Club Monstrosity (18 page)
Authors: Jesse Petersen
Things heat up between the monsters and the Van Helsings, and between Natalie and Alec, in the next Club Monstrosity novella:
The Monsters in Your Neighborhood
. Check out an exclusive excerpt on the next pages!
Here’s a sneak peek of what’s next:
The Monsters in Your Neighborhood
If only the Blob hadn’t died, Natalie would never have been in this position.
Which sounded like a ridiculous statement if it was said out loud. And that was why she wouldn’t. Ever.
But ridiculous or not, it was true. Because Bob the Blob (yes, the giant hunk of a man that the term conjured up images of) had died six months ago, now Natalie was in charge of the support group for monsters that met twice a week in the basement of the Holy Heart Church on East 125th Street in New York City.
She shook her head as she looked out over the small group of men and women before her.
Kind of
men and women.
Things
was more like it, though they masqueraded as human. They certainly were as annoying as any human. Case in point . . .
One of the women in the circle got to her feet and smiled nervously. “Hello, my name is Linda and I’m a Swamp Dweller. It’s been fifty-seven years since my identity was last uncovered.” Her smile fell. “Unless you count that thing six months ago with that awful Van Helsing woman. Which I
don’t.
”
She collapsed back into her chair and folded her arms with a shiver like she’d been the only one to go through “that thing,” like she was the only one with problems in their group.
Natalie sighed. Since their group had been attacked and several of their members killed six months ago, she had grown closer to all the monsters . . . a
lot
closer with some of them. Now when she looked at them, she saw their strengths, their weaknesses, the moments that bound them all together.
Except for Linda. Fish Sticks, as Natalie’s boyfriend, Alec, occasionally called the Swamp Dweller, was so whiny. It was hard to see her as anything but an irritant.
Still . . . even on nights like tonight, Natalie could admit that in the past month or so, Linda actually had gotten a bit better. The makeup that covered her green scales was of higher quality. Her clothes were cuter. She even had increased confidence.
So maybe she’d figure things out eventually and become bearable. Maybe.
“Hello, Linda,” the group droned.
Natalie nodded to the next person in their circle. “Pat, why don’t you go next?”
The newest member of their group rose to his feet. He pushed at the tentacles that blocked his mouth and spoke in a deep, low tone that would put Darth Vader to shame.
“Good evening,” he intoned with a great gravitas that seemed to bring a sense of importance to the room. “My name is Patrick. I am what Lovecraft called a Cthulhu, although my people have never adopted that silly, hard-to-pronounce name.” He sat back down.
“What
do
you call yourselves?” Natalie asked.
She had learned from the group notes Blob had left behind that it was best to respect what a monster liked to be called. She got that. Nothing annoyed her more than being called a Frankenstein. That was the damned doctor,
not
the monster.
“Actually, our species name is not something that can be pronounced by human vocal cords. It is really not worth trying to say as it may burst some eardrums.” Patrick nodded toward her and if the crinkles around his dark eyes were any indication, he was smiling.
“Well, we wouldn’t want that,” Natalie said with a light laugh. “I’m not sure we could explain the bleeding and crying to the church.”
Patrick nodded. “Indeed. That would be quite awkward. Thank you for asking, though. As to the second part of the introductions, up until a few weeks ago, I did not leave the sewers, so I have not been discovered for decades. Drake has been encouraging me to join your group for a very long time, and so I finally decided to take the chance.”
“We’re glad you did,” Natalie assured him. “I realize the trip aboveground is difficult is for you.”
She said she realized it, but understanding it was something different. Unlike the others, Patrick had to fully cover himself in heavy robes to sneak into the basement of the church. Here with his fellow monsters, he had disrobed and his dark gray wings, swirled with touches of vibrant reds and regal purples, folded against his back like a fallen angel, but they couldn’t really be hidden under normal clothing. And he had no way to mask the massive, thick tentacles that covered the lower half of his face.
He could not walk in the world of humans and not be seen. So he had to cower, only revealing himself at night for the occasional peek at the outside world.
It was sad to Natalie, really. Too bad she didn’t know anyone to set him up with. Matchmaking had kind of been on her mind lately.
“Aren’t you worshipped like a god?” came another voice from the circle.
Natalie shot a glare at Alec. The Wolf Man of their group (
and
her boyfriend of six months
and
the reason for her nascent matchmaking tendencies) tilted his head and stared at Patrick with interest.
Patrick nodded. “Yes. That part of the mythology created by my stories is true, indeed.”
“And your name is
Patrick
,” Alec mused with a cocky grin. “Is it ‘All Hail Patrick,’ then?”
Natalie was ready to smack him with a rolled-up newspaper and call him a
very bad dog,
but Patrick’s deep, rumbling laughter kept her from doing so. The Cthulhu leaned back in his chair and shook his head, sending his tentacles swaying gently around his face.
“I do not think that would be very powerful, would it? But it is easier to pronounce. I do not think you even have the syllables in English to attempt it. Perhaps, when I know you better, I shall whisper it to you for when
you
wish to worship.”
Alec grinned first at Patrick, then at her. “I like this one, Nat. He’s a keeper.”
“And
you
are an idiot,” Natalie said and sighed. “So introduce yourself and get it over with.”
“Alec, Wolf Man. And I
do
count that Van Helsing mess six months ago as my last ‘outing.’ ” When Natalie stared at him, he shrugged. “That’s it, babe, nothing else to say.”
She sighed again. Alec was just coming off his last full-moon cycle, and he was always more ridiculous and lighthearted when “that time of the month” was over. Seriously, it was like living with a woman with the weirdest form of PMS. Except there was the constant shaving. And he was super-hot.
“Next, then,” she said with a final withering stare for her boyfriend.
“I am Drake, Dracula,” the next in the circle, an older man in a cape, said.
“And I’m Kai, the mummy,” said the woman who stood outside the circle smoking a cigarette, even though she wasn’t supposed to be. She waved a hand. “We know the drill, Natalie,
God
. Let’s just get to the next part.”
Natalie closed her eyes with a barely suppressed growl.
This
was why she hated running the meetings. This bullshit.
“Does anyone have any issues they need to discuss?” she asked with a glance around the room. She already knew the answer, but the longer they put off the inevitable, the better. She didn’t exactly feel equipped for it at present.
Linda took a deep breath and Natalie stifled a groan. Although there was much more going on, she was pretty sure Linda was about to gift them with more cat talk.
“I have a—” Linda began.
Kai moved forward and cut her off with a curt, “Oh, no one cares.
I
have something to discuss.”
Natalie blinked. She should have scolded Kai for being rude, but she was too taken aback.
“You?”
Kai had been coming to group for years and had
never
brought up an issue without having it forced from her. The girl did not show weakness. “What do you want to talk about?”
As if on cue, the door to the basement room flew open. Everyone in the circle, especially Pat, scrambled to make sure they didn’t look like what they truly were. But one glance at the figure who had intruded upon their circle told Natalie that they didn’t have to pretend. The man who stood there was all too familiar to their group.
“Kai wants to talk about
me
,” the man said, straightening his expensive jacket as he looked out over the group with nothing but scorn.
“Hello, Rehu,” Natalie said on the barest of breaths, in the hopes that she could control her emotions when she looked at him. “Long time, no see.”
About the Author
Jesse Petersen grew up a geek in love with
Star Wars,
video games (
King’s Quest,
anyone?), books of all kinds, and even the occasional RPG. Eventually she grew up, at least in body, but she still loves anything with whimsy, and her books reflect that. Whether it’s funny zombies or monsters in group therapy, you’ll find books that mix giggles with gore. You can find Jesse online, where she talks about Weird Al, cats, and even her books.
Visit her online at
www.JessePetersen.net
, follow her on Twitter @JessePet (
www.Twitter.com/JessePet
), or check out her Facebook fan page at
http://www.Facebook.com/AuthorJessePetersen
.
OTHER BOOKS BY JESSE PETERSEN
Married with Zombies
Flip This Zombie
“Shambling with the Stars” (short story)
Eat Slay Love
The Zombie Whisperer
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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2013 by Jesse Petersen
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First Pocket Star Books ebook edition April 2013
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Designed by Nancy Singer
ISBN 978-1-4767-1618-3