shake-ups? Think of me as a humble apprentice and let your experience illuminate my hope. Then Don Bernardino stuck his index finger in his mouth and stuck it out of the car window to tell which way the wind was blowing.”

“That's how to do it, son.”

“Gelded like a hog.”

“And the young Tezozómoc Cuervo, pristine orator, formed like a jug and of coffeeish hue?”

“That boy, as Don Bernardino would say: now he's a busted jug.”

“Good God, what have I set into motion?” whined Homero Fagoaga.

“The beginning of the end, you miserable swine,” interjected our guide, Don Fernando, without bothering to turn around to look at him as he drove the mules back the way we came.

“The end of the PRI?” asked Homero, about to fall off again.

“You look pale.”

“Deflated.”

“Oh! Ah!” The burro bucked, sending the not so future Senator flying through the air.

Homero hung on my father's neck, who later said it was like being hugged by a gigantic vanilla ice-cream cone with chocolate sauce on the verge of melting.

“Hide me,” said this would-be Senator Fagoaga, desperately but alertly: “Don't let them take their revenge on me, I'll do anything you ask, but don't abandon me to the revenge of the PRI!”

He stretched out his arm. “Fernando, my friend.”

“Will you be quiet, you miserable swine?” Our Uncle Fernando turned to face him. “You are going down in history as the man who destroyed the PRI! Damned if that isn't historical irony! You, Homero Fagoaga, illustrious member of the PRI…”

“At your service!” exclaimed Homero, almost standing up, like one listening to the national anthem, but then fell instantly on his knees and begged to be hidden in the old house in Tlalpan that had belonged to my father's parents, the house of bright colors near the Church of St. Peter the Apostle, the house the wicked fat man had ordered seized and sealed in his lawsuit against his nephew's prodigality, but which was, said the finicky creep, the last place anyone would think to look for him. Hide me there, no one would ever think to look for me there, the enmity between him and his relatives was well known, and thus he could respect the devout modesty of his sisters, Capitolina and Farnesia, the last two certified virgins in Mexico. Sure, and put up with Uncle H. in the house in Tlalpan, which would remain sealed, cut off from profane eyes, where no one would look for him, in such proclaimed modesty, within such a frugal space …

“And what do we get out of it?”

Uncle Homero, on his knees, spread his arms like a penitent.

“I'll stop the suit that would declare you, my nephew, Don Angel Palomar y Fagoaga, prodigal and irresponsible, I'll pay all court costs and damages, I will return the Tlalpan property to you, I will free up the gold pesos legitimately inherited by my aforesaid nephew after the perfectly legitimate, sudden, and undeniably accidental death of his parents, Don Diego Palomar and Doña Isabella Fagoaga de Palomar, my sister, the couple who came to be known as the Mexican Curies before the accursed taco crossed their scientific path. What else do you want? More?”

“You are going to resign publicly from the PRI, Homero.”

From then on, my mommy is going to tell to anyone who might care to listen that the shock of our Uncle Homero Fagoaga was eclipsed and simultaneously magnified by the afternoon glow in the mountains, that shock of the earth as it looked at the clouds, the shock of the clouds as they looked at the cut stone, and the shock of the stone as it contemplated itself in the light, and the shock of the light as it found the flashing expanse of the field of heather. Nothing in all that could match the historical shock painted on our uncle's face.

In the oleaginous eyes of the man kneeling before his detested saviors, in his equally oily syllables, in the very posture of his defeudalized abjection, which contrasted with the indifferent splendor of invisible nature, my mother managed to distinguish a plea for compassion, destroyed, of course, in the act by Homero's words:

“But, Fernando … Fernando … I was born with the PRI, it's the source of my national pride and my personal destiny, Fernando: I can't conceive of life without the PRI, I am oriented, synchronized, plugged into the Party, I owe my language, my thoughts, my ideals, my deals, my schemes, my opportunities, my excuses, my acts of daring, Fernando: my entire existence, right down to my most intimate fibers, I swear to you, to the PRI and its system, I am Catholic because I believe in the hierarchy and the sweet dogmas of my political church; but I am a revolutionary because I believe in its slogans and its most archaic proofs of legitimacy; I am conservative because without the PRI we head directly to communism; I am liberal because without the PRI we head directly to fascism, and I am a Catholic, revolutionary, progressive, and reactionary millionaire all at the same time and for the same reasons: the PRI authorizes it. Without the PRI I wouldn't know what to say, think, even how to act. Just think: when I was born, the Party was only three years old; it's my brother! We grew up together; I don't know anything else! Without the PRI I'd be an orphan of history! Can you really ask me to give that up? Have mercy! Without the PRI I don't exist! The PRI is my cradle, my roof, my soup, my language, the nose I smell with, the palate I taste with, my eardrum, the pupil of my eyes!”

Homeric pause.

“Can you really ask me to give that up? What else?”

Don Fernando Benítez, wrapped in his corn-husk mantle, with his head bare and his old, muddy, scuffed boot resting on the lowered nape of this conquered Gaul, our Uncle Don Homero Fagoaga Labastida Pacheco y Montes de Oca, LL.D.

“Yes, you filthy barnacle bloodsucker, there is something more.”

“More, more?” whined Homero.

“This you will have to do and confess, Homero, to pay for your sins. You shall believe in liberty and democracy, Homero. You will go forth to fight for them whenever I order you to do so, Homero. You will have faith in your fellow citizens, the faith no one has ever wanted to have in them. You will give this disdained land the chance to be democratic, Homero.”

“But it has never been democratic!” exclaimed the hollow-eyed Don Homero as Don Fernando ground his cheek into the mud with his boot.

“You will have to do it despite all evidence to the contrary, you coward. The important thing is that you believe it without proving it, that you confess it, admire it, and defend it: Mexico can be a democratic country! With your powerful arm on our side, Homero, we shall undo all the wrongs of our history in order to proclaim to all, blessed age and blessèd century.”

I'm inside my mother, but my mother can't know it yet, and nevertheless one day I'll know that she doesn't say anything out loud that afternoon because in a strange way she feels that she's trying to confer an impossible dignity on things with her silence, my mother says in secret, staring at Uncle Homero, submissive to the insane demands of Uncle Fernando, who stands, as small and nervous as a prancing fighting cock, bald and pink, with his handlebar mustache and his blue eyes, his tiny glasses in a creolized Franz Schubert style, expert on Indians, and author.

“Get down off that burro, Homero, and do me the honor of leading me to Malinaltzin!”

7

Don Fernando paused triumphantly and told the humiliated Don Homero and my parents (and me, hanging on as best I could, unrecognized by them just as they are not recognized by Nature) that in memory of this victorious campaign for democracy we would all take refuge in the baroque beauty of the Malinaltzin church, which the Indians had built, and thus unite—this was our Uncle Fernando's permanent intention—tradition and modernization, culture and democracy. He turned his steps and his trots toward the church, but soon they discovered that the sacristan wasn't there, that he'd gone to the state capital (Chilpancingo) to drink up a good tip given him by a tourist who'd come yesterday, and so who had the keys? Don Fernando asked one of the locals, So-and-so, and where might this person be? well, working on the highway, breaking rock and laying asphalt, why didn't they get someone to stand in for the sacristan? who knows, go ask him yourself, and they walked and trotted toward the highway under construction on the outskirts of the village, this miserable hamlet, which is a vast brown hole dotted with puddles, which were its only amenity and distraction. Its walls were made of sad mud, a lament of dry adobe, and on them the opposition had plastered slogans denouncing Don Homero and his party.

MIXTEC PEOPLE, AWAKE
!

HISTORICAL MATERIALISM

MEANS VICTORY FOR THE PROLETARIAT

cheek by jowl with:

CHRISTIANS YES! COMMIES NO
!

VOTE WITH THE SYNARCH FALANGE AND

CROSS OUT THE ATHEISTS
!

and just beyond the usual fucked-over faces, my mother sends me effluvia of vibrant acid, all to this drop of tremulous life, this tiny Mercury without wings that I am, beyond the walls and among the puddles and dogs are the men, women and children, the mass of fleas, hunger, sickness, self-centered pride, and abysmal ignorance of what really matters in the modern world and equally abysmal knowledge of what no one can any longer touch, listen to, understand. My mother orders me to say, not you Homero, not you Fernando, not you Angel, not I, not you, Reader, not even you, my own future offspring.

From a distance, they caught sight of the workers busily paving a stretch of the access road to the highway: the mounds of gravel, the barrels of tar, sieves, and an ancient leveler that ecumenically announced its passage in a series of steam hiccups.

“The time has come!” exclaimed Don Fernando Benítez, sitting astride his burro, to Don Homero Fagoaga, who was docilely leading him along by the reins just as my father Angel was leading my mother Angeles through the rose-colored fields of heather in this provincial place where he had learned to love a land which he had not given up for lost, doubtless because between strolling through the garden and sitting immobile in church he'd learned to talk to himself and in doing that he'd heard for the first time: don't give me up for lost; wipe off my makeup; I know how to endure.