Church Camp Chaos (5 page)

“Hurry, Chef EJ … just three minutes left!” the announcer voice annoyingly reminds her
.

“Where’s that assistant of mine?” Chef EJ looks around for Isaac
.

“May I help?”

EJ looks up from the chocolate cream mixing in front of her to see her competitor—Chef Tabby—holding a cupcake pan in one hand and a sleeve of cupcake liners in the other
.

“You want to help me?” Chef EJ can hardly believe what she’s hearing. “But we’re trying to beat each other! You know, the ‘epic battle for dessert dominance’?”

“Well, my cupcakes are already in the oven, and it looks like you could use a little help.” Chef Tabby sets the pan on the counter and places a liner in each of the dozen cupcake wells
.

“Sure. That’s—uh—great. Thank you,” Chef EJ stammers as she tries to remain focused. “Put in one scoop of cake batter for each of the cupcakes,” she says, handing Chef Tabby an ice-cream scoop, and then adds, “please.”

“Right away, chef!” Tabby grins and salutes EJ with the scoop before getting to work
.

“Ninety seconds!” the announcer voice says
.

“Yeah, GOT IT!” Chef EJ yells back
.

EJ turns off the mixer and removes the glass bowl just as Chef Tabby finishes adding the last of the batter to the pan. EJ spoons a dollop of cream filling on top of the batter of each cupcake
.

“Oven is preheated to three fifty and ready to go, chef!” Tabby calls from the oven across the kitchen
.

As she finishes the final dollop, EJ glances over the entire pan, pleased with the result. She closes her eyes and can already imagine what will come out of the oven: perfectly rounded domes of devil’s food hiding the surprise centers of heavenly chocolate cream. Her mouth starts to water
.

“Chef! Ten seconds!” Tabby’s voice wakes EJ from her vision. “Nine … eight …”

EJ grabs the cupcake pan with two hands and runs toward the oven. One step, two steps
.

“Five … four …” Chef Tabby counts with the clock, opening the oven door as EJ sprints her way
.

Three steps, four steps—EJ reaches as far as she can to slide the cupcake pan into the oven. Tabby slams the door just as the clock reaches zero
.

“Well done, chef,” Mom said, grabbing the wet dishcloth from the sink and wiping the flour from EJ’s forehead. “The judges are going to have a difficult time deciding a winner.”

June 16

Today is my eleventh birthday, and tonight is my par-tay! Mom and Mrs. Winkle have been super secretive about the details of the mystery dinner theater, but I know it will be awesome because it’s going to include people I love (family and friends), the food I love (lasagna and my award-winning cupcakes), and the things I love (we’re all going to be acting out a whodunit mystery during the party)!

The one thing I do know about the mystery setup is that I will be playing the part of detective EJ Holmes. I’m still working on my costume, but Mr. Johnson let me borrow a magnifying glass he uses when he works on his stamp collection. The thing is legit.

Nana and Pops arrived from Ohio in their Winnebago camper late last night. Mom and Dad let us stay up till they got here, but it was so late that Isaac and I both fell asleep on the couch. All I really remember was (sort of) waking up when Pops picked me up to carry me to my bed. And I was just wrapping my arms around Pops’s neck to give him a squeeze hello when I heard my brother wake up in classic Isaac style:

(I’ve really got to get that kid some new material.)

EJ

EJ pulled the deerstalker cap down on her forehead, held the magnifying glass up to her right eye, and peered at herself in the mirror on the back of her bedroom door.

“Quite good,” she said in her best British accent. “EJ Holmes, consulting detective, ready for a birthday mystery.”

EJ tied a tweed cape around her neck and glanced over her shoulder at Bert, who was sprawled on her bed. “Watson, old chap, come here for your costume,” she said, tucking the magnifying glass in the cape’s inside pocket.

Bert gave a little snort and didn’t move.

“Watson, I said come here,” EJ insisted.

Bert rolled over and stretched, his back toward EJ.

“Matthew Cuthbert T-Rex Payne,
come
!”

(EJ rarely used Bert’s full name—including the “T-Rex” part that Isaac gave him—unless she really meant business.)

Bert was up like a flash and next to EJ, on his back legs with his paws on her leg. EJ smiled and patted her friend on his furry head. “I guess you’re not used to being called Watson, huh? I’m Sherlock Holmes, and you’re my partner, John Watson. And it’s time for your costume.”

EJ plopped a dog-size bowler hat on Bert’s head, adjusting the band of elastic around his ears and under his chin. Attached to the brim of the hat was a monocle that rested perfectly against his snout and in front of his right eye.

“You look splendid, Dr. Watson!” EJ picked Bert up and looked in the mirror again to get the full effect.

“Miss Holmes and Dr. Watson, so good of you to join us!” Mom greeted EJ and Bert at the bottom of the stairs a few minutes later. Mom looked like she’d stepped right out of the 1920s, wearing a sleeveless purple-sequined flapper dress, her long blond hair in curls that were held back from her face by a headband made out of black feathers. Mom glanced down at the note card she had in her hand before continuing. “My name is Penny Pickpocket, and I am your hostess for tonight’s dinner. May I take your hats?”

EJ tried to stay in character, but she couldn’t help but crack a smile at Mom’s character name. She wasn’t going to let somebody with the last name of
Pickpocket
take anything of hers.

“Thank you, Penny, but I think we’ll keep our hats on,” EJ said, stooping to pat Bert on his bowler hat. “It’s part of the look we’re going for, right, Watson?”

Bert barked his agreement and ran in a circle next to EJ.

“Let me introduce you to everyone,” Mom said, putting one hand on EJ’s shoulder to direct her into the living room. EJ felt Mom’s other hand slip into her Sherlock cape pocket.

“Excuse me, Miss Pickpocket.” EJ spun around to see Mom staring through the magnifying glass at EJ with an innocent look on her face. “That’s mine. And I think you should keep your sticky fingers to yourself, Penny.”

“Sorry about that, but I know someone who would pay top dollar for a fine tool like this.” Mom’s magnified eye winked at EJ before she handed the glass back to her. “And it’s
Mrs
. Pickpocket. Allow me to introduce my husband, Peter Pickpocket.”

Dad stepped forward and caught EJ’s right hand in a firm two-handed shake. “We’ve heard so much about your mystery-solving abilities, Miss Holmes. Although, as you can see, none of us are shady characters, so hopefully we will just have a nice dinner together.”

Dad was wearing a rumpled brown suit, slicked-back hair, and fake gold rings on most of his fingers—definitely a shady character in EJ’s mind. She glanced down at her wrist to check the time, only to find her watch was missing.

“Looking for something, Holmes?”

EJ looked up to see Dad holding her wristwatch by its leather strap.

“The closure must’ve been loose,” Dad said, handing the watch back to EJ and running his hand through his hair. “It slipped right into my hand.”

“Quite a coincidence,” EJ said, squinting at Dad in a skeptical look. She pulled a tiny spiral notebook and pencil out of her cape and made a note:

1. Penny and Peter Pickpocket: steal things to sell for profit.

Next Mom introduced Nana and Pops as Victoria and Richard Rich, an extremely wealthy couple visiting from the East.

“Don’t you just
love
the way diamonds add sparkle to any outfit, darling?” Nana was really playing up the part of a rich lady, admiring the big, phony diamonds on her rings and in the multiple strands of diamonds around her neck.

“I wouldn’t know, Mrs. Rich,” EJ said. “I’ve never worn diamonds.”

“Oh!” Nana gasped and held the back of her hand to her forehead in a dramatic gesture. “Then you
must
try these on … but just for the evening. I’ll want them back, of course.”

Nana slipped a necklace on her granddaughter’s neck. EJ did like how sparkly it was.

“Nothing’s too good for my Victoria,” Pops said a little stiffly, looking down at his note card. “I want her to be the most beautiful woman in the room, wherever she goes.” Pops looked pretty uncomfortable in his special-occasion suit, polished dress shoes, and bowtie.

EJ made another note in her notebook:

2. Victoria and Richard Rich: want to appear to have a lot of money—no matter what.