Clarity (The Admiral's Elite Book 3) (14 page)

Gabrielle tried not to roll her eyes, making no effort to respond to his repetitive complaint as she let him blow himself out. Sanity was a reach on a good day and this was not a good day. Nothing she said would register at this point.

Kenneth continued to pace the kitchen, tearing at his hair in agitation. Eyes wide, they would have shown mostly white had he not been in full on vampire mode. As it was, it was big black eyes and long white teeth flashing and gnashing. “And we can’t eat her? Why? Because Captain Suck Up likes to fuck her? Why can’t we do both? It’s
a
huma
n
for fuck sake!”

“That’s enough, Kenneth.” Gabrielle’s instinctive defense of the captain and his woman bugged her as much as it did Kenneth. Glaring, she went on the offense to avoid any questions that might get her to dig further into uncomfortable territory. “If you want to sign your own death warrant go ahead. Clearly you’re out of practice, if you think he can’t hear your ranting you’re an idiot.” She smirked at his widening eyes. “Yeah, duh; you’re yelling and he’s a vampire. Think he can’t hear you questioning his judgement?” Eyes rolled. “And we know how much he likes that.” Moving away from the interior of his room, she sauntered to the door. “If you were smart, you’d shut your mouth and get a feel for how things are before you say the wrong thing and get yourself staked and thrown in the desert.” Gabrielle paused at the door, hand on the wooden frame, and looked back over her shoulder. She couldn’t muster a shred of sympathy at the sight of the returning odd man out lowering his body to the mattress. “I’d be real careful before shooting my mouth off around here, Kenneth. Things are different now.”

Closing the door gently, she wandered down the hall toward her room, reflecting. It was true. Everything was different now. Whatever was happening between Michael and Becca, it was bigger than just some love affair. The physical effects of his touch on her body Gabrielle had witnessed, the way he could calm her racing heart and pull her out of a full blown panic attack or episode, whatever you wanted to call them; that wasn’t normal. There was something there. Something weird. The admiral was behaving strangely toward the two as well. Taunting Michael, using Becca to bait him. What was that? Ryan was in on it too, closing ranks with them against the admiral, as much as anyone dared. Why? What did he know? She wanted to ask. But. Ryan.

His name hit her at the same time as his scent. Naturally, she was standing outside his door. What the hell? She should keep going to her room, where she should hide. Pain was all the big Marine would bring her. Still, thoughts of him brought that flutter low in her belly. She knew better than to fall again. Not in this business when death waited around every corner. Teammates fell, even when they were damn near indestructible. Damn near wasn’t safe enough to avoid that kind of pain, and after Luc, she knew she wouldn’t survive that soulrending agony again. Once nearly killed her. To allow it again was pure stupidity.

The door opened, its frame filling with well over six feet of tanned, toned muscle. Tousled auburn hair hung over one eye, Gabrielle’s hand itched to push it aside and reveal those vibrant eyes she loved
.
Loved
?
No
.
Her inner cynic rose to wall off her squishy, vulnerable parts. So much for fuck buddies with no strings.

“Gabs?” His big hand came up to sweep his hair aside, bright green times two shone straight through her. “What are you doing here?”

The edge of hope behind his question sliced at her self-control. Then, as a brutal reminder, the ghostly image of Luc’s shrapnel riddled body popped into the forefront of her brain. Straightening her shoulders, she held his gaze. “Do you have a minute?”

“Sure.” He stepped back to allow her entry, closing the door and leaning against it while she didn’t stop till she was at the foot of his bed. Further would be better but what was she to do, run to the wall
?
Mature.

“What’s going on between Michael and Becca?”

Shock wiped the hopeful expression from Ryan’s face. Gabrielle kept going, no way he was taking control of this conversation. “There’s something they’re hiding and it sure as shit looks like you’re in on it.” She swallowed, hating the shadow she watched pass behind his eyes before he tucked it away.

“What?”

Lifting her chin, she crossed her arms. “You heard me. There’s something going on and I don’t like being left out of it.”

Ryan lifted his bulk from the door with ease, closing the distance between them until he was an arms length away. “Months you’ve been treating me like I just rolled in garbage and you couldn’t stand the smell, now you come to me demanding I answer your questions? What the fuck, Gabs?”

Gone was the gentle giant she so adored, the one who so frequently brought her respite from her inner demons. Hatred for herself at putting that ugly in him flowed through her
.
It’s better this way
,
she reminded herself. Gabrielle tucked that tender part of herself back in its dark corner where it belonged, shutting the door tight.

“I told you before, Ryan, there’s nothing to talk about. We had fun and now we’re done.”

His mouth gaped for a second before snapping shut. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?” The air filled with energy. Ryan’s volatile state tipped him toward changing.

She was riling his beast and a part of her was glad. She wanted something to strike out at, preferred anger to the emptiness threatening to devour her whole. Gabrielle schooled her expression, affecting her usual uninterested air as she waited for him to go on. She didn’t trust her voice, the lump in her throat nearly choking her.

Ryan changed tactics. She wasn’t ready for it. Another step and he was in her space. Heat and power radiated off him, there was no hiding the shudder that rippled through her. She caught her breath as Ryan leaned in.

“You know what I think?” His whisper caressed her skin. “I think you feel me and you feel me deep.” Fingertips rested at the top of her breast, over her pounding heart. “It scares the shit out of you so you’re pushing back as hard as you can, trying to get me out of here.” Lowering his head, Ryan rested his forehead to hers.

Unable to handle the intimacy of his gesture, Gabrielle closed her eyes.

“I’ve got news for you, Gabs.” Running a hand down her arm he met no resistance when he captured her hand and placed it over his own chest so she could feel his great heart beating. “You’re in here just as deep, and I’m not letting you go. No matter how hard you fight it, I’m already there. Just like on a mission, I got your back. You don’t have to be afraid, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

A lone tear leaked from the corner of her eye. “What about you? Can you keep anything from happening to you?”

Soft lips brushed her cheek. “Baby, I’m gonna watch my ass almost as close as yours so I can keep doing this, with you, as long as possible.”

The walls around her heart fractured. “No!” Eyes flying open, she pushed against his chest, needing physical space.

Unfortunately, physics worked against her. Smaller and lighter, her efforts gained her distance just not the way she’d planned. His bigger mass didn’t move. Her shove landed her square on his bed. An uncharacteristic squawk popped out of her mouth.

Grinning, Ryan rested his hands on his hips. “You always did prefer this to talking.”

Desperately attempting to plaster over the cracks before her walls fell and left her defenseless against him, Gabrielle scrambled backward until her shoulders hit the headboard. “I’m not doing this with you, Ryan. I came here to find out what you know about the other half of our team. It’s important. Now that Kenneth is on board any sort of problem could potentially be lethal. I need to know what we’re dealing with before he figures it out and we have a body on our hands.”

That sobered Ryan and he ran a hand through his shaggy hair, coming around to rest a hip on the side of the bed. He didn’t try to touch her. She felt an odd sense of loss.

Ryan took a deep breath and shook his head. “Truth is I don’t know.” Glancing up, he caught her eyes. “I’m serious. There’s something there, I know what you mean, but I don’t know what it is. Black knows there’s something too. When we were at the club and Mike tried to go AWOL with her...”

“What?” Gabrielle’s jaw fell open.
“
Michae
l
was going to try to leave the unit? Are you sure?”

Relieved to have someone to talk to, Ryan let his worry for his friend show. “You should have seen it, it was fucked up. Mike was totally out of it. He vamped out in the middle of a club and dragged Becca out with him. I thought he was gonna take me down when I pulled her back. And Blac
k
kne
w
.” Ryan’s fingers drummed against his tan blanket while he thought. “I was dancing with this chick and my phone rang. It was Black telling me to catch Mike and stop him. I mean, how did he know? I didn’t call him and I’m guessing Mike didn’t. No way Becca did.”

Ignoring the pang at the thought of some woman rubbing herself all ove
r
he
r
man, Gabrielle focused on what he was saying. It didn’t make any sense. Or maybe it did. “You mean you just got the call out of the blue?”

“Yeah. Weird, right? And there was something big going on with those two, Mike and Becs. She was a mess, begging him to stop. She didn’t want to run but he did, and he was bleeding. I didn’t see him take a hit. No way she could have done that to him, she can barely lift her own head these days. I don’t see her popping him hard enough to make him bleed from the ears. That takes some power.”

Gabrielle let this new information roll around in her head, combining it with what she’d seen between the two lovers. Could there be som
e
othe
r
sort of connection between Michael and the human? Something more than love or lust? She’d seen vampires control humans before but Michael told her Becca was immune. Was she? And Black’s omnipotence was disturbing, though not surprising. That bastard could track them to the ends of the earth without breaking a sweat. He was scary as hell. That’s why she fell in with him so long ago. That all knowing, all seeing ability was going to let her finally get her revenge.

Realizing he was waiting for her to respond, Gabrielle nodded. “Yeah, yeah it does. A lot of power.”

“You think Kenneth is capable of paying attention to anything other than himself for long enough to notice there’s something up?”

“He’s pretty pissed about Becca being in his spot.”

“His spot? He was here for about a nanosecond the way I hear it and Black sent him out to cool off like thirty years ago.”

“That’s a long time to nurse a grudge.” Gabrielle leaned in, lowering her voice. “You didn’t see him or the setup he had going when I picked him up.” Rubbing her arm as a chill washed over her, she slowly shook her head. “I don’t know if even Black is going to be able to keep him under control. A mission with him in this state is going to be a mess.”

“All the more reason we’re gonna need each other.” He reached out to rest a hand on her knee. “I’ll always make sure you get home in one piece.”

Weak for a moment, Gabrielle closed her eyes and let him glimpse that part of her she kept locked up tight behind steel hurricane shutters. The part banging to get out, to reach out and smooth a hand over his tan cheek, she locked down. She stroked him with words instead.

“What about you? If something happens to you, then, no
t
al
l
of me makes it home.”

The hand covering her knee tightened and she heard his breath catch. The steady thrumming of his big heart jumped to double time. “What are you saying, Gabs?”

“That’s all
I
ca
n
say, Ryan.” It was too much to share, a mistake to let him see. In one leap she was off the bed, leaving him staring as she whipped open the door and flew through. Only when she was back in her own room did she let go of the breath burning in her chest. Then she let the self-flagellation begin.

Stupid! He’s never going to let up now
.
Under normal circumstances they lived a dangerous life. Now they were up against some sort of self-righteous zealot who, if he figured out what they were, would launch into a holy war with the might of their own country brought against them. Oh, and let’s not forget Captain Insano. That crazy fucker, Kenneth, was going to get somebody killed, if not all of them. Black would survive, that bastard always survived, but what about the rest of them? The memory of Luc’s shredded body as her hands shoveled desert sand over him, burying more than just her unit but a huge part of herself that day. Ryan’s face superimposed itself over Luc’s, sand piling on top, slowly taking him from her as well. The image hit her square in the chest and she cursed her foolishness. Months she’d kept her distance, years she’d pretended it was nothing more than physical. She’d cut Ryan loose. And, in one moment of weakness, she’d set them both up for heartbreak.