Collateral Damage (15 page)

Her face fell, her eyes brimming with disappointment as she shook her head slowly. “I never thought you’d be like them. Not ever.” It was clear she meant her fucked-up family, who had forced her into this miserable situation. He didn’t appreciate being lumped in with them.

“I’m
nothing
like them, and you know it. I’m trying to protect you and make you open your eyes. Can’t you see that?”

She snorted. “How is making things worse between my family and me
protecting
me?”

This was so fucked up he didn’t even know where to begin. He continued to stare at her, the tension in him winding so tight he felt like he would snap. “So instead you’re going to sacrifice your own happiness and do what Charity and your parents want, out of guilt? Jesus, are you hearing yourself right now? Calling off the engagement and walking away from me isn’t the answer, Honor. It’s not going to make her better.”

Her refusal to see that floored him. She was acting on some misguided sense of guilt and responsibility, one he was sure her parents and probably Charity herself had sharpened to a fine point over the past few days.

“Well knowing we’re still planning to get married would definitely make her worse.” She gave a hollow, humorless laugh and shook her head. “I don’t see any other option.”

She was quitting on them. Giving up without thinking about him or herself. It was all about her family. Always would be.

Liam dragged a hand down his face, wanting to scream in frustration. “They’ve had you alone for the past four days, probably working on you the whole time, giving you guilt trip after guilt trip. God, you’ve basically allowed them to brainwash you against me.” That infuriated him. How the hell did she not see what was really going on here?

“
Brainwash
me? Like I’m too weak and stupid to think for myself?” She narrowed her eyes and thrust her index finger at him. “Screw. You.”

The show of fire heartened him. “Then don’t quit on us—stand up and fight for what you want and stop letting them run your life!”

“I don’t let them run my life, Liam! But losing one sister was enough, and I guess that’s something you’ll never understand. God, this is just pointless!”

“Pointless?” he echoed, stunned. “You and I? Getting married and making a life together, is
pointless
?”

She aimed a withering glare at him. “Don’t twist my words. You know exactly what I meant.”

“Not sure I do. In fact, I’m starting to think I was wrong about a lot of things when it comes to you.”

Honor’s chin rose, her eyes flashing. “Guess none of that matters now, does it?” Her voice was bitter as she cast a pointed glance at the ring on the counter.

The finality of her tone made a tendril of fear wrap around the base of his spine, its icy fingers curling around his tautly stretched nerves.

Liam shook his head slowly, fighting to keep his voice even.
Calm down. Keep talking to her.
“You said you couldn’t live with yourself if something happened to Charity, but can you live with yourself if you walk away from us? Knowing you did it because your family’s controlling you?” He waited a beat before finishing. “If you leave like this, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.” It sounded like a warning, and maybe it was. But he was sick and tired of this bullshit, sick at heart that she would give him up so easily, walk away from their life together.

Her eyes narrowed. “Maybe, but don’t worry about it because I’m not your problem anymore.” She whirled and strode for the door.

No.

Terror and desperation shot through him. Without thinking he bolted after her. His heart was hammering as he caught her in the foyer and turned her, pulling her into his arms to crush her to his chest.

She struggled against him. Her face was streaked with tears, her shoulders shaking with the force of the silent sobs she was fighting to hold in. “Let me
go
.” She shoved at his shoulders, hard.

Liam held her tighter. He couldn’t let her go. He was terrified that if he did she’d walk out that door and he’d never see her again.

“Don’t do this,” he begged hoarsely against her temple, crumbling inside. Honor wasn’t the type to make empty threats or do something like this on a whim. No, she meant it and was prepared to go through with it. He had one last shot to change her mind, right now, before he lost her forever. So no, even he wasn’t above begging if that’s what it took to make her stay and work this out.

“You said you still love me,” he whispered brokenly. He was holding onto that for all it was worth. It had to be enough. He squeezed her tighter. “I know you’re scared and I know you’re hurting but… Don’t do this. Don’t walk away.
Please
.”

Don’t leave me.

She’d never know how much it cost him to beg her this way, but he was so damn scared right now he didn’t care how pathetic it made him look. He’d do or say fucking whatever it took to get her to listen to reason, make her change her mind.

Anything except agreeing to live a lie and hide his true feelings for her from the rest of the world, no matter what the reason.

A sob tore out of her.

Honor stopped shoving at him. She wound her arms around his back and squeezed so hard he felt the muscles in her arms tremble. Liam closed his eyes and pressed his face against her hair, that painful bubble of hope surfacing again. He could feel her torment, her pain. If he could just calm her down long enough to get her to listen, really listen and then think this through…

“Sweet pea, just listen to me,” he began softly.

“No, I
can’t
.” Honor tore away from him and grabbed the doorknob. Before he could recover enough to reach out and stop her, she’d slammed the door shut behind her.

Gone.

A strange roaring filled his ears. Outside he heard her car start up and drive away.

Too stunned to move, he stared blankly at the closed door, an unbearable pain splitting his chest as though she’d just slashed his ribs open with a KA-BAR and carved his heart out.

She’d just walked away from the promise she’d made when she’d said she’d marry him. She’d walked away from the dream of their future together. She’d walked away from him and all his love, because it hadn’t been enough.

Liam didn’t go after her. He knew there was no point and the tiny amount of pride he had left prevented him from chasing after her like a pet dog she’d abandoned at the side of the road, desperate for her love and the chance to be with her.

The eerie silence of the house settled around him, brittle and cold.

He’d just lost the only woman he’d ever loved. Now it felt like he was dying inside.

He didn’t know how long he stood there, frozen in his foyer as the shock slowly wore off. Finally he made himself cross to the door, every step an effort. His hand shook as he turned the deadbolt home, his stomach churning.

Splaying one hand over the cool wood, he leaned his forehead against it and squeezed his eyes shut as a hot flood of tears stung his eyes. He stood there alone, slowly bleeding to death from the gaping wound where his heart had been only minutes before.

Finishing a quick snack in the hangar, Honor rubbed at the back of her neck in an attempt to ease the pounding headache that had become worse as the day wore on. She’d already taken a handful of ibuprofen several hours ago and it hadn’t helped much. Her doctor and Erin had both explained that she’d likely have headaches for a few days or even weeks after the concussion, partially caused by sore neck muscles she’d pulled during her fall.

That wasn’t what bothered her the most though. In addition to the aches and pains, the way she’d left things with Liam made her feel like shit on the bottom of someone’s boot.

“Hey, Ms. Girard,” Smithers called out.

Honor took a swig of water and headed toward him where he stood off to the side cleaning some equipment. When she was within ten feet of him she nodded. “What’s up?”

He shot a look over toward the 60 the crew was working on, then back to her. “You talk to Ipman today?”

“Not outside of shop talk, no. Why?”

He lowered his voice. “Things aren’t, ah… Not all is quiet on the home front, if you know what I mean.”

She glanced over at the soldier in question, then back to Smithers. “His wife isn’t excited that he’s coming home early?”

“Apparently not.” His grave expression made Honor’s heart sink as she read between the lines.

“Wait. Is she cheating on him?”

Smithers winced. “Sounds like it. He thinks so, anyway.”

Ah, hell. Ipman had been up and down since she’d first met him and things had been tough for him when they’d first deployed here, but he’d seemed to be doing so much better. “When did he find out?”

“Think he’s been suspicious for a while now, but it kind of all came to a head when he called to tell her we were coming home early. At least, that’s the way I heard it.”

She grunted, angry on her soldier’s behalf. “I’ll bet that piece of unexpected news put a serious damper on her plans.” The woman had two elementary-aged kids at home and she worked full time. Seriously, when the hell did she even have time for an affair?

Honor blew out a breath and rubbed her neck harder. “I’ll talk to him. What about Andrews? He doing any better?” She spotted him near the entrance of the hangar, talking to one of the Afghan locals who worked as a janitor. The guys rarely talked to her about personal problems unless it was really serious, instead keeping it to themselves or maybe telling Smithers.

The master sergeant made a face. “Same old same old, you know how he is. But this week he’s been pretty good. Well, comparatively speaking.”

Andrews had been an intermittent pain in her ass over the last fourteen months he’d been assigned to her unit. And she couldn’t lie, it was wearing on her to constantly have to deal with his bullshit, so if he was having a good week, all the better for everyone. Her official duties included manager and maintainer, but her unofficial ones included marriage counselor and even babysitter when the occasion called for it.

Luckily, she wasn’t afraid to give one of her people a swift kick in the ass when they deserved it. “How’d his wife take the news about him coming home early?”

“Don’t think she was overly thrilled, but at least she’s not cheating on him. That we know of, anyway,” he said dryly.

“Well there’s a silver lining for you,” she murmured.

Smithers grinned. “Just thought you should know.”

“I appreciate it. I’ll talk to Ipman.”

She waited another two hours, until there was a lull in the job. “Hey, Ipman.” He glanced up at her from the deck of the Black Hawk. “Let’s go grab a bite.”

He set down his tools and wiped his hands on a rag. “Sure, ma’am.”

When they were outside with no one in earshot, she said, “So I hear things aren’t going so well for you at home right now.”

At that Ipman lost his perpetually cocky attitude and lowered his gaze, his shoulders sagging. He expelled a deep breath. “Jane’s screwing some other guy.”

She hid a wince. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Found some suspicious stuff on her Facebook page and when I dug a little deeper I found out she’s been screwing him for the last four months.” He gave a rueful laugh. “Sounds fucking stupid, I know, but the four month part is way harder to take than the whole cheating thing. I mean, if she’d just fucked some guy once while I was gone I think maybe I could’ve forgiven her someday, but to hook up with him for that long? No.” He shook his head. “There’s no way she’d be doing that with someone for that long unless she had feelings for the guy. She said she fell out of love with me a long time ago, and it took meeting him to make her face it.”

Ouch. “I’m really sorry.” There was nothing else to say that wouldn’t sound patronizing or stupid.

“Yeah. Thanks.” He walked beside her in silence for a minute, maybe gathering his thoughts as their boots crunched over the gravel. “She’ll stay in the house and I’ll crash at a friend’s while I’m home. We’ll have to figure out a visitation schedule for the girls, I guess. Whole shitty-ass mess to work out.”

God. Honor prayed the wife wouldn’t have her boyfriend staying with her while Ipman was back in town.

He shot her a sidelong glance, a frown creasing his brow. “Think I should ask her to go to counseling while I’m home?”

Honor concealed her surprise at the question. Most guys she knew looked at counseling as a form of torture, and it could end up in his record. Marital problems were fairly common for military families so the Army had resources for it, namely the Military Family Life Counselors. Still, the fact that he’d even considered it made it clear he wasn’t ready to let the marriage go. Honor’s heart went out to him.

“Would she go?” Because to her it didn’t really sound like Ipman’s wife was interested in trying to save the marriage.

“I dunno.” He sighed and dragged a hand down his face. “God, I never saw this coming, you know? I mean, I expected things to be tough with me gone so much, but I never thought she’d cheat on me. We’re not perfect, but we’re still a
family
.” His voice cracked a little on the last word and Honor had to look away, her own conscience pricking her.

She and Liam could have been a family too. That solid, unshakable unit is something they’d both wanted, but she understood that in some ways it had been even more important for Liam. She exhaled. “Let’s go grab something and we’ll talk this out, okay?”

They sat across from each other at the end of a long rectangular table, away from anyone else. She stayed quiet as Ipman poured his heart out, promising him that this was all off the record. Unless it interfered with his job or he posed a risk to himself or anyone else, none of this needed to be reported. Right now he simply needed someone he trusted to listen to him.

He pushed his food around his plate as he spoke, mostly in bursts as he paused to process everything. He’d eaten around half of his meal when he finally sat back and gave her a brave smile. “I really appreciate you making time for me, ma’am.”