Claiming the Cowboy's Heart (13 page)

Seth had done his best to stay as far away from Jayne as possible yesterday. He’d sat and watched her struggle to handle the gun when every instinct told him to give her a hand.

But he’d found giving her a hand brought out a whole bunch of feelings he wasn’t prepared to deal with. Besides, she didn’t need or want his protection.

He must remember that in a few more days he would be on his way to his pa. Jayne would then be on her own—exactly what she wanted. Surely he would be able to avoid her easily enough today, it being Sunday.

Eddie had informed him they held church services in the cookhouse and invited him to attend. It would be rude to refuse. Not that he didn’t want to go. But he suspected it would be hard to ignore Jayne for the entire service.

Seth waited until the others left to descend the stairs and follow. Unfortunately it gave him plenty of opportunity to study those ahead of him.

Linette clung to Eddie’s arm as Grady raced ahead. Jayne, Mercy and Sybil walked arm in arm. The trio was such good friends.

Mercy’s hair had been tamed to a coil at the back of her neck and further subdued by her bonnet. She wore a muted green dress. Sybil, her hair tidy, wore a gray bonnet. She was like a flash of evening sun in her dark gold dress. They walked on either side of Jayne.

Jayne. He could no longer keep his gaze off her.

Like the others, she’d pulled her hair into a demure coil at the back of her head and wore a navy bonnet. A faint rustling sound reached him as her navy skirt swung with every step. A blue-striped shirtwaist completed her outfit.

Her full-throated laugh rang out as Mercy said something.

He slowed his steps and leaned heavily on his crutch. He’d considered not using it anymore but Linette had checked his wound and suggested one more day. Just to be on the safe side.

The others reached the cookhouse and stepped inside except for Jayne. She dropped her friends’ arms and waited for Seth.

So much for keeping his distance from her but he couldn’t find a hint of disappointment in his thoughts.

“You’ll want to meet the others,” she said as he reached her side.

He told himself that was a good enough reason to accompany her despite his decision to confine their time together to the shooting lessons. They stepped in.

The benches had been arranged to face the table. Cookie sat behind it with a smaller man at her side. “Come in, come in,” she called.

Seth and Jayne moved toward Cookie.

“Seth, this is Bertie, Cookie’s husband.”

Bertie held out a hand and they shook. Seth liked the friendly welcome in the man’s face.

Jayne led him toward a young couple. “This is Ward and Grace Walker and little Belle.” The woman had flaming-red hair. The little girl bounced on the bench with what he could only interpret as a zest for life. Ward beamed as if so proud of his wife and child he could hardly restrain himself from pointing out their virtues.

He must love them a lot.

Seth envied the man, though he didn’t want the responsibility of love for himself.

Next he met Cassie and Roper and the other children. Then three cowboys. Eddie had said there were a dozen cowboys about but most of them were with the cattle. He met Cal, who kept glancing at Mercy, and Slim, a tall, quiet man. He’d already met Buster.

Introductions over, Jayne and Seth sat down side by side, in the only available place. Their elbows brushed, flooding his brain with sweetness. He told himself he had enough responsibilities and didn’t want any more. Even if he somehow convinced himself he’d like to add Jayne to that list, could he even succeed? Or would he fail to protect her? He couldn’t live with failure of that magnitude.

Thankfully, Cookie stood before his thoughts rambled further astray. She led them in singing three hymns. It was a rowdy choir but full of enthusiasm. Beside him, Jayne’s voice was clear and sweet. He mumbled the words of the song in a sort of daze as the spot where her arm touched his grew warmer.

Then Bertie stood up to speak. “I want to warn the ladies from England that I ain’t a preacher. No siree. But I know my God. I’ve known Him for more years than I care to tell. And there’s one thing I’m certain of. He is as good as His word and you couldn’t ask for more. He says in Matthew six, verse twenty six, that He watches the fowls of the air and not one of them falls to the ground without His notice. Imagine, He watches the little sparrows. I guess one of us is worth a whole lot more than a sparrow. Why they ain’t even good for a pie.”

Everyone chuckled.

“But His eye is on the sparrow so I know it’s on me for my good. It’s on every one of you, too, for your good.”

When the short service ended, Seth didn’t immediately move. Bertie’s words filled his heart. God watched over sparrows? So why did some fall to the ground and die? He couldn’t believe as simply as Bertie did.

People shifted about and Cookie served tea, coffee and cinnamon rolls. And the whole crew sat around and visited.

Cal edged closer to Seth. “Heard you got shot.” His gaze slid toward Jayne and he grinned.

Seth kept his expression bland but bristled inside. “It was an accident.” His soft words gave away nothing. The man would never know that Seth resented the way the cowboy wanted to make an issue of it.

“Sure glad I wasn’t in the line of fire.” Cal laughed.

Beside Seth, Jayne stiffened. Then she relaxed and chuckled. “I’m glad you weren’t, too. Wouldn’t it be awful if I injured two cowboys? But just think of all the attention you would garner.” She grinned at him.

Cal’s gaze went to Mercy and lingered. When he looked at them again, he looked thoughtful. “Might be worth it. When are you going shooting again?”

Jayne laughed. “I won’t be shooting anyone accidentally again. Seth is making sure that doesn’t happen.” She turned to him, favoring him with a smile full of gratitude that slipped into his heart like a silent intruder…though not an unwelcome one, he realized. His resolve seemed to have no lasting effect on his thoughts. Or his heart. And at the moment it didn’t matter.

He smiled into Jayne’s eyes, letting his heart speak for him, telling her he was glad to be able to help her. Glad to spend a few days with her.

Apparently Sundays included going up the hill for Sunday dinner for, at Linette’s invitation, Cassie, Roper and their children, Ward, Grace and Belle joined the guests of the house in climbing the hill toward the big house.

Eddie took the men into the front room while the women and children went to the kitchen to prepare the meal.

Seth sat back in one of the easy chairs, content to listen to the conversation among the other men and the laughter and chatting from the kitchen. But it was not to be. The men wanted to know where he’d been, what he’d seen and any news he could pass on.

The hour or two as the women worked in the kitchen passed pleasantly enough as he told about the cattle drive, the number of animals that had successfully arrived at the ranch northwest of the Eden Valley Ranch. He described the owners and every other specific he could recall until Linette announced the meal was ready.

Extra chairs crowded the table that had been extended to its full length. Seth tried to position himself for a place away from Jayne but Linette waved him to her side.

And to be honest, he truly didn’t mind. He held bowls and platters for her as she served portions for herself. He snagged a dish of butter for her when she looked about for it. He asked her advice when Linette asked him to choose between raisin or pumpkin pie.

“I recommend the raisin,” she said. Her smile was both sweet and teasing, filling him with sweetness.

He chose the raisin and wasn’t disappointed.

After the meal ended, men, women and children helped clean up the dishes and put away the extra chairs then they again retired to the front room.

Linette settled in the green armchair before the window. Her gaze went outside and she sighed then faced the others. “Eddie says the lumber for the new church should arrive any day. I can hardly wait, though I will miss the coziness of meeting in the cookhouse.”

Seth studied the gathering as the conversation circled about him. Across from him, Jayne held out her arms to little Pansy and lifted her to her lap. The child pressed her head to Jayne’s shoulder and closed her eyes.

Jayne’s gaze crashed into Seth’s and he saw the longing and a hefty dose of hopelessness. No doubt she had dreamed of babies with Oliver. His heart twisted at her pain and loss. If they had been alone, he might have ignored his intention of not getting involved and taken her in his arms and comforted her.

Her look went on and on, delving deep into his soul, seeking something he couldn’t offer her. Assurances he couldn’t give. Promises he couldn’t keep. Not that he wasn’t tempted to give it a try.

Pansy shifted and drew Jayne’s attention away.

Seth glanced at the other children playing quietly with Grady’s toys. His eyes lit on Cassie. Four children was a lot of responsibility. They could get hurt, sick, have an accident, so many things. That had to be a heavy weight for Roper, too.

As if the cowboy read his mind, he took a seat next to Seth and began to talk.

“I could never have guessed how much joy the children would bring to our lives. Bertie’s talk about God watching over the sparrows really encouraged me, reminding me, as it did, that these children aren’t solely my responsibility. They are, above all, God’s children. He saw fit to bring them into my life and Cassie’s. Then He saw fit to enable us to keep them. For sure, I can trust God with the rest. Their future, their health, their happiness.” The man let out a satisfied sigh.

His words startled Seth. Was it possible to accept responsibilities and expect God to take care of them?

Chapter Nine

T
he next morning, Jayne and Seth left the house in the direction of the clearing for another lesson. The sun was warm in a cloudless sky. A breeze promised modest relief from the heat that would build throughout the day.

Seth walked without a crutch, limping slightly.

“How is your leg?” she asked.

“It’s okay. No lasting damage.”

“I’m relieved to know it.” She watched him from the corner of her eye. Yesterday he had seemed a little distant, as if he regretted his offer to stay long enough to teach her to shoot well. If that was the case, she needed to make sure the lessons were satisfactorily concluded as soon as possible.

“I am determined to keep my eyes open today.”

He chuckled. “Weren’t you determined the other days?”

“Yes, but this time I am really determined.” They reached the clearing and she took out her pistol, got into position and spoke his instructions aloud so he would know she remembered and followed them. She set her sights on the target, gritted her teeth—
eyes open, eyes open
—and squeezed the trigger.
Click
. The gun wasn’t loaded so there was no explosion to startle her.

She stared at the target. She’d seen it the whole time.

Lowering the gun, she turned to Seth. “I did it. I did it.” She jumped up and down and ran to his side to grab his arm and shake it. “I kept my eyes open.”

He covered her hand with his, anchoring her to the spot. What was there about him that reached out to her, making her want to stay connected to him?

She withdrew her hand and backed away. “Isn’t it time for a real bullet?”

“I don’t think you should rush. Let’s see if you can keep your eyes open more than once.”

She tipped her head and studied him. “I thought you would be anxious to be on your way now that your leg is ready.”

His gaze watchful, guarded even, his mouth flat, he revealed nothing. He nodded. “Not so anxious to leave before you can shoot a gun with reasonable accuracy and with your eyes open.” His eyes narrowed. “I do not want to live wondering if I’m in any way responsible for someone being injured or dead.”

She hurried back to the place where she must stand. So it was for his conscience. For unknown people. Didn’t he care at all to stay for her sake, because he was concerned about her, or even because he might be enjoying her company a tiny bit?

She jerked the gun into position, and eyed the sights. She gripped it tight and focused and then—

Something brushed her skirts. Her heart crashed against her ribs and she screamed and bolted to the side.

“Smokey.” The cat plopped down where Jayne had been standing and started to groom herself.

Seth scooped the cat into his arms. “What are you doing here?”

Jayne pressed a hand to her chest and willed her heartbeat back to a normal pace. “She about scared me to death.”

Seth chuckled. “You did jump rather high.”

Her breath whooshed out. “Good thing I didn’t have the gun loaded or I might have shot her.” Seeing the shock on Seth’s face, she hurriedly added, “Not on purpose.”

“How many accidents are you planning?” The way he cocked his head and studied her without revealing his thoughts left her floundering, especially as he petted the cat and received grateful purrs.

“I hardly think you plan accidents.” Her fright continued to make her edgy.

He looked out into the distance as if considering her words. “A lot of accidents could be avoided if people planned not to have them.”

The sorrow in his words made her think he wasn’t talking about her. “You’re referring to the death of your friends.” He’d said so little about something that had such an obvious impact on him. She wanted to learn more. “Were they shot?” She shuddered.

“No.” His answer was abrupt.

She waited, giving him plenty of opportunity to say more. When he didn’t, she pretended she wasn’t disappointed and returned to her place before the target.

One by one, deliberate enough to satisfy the most critical teacher, she went through the steps and—
click
—kept her eyes open.

But when she turned for his approval he still stared into the distance, his hand mindlessly stroking the cat.

Smokey was satisfied with his distracted attention.

Jayne wasn’t. Yet she couldn’t demand more. She didn’t have the right. But her heart went out to him. He looked lost.