Coercion to Love (19 page)

'Thank you,' she whispered, bringing his dark eyes up to clash with hers.

His fingers tightened around her own, and Cass felt the life begin to seep back into her, as though a mere touch from him was as good as any tonic a doctor could prescribe.

'Have I at last redeemed myself in your eyes?' he murmured gruffly—no whimsy, but a question asked from the heart that made her own squeeze achingly. 'Can you now bring yourself to forgive me for deserting your sister?'

She looked gravely at him. Accepting that, no matter what else went between them, she at least owed him her assurance that she had forgiven him for the way he'd treated Liz. 'If you say there were—misunderstandings,' she said, 'then I accept your word on that.'

He searched her steady gaze for a long time before nodding briefly in acceptance of what she'd said. Then he was glancing at his watch and sighing softly. 'I have to go,' he murmured. 'The doctor gave me five minutes, and I have been here fifteen.'

He sounded as reluctant to leave her bedside as she was to see him go. And it must have shown on her face because he sent her a rueful smile, then leaned over to press a warm kiss to her cheek before getting to his feet. Then, with that brisk, graceful stride of his, he walked over to the door.

'With any luck,' he said as he reached it, 'they will let me take you home from here in a couple of days. No more visitors, though,' he warned as he glanced back at her. 'My decree, not the doctor's. We won't take the risk on a relapse. Except for myself, of course-----' he then smiled disarmingly '—and I shall come and see you tomorrow,' he promised as he opened the door.

'Carlo!' Cass called out quickly before he disappeared. He glanced enquiringly back at her. 'My—my job,' she murmured worriedly. 'Did you manage to save it for me?'

He didn't answer immediately, his gaze fixed thoroughly on her for a moment, then he was striding back to the bed. 'Have you still not learned to trust me, carol' he challenged quietly.

'Of course!' she said, eyes widening in surprise that he even had to ask that question after what they had gone through together. She trusted him with her life! Had trusted him with her life.

'Well...' his hands came to rest on the pillows either side of her head, bringing his handsome face close to her own '... did I not ask you to leave your job to me?' When she nodded dumbly, he did too. "Then why are you worrying about it?'

She laughed, ruefully accepting his arrogant sarcasm. Why was she worrying? Carlo was the kind of man who could charm the birds out of the trees if he wanted to. He would have charmed the powers at be to hold her job for her, she was sure of it.

'I'm not worried,' she assured him smilingly. Yet there was something about the look in his eyes that made her add carefully, 'You do understand about my need of that job, don't you? H-how important it is to me?'

'Oh, I understand, cam,' he assured her. 'I understand more than I think you realise.' And he bent to press one last gentle kiss to her lips before going quietly away.

CHAPTER TEN

It was nice to sit out in the warm evening air with the sun just dropping in a big golden ball behind the hills opposite, etching the trees like tall black sentinels against a polished bronze sky.

Cass was alone at last, Terri having been carried complaining to bed by a firm-voiced father informing her that now she had her aunt Cass back, the wonderful days of getting all her own way were over! Terri did not take kindly to this piece of news—nor the further news that Maria would continue to sleep in Cass's bed until her aunt was stronger.

Cass, she had soon found out, had been allocated a different room further down the wing. This one, where she was sitting enjoying the sunset on a terracotta-tiled terrace, feeling rather spoiled and decadent in the spearmint-coloured smooth satin nightdress and matching robe Terri had excitedly presented her with on her return from hospital that afternoon.

She still felt rather shaky on her feet, but otherwise was over her ordeal. The stitches had been removed from her head and the headaches had gone completely. And for the first time in over a week she had been allowed to shampoo her hair, and to feel the silken mass tumbling lightweight and crackling about her shoulders was a sheer relief after the days when it had hung in a limp, lank pelt down her back.

"That child is in need of some firm handling,' Carlo said from just behind her.

Cass turned to smile at him as he came through the open terrace doors. 'You've all been spoiling her,' she scolded. 'She isn't usually so petulant.'

'I accept all blame.' He held up his hands, grimacing as he came to take the soft-cushioned cane chair beside her own, and Cass found herself watching the play of muscle beneath the fine silk covering of his white shirt. Her mouth went dry, and she wanted to look away, but found she couldn't. It was getting worse; ever since their ordeal by sea, she had been tormented constantly with this need to drink him up thirstily all the time.

'She played on your absence and our knowledge that she fretted for you,' he went on grimly. 'To lose you, Cassandra, would be like losing her mother twice over. You must be aware of that.'

'Yes.' Quickly, she looked away from him, her clouded gaze staring out at the glowing sunset.

Coming so close to death had brought home to her more than anything else could have done just how too reliant on her Terri was. If Carlo had not entered the child's orbit, and anything tragic had happened to Cass, then Terri would have been orphaned, with nothing and no one to care what happened to her.

Cass shuddered, knowing from personal experience exactly how that felt.

But Carlo was in her orbit now, she reminded herself bracingly. And he could offer Terri far more love and security than Cass could ever give. His family was large if widely spread, his money enough to ensure the child's future whether he lived to be ninety or died tomorrow-God forbid. Terri was young—young enough to adjust to life without her aunt Cass.

It was time to give her up.

As a trained nanny, Cass had been warned about this moment, and what a wrench it could be, but, as an aunt who had loved and cared for her niece as if she were her own child, it would be a whole lot more than that. As Teresa was the only family she had left in the world, it was going to be sheer anguish.

But do it she must. And she would become what she should have been to Terri from the beginning—a visiting aunt who moved briefly in and out of her life. The kind of aunt who showered gifts on her niece, and spoiled her to death when she was around—which would not be often, she added with a sad little twist to her mouth. Because the other reason she must leave here quickly and keep her visits sparse and brief was sitting beside her right now.

'Stop thinking!' The harsh cut of Carlo's voice brought her head swinging around to find him sitting with his dark face drawn into taut lines of anger.

'I'm sorry?' she said, surprised by his grating attack.

His eyes were fierce on her, the anger seeming to come from somewhere far deeper within him than a mere irritation at her long silence.

'I can see the little cogs turning in your brain!' he growled, jerking suddenly to his feet to stride over to the white-painted rail hung heavy with clambering vines. He spun back to face her.

'I could see you considering options and drawing conclusions without bothering to consult anyone else!' He gave an impatient sigh when she continued to stare at him blankly. 'Have you ever  depended on anyone else to help make decisions with you?'

'I—well, no,' she admitted, too disconcerted by his unexpected attack to be anything but honest.

Her early years living the institutional life in a state orphanage did not lend themselves to sharing childish little problems. And later, when she had been farmed out into various foster-homes, she found she couldn't confide easily, had lost the ability to share problems. So, for as far back into her life as she could remember, Cass had been making her own decisions, thinking the problems through carefully before drawing conclusions.

She looked at Carlo, and took in a deep breath. 'We have to talk about Teresa, Carlo,' she ventured tentatively. 'It really can't be put off any longer.'

'Can't it?' He sounded so unapproachable that she had to brace herself to continue.

'You must agree with me by now that she has to live here with you.'

'Have I ever suggested differently?' he drawled.

'No!' she sighed, wishing she could make out his features in the growing gloom, but he was too far away, standing there with his lean profile turned on her, his tense figure almost merging with the tall, straight fir trees lining the hillside behind him.

'She needs you, Carlo,' she pushed on stubbornly. 'She's already mounted the biggest hurdle by accepting you for what you are to her at last. The rest should come easier. And I am confident that she can learn—with yours and your mother's and even Maria's help—to do without me now.'

'Except that she doesn't need to be put through the anguish of "doing without you",' he mocked her grimly. 'Not when there is another alternative open to us—and you know it.'

'No.' He didn't need to explain further for her to know what he meant; the sudden rush of heat to her senses did it for him. But that was one solution she was determined to refuse—and keep on refusing until Carlo gave up on it. 'No,' she said again, and more firmly. 'I have my own life to lead. And I won't be—coerced into sacrificing all of it to Teresa when I know she will be just as loved and cared for without me—if not more so.' She released a sigh, her fingers curling tightly together on her lap because each word she said was increasing the weight of loneliness she was already beginning to feel.

'I have a good job to go home to,' she went on bravely, 'and the chance of getting some kind of order into my own life which I-----'

'No, you don't,' Carlo put in quietly.

'What?' she frowned, not understanding what he meant.

'You don't have a job to go home to England to,' he said.

Cass blinked in confusion. 'But y-you told me you would see to it!' she whispered. 'Y-you insisted I should leave everything to you!'

'And I did see to it,' he told her. 'I tendered your resignation for you.'

Silence fell like a stone while she sat there just staring at him. Then she shook her head. 'I don't believe you,' she said at last. 'You asked me to trust you. And I know you wouldn't go back on your word,' she stated positively.

A strange smile twisted Carlo's mouth, one which suggested that she had managed to pierce through his thick hide to the heart of the man for once. 'I'm sorry, Cassandra,' he said quietly, 'but I tendered your resignation formally and in writing the day after you awoke at the hospital. The school's acceptance of it arrived on my desk this morning.'

'No!’ she cried, coming jerkily to her feet.

The sudden movement was too much for her weakened limbs, and they wobbled beneath her, sending her hand reaching out to steady herself on the chair-back. It began to slide on the terracotta floor, the cane legs screeching piercingly in the quietness of the evening.

'A habit of yours, grabbing hold of the wrong safety-line, isn't it, caro’ he mocked as his hands came firm around her waist, drawing her against him. 'When are you going to admit that you are being held in the safest place you can be right now?'

'But—why?' she choked, pulling right away from him to stand trembling in hurt bewilderment. 'How could you do it?'

'You know why,' he sighed, then snapped out impatiently, 'You owe me, Cassandra—you owe Teresa. I did warn you over a week ago that I would not let you simply walk away from us as if neither of us mattered to you!'

'This isn't fair!' she protested, feeling wretched because he was giving her enough excuses to give in to him, more than enough to salve her own pride if she did. 'You're pushing me into a corner I don't deserve to be pushed into! You don't have to go as far as marrying me to make Terri accept you—she already has!'

'Sit down again, mi amante—you're trembling,' he advised.

And she was, trembling so badly that her legs were threatening to give way beneath her. But for some reason that only helped to infuriate her all the more.

'No, I won't sit down!' she snapped out angrily. 'You have no right—no right to take over my life for me!'

'And you have no right to be even considering deserting Teresa!' he threw right back.

They glared at each other across the half-yard width separating them. It was a stalemate, and Cass groaned wretchedly in the knowledge of it.

'Look...' Carlo sighed, obviously seeing something in her face that told him she couldn't take much more of this tonight'... you're tired, and this is far too soon to be having this kind of discussion. It will keep for another time.'

'What other time?' she whispered bitterly. 'Every time I try to state my opinion, you start bullying me!'

His laugh was short and rueful. 'With a stubborn woman like you, Cassandra, you need bullying. Look at you,' he added on a sigh, coming to take hold of her by the shoulders, 'you are so tired you can barely cope. Yet still you stand here fighting me.' He pulled her close, his hand burrowing into her hair so that he could push her face into his warm, muscled shoulder.

'You have to see that marriage isn't the answer, Carlo,' she pleaded with him, too weak to move away from him, and despising herself for staying in his arms.

'It is the only answer, mi amore,' he insisted, his mouth warm against her cheek. 'We have a great many things going for us if you would only let yourself consider them.'

Have we? she wondered bleakly. Then sighed into his shoulder because standing so close to him like this felt so wonderful that she never wanted to move again.

'Come on,' he said, shifting his arm so that it became supportive around her waist. 'It is time you were in bed.'

She let him hold her close as he guided her inside, where a single soft lamp illuminated the bed. He pulled back the sheets and sat her down, and, exhausted, she let him remove her slippers and her robe, and she even let him slide her gently into the bed and pull the covers up over her.