Cockney: A Stepbrother Romance (30 page)

“What does?”

What, getting over Oliver? Getting over my feelings - feelings I can’t even bring myself to say out loud or put a word to - for the last man on earth I should be having them for?

“The pain; the feeling of letting it go and the loss that comes with it.”

I raise a questioning brow at Rajeev as he shrugs and goes back to chopping. “Rajeev, you’re
sure
you weren’t a doctor?”

He laughs, “Let us hope not,” he says, grinning as he spins the sharp chef’s knife in his hand before slamming it point down into the cutting board and winking at me.

*****

It takes another beer after
that
one before I finally get up the courage to go home and face the music; whatever tune it may be.

I step into the darkness of the townhouse, shutting the door behind me. But it’s when I see the knocked over coffee table in the living room and the glasses shattered around it that hit full panic mode. 

“
MOM?!
” I scream, suddenly backing up against the front door with my eyes wildly looking around the dark entryway, “
Mom!?
”

“I’m here, honey.” 

I burst into the kitchen to see my mother sitting on one of the bar stools hunched over with her face in her hands and a glass of wine in front of her.

“Mom?”

“It’s over, honey.”

Oh not now, not from her.

“Mom, I’m so sorry I-” I sigh. “I don’t know how to tell you. But it’s over, I ended it.”

She looks at me sadly, “Oh, no, honey, I mean Barney and I.”

“
What?
” I stare at her in disbelief. “Oh
God
, because of-“

“Oh
no
, honey,” she smiles sadly. “He was cheating on me with that waitress, Delia.”

“WHAT?” I stare at her, incredulously.

She nods and takes a small sip of her wine, “I had my suspicions, but I walked in on the two of them around the corner right after she told us about you and…” she trails off and looks down.

“Oh,
God!
Mom, I’m so sorry,” I say, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her close. 

“I’m so sorry for all of this, honey,” she whispers, hugging me fiercely.

“No, mom-”

“Look, I know I make mistakes, and I know I drink too much, dear.”

“Mom-” I hug her tighter, “I know.”

“I just miss your father
so much
sometimes.”

I squeeze her, feeling her arms go around me and holding me tight before she lets go and I pull away to sink on the stool next to her. 

“So what
was
the whole thing with Barney? I mean…” I raise my brows and gesture around the absurdly decorated kitchen with the framed pictures of lingerie models on the wall by the window.

She sighs, rolling her eyes, “Oh I don’t know, I guess I thought he was a nice man.”

“Well, he’s an
asshole
.” 

“He’s got rough edges, I suppose.”

“
Mom.
”

She laughs, “Okay! Okay! You’re right, he’s a
fucking
asshole!”

It’s literally the first time I’ve ever hear my mom say that word, and I can’t help but giggle.

She pushes her glass of wine away and sighs, “This could’ve been a nice life for us,” she says quietly, looking down. She raises her eyes to me, “Oliver?”

“It’s over.”

She starts crying.

“Mom?”

“Oh, honey, it’s just-” she sniffs. “You’re a lover, just like your father, you know. You’ve got a big heart.”

I nod, looking down.

“I mean, he
is
a bit...
crude
.”

I snort, “I know.”

She smiles at me, “There’s no talking you out of baking or the kitchens is there.”

I look up at her miserably and shake my head.

“I was afraid of that,” she laughs. “Just like your father.”

I choke out a laugh as she brings me back into a hug, nuzzling my face into her shoulder.

 “Sorry?”

“Don’t be. Don’t ever be,” she says firmly, “You remind me of him every day, and that’s enough.”

I look up at her, “So, now what?”

She raises a brow at me, “There’s…
nothing
you want to do in London?”

I shake my head.

“Nothing at all?”

“No,” I say quietly, hoping the words cover the sound of my heart breaking.

“Then I guess that’s all there is.” She gives me one more questioning look before she brings me back in for another hug

“Let’s go home, mom.”

“You did
what
now, mate?”

Danny is laughing his ass off while I sit there looking at the bar top of the Rusty Knot, fiddling with the pint in my hand.

“You’re serious? In front of the fuckin’
dining room?
”

I slowly nod my head, “
Yep.
”

Danny hoots and pounds his fist on the bar, “In front of that little shit from the
Times?
”

“Mm-hmm.”

He whistles lowly as he shakes his head, grinning at me. “Oh
Jesus
did I create a fuckin’ monster with you.” He snorts, “Jesus, Ollie,” he says, shaking his head. “You got a temper, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” I take a deep pull of my beer.

“No, mate, I mean it’s not always a bad thing; it means you’ve got balls. But you just have to stop
thinking
with them so much, you know?” He grins as he pats me on the back.

“Yeah, gee wonder wherever I could’ve gotten that from,” I say, shooting him a sideways look.

Danny laughs and ruffles my hair, “So, what’s with your pops now then?”

I roll my eyes as I drain the last of my pint and then raise it up to signal the bartender for another. “Well, Danny, I’m pretty certain my dad just fired me.”

He snorts, shaking his head, “Well, that’s gonna make for an interesting Christmas dinner now isn’t it.

“No shit.”

“About as interesting as you fucking your stepsister, yeah?”

I whirl on Danny, who grins and holds his hand up, “Oy, no judgement, mate. That one’s a keeper, you know.”

I frown at the new pint as it’s set in front of me, my jaw tightening, “Yeah, I don’t know about that.”

“I do.” 

I shake my head. “Naw, mate, I’m through with that shit now. Besides, that whole ‘one girl’ game’s never been my style anyways. The world’s a fuckin oyster, like you always say, yeah?” I toast to no one with my glass and take a big gulp.

Danny sighs and shakes his head.

“What?”

“Nothin’, leave it.”

“
What
?”

He turns, frowning as he jabs a finger at me, “Look, boy-o, you want to keep trying to be me, be my guest. Keep fucking waitresses and bartenders and never settle down.” He barks out a laugh, “End up old and alone like me.”

“Oh, yeah, you’re really struggling with those three Michelin stars and different model every night,” I shake my head at him.

“Trust me, boy-o, it ain’t what it’s cracked up to be.” He puts a hand on my shoulder, “Look, you want to know what the move is?
Find
that someone, and hang on.”

There’s a hardness in his eyes, and I find myself nodding.

“So, now that you right proper fucked things up at
Jolie
, what your new plan?”

I groan, “
Fuck
, find a job I guess.”

He looks away looks, grinning to himself before he turns back and looks at me. 

“You know, I might know of something. There’s a project happening; a big one, and they’re bringing me in.” He looks at me over the rim of his pint, “It’s a big one, Ollie. They’re pushing for a star in the first six months, a second soon after.”

I raise my brows, “Wow, shit, Danny. Congrats, mate.” 

“I might have something for you.”

I laugh. “They need a dishwasher?” 

He grins, “I was thinking a bit above that, something more in the kitchen.”

I frown. “Grill?”

Danny shakes his head, “Higher.”

I stare at him. “Well,
fuck me
, Danny,” I look at him, almost not wanting to even ask it; “
Sous chef?
” I can feel the blood start to roar in my ears. “Holy
fuck
, Danny! I don’t know if-”

“No,
not-
” Danny rolls his eyes, “Jesus, I want you to be our head chef, you stupid twat.”

The whole world goes quite still, at least for me, as my whole fucking focus just
freezes
on the last thing he’s just said. I stare at him, “
What?
”

“Chef, Ollie; you know, the bloke that does all the yelling and cooking and all that jazz.”

I open my mouth, but then realize I don’t actually have the capacity to make words yet and bring the pint to my mouth instead.

Danny snorts a laugh, “I’m on as consultant and investor, but it’ll be your kitchen.”

I stare at him, “You’re serious.”

“As a fuckin’ heart attack, Ollie.”

“Danny, you’ve got three fuckin’ Michelin-”

“Oy, look,” he says, grabbing me by the shoulders and giving me a shake. “I’m
good
, yeah?
Very
good, actually. But you’re fucking
great
, Ollie. And if you’d just take your head out of your own arse, you might just realize that. You’ve got the kind of greatness the rest of us fuckin’ mortals just chase after, and I’ve been around long enough to know that.” He narrows his eyes at me, “Don’t be good, Ollie, be fucking
great
.”

I’m staring at him, slowly shaking my head and feeling like my heart is out to jump out of my fucking throat.

“Well Jesus, boy-o, don’t make me feel like an asshole by saying no.”

I snap out of it right then. Right then, I’m pushing everything else away. I’m burying all the bullshit of the last few weeks deep inside, and shutting the door on it.

I’m shutting the door on Chloe, because if I don’t, I’m not sure I’m gonna make it.

“Fuck,” I look up at Danny, grinning. “Yeah, mate,” I’m nodding, “
Fuck
yeah!”

Danny hoots and brings me in for a bear hug, slapping me on the back before he pulls back and hollers for scotch from bartender.

“So what’s the place called?”

Danny turns back, handing me a scotch as he grins at me, “Ella.” 

I smile slowly, nodding at him.

He clinks his glass against mine, “Hang onto the good ones, you little prick.”