Claire's Prayer (20 page)

Over an hour later, she heard Seth and Naomi talking outside the lodge, and wondered what they’d been doing for so long – before she realised she must have missed the drinks that Craig had promised them. Her heart sank: the thought that they might have been discussing her scorched her with shame. Closing her burning eyes, she turned over and pretended she was asleep. She hated deceiving Naomi now just as she’d hated lying to her earlier that day, but she couldn’t handle speaking to anyone about this. The door opened and a light wind flowed into the room, causing the curtains to billow.

She heard Naomi say, softly, “Claire? Claire, are you awake? You left your handbag – I brought it for you.”

Forcing herself to breathe deeply, feigning sleep, Claire was relieved as Naomi clicked off the light, undressed and climbed into bed without trying to speak to her again. Long after Naomi’s breathing was as slow as Claire’s had seemed, Claire herself lay wide awake, thinking, confused and sad.

She was finally dozing off into disturbed, nightmarish sleep, when an eerie ‘whoop’ noise cut through the quiet night and a high-pitched, ghoulish giggling came from somewhere nearby. Sitting bolt upright in bed, Claire gave a frightened scream: she had no idea if she was still trapped in bad dreams, or really being attacked…

Naomi awoke suddenly, startled. Yanking on the light she stared sleepily at Claire.

“What is it, Claire? What’s wrong?”

Before Claire could answer, there was a loud crash and the piercing laughter came again. Now awake, Naomi smiled reassuringly as Claire continued to panic.

“Don’t worry – that’s just the hyenas! Seth told me to warn you about them, but you were already sleeping when I came in. At night they scavenge for scraps in the rubbish bins.”

Claire shuddered as more whoops joined with the shrill giggles. Seeing she wasn’t convinced, Naomi walked over to her and, holding out her hand, said, “Come on, then. Let me prove to you that it’s just another fascinating animal, and not some monster out there!”

Only slightly reassured by Naomi’s smile, Claire reluctantly left the sanctuary of her bed. She followed Naomi into the small kitchen. Opening the curtains and flicking on the light, Naomi pointed. The hyenas, four of them, had pulled over the metal rubbish bin, and debris was scattered everywhere. Claire stared in horror at the strange, dog-like animals, which stared unblinkingly back at them through the window. The hyenas were certainly funny-looking creatures, with sloping hindquarters and heavy forequarters, which gave them a wasted look. Then a noise from a distant lodge disturbed the scavengers and, as one, they took off with a lopsided, shambling run.

“You see, Claire? Their giggles are pretty eerie, but they’re just hyenas out to make mischief at night. It’s safe enough to watch them behind a window, but bear in mind they’re quite savage – I wouldn’t have gone outside to scare them off. Their jaws are very strong and they have barely any sense of fear. But they’re gone! Are you okay now?” Naomi looked at her dazed friend with concern.

Claire nodded. Then, realising she’d got her friend out of bed, said, “I’m so sorry, Naomi. Seeing as we’re both wide awake now, should I make some tea? I need to calm down a bit before I’ll be able to sleep again.” She shuddered. “That perfectly horrible noise they make…”

Setting out the cups as Claire filled the kettle, Naomi defused the situation by chatting on about her earlier conversation with Tony.

This time when Claire settled into bed, sleep came quickly – and it was as though the real-life monsters had exorcised her nightmares.

Naomi pulled at Claire insistently. “Claire, wake up now! We overslept – we’ll miss breakfast! The dining room closes at nine o’clock and it’s eight fifteen now!” Feeling as if she had to prise open her eyes, Claire sat up and accepted the cup of tea Naomi held out to her as her words sank in.

Swinging her legs out of bed, Claire gulped down the tea and ran her fingers through her hair. This wasn’t the best start to a day during which she’d hoped to be able to pull herself together. She hurried to the bathroom.

“I’ll be ready in fifteen minutes,” Claire called back. “I’m starving – we can’t miss breakfast!”

Confident in Claire’s appetite if nothing else, Naomi started to relax.

In record time, Claire had washed and dressed. Over breakfast, Naomi told her. “Seth popped by while you were showering – he’s gone to see Craig about something. He said he’ll pick us up at about ten o’clock, to take a drive to Main Camp. We’ll have lunch there – that okay?”

Claire nodded in agreement through a mouthful of scrambled eggs and then, swallowing, asked, “What time are we leaving tomorrow? I’d like to give Aunt Ellen a call if we don’t get back to Impunzi too late.”

“We won’t leave late – probably just after lunch. I know Seth is eager to get back to the ranch… and, y’know, I’m quite keen to see Tony!” Naomi told her.

Claire was glad. Having finalised her own decision, she’d decided to tell her aunt as soon as possible that she planned to return to Ireland early. She would, she knew, gloss over the real reason and convince Aunt Ellen that she just wanted to get back home and begin to live her life. While this wouldn’t precisely be a lie, Claire told herself, she’d been disheartened at how easily untruths seemed to come to her lips now. That was just one for reason for getting out of the situation as soon as possible.

True to his word, Seth hooted for them shortly after ten o’clock. The temperature had risen, and a heat haze hovered over the bush veldt. As they had done the day before they drove slowly but, for the first half an hour or so, no-one saw anything. Then Seth pointed out a herd of giraffe, cleverly camouflaged between the trees. Soon after that, Naomi spotted a group of graceful impala leaping across the landscape and, just as the gate of Main Camp came into sight, a large herd of about forty buffalo with reddish-brown coats ran helter-skelter across the road.

Main Camp was much larger than Sinamatella. It was bustling with tourists, their vehicles coming and going, but its layout and operation seemed similar: waiters still hurried to and fro, and the terrace also overlooked a vast plain. Indulging Claire’s growing fondness for retail therapy, she and Naomi looked in the souvenir shop for a while, and then were quite content to laze in the shade until lunchtime, flicking through the magazines they’d bought. As noon approached, long tables were set out under a huge baobab tree, and soon hungry people gathered around to serve themselves from a large variety of cold meats and salads. After lunch Seth disappeared again for a while, stating as delicately as he could that he had to finalise dates for the culling with the camp manager. Savouring the food, the girls sat contentedly, watching a herd of elephants make their way to the edge of the small lake adjacent to the trees.

Claire was beginning sincerely to appreciate feeling genuinely relaxed when, seemingly out of nowhere, Seth interrupted them. He had an alarmingly grim look on his face.

“Come on, you two, we need to get on our way. Naomi, there’s a problem at the ranch.” Naomi leapt to her feet, her face stricken with alarm. Seth laid a hand on her arm, and softened his tone. “Tony’s fine – but his mother’s had a heart attack in Bulawayo, and he’s been called to get there urgently. I think you should be with him through this, Naomi – she isn’t expected to pull through.”

Concern filled Naomi’s face as she said, shocked, “Oh – oh, poor Tony – she’s already had one heart attack this year. He was warned that if she had another it’d fatal. He must be in such a state. How can I get back to Impunzi, Seth?” Everyone at the table knew the pain of losing parents, and that there wasn’t a moment to lose.

As they headed back to the car, Seth said, “That’s all taken care of. Craig’s sending a truck to Hwange for supplies this afternoon. I’ve asked him if you can catch a lift, and then Tony will pick you up in Hwange later, at the Baobab Hotel. He’s managed to get both of you on the evening flight to Bulawayo. Okay?” He looked at her for reassurance.

They reached Sinematella as quickly as they could, and the next hour passed in a frenzy of activity. Claire helped Naomi to pack and then, promising to pray for Tony’s mother, she waved as the truck pulled off. She and Seth turned towards one another as it turned a corner, vanishing from sight. Only then did it strike Claire that now she was alone with Seth.

Claire’s mind raced. “Seth… Are we staying? Shouldn’t you get back to Impunzi?”

Regarding her dully, Seth paused and then said, “Craig and Cheryl have prepared a braai for us, otherwise we’d leave now. As it is, we’ll be leaving early tomorrow morning. With Tony in Bulawayo, you’re right: I need to get back to the ranch.”

Claire nodded. “Then I – I think I’ll go and rest for a while, if that’s okay.”

Seth paused, as though about to say something different, but eventually answered, “Okay. I’ll come and get you at about six.”

Unable to bear the lost look in Claire’s eyes, he turned abruptly and strode off. He’d been trying as hard as he could to pick Claire apart in his mind, to find fault with her… But, he had to admit, she’d behaved brilliantly when it counted: she’d looked after Naomi, done most of the packing for her, found her some snacks for the journey – and she’d also immediately understood how much he needed to get home. She hadn’t helped his cause. Hurting, he kicked a rock, and watched it bounce away.

Claire watched Seth walk towards his own cabin, her eyes clinging to his broad, strong back. She noticed that his hands were clenched into fists at his sides. She admired so much the way he’d sorted everything before burdening Naomi with the bad news. He was protective, caring and, judging by the way he’d acted around his panicking younger sister, far more considerate than she’d given him credit for.
That was
, she thought as she all but slammed her lodge door behind her,
unhelpful
.

The inside of the lodge was lovely and cool after the sticky early-afternoon heat, and quiet after the crisis. Claire felt a little at a loss. Showering, she wrapped herself in a dressing gown and settled on the bed to try to read. The peace and delicious coolness of her sheet soon relaxed her and, before long, the exhaustion of emotion took hold of her. The words on the page in front of her merged together, and she fell asleep.

Chapter Fourteen

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you.
Draw me after you; let us run.

(Song of Solomon 1:2-8)

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

(Romans 3:23)

Seth, freshly showered, knocked on Claire’s door at five to six, but nothing stirred; all was quiet. Frowning, he knocked again, louder. Still nothing. Turning the door handle, he was momentarily relieved when the door swung silently inwards.
At least she can’t have left, or she’d lock up
, he thought. The small sitting room was empty, and so too the adjoining kitchen. Seth walked to the bedroom, where his eye focused on the sleeping form. Curled up facing him, a peaceful expression on her face, Claire slept on, unaware of his entrance. She had fallen asleep wearing only a gown, and now… In the split second he stood there, Seth felt the tightness of desire clench his stomach muscles, and his burning eyes clung to her feminine curves. In that one moment, he had to fight down an animal instinct to cross to the bed… But Seth turned quickly away, gasping with the shock of not knowing how to act.

Claire opened her eyes at the inhalation, and saw Seth retreating before he managed to get out of the room. With a little cry of shock, suddenly realising that she was almost naked, Claire hastily grabbed the sides of her gown to try and cover herself more fully.

Still with his back to her, Seth spoke from the bedroom doorway in a cracking voice. “I did knock, but you were asleep. Get dressed now – we have to go.” Taking a deep, steadying breath, he walked stiffly to the door and left her alone.

Shaking, Claire quickly dressed, pulling on the jeans and light top she had left out to wear. With trembling hands, she fixed her hair and applied a sweep of lip gloss. Her lips felt full and sensitive, and the ache was back in her belly.

Seth stood on the terrace of Claire’s lodge, looking out into the evening but seeing nothing. Hands pushed deep into his pockets, he fought to get control of himself. Over the last few days he’d been blocking her from his mind with varying success, but right now he needed Claire with a desperation that shocked and scared him. Raking an impatient hand through his hair, he wondered blindly where it would end.

From the lodge doorway, Claire stood watching him, feeling awkward and empty. Finally she said his name, softly. “Seth.”

He turned to face her, resignation and frustration on his face. Sighing deeply, he came over to her and silently they left the lodge.

As Seth and Claire walked, each felt the other’s discomfort almost physically. Slowly, the mutuality of their feelings thawed their hostility. The accident of what had happened, which had disturbed them both so obviously, began to draw them together as though they were both its victims rather than its protagonists. As both of them had felt for months, it seemed events were overtaking them – that things were getting entirely out of their hands. As the soft night air breathed around them, their antipathy warmed to empathy and tenderness.

By the time they approached Craig’s door, sensing Claire’s shyness and apprehension at the coming evening especially after what had happened, Seth slipped a comforting arm around her shoulders before he knocked, and Claire welcomed it.

A boy of about five answered the door. Seeing that they were Seth’s, he threw himself at the legs in front of him, shouting, “Hey, Guy – come and see who’s here! It’s Uncle Seth, it’s Uncle Seth!”

Lifting his arm from around Claire, Seth stooped down and picked up the wriggling boy. In a mock-stern voice, he said, “Listen up, Travis: this pretty lady is Claire. Say ‘hello’ to her.”

Suddenly shy, Travis hid his face against Seth’s neck and muttered, peeking out, “Hello, Aunty Claire.”

As Claire grinned up at the bashful boy’s face, Craig appeared holding his younger son. He deposited the boy in Seth’s free arm, and held his hand out to greet Claire. As Craig ushered them inside, she noticed he had an apron wrapped around his waist with a slogan splashed across it, and couldn’t help laughing as she read what it said: ‘My wife tells me I’m the boss – she even gave me permission to say so!’

Closing the door behind them, he said, “Welcome, Seth; welcome, Claire! Cheryl’s just getting out of the bath – quite a feat, these days. Travis, Guy, go and play a while, okay?”

Swatting the boys playfully on their bottoms as they ran off, he led Seth and Claire out onto the terrace. A lovely braai area had been built: a fire already blazed under its grate, and a table to the side held plates, assorted sauces and covered salad bowls. Craig shouted to Cheryl to “Hurry up – our guests have arrived!”, and offered them each a drink. Travis and Guy rushed outside, whooping like monkeys, and following them was a woman in the chicest maternity dress Claire’d ever seen.

Leaving Claire’s side, Seth went to her with a wide grin. He hugged her, and said, “Hey there, pregnant lady! How are you?” Without waiting for an answer, propelling her forward, he introduced her to Claire.

Very soon, Claire felt completely at home. Cheryl was friendly and open, and Craig always joking and easy to get on with. The food was heavenly, too; Cheryl had really gone out of her way, making different salads and a delicious potato dish. The two boys, who obviously loved Seth, were adorable. Overcoming his shyness, Travis had sidled back up to Seth and had soon curled up on his lap, where Seth’s strong arms were circled around him. Likewise, Guy had cuddled up on her lap. She delighted in the feel of the small warm body, leaning trustingly against her. And, as Claire watched Seth holding the little boy, a strange tightness gripped not her stomach, but her heart. She lost her breath, and actually felt the blood drain from her face.

She loved him. That was what all the confusion and frustration were about. She loved Seth. Totally, completely, eternally. She’d been telling herself it was just some silly infatuation, but how could she have been so blind? As if sensing a change in her, Seth looked over. Taking in her stricken look and her ashen face, he crossed over to her quickly, still holding the boy.

“Claire, what’s wrong? Are you okay? You’ve gone very pale. What is it?”

Seth’s proximity wasn’t helping her, but she heard the concern in his voice. Shaking her head, she tried to answer calmly. “I’m okay, honestly… I just felt a little dizzy for a moment. But I’m fine now – thanks, Seth.” She tried to laugh off his solicitude.

Nevertheless, balancing a sleepy Travis on his hip, Seth carried two chairs over to the fireside for her and Cheryl, and instructed them firmly to look after themselves. Realising that all eyes were on her as she picked up Guy and joined Cheryl in the warmth, Claire hastily asked, “Seth, did Naomi get back safely?”

Distracted, Seth answered her. “Yes – she called from the Baobab Hotel. They’ll be in Bulawayo by ten thirty tonight.”

Claire felt strangely removed from everything after that. She spoke to Cheryl about her pregnancy and the boys, and their life in Zimbabwe in general. She even joked with Craig. But Seth was at her side all the time, and she was aware of his every move, and every breath.

Soon after dinner, the boys were put to bed by Craig, and Claire was touched that they both gave her a hug and kiss in farewell. Then a bottle of wine was opened, and the conversation flowed for the rest of the evening. All the while, Claire half-watched Seth. She envied the woman who would have the privilege of winning his love, and bearing his children. He would be a loving husband and father, she just knew it.

Rather later, Cheryl stifled a yawn and Seth, noticing this, stood and held out his hand to help Claire to her feet.

“Thanks so much Craig, Cheryl, for a lovely evening,” he said warmly. “Your turn to visit us at Impunzi next, okay?”

Cheryl and Craig walked them to the front door, where they thanked them for coming, wished them safe travel for the next day and, concernedly, sent their love to Naomi and Tony. Craig promised to let Seth know when Cheryl had the baby, jokingly adding that they hoped that this time they had the recipe right for a girl!

Claire and Seth chatted jovially on their walk back across the hotel grounds, praising Cheryl’s hospitality and Craig’s good humour, but much too soon they were in front of Claire’s lodge. With a compulsion far beyond her control, Claire did not want Seth to go – not yet. She felt deeply that the night had potential for magic, and she was somehow, senselessly, driven to let it take its course. Instead of saying goodnight, Claire asked, nervously, “Would you like to come in for coffee, Seth?”

Seth regarded her searchingly. He, too, felt that something was happening over which he had no power. He didn’t have the energy to fight against it any longer. He answered, at last, “Yes, thanks. A cup of coffee would be great right now.”

Claire got as far as filling the kettle with water.

Sliding his arms around her, Seth drew Claire unresistingly back against him. Claire wondered dazedly if he had read her mind, or if he felt the same as she did, as though she was being carried on waves against which she couldn’t swim. Seth’s hands held her lightly as he nuzzled her neck, kissing her madly-beating pulse. Drawing a strangled breath, Claire dropped the kettle into the basin. Seth turned her urgently into his arms, his eyes burning hungrily into hers, and Claire was lost in the maelstrom of emotions he released in her.

Claire awoke slowly, in increments. Her body felt sore, as though she’d been for a run already. Flashes of recollection raced through her mind: Seth lowering his tender, searching mouth to hers; her hands tracing out the contours of his heavily-muscled shoulders; separated from sanity, she’d gripped him with fierce urgency; she’d clung to him as he swung her up into his arms and carried her through to this room… As it had done the evening before, weakness invaded Claire’s limbs, and a deep groan issued from the depths of her soul. Despite all of her determination her body had betrayed her and she’d given him her most precious gift – her body and her heart. Claire’s mind raced in shame and desperation.
Above all
, she recited,
keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
She reluctantly opened her eyes.

Seth was already up, and dressed. Silently, he offered her a cup of tea. Returning to stand by the window, he faced her and spoke in a tense voice.

“I hope there will be no repercussions from last night, Claire.” Seeing her frown, he continued, “You are on the pill, aren’t you?”

Claire stared at him through burning eyes. She felt all her heat rise to her cheeks, and an icy chill spread over her body. She pulled the blankets around herself. Without thinking she said, bitterly, “Don’t worry about it, Seth.”

“Good,” he muttered softly, walking towards the door. “Don’t go making more of this than there is, Claire. This attraction has been between us from the beginning. We both knew it would come to this eventually. It doesn’t need to obligate either of us in any way. You understand, don’t you, Claire?”

Trying to control the shudders that threatened to shake her apart, Claire answered as clearly as she could. “Yes, I understand, Seth. Now please go, so I can get up.”

Looking relieved, Seth put down his cup and walked to the door. He turned when he got there, and Claire hoped once more that he was going to utter a reprieve.

“I’ll pick you up in an hour,” he said, and left.