Colder Than Ice (34 page)

Sarah
rubbed Michela’s back. “Give it time. It’s got to be a hell of a change
for her. Maybe the trip back with the four of us is what she needs to help sort
herself out and what this change means to her.”

Michela
followed Sarah to the other apple.
I just hope that’s all it is, and she’s
not having second thoughts. I don’t think I could cope.

My
Darling Charlotte,

My
love, the daylight hours grow shorter here as winter tightens its grip against
Ian Ross and myself. Only yesterday our team member Malcolm Pitt, succumbed to
the pneumonia that had racked his poor body for the last week. The weather is
so forbidding and cold that it took us most of the day to dig any more than a
pitifully shallow scrape in the ice. We served him into his sleeping bag and
built a makeshift sled to take him to his final resting-place. After a short
ceremony, we covered him and returned to the cold and loneliness of our hut.

Despite
that only two of us remain, our food is slowly running out. As the days
progress, even the simplest of tasks become a burden, made even more so by the
injury to Ian’s leg, which stubbornly refuses to heal. It is only my commitment
to maintaining Ian’s spirits that force me out of bed at all. However, I fear
the day will soon be upon us when neither of us moves, consigning us to our own
fate. To have come so far and hoped for so much, only to arrive at where we are
now. How did I allow it to come to this?

ERF

Antarctica
—
2010

THE
ABSENCE OF the BOB-trak allowed the team to return to Will’s Station in their
sno-trak at a comfortable cruising speed of twenty five miles an hour. Instead
of the tedious nine days it had taken to get to the site, Rob estimated they
would spend no more than two nights on the ice.

Taking
advantage of the vehicle’s speed, and after a quick discussion with Michela,
Rob deviated from the original route and took them to a rookery, populated by
emperor penguins and their recently hatched young.

For
the first time since leaving the base, Allison surfaced from her introspective
mood. The sound of the adult penguins was almost unbearable as they squawked
over one another to be heard. She carefully walked to the rookery and smiled at
the penguins as they waddled around her, as if her presence there was an
everyday event. She took her video from its bag on her hip and filmed the
adults, with their resplendent black and white plumage, trimmed by a neck of
golden yellow. She softly laughed at their antics and at the sweet grey chicks
that followed their parents’ every step. Preoccupied in her task, she was
startled by a crunch on the snow behind her.

Michela
walked to Allison’s side. “They’re funny, aren’t they? Last time I was
down here I was taken to an Adelie penguin rookery. The Adelie are small
compared to these and much more in keeping with the traditional black and white
penguin.”

Allison
nodded, surprised and yet, awkwardly silenced by Michela’s arrival. She
finished her filming and returned her camera to its bag.

Michela
brushed Allison’s arm with her hand. Allison turned to her.

“Is
anything wrong?” Michela asked.

Allison
looked where Michela’s hand rested, lightly grasping her wrist, and then gazed
at the vista.
What is the matter with me? Only days ago everything seemed so
perfect and now, well, I’m not so sure.
She returned her gaze to Michela.
“No. I think I’m tired and a little bit disappointed that we didn’t get a
lot more done than we did at the dig site.”

Michela
shook her head. “You and the rest of your crew did wonders. You’ve
established it well for any further excavations. Don’t lessen the degree of
what you achieved because you didn’t uncover the complete hut.” Michela
took Allison’s hand. “And besides, I’m proud of you.”

Allison
looked at the hand covering her own and then slowly released it. “I know.
I wish we were back there, that’s all.”

Disappointed
at Allison’s detachment and yet sensing she wanted some time to herself,
Michela softly rubbed Allison’s back, before leaving her to her own thoughts.

Allison
listened to Michela’s footfall as she walked away, and winced at her actions.
Why
did I do that when she touched me? Not less than twenty-four hours ago she
touched me and I welcomed it. What’s changed?

The
more she thought about her response to Michela’s touch, the more confused she
became.
I mean, I really do like her. But everything seems to have gotten a
heck of a lot more complex. How am I supposed to act around her? Are we allowed
to touch each other in public? Do I want her to touch me in public? What about
what other people say? My friends have no idea what’s gone on down here, not to
mention my parents. And what about my job? What does this mean for my job?
She
cursed the loss of the isolation and intimacy she’d shared with Michela during
the final days at Finlayson camp and longed to return to the time when it was
just her and Michela alone.

Hearing
Rob calling her back, she trudged back to the sno-trak for the rest of their
return journey.

MICHELA
WATCHED AS Allison headed into the main building at Will’s Station. Shaking her
head, she went to the rear of the sno-trak to help Sarah unhook the container
from the vehicle.

Sarah
motioned her head at Allison. “So, how’re things going between you
two?”

Michela
let out an exasperated breath. “I really don’t know. It seems the closer
we got to this place the more withdrawn she became.”

Sarah
pulled the trailer away from the sno-trak. “I saw you talking at the
rookery. Did she mention anything there?”

“No.
She seems to be fine when there’s the four of us, but when it’s just us, she’s
almost reticent to discuss anything.”

“Are
you going to talk to her about it?”

Michela
nodded. “Now we’re back here and there’s a bit more privacy, maybe I can
sit down with her and talk this through.” She closed her eyes and rubbed
the back of her neck. She gazed at Sarah. “I really do like her. I wonder
if she realizes how much.”

Sarah
gently patted Michela’s back. “Give it time, my friend, give it
time.”

ALLISON
CLOSED THE door of her allocated room and released a sigh. For the first time
in a long while she was finally alone. While privacy was a luxury she’d longed
for during her time on the ice, it now had a new meaning— being alone with
Michela. Now she could no longer look forward to quiet moments alone with
Michela.

Allison
pulled from her pack clothes that were sorely in need of a decent wash as she
tried work through her confusion over her actions with Michela during the
return journey. While she felt as if she’d at last found comfort and loving
security in Michela’s arms, the thought of returning to civilization and its
associated pressures clouded her thinking.
What do I really want?

She jumped
at the knock on her door. She opened it and was greeted by a smiling Sarah.
Sarah walked into the small room, jumped onto the bed, and made herself
comfortable. Allison smiled. “Come in.”

“Thanks,
I thought I’d see what you were up to. As surprising as it may seem, Rick and
Di made themselves useful while they were back here. Everything’s good to go
for the trip home.” Sarah crossed her outstretched legs. “So, have
you got any plans when you get back to Australia? Any possible holiday plans
with
someone else
perhaps?”

Allison
blushed, strangely uncomfortable that the relationship between herself and
Michela was so transparent. “You know.”

Sarah
waved her hand. “Of course I do and I have to say it’s about time. Most of
the eight weeks you two spent together were wasted on dancing around the
subject. Sometimes the two of you clash, but most of the time you’re right for
each other.”

Exasperated,
Allison flopped down on the bed. “How is it you know we’re so right for
each other and yet I’m not so sure? I mean, I really do care for Michela, but
I’m not certain whether I’m ready to commit to anything and everything that
goes with it.”

“Have
you spoken with Michela?” Allison shook her head. “What is it that
concerns you the most?”

“There’re
so many things. As you said, sometimes we argue like cats and dogs. Not to
mention, she’s on one side of the world and I’m on the other. What does this
mean to her job? Hell, I didn’t even know I was out and now do I have to be?
How do I know this relationship isn’t a case of two people being thrown
together in the right circumstances and nothing else?”

Sarah
took Allison’s hands. “I know this is different to what you’ve experienced
before on a personal level, but let me try and clear a few things up. Yes, you
argue like cats and dogs, but how long do you really stay mad at each other?
Yes, she’s on the other side of the world and that’s a major hurdle. One that
only you and she can overcome. I don’t know what it means to Michela’s job and
as for you, when did anyone say you had to be out? That’s a personal choice,
Alli, and one I don’t think Michela’s going to demand as a prerequisite for any
relationship.”

Allison
nodded. “I understand. It’s so much to absorb all at once.”

“And
finally, regarding your last comment, let me ask you one thing.” Sarah
searched Allison’s face. “Do you honestly believe this is no more than a
case of two people being thrown together under the right circumstances? How do
you really feel about her?”

Allison
closed out all the external pressures and centralized her thoughts, her mind
surprisingly clear. She smiled. “She moves me like no one else has ever
done. She touches emotional depths I never knew existed. She holds me when I
hurt and comforts me through the pain. I’ve never felt this way about anyone
before.”

“Then
I think you’ve answered your own question. Mind you, I still think you two need
to sit down and talk about it. But, for the moment, were you going to the
laundry? I’ve also got a heap of washing to do.”

Allison
stood and threw her dirty clothing into her laundry bag. “I do. It’s
amazing the amount of dirt that piles up after only weeks of basic
washing.”

MICHELA
STRETCHED OUT full-length on her bed, disdainful of the request on the back
door to first remove her shoes before lying down.
This is so much different
to that apple. I particularly like the do not disturb and please make up my
room sign that someone snatched from a hotel. Someone certainly had a keen
sense of humor.
She nuzzled into her pillow and groaned at the knock on the
door. She got up, opened the door, and smiled at Maddi, before seeing her
tears. “What is it?”

“I’m
sorry to disturb you,” Maddi said.
“I
was wondering if I could
speak with you. On a professional basis if I could.”

Michela
motioned for Maddi to enter and put the “do not disturb” sign on the
doorknob before closing the door.

“What
is it? What’s happened?”

“It’s
my father. I just got off the satellite phone to mum. He was working on the
roof yesterday and he suffered a massive stroke. He died last night in the hospital,”
Maddi said. “God, he was my rock. He loved me no matter how many times I
caused him to consider otherwise. When I came out all he said was ‘you’re my
daughter and if you’re happy then that’s all that matters.’ I’m so lost without
him.” Maddi sobbed and fell into Michela’s arms.

Michela
rested Maddi’s head on her shoulder, holding her as she grieved. She raised her
eyes at the sound of her door opening, slightly annoyed to think that someone
would disregard the sign she’d placed on her door. Allison stood in the
doorway, taking in the intimate sight before her. Before Michela could say
anything Allison turned and slammed the door.

Controlling
her anger, Michela continued to comfort Maddi and finally managed to get her to
talk through some of her grief. After an hour of consoling, she helped Maddi
back to her quarters and some well-needed rest.

Michela
strode toward Allison’s room and stormed through the door, not bothering to
knock.

Allison
jumped up from the bed and glared at Michela. “How dare you enter without
knocking!”

“How
dare I enter without knocking?” Michela countered. “That’s a lesson
you could well learn. What part of a ‘do not disturb’ sign don’t you
understand?”

“Isn’t
that convenient, or do you carry one of those with you everywhere you go?”
Allison challenged. “You must think it’s a great opportunity here, getting
the best of both worlds. Isn’t one woman enough for you that you have to pursue
two?”

Michela
couldn’t believe she was having this conversation. “Not that it’s really
any of your business but I was consoling Maddi, not engaging in foreplay.”

“Really?”
Allison spat back.

Shocked
by Allison’s venom, Michela closed the door, took a deep breath, and then
slowly released it. “Is that what you really think?” she asked
quietly. “Do you really believe that I’d think so little of what happened
out there between us?” She took a step forward and Allison turned away
from her. “Alli, please tell me what you’re thinking.” Silence was
the reply.