Class Trip (14 page)

I nodded and
looked down at his feet.

He moved away and
circled their tables with his brothers. They were fighting about
something again. I carried the empty pots back to the kitchen and the
heavy full pots out for the next group. The boys had eaten quickly. I
got a pail of water and wiped off their tables. Then the girls
started to come in. They were more scared than the boys. They spoke
about beauty rooms so I figured that they had been sorted out
already.

I fed them and
they complained that it was the same food as last night. I said
nothing and just listened to them.

They ate a lot
slower. I wondered when the auction would be. Would they sell the
boys too? The girls got taken out and I cleaned up again.

The normal six
came in and laughed at me. Hannah was the only one who said nothing
mean to me. The man that had come to buy changed his mind about her
when he saw her.

They told me how
terrible I looked and again I choke back the tears. The family was
eating now too. Tata didn't say anything when he held his plate out
to me. I filled it without looking up at him.

The family was
fighting again. They probably wanted to kill me.

I thought about
the baby. What would they do about that?

A group of five
girls came in. They were huddled together and really scared. I fed
them and wonder if I could clean up now.

“Sandra,”
Sarah sighed. “There is a hair in my food.” She stood and held
her plate out in a very condescending way.

I went to her and
took her plate. “I'll get you a fresh plate.”

“No, I don't
want anything from that pot. It is probably full of hair. Go and just
throw some eggs in the pan for me.”

“I don't think
I'm allowed to do that.”

“Do you know
who I am here? I work the hardest of all the girls. The men all want
me and I demand to be fed decently. Go and do as I tell you.”

I was tired
beyond words and I was so hungry. I just couldn't put up with her
crap right now. “Sarah, this isn't Hollywood and you aren't a diva.
This is the food we have today.”

She slapped me
then. Tata was over in a flash.

“How dare you
raise a hand against my wife?” He pulled her out of the room and
that was it.

I worked on
cleaning up as everyone quieted down. Once I was finished so was
everyone else. They were all cleaning up and the meal was obviously
over. They didn't want me in there and they hushed me away.

I wiped the tears
from my eyes and I went back to the laundry room. I felt like I was
starving. I looked at my arm. It had gotten so much thinner the past
six weeks.

I lifted the iron
and went to work again. I thought about the movie stars that starved
themselves even when they were pregnant. They usually had great kids
who grew up to be stars too.
This would all be okay,
I told
myself.

I was playing
different scenarios through in my head about me telling him that I
was expecting. I pictured him slapping me or picking me up and being
nice to me. The slapping scenario seemed more realistic. He would
blame me and not want a baby. He just wanted sex. He didn't talk to
me other than to tell me to behave. Even if he told Sarah that I was
his wife that didn't mean that he wanted a family from me. Besides
the baby hadn't been made with love. What if I didn't treat it
nicely? What if I couldn't look past that? The baby would end up
hating me too.

I finished up and
put everything away again. I figured I had a few minutes so I dusted
our bedroom and the living room. I quickly cleaned the bathroom. I
never went into the other bedrooms. No one ever told me to, or
scolded me for not cleaning them so I left them.

I went down and
wondered who did all of this stuff before I showed up.

I hoped that I
would get to eat tonight. I was even prepared to eat that hated
goulash.

I grabbed my
apron and carried out the pots. They were having a good smelling soup
tonight. I really wanted some. I placed breadbaskets out on the
tables. The bread smelt really good too.

It was raining
outside and cold today. I hadn't noticed the cold because the laundry
room was really warm once I got working but now the cold was making
me shiver. I made sure that the apron covered my nipples, which were
sticking out, painfully, because of the cold. The boys were coming in
first again.

I dished out
their soup and they complain that it wouldn't be enough. I hated them
already. One complained especially loudly and Tata was making his way
over.

I whispered to
the boy that he should be thankful that he was getting anything. He
gave me appalled look and quietly sat down.

Tata gave me a
mean look.

Should I beg to
be able to eat? Maybe he would let me while I was pregnant. He could
punish me after the baby was born?

I looked him in
the eyes and thought about what to say. I chickened out. I wouldn't
feed someone who stabbed me either. And this really wasn't the place
to tell him something like that anyway. I sunk my head.

He moved back to
his brother and they talked.

They looked at
their watches. I refilled the breadbaskets. One of the boys pushed a
piece of bread over to me. I ignored it and went about my work. I
didn't want him to get into any trouble.

The boys left and
the girls came in. They looked even more scared. They took their soup
without a word and sat down. I hadn't been able to clean the table
and the boys had left a lot of crumbs. They complain and I wiped the
table clean around them as they ate.

“Do you
understand us?” they asked me. I ignored them and cleaned away.

“You missed a
spot,” one said. I looked to where she pointed.

“Sure, she
understands us. Why are we here?” she spoke very clearly.

I wasn't about to
be the one to tell them the truth. The messenger was always in danger
and I had to think about the baby.

“Sandra, get
back to work,” Tata said in German.

I nodded at him
and took the soup pot back into the kitchen. They were preparing
fancy finger food and they had platters full of champagne glasses.
There would be an auction tonight.

The women in the
kitchen took the pot and set it back on the stove. They shook their
heads at me. I considered just taking a piece of bread and eating it.
No one had said I couldn't.

They piled
breadbaskets up onto of me and pushed me back out. I spread them out
around the table. The women from the beauty room were hurrying them
up. I didn't get to see this night last time I was here. They took
the girls away again and then the last group came in. Again I didn't
have time to clean up. I was afraid that the others would complain
again.

I went to get
their pot of soup. It wasn't as heavy as the other ones but still I
was so dizzy and dreaming of pushing my face into it and eating my
fill. I set it down and then they came with their bowls.

Sarah was the
last one and Tata moved over to us.

“Sarah, what
did you want to say to my wife?”

“I'm sorry,
Sandra.” She looked me in the eyes and I could have sworn that she
meant it.

“That's
alright.” I gave her her soup and she actually thanked me.

“Clean up
quickly. I want you in our room. No coming out. Hurry up. I'll be
checking.”

Was now a time to
whine that I hadn't eaten at all today? I just nodded and went about
my work. I hurried like he said and went up to our room.

I heard the cars
arriving but I stayed away from the window. I lay down on the bed
with my bunny and used this chance to nap.

“Sandra, wake
up. You have to change into your pajamas. Sandra?” He was shaking
my shoulder with his hand.

I hated having to
wake up. I forced myself to my feet. He was already dressed in his
tuxedo.

“Change
quickly. I'm in a hurry.”

I slowly walked
to the wardrobe and got my pajamas out. I undressed as quickly as I
could. I turned back to him and he slapped me.

“When I tell
you to hurry I mean it.”

I nodded.

“Go to bed and
stay there. Is that clear?”

I nodded again
and went back to bed. This time I pulled the covers back and got in.
I grabbed Carrots and pulled him close.

Tata sighed
loudly and left.

I got the point,
he didn't want me anymore.

What did I care?
I had never wanted him.

Those damn birds
again. I heard them and knew that I had to get up. I felt like
crying.

Tata was snoring
away.

I quietly grabbed
something to wear out of the wardrobe and went to the bathroom. I had
to stand very still. Morning sickness was starting in.

What did I have
in me that I could spare?

The terrible
moment passed. My stomach had settled down.

I showered and
got dressed. It was the same dress as two days ago. I had had to take
it in to sew it up. It was still too big for me.

I loaded the
laundry up on my arms. The things even smelt like smoke. I hated that
smell and I was already dizzy.

I took a deep
breath before I went down the stairs hoping to clear my head.

The smoke filled
my nostrils and everything went black.

I woke up in bed.
The room was very dark. I felt like crying. I could hardly move and
everything was so sore.

Did I get beaten
again? I couldn't remember anything. Tata was sitting on a chair next
to me but he was sleeping. I moved my hands to my stomach. If felt
funny. Like the muscles were gone and just pudding remained.

I wanted to throw
up.

I moved a little,
wanting to see what I could move. Tata woke up. He looked at me like
he was waiting for something. I hoped that he didn't want to –. I
didn't feel up to it.

“How are you
feeling, Sandra?”

“I don't know.
Maybe a little hungry,” I said it like I was asking a question.

He stood and
reached out to me for a second, just slightly touching my arm for a
second. “I'll hurry back.” He left then.

Was he really
going to get me food? Wasn't I here to wait on him? I felt confused.

I tried to get up
again. I wanted to go to the bathroom before he came back. I managed
to sit up but the door opened and his mother came in again.

“Where do you
think you are going?” she asked in perfect German. She had been
pretending not to understand me all along. She could have told me
what she wanted from me, saving me a lot of slaps.

My feelings were
incredibly hurt. I hung my head and cried.

Would that get me
in trouble again?

Probably but they
were the kind of tears that I just couldn't hold back.

“Sandra, do you
have to go to the bathroom?” she asked me.

I just nodded.

She grabbed me
around my middle and set me on my feet. “It's time to change the
bandages anyway. Go slowly now.”

I leaned on her
and it was really hard to move ahead. She brought me into their tiny
bathroom.

She lifted my
pajamas over my head and put it in the laundry. I was still holding
on to her because I just couldn't stand on my own. She pulled my
underwear down and I saw the blood, so much blood. I had lost the
baby.

But how? When did
that happen? I couldn't remember anything along those lines.

She sat me down
on the toilet and I peed. I gasped at the pain of that.

“You are doing
really well. I just want to shower you off before you go back to
bed.” With that she moved me into the shower. I was just a rag doll
that had to move as she wanted me to.

I leaned against
the wall and she went about cleaning me up. Blood was running down my
legs and into the drain. I was gagging again.

“Look up and
breathe slowly. You are doing really well, Sandra.” I didn't even
know that she knew my name.

She grabbed a
huge pad from a pile of them that had never been there before. She
put it in between my legs and grabbed a pair of underwear that I had
never seen before and I lifted my foot so she could dress me again.

“Why are you
being nice to me?” I whispered to her.

She paled and
didn't answer me. She then grabbed a new pajama from a pile of them.
I had a feeling that everything in here had been changed around just
to take care of me. Why would they do that for a slave?

I felt so
confused.

Once I was
dressed she brought me back out to the living room.

Tata was standing
there waiting. He looked really bad, tired and pale. I must have hurt
him more than I originally thought.

“Hold her, I
have to change the sheets again,” Maria said in German.

I was so confused
with everything. He slowly reached for me and held me in his arms. It
was almost like he was afraid of me. He held me tight and looked in
my eyes. I was just staring back at him.

“I brought you
something to eat. Will you eat it nice for me?” he asked after a
while.

I nodded.

He looked at me
so seriously. “You are such an angel.”

“Don't angels
have blond hair?”

He smiled and
said, “No, not all of them. Some have brown hair and they are too
good to be true.”

This was all
taking on a dream like quality. “But I'm not good?” I protested.

“You are the
best thing that has ever happened to me.” He looked like he meant
it.

Had I died and my
punishment was having to live with him forever? I wished this were
all over with. I was crying again. I had to lean on him just like I
had leaned on Maria.

He called out to
her and she answered him. I didn't understand what he said. I looked
into his eyes trying to figure out what was going on.

Maria came back
out and he walked me back to bed. He sat me down slowly like I was
breakable. His mother was telling him this and that and he was
nodding. It almost sounded like she was scolding him.