Clipped by Love (Bellevue Bullies #2) (51 page)

I don’t expect her to answer me. I fully expect her tell me nothing or deflect, but then she opens her eyes and says, “You.”

Surprised, I point to myself and ask, “Me?”

“Yeah,” she says, and then she comes up on her forearms, picking at her pillow as she chews on her lip.

As I watch her, I move her hair behind her ear, running the back of my hand along her cheek. “Can I know what? Or are you gonna keep it to yourself?”

She looks over at me, leaning into my hand as she whispers, “I’m thinking, hold on.” Holding my gaze, she swallows loudly, and I wonder what is going on. She’s actually making me a bit nervous. What did those girls say to her? Finally, she clears her throat and asks, “Does it bother you that I want to keep our relationship a secret?”

Letting my head fall to the side, I’m surprised by the question. Why were they worried about that? Going with the truth, I nod. “Kinda, but I understand why.”

“They think I need to tell my dad,” she says softly. “That I don’t need to hide us because you should be able to show me off.”

“I’d like to,” I admit, and she rolls her eyes.

“There is nothing to show off.”

“Says the person who can’t take a compliment or see that she is the most beautiful girl in the world. But who’s keeping tabs, eh?” I ask, and she looks away, rubbing her nose against the pillow. She is so ridiculously adorable.

“Anyway,” she says sharply. “I tried to explain that I’m doing this for you. That he’ll freak, and I don’t want anything ruining your career.”

Nodding my head, I pinch her chin, bringing her gaze to mine. “Yeah, I get that, that’s why I don’t mind it. But why does it matter to them?”

“Because they think you don’t mind for another reason.”

“Which is?”

“They think it’s ’cause you are in love with me.”

That catches me off guard. How did they know that? Am I really that obvious? But then the real question is, if they know, how does she not know? But with one look in her eyes, I know why.

Because she doesn’t want to.

Her eyes are swimming in uneasiness, her face is creeping with color, and I really don’t understand why. Would it really be that bad if I loved her? Before I can answer her though, when honestly, I have no clue what I would say, she is rambling. “Yeah, crazy, right? But I told them that’s insane. Why would you love me? I’m not that great, and it’s early, right? They are insane.”

“You’re rambling,” I inform her, and she lets out a long breath before shaking her head. “And you are great, stop putting yourself down. It’s annoying as hell.”

Glaring at me, she shakes her head. “I just… I don’t know, it’s just bothering me,” she admits then. “But really, you don’t love me, right?”

Her eyes tell me to say no, but my heart is screaming yes. Looking away, I laugh. “That’s usually not how it’s asked,” I joke, trying to ease her fears. But she doesn’t laugh, she just watches me.

“I just think it’d be stupid for us to feel something like that because it is so new. I mean, we’ve only been together a couple weeks.”

“Very true,” I say because I know that’s what she wants.

“So, no, right?”

Looking over at her, I know that I need to tell her the truth, but she isn’t ready. I don’t want to lie to her, I don’t, but her eyes are telling me that even if I did admit it, she’d deflect it and then run. So I do the one thing I promised I wouldn’t. I become a doormat, and I push aside my feelings to accommodate hers.

“No, not yet, Bay.”

But then again, maybe I’m not. Because the way I see it, I’m doing this to ease her into accepting the fact that I do love her. So does that make me a doormat?

Fuck, who the hell even knows?

What I do know is that I love her and that I really want her to love me.

But first, she has to realize she is capable of it.

“Yet?” she asks, her eyes going wide. “So you think you will?”

“Oh, I know I will,” I say with all the conviction in the world. “How could I not? You’re talented, smart, and you’ve got a great ass,” I say, taking a handful of said ass. I hope to make her laugh, but she’s still looking at me like I admitted to loving her. Making a face at her, I ask, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because, I don’t know, I thought maybe this was just a college thing…” she says warily, looking away.

“Do you really believe that?” I ask with a scoff. “Is that how you see this?”

“Delanie and Mandie said the same thing,” she says before looking over at me.

“And?”

“And no, I don’t see us that way. I’d like to see it being long-term.”

“Then isn’t it part of the process for me to fall for you?” I ask, and she nods.

“Yeah, right now, it just seems early to me.”

“Maybe, but it happens when it wants to. You can’t control it,” I remind her, and she nods.

“Oh, I know that. If I could, I wouldn’t have wasted my love on Seth,” she says, sucking in a deep breath. She lets it out as I watch her, trying to read her. She’s trying to close up on me, and I curse Delanie and Mandie. Couldn’t they just leave her alone?

“I don’t know, it just freaks me out.”

“What does?”

“Love,” she answers with a shake of her head.

“Why’s that?” I ask, and slowly she brings her lip between her teeth. She doesn’t answer for a long time, she only sits there, her fingers moving against the palm of my hand as she continues to chew on her lip.

Finally looking over at me, she looks deep into my eyes and whispers, “Because my dad loved my mom so much. They were supposed to get married and all this jazz, but she just left him, me. Then Seth used me and left me. It seems like everyone I love leaves me.”

“But your dad,” I remind her. “He wouldn’t leave you for anything. He quit for you because he loves you so much.”

A small smile pulls at her lips as she nods. “He’s the only reason I even believe in love.”

Staring at her profile, I honestly want to cry for the girl who’s been hurt by these people who should have done right by her. I wish I had been her first love because I would have been her only. I would never have used her or thrown her to the side. I would have loved her with all my soul and cared for her the way she needed to be cared for. I can’t erase what her mom did to her, but I can and will erase what that douche-bag did to her. But I gotta make her realize that there is love out there for her. My love.

“Maybe I can be another reason?” I suggest almost in a whisper.

Her eyes widen a bit as her gaze holds mine. Sucking in a breath and then letting it out her nose, she slowly nods. “I think you could be.”

I don’t know what I expected her to say, but that surprises the living hell out of me, that’s for sure. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she says, leaning to me and rubbing her nose against mine. “I just worry that I’m not worth all the trouble.”

Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her in close and close my eyes against her cheek. “You’re more than worth it, Baylor. I promise you that.”

As we hold each other, I feel like I’ve cracked another level of her. She tries so hard not to be sensitive, to hold all this in, and really, I don’t know why. She is such a beautiful person, inside and out, and I feel so blessed to be the one to see every piece. I just want her to let go. To live the life she wants, and I really do feel she’s getting there.

I’m about to fall asleep holding her when she whispers, “Why do you even believe in it, Jayden?”

Opening my eyes, I nuzzle her cheek. “Believe in what?”

“Love. After all you’ve been through, how could you?”

Smiling, I think,
because of you.
And it’s what I want to say, but I know it isn’t the right time—which, again, could make me a doormat, but at this point I don’t care. She’s slowly but surely opening up to me, and that’s all I can ask for. I said I wanted her to try. She’s fucking trying, and soon she’ll be screaming that she loves me.

I just know it.

She’s my kind of perfect, and you don’t throw perfect away.

Kissing her cheek, I whisper, “Because I want to.”

“Why, though?”

“Because being loved by someone I love is my nirvana.”

“I want that nirvana,” she whispers against my cheek.

“Then take it,” I suggest, and I can feel her smiling against my cheek.

“It isn’t that easy.”

“It is,” I say, pulling back to look at her, her sleepy hazel eyes burning into mine. “You just have to ask for it.”

Holding my gaze, she sucks in a deep breath, and I feel like she’s going to ask. My heart starts to pound in my chest, and I can’t seem to catch my breath. I can see it in her eyes. She wants to ask, but then she’s looking away, tucking her face into my neck.

“Maybe one day,” she whispers, and I want to scream in frustration.

But I don’t.

Instead, I wrap my arms tightly around her and kiss her jaw as she cuddles deeper against me. As her breathing slows and she falls asleep, I pray that that one day comes quickly.

Because I don’t think I can hold in my love for her much longer.

“S
o she’s making me dance at the wedding, like a whole choreographed dance.”

Laughing, I look over at Jude on FaceTime as he leans on his hand while I brush my hair. “Better start watching
Dirty Dancing
,” I tease and he rolls his eyes.

“Whatever, dude.”

“Just kidding,” I laugh. “That sounds awful.”

“Right?” he says, shaking his head.

“Having to dance with your hot wife and feel her all up. Man, I’d hate to be in your shoes,” I add, and he shrugs, thinking that over for a moment.

“Maybe I need to rethink this,” he says, and I roll my eyes at him. He’s such a dweeb. “Oh, but I did say that if I have to dance, then you and Jace do too.”

Scoffing, I shake my head. “I’m not doing any kind of wedding dance. That shit is wack. Forget it.”

“My thoughts exactly, but she wants to do it,” he groans. “Mom thinks it’s amazing.”

I laugh before reaching for my tie. “Mom is just excited for the wedding, but I’m not doing some dance.”

Letting out a breath, he leans in his chair. “Yeah, okay. You tell Claire that.”

“I will,” I say with a grin. “I’m not scared of her.”

“Sure, you aren’t,” he laughs and I shrug. She isn’t that scary.

“Have y’all even set a date yet?”

Shaking his head, he runs his hand through his hair. “No, we are doing that tonight when she gets in.”

“Cool, let me know,” I say, tying my tie.

“Is Mom coming tonight?” he asks, speaking of the Bullies fund raising dinner. We do this every year to celebrate our benefactors and to auction stuff off for all our traveling. It’s always fun, but I have to say, I’m most excited about seeing Baylor all dressed up. It’s been a month since she got hurt, and you wouldn’t be able to tell she even hit her head. She’s been working her ass off and taking names; she’s amazing. She played for only for ten minutes her first game back, but she was out there and rocked it. Scored a goal and everything. Since then, we’ve played five games and won them all. Everyone still guns for her, but she’s worked hard and is taking the hits like a champ. She’s also starting to like running, I think.