“Yeah,” he said hoarsely, blinking and dragging his sleeve across his face. But his eyes didn’t leave her scars.
“Say something,” she whispered as the shaking began again, tears filling her eyes.
He reached forward and took her hand. His felt warm against her chilled, clammy skin. He drew her toward him, until she was standing between his knees. And then he guided her hand to his hair and leaned his forehead against her stomach, wrapping his arms around her waist. Her head fell forward as she felt his breath against her skin, his lips brushing over flesh smooth and scarred with a gentleness that would have brought her to her knees if he hadn’t been holding her up.
“You,” he murmured. “You are so strong. And so brave.” His voice was unsteady as his arms tightened around her body. “And so beautiful. These scar
s . . .
” He let out a trembling sigh. “They’re a reminder of how much courage you have.”
He raised his head, and the look in his eyes made her ache. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” His hands slid to her hips, and his voice faded to a harsh whisper. “But I am so thankful that you’re here now, with me.”
Deep inside her, something shifted, powerful and fundamental. She sank onto him, no longer strong enough to remain upright. And Dec caught her, held her, refused to let her fall. He guided her into his lap as she began to sob. Broken, rasping cries for everything sh
e’d
lost, everything that had been ripped from her grasp on that night two years ago. She didn’t try to hold the tears back. She didn’t try to cram the memories down. She let them come, and Dec absorbed each shudder, each teardrop, each clutch of her fingers as she held on to him, desperately clinging to his strong frame as the noises and sensations of the past tried to pull her away and bury her.
He didn’t shush her or rock her or stroke her or make promises. He was the ground beneath her feet. Unwavering and unflinching. He tucked his head against her bare shoulder and held on as her body heaved, like it was trying to wrest control from the enemies inside.
She had no idea how long they remained like that, locked together, a tangle of grief. She lost track of time. She lost track of herself. She was aware only of the memories and Dec’s arms around her, refusing to relinquish her no matter how hard the bad memories pulled. His arm was laid against her spine, his strong fingers around the back of her head, as if he wanted to siphon the poison right out of her mind.
He couldn’t, though. The memories would always be in there. She knew that now; there was no way to erase them. But that didn’t mean they should hold dominion over her.
You’re so much stronger than they are,
Eli had said.
Tackle the enemies in your head with as much determination as you tackle all those germs in your lab.
She drew in a deep breath, her body relishing the oxygen as if she had been held underwater, deprived of air. Slowly, she lifted her head and looked at Dec.
“I’m still here,” he said quietly.
Her fingertips traced across his cheekbones. “I don’t know how I got so lucky.”
He took her face in his hands. “Luck has nothing to do with it, Galena.” Tenderly, he lifted his chin and brushed his lips over hers. “It’s you. Just you.”
Dec held her as they slowly sank onto the bed. She curled into his body, her arm around his waist, her head on his chest. Her limbs felt like the
y’d
been filled with concrete. They lay like that for a while, until she felt his thumping heart slow. She looked up at him. His eyes were closed. “Dec?”
He was asleep. She inched up to take a closer look at him, his ebony lashes shadowing the hollows beneath his eyes, his lips slightly parted. As she stared, the longing inside her replaced the sorrow. Finally, she kissed the rough underside of his jaw. “I’m falling in love with you, Dec,” she whispered.
Slowly, she got up. She took a shower, letting the lukewarm water wash the tears from her cheeks. She felt a little unsteady, but she was still standing. Her hands ran over her body, and for the first time in as long as she could remember, she felt gratitude. She was glad to have it. Her palm skimmed over her arms, over her breasts, along her hips, up her neck to her face.
This is mine,
she thought.
Hope surged inside her. She wasn’t done. She knew she had so far to go. The fear was still there, the cruel memories still reaching. But they wouldn’t rule her. She wouldn’t allow it.
It was time to reclaim her body, her soul, her mind. Inch by inch. Thought by thought.
And touch by touch.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
D
ec ran down the alley, his heart in his throat as she screamed. “Galena,” he shouted. Where was she? God, where was she? It felt as if his chest were being squeezed in a vise. “Galena!”
“I’m here,” she whispered, so close.
Instantly, the vise loosened. “Where are you?” he called, whirling around. Somewhere in the distance, she screamed again. His eyes stung and burned. “Please tell me where you are.”
“Right here.” Her lips grazed his cheek. He felt it. But she was nowhere to be seen.
He was running out of time, and he knew it. If he didn’t find her soon, he would lose her.
She screamed again, more faintly, like h
e’d
been running away from her instead of toward her. The horror gripped him. He couldn’t lose her now. Not after sh
e’d
let him in, not after h
e’d
realized, in those painful, rending minutes, exactly how much she meant to him.
Suddenly, the ground disappeared, and he was falling. Hard and fast, nothing to catch him.
This is it,
he thought.
When I hit, I shatter.
He spread his arms and surrendered to it, using his last few moments to picture her face.
He woke with a shuddering gasp. Galena stood a few feet from the bed, her wet hair pulled over one shoulder, dripping onto the towel sh
e’d
wrapped around her body. His breath whooshed from his lungs as relief swamped him. “I fell asleep,” he said stupidly.
Her smile was tender and achingly beautiful. “I know.”
“And you took a shower.” He rubbed at his eyes and looked at her again, his gaze following a glistening drop that snaked down from her neck and disappeared between her breasts.
“You’re
very
perceptive.” She took a step closer. “Are you okay? It looked like you were having a nightmare.”
He leaned back and braced himself on his palms, unable to take his eyes off her. “I was. But you’re here.” Looking amazing. He could smell her: fresh, sweet, astringent. “Are you okay?”
She nodded. “But I was hoping yo
u’d
help me with something.”
Anything.
“What?”
Her dark-green eyes were on him, sliding up his body, making his groin tighten. “I want to see you.” Her gaze met his. “And I want to touch you.”
His lips parted as the air left him, as all the blood in his brain drained south. “Are you sure?” he said, his voice strained as she took another step closer, her bare knees brushing the edge of the bed.
“I’m sure.” She bit her lip. “Will you let me?”
He looked down at himself, as if somehow his body had detached from his head. “Yeah,” he breathed. “I mean, sure.” Already his cock was starting to throb. “Whatever you want.”
Oh God, please put your hands on me.
She sank onto the bed, her eyes on his. “I don’t know how this is going to go.”
“It’s okay,” he said, unable to believe it as her fingers crossed the distance between them and tugged at the hem of his shirt. Her knuckles skimmed his sides as she lifted it, and he raised his arms, letting her pull it from his body. He kept his eyes on her as she dropped his shirt at the foot of the bed and turned her attention to him. Her tongue traced her bottom lip. Still clutching the towel around herself with one hand, she used her other palm to meet the heated skin of his abs, travel up the ridges of muscle, over his pec, across his shoulder. Her fingertips trailed along his collarbone and downward again, brushing over his nipple and making him shudder with want.
She watched his face, then ran her thumb over the little nub again. His head dropped back as his cock swelled, squeezed within the confines of his jeans. With horror, he looked at his zipper, remembering what sh
e’d
said about the sound. But then she lowered her head, her cool, damp hair slipping across his stomach, her warm breath on his chest.
Her tongue flicked his nipple, and he groaned, his muscles drawing tight, his cock surging to full attention. Sh
e’d
see it now. Sh
e’d
notice. He held his breath and stayed completely still as she slowly kissed her way up his chest to his throat, and when he felt her teeth against his skin, he gasped, his fingers balling in the quilt beneath him. Sh
e’d
let go of the towel around her now and was using both hands to stroke along his chest, his arms, his abs, his throat, like she was mapping every inch.
He wanted to crush her to him. He wanted to grab her hips and feel her soft flesh yield. But he didn’t. He wouldn’t. Even if it killed him. What was happening was a good thing. That she wanted to touch him seemed like a miracle, fragile and exquisite, like a butterfly sitting in the palm of his hand.
She rose onto her knees and slid her hands over his shoulders, leaning forward to look at his back. “So perfect,” she whispered, tracing the raven between his shoulder blades. Her barely covered breasts were an inch from his face, and Dec ached to take one of them in his mouth, to roll her nipple between teeth and tongue, but he held himself back. And soon, she lowered herself down again, legs folded beneath her as her hands strayed south, finally reaching his waist.
Her fingertip slid into the dip of his belly button, and he felt it like sh
e’d
reached inside him, caressing something primal and pure. Her thumbs smoothed across the indentations of muscle at his hips, following the V shape as it disappeared into his pants. She let out an unsteady breath, her eyes on the button of his jeans. “You don’t have to,” he said. “It’s okay.”
Her fingers rose and touched his lips, but she didn’t raise her head. Her concentration was so complete that he suddenly realized this must be what she was like when she was studying something. When she was trying to figure it out.
When she was planning to take it apart and conquer it.
He felt like h
e’d
stepped outside of his body as he watched her fingers slowly undo the button and then slide across the bulge of the erection straining against his fly. She unzipped his pants quickly, suddenly, a sound that ripped through his mind. Galena took a few deep breaths in the aftermath, and she seemed to be staring at a loose thread on the quilt next to him.
Something ordinary and harmless. Something that grounded her in the here and now. He felt a pang of sadness.
But then her gaze returned to his body. His cock was tenting his boxer briefs. She took hold of the edges of his jeans and tugged them down his hips, and he raised them to allow her to draw the fabric down his legs. The friction pulled his boxer briefs down, too, and his cock sprang out, bobbing rigid against his abdomen. Galena slipped off his boots and socks and stripped his jeans from his legs. She sat near his feet, looking up the length of his body while he sat there like an idiot, braced on his palms, his hands fisted in the quilt, his cock hard and hopeful, begging for her touch.
“You have a beautiful body,” she murmured.
“You can look at it anytime you want, from now on,” he said.
She let out a quiet burst of laughter. “Thank you.” Her wet hair swayed between them as her palms stroked up his legs, over his knees, up his thighs, then hooked over the bottom edge of the legs of his boxer briefs and pulled them down as well. A moment later, Dec was completely naked, shaking with need as her relentless gaze traced over him. She was so fucking intent that it was a palpable thing, with weight and power of its own. Slowly, her fingers trailed up his thigh, skimming over his cock, which jerked at the sensation.
“I saw you stroking yourself,” she murmured. “I saw what it did to you.”
He must have looked crazed, desperately seeking that release. “
You
did that to me,” he corrected. “That was your taste. That was watching you come.” The memory of it sent a rush of heat through him.
“Well,” she said, her fingers slowly wrapping around his shaft. “That makes me feel kind of powerful, actually.”
“Because you
are
.” He half chuckled, half moaned as she tightened her grip and pumped him, slow and agonizing.
His hips moved in time with her, seeking more. But she let him go, her long dark-blonde hair tickling his abs and chest as she crawled up his body. As she did, her towel fell completely open, and Dec stared at the swell of her breasts as she moved closer. And when he felt her nipples brush his chest, he groaned again. Her hands were on his shoulders. Her eyes were on his mouth. And then she claimed what she wanted, her lips meshing with his in a possessive kiss. As her fingers slid into his hair, she straddled him, and in a moment of pure amazement, he felt the slick softness of her arousal against his abs. Once again, he felt like he was falling, but this time, it was in the best possible way.
She pushed against him, and he sank backward, his eyes still shut tight, his teeth grinding. “Galen
a . . .
”
She took his wrists and moved his hands to her thighs, which was exactly what he needed. Her flesh was warm and smooth and willing as his palms met her hips, his fingers slipping over the curve of her ass, which kept nudging the tip of his cock, making him dizzy with need. He opened his eyes to see her legs spread over him, pink nipples taut and mouthwatering as she bent to kiss him again. Dec’s mind narrowed to one point, her body, blocking out everything else. All his worries and fears, the ticking clock, the danger. Right now, this was the most important thing in the world. He wanted to gather every second of it and tuck it away somewhere, so that no matter what happened from now on, he would have this, the honey scent of her, the sensation of her skin on his, her hair falling around them, her hands on his chest.
She edged down his body, slowly, hesitantly, still kissing him fiercely. Her fingers were on his neck, and they tensed as her wet folds slid over the top of his cock. She whimpered, and Dec’s ears rang with alarm. He caught her waist and held her still. “Hey,” he murmured, kissing her temple. “You okay?”
She nodded, blowing out a breath from between pursed lips. Her eyes met his, and he saw the fear there. He took her face in his hands as she focused on his mouth, tracing her fingers across his lips. “I need to feel you with me now,” she said quietly. She closed her eyes tightly then opened them again. “I don’t want to get sucked into my own head.”
He tenderly kissed her cheeks, the tip of her nose, and then her lips. “I’m in this with you, Galena. Every second. Every breath.”
From now on. Forever.
“I won’t let you go.”
Ever.
Her eyes shone with tears. “I believe you, Dec,” she said, her voice cracking. One tear slipped free and hit his cheek, and she kissed it from his skin. Then she reached between them and caressed him, her fingers brushing over the head of his cock and sending a rush of want all the way down his spine. His balls tingled with it; his muscles pulled taut. And when she guided him to the soft, slick center of her, it felt like something h
e’d
craved for an eternity.
Her lips met his, and she gasped as her tight channel accepted his rigid cock, bathing him with molten, wet heat. Galena moaned into his mouth, bracing herself with her palms against his ribs, then sinking down, taking him inch by agonizing inch. Dec’s blood pounded through his veins, and his mind threatened to go dark as every nerve in his body roared with desire. But he forced himself to stay aware, to listen to her panting breaths, to feel her skipping heart when her chest pressed to his. He began to stroke her sides, her thighs, gentle and soothing like h
e’d
done before, because it had seemed to relax her, to remind her that he would never hurt her, to keep her in the present.
Galena pressed her face to his throat as she sank all the way, until his cock was buried to the hilt. H
e’d
never felt anything so perfect. Or so h
e’d
thought. Because then she rose up, her hands on his chest, her eyes on his face.
“Yeah?” he whispered.
She gave him this gorgeous, victorious smile. “Yeah.”
She started to move. Slowly, rising up and sliding down, her inner muscles contracting, wrenching a low moan from both of them. His hands returned to her hips. He was dying to thrust, but he held himself still, letting her do the work, letting her set the pace. She bit her lip, and her breasts swayed as she ground herself against him. Dec couldn’t help it; his fingers tightened on the soft mounds of her ass and he canted his hips up, seeking
more
.
“Oh God, Dec,” she murmured, her eyes falling shut. “Do that again.”
She didn’t have to ask twice. He kept his hands anchored and moved her hips, pressing them down as he shifted his hips up, penetrating her so deeply that he swore he felt the limits of her body. Over and over, just like that, they swayed together, never separating more than an inch or two. He stayed deep inside her, ecstasy rolling in hard waves up from his groin, through his belly and into his chest. Galena fell forward, reaching for him, panting against his mouth while her breasts smashed against his chest. H
e’d
never been closer to another person than this. Her fingernails sank into his shoulders as he slid into her, as he gave her all of him. She needed more; he could sense it in the tension in her thighs, in the frenzied clutch of her fingers, in the little cries that burst from her throat every time she felt him all the way inside.
So he pulled back all the way and slid into her, watching her face as they collided, her parted lips. “Dec,” she whispered.
“Yeah?”
“Again.”
He thrust into her body, gentle but sure, watching the friction undo her.
It was certainly undoing him. Her body was unrelenting and hot around him; her scent was overwhelming. His knees fell apart as his hips bucked, as he squeezed her ass and moved her up and down his cock. He needed her to come soon, because there was no fucking way he was going to last much longer. Praying he wasn’t about to screw everything up, he reached between their bodies. He knew it was a risk, but then again, everything about this was a risk. His fingers tickled the damp curls between her legs and found her tiny, slick nub. Like he had with his tongue, he circled it as she sank onto him.