Coalescence - SF3 (27 page)

As she leaned her head into Ryan’s touch, the smaller woman considered the question for a moment. "I honestly had to think about what you meant," she said with a smirk. "It just seemed like a totally natural thing to do. Told ya I didn’t need to talk about it," she smirked impishly.

Ryan’s laugh caused her head to bob a bit from its resting place on her leather-covered chest. "As usual, you are correct."

Ryan’s hand still trailed through her hair, and the soft touch made Jamie feel totally content. She nestled her head up against the caressing hand, shaking her head slightly in wonder at herself. "I would have never believed it if you had told me that touching you that way would feel so natural, but it did, Babe. It was just another way to love you." She shrugged her shoulders a little bit as if it were already commonplace.

"So you weren’t put off by it?"

Jamie sat up abruptly and stared at her partner in shock. "Put off? Why would I be put off?"

"Well, it is a little different…" Ryan said.

"Ryan," she said softly, "
I’ve
never
made love before this week. I’ve had sex, and I’ve been emotionally connected but I’ve never made love before. The way I touched you tonight was just an extension of our lovemaking. I
needed
to taste you, Honey," she said emphatically. "I need to experience every part of your body. I need to taste you and kiss you and touch you everywhere."

To show her complete agreement, Ryan sat up as well as her still-weak muscles would let her. She wrapped Jamie in her arms and gently kissed her glistening face, purring at the delicious sensation of tasting herself on her lover’s lips.

The disparity of their positions and the distance from her lover’s face was suddenly too much, and Jamie climbed onto the counter to continue the tender kiss. When they broke apart, she lay down until they were shoulder to shoulder, and rolled over slightly, then turned Ryan’s chin so she could look deep into her eyes, her voice like a whisper of air against Ryan’s skin. "The way I felt when my lips first touched you was almost mystical, Baby. I could feel your pulse beating through your soft skin, and I just wanted to crawl right up inside." She shivered a little at the memory of the sensation, and Ryan blinked slowly as she stared at her for a long time.

The tanned face relaxed into a smile as Ryan whispered, "You have such a beautiful way of expressing your love. You touch me so deeply that I feel…overcome with love for you." She maintained the deep eye contact as she leaned in and began to kiss her partner with a wild fury. In no time at all, Jamie was naked and squirming on the counter, weathering the assault from Ryan’s hands and mouth and tongue.

Ryan was stretched out lengthwise on the counter, her torso supported by her forearms. Jamie’s upper body was braced by her locked arms, her legs spread amazingly wide as Ryan scooted forward to rest between them. The dark woman still wore her jacket, and as she drew close, the heavy metal zippers touched the insides of Jamie’s sensitive thighs, and she let out a yelp.

Ryan slowly lowered her head and began to kiss and lick her way up the tender flesh. She worked her way up one thigh and down the other, Jamie’s deep moans providing constant encouragement. As much as she wanted to lower her head and taste her partner, she was hesitant to do so. Since Jamie had expressed her discomfort with being on the receiving end of the act, she felt like she should not indulge her own desires until she received a clear signal that her partner wanted her to continue.

After she had lavished her attention on the deliciously smooth thighs, she had to acknowledge that no clear sign had been given, so she decided to bring her lover to orgasm in a slightly less intimate fashion. She used her thumbs to gently manipulate the slick folds as Jamie squealed and twitched her way across the concrete, thoroughly christening it with the evidence of their passion. As Jamie’s cries calmed, Ryan rested her head on one quivering thigh, mesmerized by the twitching, spasming flesh.

As soon as she was recovered enough to express her wishes, Jamie tugged her partner up to her, and kissed her with a bold, confident, passionate need. Ryan responded immediately, dipping her fingers into the simmering flesh that ached for her touch, and providing all of the stimulation her partner desired.

Their lovemaking continued long into the evening without a pause, save for one short break for nourishment that immediately turned into a game of "paint the writhing woman with ice cream." After they were both totally spent, and more than a little sticky, Ryan used the last of her reserves to gently lift her lover off the counter and carry her upstairs. As they climbed the stairs, Jamie sleepily inquired, "Honey?"

"Yes, Love?" Ryan’s deep voice burred against her ear.

"Why were you barefoot?"

Ryan’s low laugh echoed up through the huge entryway. "You didn’t tell me what footwear your fantasy required. I figured I was better off wearing nothing than choosing the wrong thing," she said with a gentle grin. "I really wasn’t prepared for this, Honey," she chuckled. "I didn’t bring my ripped jeans. I had to take a sharp knife to these," she said as she indicated the jeans she had thrown over her shoulder.

Jamie laughed as she nuzzled up against her neck and said, "It’s so nice to have you so willing to make my fantasies come true."

"My pleasure, I assure you," Ryan answered with a chuckle. As she placed her on their bed, she leaned in to ask, "Should I wear it to sleep?" indicating her leather.

"Maybe next time," Jamie said with a smile. "I don’t want to fulfill all of my fantasies at once," she said seductively as she tenderly kissed her lover good night.

Jamie felt the nuzzling of her neck for many minutes before she could force her eyes open. "Mmmmm," she mumbled, rolling over languidly to kiss her bright-eyed partner. "You smell good."

"I wish I could return the compliment." Ryan delicately sniffed various parts of her lover’s body. "But you smell a bit like a brothel...or an ice cream parlor." Her gentle laugh rang out as she scooted out of the way of Jamie’s fingers, which were poised for another pinch.

"And whose fault is that?" the blonde asked petulantly, sitting up to offer a mock glare. "I’ll have you know this is your scent all over me."

"I’ve gotta admit, sex smells a lot better before it cures overnight."

Ryan’s grin was so infectious that Jamie could not maintain the guise of anger. "Okay, I’ll wash it off, but only if you promise to reapply it later," she conceded with a sleepy grin.

"I think the smell of sex is like sun block, ‘apply liberally and reapply throughout the day,’ " Ryan happily agreed.

Ryan was sitting at the counter in the kitchen eating an enormous bowl of oatmeal when Jamie arrived. "I’ll go fetch the car while you finish up," she announced, kissing Ryan’s cheek as she passed.

"I can do that," Ryan mumbled through a mouthful of her breakfast.

"Relax, Hon, I’ve got it covered. You need to get a proper breakfast if you’re gonna dazzle me today." Her waggling eyebrows showed just how much she was looking forward to watching her partner perform.

Before Ryan could say another word, Jamie was striding out the back door, keys in hand. Several minutes later she pulled up to the side entrance in a huge white Suburban. Loaded on the roof rack was her father’s longboard, which she had assured Ryan he would not mind lending out. After adding all of the "necessities" that Ryan insisted they take, they were on their way.

They stopped at the first Starbuck’s they passed so Jamie could get an eye opener. Ryan came back out with two huge lattes, two scones and three muffins of various flavors. "Fifteen bucks for a little breakfast," she grumbled.

"Some people would think this was a big breakfast, Honey." Jamie patted her leg fondly, shaking her head a bit at Ryan’s nearly insatiable appetite.

Ryan had a happy little grin on her face and she chatted away nonstop on the drive up. Jamie rubbed her leg as she grinned over at her. "You love this, don’t you?"

"What, surfing?"

"No, not just surfing. You seem to love anything that is risky or hard to do, or that really stresses your body."

"Yeah, I do," she admitted. "It makes me feel totally alive to do things where I really put myself out there. Do you understand that?" She cocked her head in question and spared a glance at her partner, hoping that she would understand this instinct.

Jamie was silent for a moment, considering her answer. "I don’t share that predilection, but I think I’m beginning to understand how important it is for you to satisfy that need. It seems pretty primal for you."

"It is, Jamie. I need to do things like this. I don’t think I’ll ever be the kind of woman who can always take the safe road. Do you think you can live with that?"

"I can live with almost anything, if I get to keep you in the bargain," she said as she flashed her a fond smile.

"Well, I’m yours forever," Ryan confidently assured her as she mirrored the smile.

The drive to Santa Cruz took a little less than an hour, and the surf report was absolutely correct. The waves were breaking just the way Ryan liked them: big enough to scare away casual surfers, but small enough to keep her safe.

Ryan pulled the car up to the shoulder of a surfing beach that she had visited a number of times. As she stripped off her navy blue sweatpants and white hooded "Cal" sweatshirt, Jamie had to stifle a laugh at the fight she had to put up to get into her wetsuit. Just before she zipped it all the way up, she twisted her hair up into a bun and stuffed it into the attached hood. Her tight sports bra/swimsuit top, and the absence of her long hair, actually did hide her sex very effectively, and the smaller woman now understood how people could fail to notice she was a woman when she was in the water. They worked together to get the board off the roof, and then Ryan hefted it over her head as they walked together to the shore.

Before she took off, Ryan squatted down to the beach chair where Jamie lounged and kissed her gently. "Promise that you’ll be careful," Jamie demanded as she placed her hands on Ryan’s shoulders. "I love every little piece of you, and I want them all back."

"I promise I’ll be careful," Ryan said somberly, staring into her partner’s eyes.

Jamie threw her arms around her and hugged her so firmly that Ryan had to gasp a little. "Now, go play," she said indulgently, patting her on the butt as a send-off. As Ryan reached the water, she turned and gave her a little wave and a very big smile, flashing all of her teeth. Just then, and for reasons that she didn’t fully understand, Jamie felt an overwhelming sense of sadness for Ryan’s mother.

My God, how unbelievably hard it must have been to see that sweet, trusting little face and know that you were going to leave her. How devastating to close your eyes for the last time, knowing that your baby would never feel your embrace again.

She watched Ryan cavort in the surf, furiously paddling out to sea.
You did such a wonderful job in such a short time, Fionnuala.
A few tears slid down her face, and she wiped them from her chilled skin with the back of her hand.
You’d be so proud of the woman she’s become. I hope you can see her and know how happy she is now.

Staring out at Ryan, Jamie felt an odd sense of peace settle over her. For just an instant, she felt an eerie connection to a woman she would never meet, a woman who would always retain a vitally important place in her partner’s life. In that moment, she felt calm and centered, and she knew in her soul that Fionnuala approved of their union.

She realized that she was idly twirling the ring on her finger, and acknowledged that it had already become a habit.
I’ll do my best to weave our lives together, just like you promised to do with Martin.
Against all reason, she felt like every one of her words was clearly heard.
I promise I’ll do everything I can to love her as much as you did.

As quickly as it appeared, the feeling vanished, leaving Jamie slightly confused but deeply relaxed. It took a moment or two to snap out of her reverie, but the sight of Ryan gracefully standing on the board and riding a couple of small waves did the trick. It looked like she was merely trying to get comfortable with the board and the waves as she took several short rides. Even though she got dumped numerous times, she looked blissfully happy, and Jamie was terribly pleased that she had been able to satisfy Ryan’s desire to come to the beach.

Ryan was in a group of about 20 other surfers, all jockeying for the same good waves. A really good set came along, but the guys to her right grabbed on before she could get in position. To avoid being left behind again, she paddled out a little farther and cut right, going to the far end of the group. When the next set came, she was ready. She hopped on the board and caught just the leading edge of the wave; balancing gracefully on her flexed legs, right foot well forward of her left. The wave gained height and speed as it came towards shore, but Ryan hung on, riding it for every foot that she could pull out of it. Jamie was struck by the mixture of power, strength, grace and daring that this act required. Ryan’s bold, confident style seemed to almost dare the wave to knock her off the board. But she won the round, and slid in towards the shore as the wave meekly ran out of steam.

Not willing to rest on her laurels, Ryan immediately paddled back out to begin the process again. She rode wave after wave--some large, some small—the size seemingly irrelevant to the graceful woman. A few tossed her forcefully off her board, and some lifted her gently and almost lovingly deposited her into the water. No matter the outcome of each little foray, the deeply satisfied smile never left her face. Most of the other surfers were either concentrating furiously, or trying to look bored, and Jamie was very grateful that her partner didn’t feel the need to affect a "look". She considered that one of Ryan’s most precious traits was her willingness to show her true feelings—in this case, abundant joy—even if it wasn’t the cool thing to do.

Ryan had been in the water almost an hour, playing ceaselessly, and Jamie was tired just from watching her. When the waves stilled for a bit, she paddled out farther than she had been all day and just sat on her board for a while. It looked to Jamie like her lover was tiring, and needed a break. At just that moment, a big swell headed right for her, and she shook off her fatigue and quickly jumped on the board and took off. She caught the wave just as it began to pass her, and it was a big one--a very big one, easily the biggest of the day. It rose dramatically as it raced towards the shore, and Jamie’s heart jumped to her throat as another surfer cut right in front of Ryan. Jamie watched in horror as the scene played out in slow motion before her eyes. His board caught the edge of hers, and they both flew skyward. Jamie’s heart nearly stopped as Ryan’s body flew end over end, resembling a rag doll more than a human. Her board flew off at an angle, safely out of the way, but the other board looked like it landed on top of her as her body and the board hit the water hard, almost simultaneously. Jamie’s mind raced, trying to decide what to do. She knew that if Ryan was unable to save herself, she couldn’t swim out to help and get there in time. Panic washed through her body as she stood, frozen in place, feeling completely powerless.

She felt a scream tear from her lungs but no one responded to her tortured cry. The lifeguards were not on duty yet, and none of the other surfers made a move to go towards the spot where Ryan disappeared. Without even knowing that she was moving, she ran to the edge of the surf, scanning the horizon frantically, searching for Ryan’s dark head as she fought to focus through her tears. After seeming hours had passed, she finally spotted her much farther down the shoreline, swimming in without her board. Jamie took off and ran faster than she ever had in her life, her footfalls pounding so hard on the packed sand that her heels ached.

Ryan was about ten feet from shore when Jamie grabbed her with a force that surprised them both. The smaller woman held on for dear life, her head buried against Ryan’s wet chest. Ryan soothed her and patted her back, giving up on her desire to try to keep her lover dry. After a long while, Jamie lifted her head and asked with a panic-laced voice, "W…w…what happened?"

Ryan tightened her hold, realizing how horrible the entire event must have been for her partner. She spoke in a soothing, low tone, trying to reassure her with her voice as well as her embrace. "I assume you saw that kid cut me off?"

Jamie nodded emphatically.

"My board flew away, but his came right for me. I don’t know how I got lucky enough to be in this position, but I was thrown onto my back and the board came right down on top of me."

Jamie stiffened at her words but Ryan quickly continued, "I grabbed it with both hands and prevented it from hitting me, but when I hit the water, I got the wind knocked out of me. Luckily I was strong enough to hold onto the board as I hit, but it took me a minute to be able to swim in."

"Where’s your board?" Jamie asked, as she tried to control her shaking voice and body.

"The surf will bring it in if somebody else doesn’t."

Jamie threw her arms around her again and squeezed her hard. "God, Ryan, I’m so relieved that you’re okay," she said into her chest. "I didn’t know what to do," she moaned as she continued to sob.

"I’m so sorry that I worried you, Sweetie. I really was careful, but not everybody else was today," she murmured into her damp hair. "But I’m fine, Jamie, I’m really fine."

"But you could have been ki…ki…killed," she gasped out, as the tears continued to stream down her face.

"I wasn’t hurt, Jamie," she soothed as she dipped her head to make eye contact. "You can’t let yourself imagine all of the bad things that might happen. That will just make you crazy. The fact is that I had a bad scare, but I got away without a scratch. You’ve got to focus on the reality, Honey."

It took a few minutes of struggle to gain control once again, but the fair-haired woman finally stood tall and took in a deep breath. "You’re right," she said, with as much composure as she could muster. "I’m just going to have to get used to watching you do things like this." She did her best to adopt a stoic demeanor, and looked up at Ryan with what little confidence she had. "I’m sure I’ll toughen up over time."

Ryan felt a pang of regret for the pain her partner was experiencing. "I don’t want you to be tough, Sweetheart. I really love how you care about me and watch out for me. Don’t ever stop that." She wrapped her arms around her lover a little tighter and nuzzled her face into Jamie’s hair. "Please don’t ever stop that," she murmured in a shaky voice. "I depend on it."

"I won’t. I promise I won’t," Jamie’s small voice choked out. They stood in the shallow surf, hugging gently, and as the shock eased from her body Jamie realized how cold the water was on her legs. Breaking the embrace, she grasped Ryan’s hand and started to walk back towards the car.

About 20 yards down the shore the errant board was bobbing around in the surf. Ryan dashed out to retrieve it, and as she tucked it under her arm Jamie could see her body tension change.