Circe (21 page)

I looked at my mother. “Good bye,” I said softly.

Jeff flipped me off as I walked out the door.

I took Pria’s hand and we left. Pria kissed my cheek when we got in the car. She stroked my hair and rested her head on my shoulder as we drove away.

“I know it didn’t work out,” Pria said. “But we needed to try. Going to see her was the right thing to do.”

“Maybe. But I’m not doing it again. I wasted too much of my youth dealing with that. I’m done with her.”

“You know,” she whispered. “That's why I’ll forgive your infidelity, because I know what you’re running from, but I hope you’ve learned you can’t heal yourself by becoming your father.”

I had no response. I wasn’t articulate enough to describe any of the emotions my mother triggered in me. My mother always reduced me to a blubbering idiot. I couldn’t bear the constant barrage of need and emotion. Pria was right. I had been trying to become everything my mother hated most. I had become my father, deceptive and aloof.

I smiled at Pria. She knew me better than I knew myself. “I probably need therapy, coming from that family.” I laughed.

“I know you’re joking, but you probably do.”

“Maybe. We’ll see. If that is the penance I need to pay for what I’ve done to you, I’ll start tomorrow.”

“I want to go see a psychic too.”

“Not funny. I’ve had enough of crazies for one lifetime, thank you.”

“I’m serious.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I want you and I to go see a psychic.”

“Can we go to the voodoo witch doctor after that? I have this ulcer and….”

“I’m not kidding. Please don’t make fun of me. I need you to hear me out about this. I’m not crazy. Ever since that crap with Cassie, I’ve been having these terrible dreams and I think she did something, I don’t know, but I think, if you’re paying penance for cheating on me, you little shit, you should go see a therapist and you should come see this psychic with me ‘cause your crazy mistress cursed me.”

I took her hand in mine and squeezed it. She could have asked anything of me. At that moment, I loved her more than I could explain. She was ferocious and vulnerable. She defended me against my mother and begged my help to fight her dreams. She was mine. She was my beloved. So the day after Christmas she and I went on another voyage. This time we drove south into the swamps to a small town called Belleville. We went to see the psychic her friend had told her was born to the sight.

* * * *

The psychic wasn’t what I expected. She lived in a nondescript home on the water. It was a two-story brick house surrounded by azaleas and swing sets. Several pretty young women sat in the backyard watching a group of toddlers run around in chilly air. They were bundled up in sweaters and sweat pants. They giggled with delight as they ran through the pretty yard. The four women sat at a table drinking diet sodas and talking. A tall red-haired woman turned and smiled at us as we approached.

She stood up and took Pria’s hand, shaking it vigorously.

“I’m Cybil,” she said. “These are my sisters and those are our boys.” She pointed to the pretty redheaded ladies at the table and then on to the group of happy toddlers running through the yard.

“Can I get you something to drink?” she asked. “Would you like to sit and chat for a while?” She radiated a rare warmth. There was a genuine hospitality in her.

“Sure,” Pria said. “Can I have some water?”

Cybil disappeared into the house, leaving us alone with her sisters. Pria sat down next to them and the women continued talking about preschools and play dates. Pria happily told them she was having a baby soon and that she’d love any advice they could give her. She was then engulfed in advice about stretch marks, child birth, and getting your baby to sleep through the night. Pria glowed and didn’t even notice Cybil return. After a while, Cybil took my hand and told me that it was time. I whispered into Pria’s ear; all the talk of children and happiness faded as we walked into Cybil’s sunroom.

The sun came in at all angles, covering the floor in shadows of trees and dancing branches. The room was barren. Only a large, Victorian table in poor repair sat surrounded by ancient looking chairs. Cybil sat down and signaled to us to sit down next to her. She lit no candles or lamps. There was only the natural light, filtered through the ever moving trees. In the distance, we could hear the wind blowing and children laughing. Wind chimes carried an odd melody into the cool room.

Cybil closed her eyes and took my hand. She cast seven engraved stones onto the table. She studied the stones for a long time, while the music of the wind and the sounds of the children lulled us into a hypnotic peace.

“The truth I tell you may not be the truth you want to hear. Your path has many branches, many possibilities, but each path must go through certain ends. I will only tell you what I know. This rune is your foundation. It is what began the course of action you’re now in. This is Kano, the opening. You opened yourself up to something different and made yourself free to receive.”

She moved her hand to another rune. “This rune is your past. It is Ehwaz, movement. It is a rune of transition. It signifies great changes. Here, this rune is the new situation emerging in your life. It is Thurisaz, the gateway or the demon. The gateway is the frontier between heaven and earth. The demon stands in this gateway. This rune is where you’re now. It is Inguz, or fertility. There is new life in you. You’re growing and prospering and your wife is pregnant with twins. Life surrounds you and hope is everywhere. The next rune is the challenge you face. It is Teiwaz, the spiritual warrior. Always the battle of the spiritual warrior is with oneself, but you must battle other things. I see a darkness before you and the spiritual battle you face is with yourself and another. And now the future. Two runes for the future.”

Cybil closed her eyes again and grimaced. “This is Hagalaz; disruption. Hagalaz can mean many things, some good, and some bad. This is the Rune of elemental disruption, of events which are totally beyond your control. Expect disruption, it is the great awakener. A storm is coming and it is bringing with it much pain and suffering. All around you the world will crumble. Everything you touch will rot and the very earth you walk will carry your curse with you.”

Cybil opened her eyes and looked at me. She no longer looked like the sweet housewife from the backyard. Her eyes burned with rage and her mouth was twisted in anger and disgust. “What have you done?” she asked.

“I don’t understand,” I responded.

“Of course you don’t. How could you? You’re not someone who comprehends anything that isn’t tangible.”

Cybil leaned towards Pria and me. She took Pria’s hand in hers. All around us the wind blew and howled. I could see the children moving out of the corner of my eye. Cybil knocked the runes with her hand. She scattered them and they fell on the floor, leaving only one on the table.

“There is something you need to understand. Most people believe that places become bad because of bad things that have happened there. They believe that ghosts haunt these places, corrupting things. This isn’t the way of things. There are evil places and bad things happen there because they are evil. Darkness dwells beneath the earth and those who plant in that soil will reap only sorrow. Ghosts are not born. The dead don’t walk. Ghosts are shadows of the other side, monsters without faces. There is more to this world than what can be seen with our eyes, and what dwells beyond will always be a mystery, but sometimes it seeps out. Sometimes the other side finds a place it can seep out and penetrate us. These places are called haunted, and what comes from them hungers for us. Like unrequited lovers they reach out, but they are never satisfied. Such a thing reaches for you now, Eric.”

I shook my head. “Y’all just don’t like me,” I said with bitterness and disbelief. “The last woman I had read my palm said I would die young.” I laughed. I saw Pria wringing her hands behind me. Anxiety filled her eyes. She believed everything the woman was saying.

Cybil pointed to the last rune. It sat alone on the empty table. “This is the blank rune. It is Odin’s rune. It is the rune of the Unknowable. Blank is the end and blank is the beginning. This rune portends death. You have opened a door, and I know you did not do it on purpose, which can not be closed. Your destiny is set.”

Cybil turned away from me and touched Pria’s belly. “Don’t worry,” I heard her whisper to my stunned wife. “There is more to this world than can be seen. In the end, you and your babies will find peace together. You must face what your husband has unleashed. That has always been the burden of being a woman, but never be afraid. You’re marked. You’re saved.”

My wife brightened. She was crying, but a warm smile peeked out from the storm of her fear. She embraced Cybil and cried on her shoulder.

“What about me?” I asked with a nervous laugh. “Am I saved?”

A cloud passed in front of the sun that had dappled the room, and the breeze stopped, filling the room with a noxious silence. “No,” Cybil hissed. “You’re damned. You’re Circe’s now and so is the woman that is already bound to her.”

“I can’t buy this,” I said. “I didn’t drive all the way out here for you to scare my wife half to death. What is it with you people? Say something nice, for Christ’s sake.”

“Fifty dollars,” Cybil said, coolly extending her hand. I gave her the money and pulled Pria out of the house. I virtually ran to the car and drove away as quickly as I could. I felt flushed and all I could feel was the anger beneath my skin. I was tired of women who claimed to be witches or psychics. I had lived my entire life surrounded by intelligent people who were educated enough to know that the real world only existed in what could be studied and quantified. I refused to accept madness because it was handed to me in the guise of sense. I was sick of dabbling in bullshit because some woman was afraid of reality. I didn’t care what the runes said. It was all crap. It was one woman with too many kids trying to sucker me into giving her more money with bad omens and scary whispers. I couldn’t even believe I had let Pria drag me to hillbilly country to be accosted by some hick’s wife’s opinion about my future.

“What happened between Cassie and you?” Pria whispered under her tears. “I know you two had sex, but what else? You said she did some crazy voodoo stuff in the basement. What does that mean to you?”

“I’m not doing this, Pria,” I responded. “I know I owe you. I know I should be your willing slave, but I’m not playing this game anymore. I’m not going to any more psychics or talking about demons or spells or curses. I’m done. I might as well go and talk to my crazy patient on the third floor that thinks a demon made him kill his family. That is where we are headed with this.”

“Please, I’m really scared. Make sense out of this for me.”

“Why are you scared? Because some nut read a bad reading for me. She’s crazy!”

“She’s been following me. The ghost. I know you think I’m crazy. I know I sound crazy, but I swear to God she is real. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I wake up with bugs in my hair and I can smell her in my bed. Please!”

“Who are you talking about?”

“I don’t know. She’s not… I don’t know. She’s a monster. I’ve been dreaming about this horrible monster. I think she’s real. I think she wants to kill the babies. I can never talk to you because I know you’ll send me to a shrink and I’m not crazy.” Pria began to cry and pushed her face up against the window. “You’ve been away so long. You’re here, but you’re not here. I’ve been alone with this. I’m not a woman with much faith, but I know something is wrong. I can feel it. What Cybil said made sense. When she was talking about Circe she didn’t mean the hospital. She was talking about the thing that has been haunting me. She was talking about the monster. She said there was something old and evil under the earth. She meant this thing. She meant this thing that has been following me. Just tell me what you did.”

“Please, don’t ask this of me. Pria, my beloved, Cybil is just wrong. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to think about what happened between Cassie and me. Every time I attempted to conjure the images from that evening buried in the filth beneath the hospital, my mind writhed in denial. I couldn’t remember what I was thinking when I had succumbed to her repugnant body, covered in blood and wildly chanting. She hadn’t even seemed human. I felt degraded by the memory of it.

Pria was crying in the seat next to me. The setting sun played tricks with the light in her black hair. Her belly looked just a little rounder beneath the baggy blouse she was wearing. Her face was thin and her eyes had deep shadows beneath them. I reached out for her, touching her hair.

“Forgive me, Pria,” I whispered. “Forgive me. I have never deserved you, but no matter what I did I always loved you. Cassie took me underneath the old hospital. You’ve never seen C.R.C., so it’s hard to explain, but the campus is old and has served many purposes. There are these old brick buildings that used to be hospitals, like one hundred years ago, and they’re connected by a labyrinth of tunnels beneath them. They’re all empty. Cassie took me underneath them, into the labyrinth and I got lost. I followed her because, you know me, I wanted to be the best. I wanted the best review and I did whatever she told me to do. I’m not going to lie, for a minute I found her attractive, but I never meant to fuck her. She had this altar set up and she took off her clothes and started chanting. We got in a fight and I think I hit her and then before I knew it we were done, lying in the center of her weird shrine. After that I tried to break up with her, but she can be infuriating and compelling. She told me she’d tell you about everything, all my past affairs. So I stayed with her to keep her quiet, until I couldn’t handle her anymore. She’s bad. She’s unethical at work. She uses the patients. She represents everything I hate.”

Pria was looking at me with her wide, black eyes. The light had faded and there was only the moon above us and the occasional street light to illuminate her features in the car. The heat hissed above the roar of the engine. Pria placed her hands on her belly