Cole’s Redemption (4 page)

Selene’s heart thundered in her chest. This was not
at all
what she’d expected to learn.
Her
father, the commander of a team with such a noble calling? No fucking way. Draining
her glass, she slid it across the table.

“You know, I think I’m going to need that second beer after all.”

•   •   •

Zan was suffering with a pounding head and a terrible ache in his heart.

He’d almost gotten a Pack brother killed, and he knew the horrible memory of Phoenix
sprawled on the ground, desperately trying to hold his torn neck together, would stay
with him forever. That was his wake-up call. There was only one course of action left
to take, as much as the decision tore him apart.

He had to go. Today.

Struggling to sit up in the infirmary’s hospital bed, he yanked at the IV in his hand—only
to be interrupted by Mac, who rushed into the room, curly dark hair swirling around
her determined face.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Dr. Mackenzie Grant, Kalen’s heavily pregnant and annoyed mate, pressed him flat onto
the bed and frowned down at him.

“I need to leave,” he said hoarsely. “I have things to do.”

“Are you trying to scare me into early labor?” she demanded. “You’re not getting up
from here until we run more tests and discuss the results.”

“Sorry.” The last thing he wanted was to stress out a pregnant woman. Again, he hadn’t
been thinking. “How long will that be?”

“At least a couple of hours, probably more, so get comfortable.”

He couldn’t hide his misery. Her expression softened, and he looked away, unable to
stand the pity he knew he’d find there. Hatred or disgust would be preferable, from
all of his friends, because his decision to leave would be much simpler. Cleaner.

Mac took his chin in her hand and urged him to look at her again. She waited until
she had his attention before she spoke. “We’re going to find a way to get you better,
all right? I promise.”

“You said
better
, not healed.”

“Zan . . .”

“Too big a promise?”

She hesitated, but to her credit, she told the truth. “For the time being, yes.”

“Fair enough.” Disappointment threatened to crush him, and he fought it down. “What’s
next?”

“A new CAT scan, blood work, and hearing tests. Then we go from there.”

He understood why his colleagues wouldn’t give up on finding some improvement, however
slight. Hell, it wasn’t like he
wanted
to quit. He couldn’t lie to himself, though. His brain was a ticking bomb, set to
explode the second the stress of using his healing power became too much. He’d gotten
lucky so far.

With a start, he realized Mac was waiting for his response. “Sure.”

“Hang in there.” After patting his arm, she turned and walked out, presumably to make
sure things were ready for his tests.

A short time later, Jax sauntered in without knocking and took up residence in the
chair beside his bed. “Came to babysit, since you’re such a pussy about being poked
and prodded.”

Zan rolled his eyes, which was a bad idea since it caused his head to pound harder.
“It’s the CAT scan I hate. Being stuck in that tube is creepy.”

“Want me to hold your hand?” his friend joked.

“Shut up.” He managed a smile, but didn’t quite feel it.

Jax’s humor bled from his face, and he was silent for a long moment. Finally, he took
a deep breath and said what they were both thinking. “You’re going to run, aren’t
you?”

“No. I’m going to walk, after I say good-bye.”

“You sure that’s what you want?”

“Of course it’s not. But what choice do I have when I’ve become a liability? What
am I supposed to do if I stay—sweep the floors and clean toilets?”

“What happened with Nix can be prevented. We can work on teaching you to use your
other senses, to feel the changes in the atmosphere around you—”

“Why did I just get a sudden image of Obi-Wan teaching Luke to use the force?”

“It can work,” Jax insisted, ignoring the bad joke. “Isn’t it worth a try? You owe
it to yourself not to leave before you’ve exhausted every possibility.”

“And in the meantime, I sit around and be useless? Or worse, get someone else hurt?
I can’t do that.”

“You returned to the field too soon. Give it more time.”

Jax looked so hopeful, and what he said made sense. But Zan still saw Nix’s body covered
in blood.

“I’ll think about it. That’s all I can promise for now.”

“All right,” his friend said, not trying to mask his relief. “Thanks.”

Mac and Noah came in to wheel him down for his tests, and Zan endured the seemingly
endless onslaught of procedures with as much cheerfulness as he could muster. Which
wasn’t a lot, but he did his best to keep the gloom from suffocating him.

Back in his room, there was more waiting. He and Jax made small talk about everything
under the sun, until Mac returned. When she came through the door at last, clutching
a large manila envelope, her expression was carefully neutral, and Zan’s heart sank.

“It’s bad,” he said. Not a question.

“I’d hoped for better results.” Opening the envelope, she removed a handful of images,
stuck one in a clip mounted to a viewing panel on the wall, and flipped a switch to
illuminate a colorful shot of his brain. “These are from the CAT scan. See these areas
here?”

She pointed to three spots where there seemed to be some sort of fuzziness to the
otherwise sharp image.

“I see, but I don’t know what I’m looking at.”

“These are areas of new damage to your brain,” she said grimly. “In layman’s terms,
the healing you performed on Nix put too much strain on the weakened vessels, and
some of them ruptured. They’re causing the horrible headache and dizziness you have
now.”

“Is he in immediate danger?” Jax asked, glancing at Zan worriedly.

“Not if he rests and follows my advice.” Mac arched a brow and gazed at Zan pointedly.
“If you were human, you’d be flat on your back in intensive care right now.”

“But I’m
not
human,” he muttered. “I’ll be fine.”

Mac shook her head. “You
won’t
be if you perform any more healing before you’re one hundred percent healed yourself.
See these areas?” She pointed to five other spots. They didn’t look like anything
to Zan, but her expression was as serious as he’d ever seen.

“These are vessels that are currently weakened so severely, the chances are high that
you’ll wind up with serious brain damage if you use your healing ability again too
soon. If the slow bleeding becomes outright hemorrhaging, you might not survive.”

“Jesus.” Hanging his head, he stared at his hands in his lap without really seeing
them. Finally, he raised his eyes to hers and voiced his biggest concern. “If I do
what you say, remain on the sidelines and refrain from using my gift, will I completely
recover? Can you tell me with reasonable certainty that I’ll be back in the field
eventually, able to fight and use my healing with no problems?”

Her pause was too long, and he knew the answer before she spoke. “I’m sorry. I can’t
say that for sure. Only what will happen if you
don’t
do as we recommend.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“It’s all we’ve got for now.”

God. “I want to go back to my own quarters. Please.”

“Not tonight. You’re staying here overnight. If you’re better tomorrow, I’ll consider
it.” Her stance held a certain finality and stubbornness that he knew meant,
Don’t fuck with the doc
.

“Fine.”

“I’ll check on you later.” Shooting Zan a look of sympathy, Mac left, closing the
door quietly behind her. Jax hovered for a moment and then let out a deep breath.

“Give me your word you won’t leave just yet. Give yourself a chance. The team needs
you. Shit,
I
need you.”

Damn his best friend for knowing exactly what to say. He knew once Zan gave his word
on anything, it was gold. Tension hung in the air between them, Zan struggling with
saying the words, until he knew it was pointless to refuse.

“You’ve got my word. And I’m not a quitter, just for the record.”

“Nobody thinks you are.”

“I just don’t want to endanger my brothers.”

“Understood. I felt the same way after my leg was injured and I couldn’t fight.”

“I know.” He paused. “And thanks.”

“No problem. I’ll let you get some sleep.” Giving him a pat on the shoulder, Jax left.

Settling in for the night, Zan tried to sleep, but his dreams were uneasy. Filled
with blood and death. A battle. Carnage. Horrible sorrow. Zan, trying desperately
to heal . . . someone. Who? Then his own screams rang in his ears as his brain finally
detonated—

Zan sat bolt upright in bed, gasping, sweat pouring down his face. His heart thudded
against his sternum, and his hands shook as he wiped the moisture from his brow.

Over and over, he told himself that he didn’t have the ability to see the future.
That was Nick’s area. It was just a nightmare. Gradually, his pulse calmed and he
lay down again.

But his eyes were still wide open as the sun broke over the horizon.

•   •   •

He had to go for a run.

Nick paced his office, then stopped and stared out the window, across the lawn to
the forest at the edge of the compound. His wolf strained inside him, always eager
for a good run, and he was usually happy to oblige.

But today felt different. The pull was more than just the desire for earth under his
paws. There was a sense that he was
supposed
to go. Destiny was upon him, for good or ill, and today marked the beginning of serious
changes in his life.

For however much longer his life might be.

Surrendering to the pull, Nick left his office and walked down the corridors, speaking
to a few of the team along the way. Outside, he strode across the compound and into
the woods a ways before stripping his clothes and allowing his wolf to take over.

For him, a born wolf with more than two centuries of experience, the change was effortless.
In some ways, he’d always been more comfortable in his wolf skin, and there was a
time long ago when he’d nearly traded in his human life in favor of his wolf, permanently.
A time when the pain of tragic loss was too much to bear. He’d drifted for years,
an immortal creature with no future—a great irony if ever there was one.

If it hadn’t been for his old friend Jarrod Grant pulling some strings to get him
into the FBI, and eventually the position as commander of the Alpha Pack, there was
no telling what might’ve become of him.

Still, each day was a struggle. To find meaning in life where there was none. To wake
up one more day and honor his commitments to his men when the weight of all he’d lost
was almost too much to bear.

As he stood on four paws surveying his surroundings, he let the memories go and ran.
His paws dug into the earth, sending leaves and dirt flying as his long legs ate up
the distance. His wolf didn’t care about destiny or death.

But as a white blur detached itself from the trees and raced to intercept him, he
knew that one of those—possibly both—had found him all the same.

•   •   •

She heard the crashing sounds in the forest a minute or so before he actually came
into view.

All of her careful planning, the months of waiting, had come to this moment. She’d
make him pay for what he’d done. At last.

Taking off, she ran full-out to intercept the big white wolf streaking through the
trees.

He was alone.

And that was the last mistake the bastard would ever make.

•   •   •

“You really shouldn’t be out running the same day the doc lets you go,” Micah said
as he and Nix kept pace with Zan in the hallway leading to one of the exits. Micah
kept bobbing in front of him to make sure Zan could see his lips.

Zan did his best to keep from punching either of his friends as he made his escape.
“I don’t need a fucking nanny.”

“You need a keeper.”

Nix grasped his arm, urging Zan to stop and pay attention, then took the opportunity
to double-team him. “Neither of the docs will be happy to find out you’re ignoring
orders to rest.”

“And you’re going to tell them?” He shot them both a sour look.

“Of course not,” Nix said smoothly. “But they’ll find out anyway, and you’ll get benched.”

“Mac said
rest
, not crawl under a rock and hibernate. Besides, letting out my wolf is good for the
healing process.”

They couldn’t argue that one, though he could see they wanted to.

“You wouldn’t just leave, right?” Micah asked, clearly anxious. “Jax said you promised.”

“Is that what’s really bothering you guys?” He shook his head. “If I decide to go,
I’ll be up front about it. I’ll put in my notice and say good-bye like a man, not
run like a coward.”

“That’s not much of a comfort,” Micah griped.

He sighed. “That’s all I can tell you for now. I’m still thinking things over.”

Nix shifted in place and looked him in the eye. “While you are, I want you to know
how grateful I am for what you did for me. You took quite a risk to put me back together,
and I won’t forget it.”

Zan gave him a half smile. “We all take risks every day. But in your case, I had extra
incentive or a certain nurse would’ve been heartbroken to lose his mate.”

Nix gave a laugh, shaking his head. “I don’t know that he’s my mate, man. I’m not
showing any symptoms of being sick like the other guys did before they Bonded.”

“Do you and your wolf feel a pull? Like you both need each other?”

“Yeah, but with none of the nasty side effects.”

“Interesting.”

“How’d you manage to turn the conversation away from yourself?” Nix gave him a playful
shove. “We’ll let you go for your run, but don’t be gone too long or we’re coming
after you.”

“Yeah, I hear you—well, not really, but you know what I mean.”