Claiming Her SEAL (ASSIGNMENT: Caribbean Nights Book 1) (18 page)

“Dex,” she murmured when he trailed off. “Keep going. You need to purge this stuff. It’s poisoning you.”

There was that crowbar again. Except it wasn’t really. She was so noninvasive, so easy to talk to. No one had ever just listened to him like this, without judgment, without an agenda. That was the only reason he kept going.

“I get that it’s kill or be killed.” His chest hurt like an elephant had sat on it. “If I hadn’t done my job, other people, guys I care about who were fighting alongside me, die. Maybe other people die because I let a guy go whose next move is to blow up a daycare in Des Moines.”

“Oh, Dex.”

She gathered him up, holding him tight, and even though she was half his size, she surrounded him. He let her. Here in the circle of her embrace was where the magic was, because when he was with her, it flat wasn’t so bad.

“Who did this number on you?” she murmured, her hands in his hair, then soft on his back as she stroked him. “Tell me where to find her.”

He choked out a laugh. “As much as I appreciate the sentiment, it’s really not like that. Yeah, there was a woman. Malika. But she only verbalized things about me I already knew to be true.”

He’d started hating himself long before he’d crossed the ocean toward home that final time. Malika’s pious condemnation had only solidified it. Though it had been a lot more painful coming from someone he’d thought was on his side.

“Who was she?”

He shrugged. “Just a girl I thought was waiting for me. She liked the romance of dating a SEAL who was off doing stuff she could brag about to her friends, but not the reality. After I came home, it all fell apart. She claimed I’d changed.”

Among other things. She hadn’t wanted him to touch her, as if he might infect her with his dirty hands. That had been the most painful.

“Of course you’d changed.” The fury in Emma’s voice salved a bit of the rawness this conversation had created. “You can’t go through hell and emerge the same.”

Emma got that, as he well knew. Her wisdom and strength came from experience. He hated that she’d been forced to walk that path, but God, was it so wrong to be relieved someone understood? “Yeah. Seems like she was expecting that.”

“I’m sorry, Dex. She had an opportunity to be there for you, to help you heal, and she gave that up. What a stupid woman.” Emma clucked and shook her head. “But lucky for me because now I get to.”

The wonder of it bled through him. That’s what was happening here. A cleansing. He’d confessed all his sins to a woman who not only wasn’t repulsed, she’d stuck around to wade through the crap with him.

“Lucky for me too,” he murmured and pulled her into his lap because she was too far away. Her tight little body fit into the hollow of his crossed legs like a charm, but the stretch of silky hip bone against his groin woke up everything south of his waist in point zero seconds.

Her mouth turned up against his neck as she nuzzled it. “Take it from me, the only way to break free of the darkness is to kick your way to the surface. Sometimes it helps to have someone up there shining a light to guide your way. You did it for me. I’m here for you now.”

And miracle of miracles, he could believe that. Could almost believe those good qualities she claimed to see in him were real. Maybe they were. Because of her.

How did you even respond to that? He didn’t have a clue but he’d find a way, and hopefully it started with a kiss.

D
ex slept like a dead man. It was kind of cute. Emma had been watching him for a minute or twelve because God, the man was gorgeous. In sleep he didn’t have all his barriers up.

Asleep she didn’t have to worry whether he could see right through her. Because she was in a lot of trouble here, and the less he figured out what was going on inside her, the better.

Thank God she was leaving tomorrow. She could go back to Boston, renewed and happy. Or something like that.

Dex’s eyes blinked open, and the slumberous, sexy glance he shot her nearly put her over the edge. That was the thing she’d miss the most, the way he instantly set her on fire. She had to get out of this bed where he’d held her all night long after exhausting her a third time. It smelled like him, and all she wanted to do was curl into his side and let the force of him pound through her like a tidal wave.

She was stronger than that. She had to be.

When he reached for her, she almost wept. But pasted on a bright smile. “Oh, no you don’t. Seems like you mentioned you had to be at work bright and early this morning.”

Dex growled out a curse. “What time is it?”

“Nearly eight. Rachel will be back soon.” She hoped. Who knew where the woman had spent the night? With Rachel, it was just as possible that she’d ended up watching TV in the hotel clubhouse as it was that she’d had a threesome in the hot tub.

He sat up, and the covers slid off his contoured chest. Instantly Emma’s mouth went dry. There wasn’t a more finely built man in the entire Caribbean.

“Yeah, I have to go,” he groused.

She watched him slide from the bed and get dressed, covering up his naked form far too fast. And then he swept out the door with a quick kiss to her forehead, leaving her alone in silence.

Except then the sound of her heart beating filled her ears, and something huge and sad filled her chest until the only way to relieve the pressure was to sob.

Pretending that she was going to be okay when she left didn’t make it so. Dex had gotten ahold of her somehow when she wasn’t looking. How could this have happened? Her simple vacation fling had grown teeth.

Well, she’d have to figure out how to be okay. Weakness wasn’t an option, and Dex definitely felt like a weakness when she couldn’t even figure out how to get out of the bed he’d made love to her in without wanting to curl into a ball.

She’d spent the past three months curled in a ball. She’d come to the Bahamas to get past that, to go in the water and prove she had every bit of her old self still under the surface somewhere. Emma Richardson was not defined by any man, not Chris Cummings, and definitely not James Riley. So she’d go under water by herself. She didn’t need Dex.

Resolute, she rolled from the bed and found her white bikini. It was symbolic. All the important steps she’d taken thus far had happened while wearing this suit, and she was taking the final step in it as well.

God, why had she associated the fabric with Dex’s hands? Slipping it on became an exercise in agony now that she actually knew what his hands felt like on her breasts. Ignoring the state she’d just thrown herself into, she picked up a towel and sunglasses and left the room before she gave in and stripped off the swimsuit.

The walk to the secluded beach past the barriers of the resort didn’t take long enough to settle her nerves. Emma stopped at the edge of the surf, letting the water rush over her toes. So far, so good. She waded out up to her ankles. To her calves. Knees.

She should dive in. Get it over with. Show herself that she’d turned that corner on her own. Sure, Dex had held her hand, encouraged her, but she wasn’t dependent on him. She could do this.

A particularly strong wave broke against her waist, flinging salt spray at her face as it knocked her off balance. How had she gotten this deep, this fast? Didn’t matter. Righting herself, she fought the current and forced herself deeper.

Do it. Stick your head under the water, then go back to the resort. Find Rachel and have a margarita.

She couldn’t bend her knees. Tried. But they locked, refusing to allow her to ease down into the rolling water. There was nothing to be done but to fall backward. Drawing on a sudden burst of harmony that welled up from somewhere way down inside, she did.

Her arms shot out, spread-eagled, as she smacked the surface and plunged below. Sputtering, she pedaled her legs against the sandy bottom and finally bit in with a heel, pushing herself free of the water.

Yes, she’d done it. Her pre-Chris self had prevailed. Wiping the water from her eyes, she spun and smacked straight into Dex’s bare chest.

His hands came up to steady her, warming her, as his concerned face snapped into focus. “Emma. Are you okay?”

“You’re not supposed to be here.”

He’d followed her. The whole time she’d been fighting with elements of nature, with the fears and uncertainties, he’d been five feet from her.

Was that the only reason she’d been able to do it? Had her body somehow sensed his presence and relaxed its moratorium on going below the surface?

“I was on my way back to your room. The guys gave me the day off.” His thumbs smoothed over her shoulders, oblivious to the inner turmoil his presence had stirred up. “I wanted to spend time with you before you left.”

“You didn’t have to come in after me.” A wave splashed against her back as she stared at his disheveled hair that had been misshapen by her own hands not that long ago.

“I… wanted to be sure you were okay.” He cocked his head. “But I wasn’t going to stop you. I was just watching. You know, in case.”

“In case?” Her spine bristled. “Like there was a question about whether I was strong enough to do this on my own?”

“No, like the current is deceptive. You should never swim alone.”

“I wasn’t swimming,” she pointed out defensively because of course he was right. “I don’t need you to protect me, Dex. Some things I have to do on my own.”

His hands slipped from her shoulders. “Okay. What should I have done? Kept walking when I saw you wade out into the surf, pretending I hadn’t seen you put yourself at risk?”

“Yeah.” And that was dumb to even say out loud when he wouldn’t have done that under any circumstances, but he had her all upset and backward. “I’m going home tomorrow. Soon, you’ll just be that hot guy I had a fling with on vacation. You won’t be around the next time I go in the water. You won’t be there to save me anymore.”

Her heart twisted as she said the words, even though they were the God honest truth. He wasn’t her white knight for better or for worse, for as long as they both shall live. When she went home to Boston, she wasn’t going to turn around at the door of her apartment to see him standing there with a cocky grin, one hip resting against the brick wall opposite her.

“I know that, Emma.” His expression closed in, hardening. “You’re glossing over the part where I didn’t alert you that I was here. I could have. I could have put my hand on your back ten different times, like I did when you were inching off the boat at a snail’s pace. I could have slid my fingers into yours, holding tight, like I did when we were snorkeling. But I didn’t. Because I wanted you to see how strong and amazing you are all on your own. So you could go back home and put your life back together.”

Oh, God. Her throat tightened, and all the things she’d tried to push away flooded through her chest, enlarging her heart. It was everything she’d sought but hadn’t achieved because he had it all wrong—she was only strong because of him. Not on her own. Somehow she’d grown dependent on him after all. He’d been her light from the first.

That wasn’t what she’d wanted. At all.

“Yeah, okay. Great,” she offered lamely because that was all her quaking insides would allow her to get out. “That’s awesome. Thanks.”

“Goes both ways,” he said with a gentle smile. “The thanks. Come with me to Ilhota Rosa, Emma. I want to show it to you, just me and you and the ocean. Nothing but pink sand between us until the moment you have to leave. It will be the perfect way to end your vacation fling, I promise.”

Yes. It was right there on the tip of her tongue, and she ached to voice it. One very last time with Dex, with his light and his smile and the way his mouth set her on fire.

But she couldn’t. That was the real test here, whether she was strong enough to resist him. Whether she could walk away. Whether she could make good on what she’d tried—and failed—to do yesterday: avoid Dex.

“Oh, that sounds lovely, but Rachel wanted to do some… stuff together on our last day. We have to leave for the airport super early, so this is it,” she lied brightly.

Rachel had said no such thing, and considering she hadn’t even seen the woman since yesterday, it would have been difficult indeed to express last-day plans. Plus, Rachel would probably encourage Emma to have that one last time, never realizing she was pushing Emma toward the brink of destruction, not healing.

He blinked, and his beautiful lips turned down. “Yeah, okay. I guess the invitation was pretty last minute. This is your vacation. You should spend it doing what you want.”

She wanted Dex, that was the problem. “You’re so great for understanding, really.”

She hated it. Hated that he so willingly gave up a second of their time together, never mind that she’d been the one to reject the idea.

“Maybe you could do your thing with Rachel and hang out with me later?” he suggested offhandedly, like it was cool either way.

“You know, it’s probably better to say good-bye now. No point in dragging it out, right?”

I’d rather end things now than later when it will be so much more complicated to sort things out
. When she’d said it to Chris, she’d meant the legal aspects of being married. With Dex, she truly didn’t think her soul could take it if he kissed her again.