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“Hmm?” he asked, only glancing at me from under his lashes then back to his bowl.

“Piper? She looked...not happy the other day.”

“Oh, that. No. She’s just worried about me.”

Worried? Why? Huh. What is that? Is that jealousy I feel? That buzzing in my stomach? Never felt jealous before. Wow. Why would I be jealous of her? I didn’t know her and I didn’t even like him that way...right?

I decided to prod further and ignored that little internal revelation.

“Worried?” I asked but my voice comes out a little strained.

“We can hear each others thoughts, unless we’re trying really hard to not let them in. She’s just trying to watch out for me. She’s worried that I might...be a little too attached to you because you’re not my charge.”

I laughed out loud but he didn’t. He stopped stirring and looked up at me curiously.

“Well, did you tell her that you loathe me? That ought to clear things right up,” I said still laughing because I couldn’t stop.

It was just hilarious to me that I had been trying so hard to get him to like me and not be upset with me, with no results, and now, more than one person thought Merrick had some kind of crush on me. Like he was even capable of such a thing and I was letting my mind run wild with it, trying to conjure up feelings for him myself. Absurd.

“Why do you think that?” he asked softly looking tired and drained.

“Well, per our conversation earlier, we established that touching other humans isn’t a problem for you, it’s just me. In fact you go out of your way to not touch or really come near me much at all it seems. You only talk to me if you feel I need comfort, like after I make a fool of myself yelling at everyone, but that’s just the Keeper in you I think. And then you said you liked me before, but that was a lie. I told you, you can’t lie to me.” I shook my finger at him but his face was anything but amused.

“I was lying,” he confessed.

“It’s ok, Merrick. I get it. I’m sorry, I just...I just can’t handle it when people are upset with me and I can’t fix it somehow. I’ll stay out of your way, ok.”

As I hopped down from the counter and turned to leave he grabbed my wrist and my skin immediately begins to tingle.

“You’re so blind,” he breathed shaking his head.

“I’m sorry?”

He steadied himself, took a deep breath and then let me have it, all the while, keeping my wrist in his overly warm shaky gentle grasp.

“I did lie. I don’t like you, Sherry. I...I love you.” I heard my breath falter but he continued. “I can’t touch you because it drives this body insane.” He was barely speaking, breathing the words as he leaned closer to me. “My skin... tingles and I can barely breath, which you’ve noticed. I can’t explain it. I know you’ll probably hate me now when I tell you this but I couldn’t help it. Sherry, I watched you, too. The first time I saw you was when you were little, when Danny was born,” he smiled while remembering “you were so protective of him. I enjoyed it, I thought you were my little helper, but over the years, I never stopped watching. I split my attention in half and took my full focus away from my charge, your brother. I felt so protective of you. Somewhere along the way it stopped being just protective. As you got older and I saw the person you were, the kind of woman you were, it became something else. I fell in love with you and kept watching and protecting you even when you were on your own. After I came here, when I saw you in your driveway...” He shook his head, his eyes closed. “I’m so sorry. I know what you must think of me but all this time, as a guardian, I’ve never broken the rules, never gotten involved when I shouldn’t. I know it doesn’t matter, I’m not human, but I...just can’t let you sit there and think that I hate you when the opposite is true.”

It was all true, not a lie in the mix, which means he did love me.

I couldn’t move or speak. Shock overtook me as did those smoldering green eyes. He reached out and cautiously, gauging to see if I’d flinch, he ran his free fingers down the inside of my elbow to my wrist. The goose bumps came and he looked at me for indication, good or bad? I had none to give him.

I was the one confused now. How could this perfect selfless being love
me
, especially if he’s watched me over the years with my worthless life and pointless existence. I was short and awkward in my own skin. My lousy apartment with no real friends to fill it. My stupid job. My weirdo parents who didn’t even love us enough to stay with us. My horrible judgment I have pounded into my brothers head.

How did I always gauge every situation so wrong?

I realized I was panting. He looked worried but I couldn’t stop. The hot tears spilled over and I wanted to run so he wouldn’t see, but then I guessed he’d seen it before hadn’t he? He’d seen it all.

The tears overtook me and a low sob broke loose. I pulled my wrist free and ran to my room, too embarrassed to face him after I’ve thought so many horrible things about him, but he somehow was there again, already in my room waiting for me. He reached for my arm but retracted it before he touched me.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Sherry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t want to hurt you, that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do. Please don’t cry because of me.

Wrong. All wrong.

“I don’t hate you,” I squeaked.

It’s all I can get to come out.

He thought I was mad because he watched me against my will, without my permission, without his call’s permission. But no, it was because I was embarrassed for being lame and not doing something more with my life. To have something for him to see that was worth something and not just embarrassment.

For some reason, I
needed
him to comfort me again, even after this, I was surprised that I wanted him to.

I’m sorry. Forgive me, Sherry. Just forget I said anything, ok? I’ll never bring it up again and I’ll stay away from you as much as I can. I promise. I’m so sorry.

He started to leave, maneuvering around me. I reached for his shirt in one swift movement, pulling my face into his chest. He seemed surprised but not as reluctant as usual, as he let me and even wrapped his warm strong arms around my shoulders. He continued out loud.

“I never watched when I shouldn’t have. When Matt and you...your showers, among lots of other things, I always tuned out. I know I don’t deserve it but...please forgive me, Sherry. I never wanted to hurt you.”

I felt one of his hands slip to the small of my back and to my utter embarrassment, my heart rate picked up and I felt a little sigh release from my lips. I tried fervently to tamp down on that and focus on what he said.

“There was no Matt and me. That was the reason he got so upset with me that night and he tried to...he hit me when I wouldn’t...” I sniffed and looked up at his face realizing. “But you tuned out and didn’t see that, did you?”

His enraged face suggested that he had not and if he had, it would been a trip here to stop Matt. He suppressed his anger and looked back at me as I spoke again, his green eyes so close from still being in our embrace and I focused on them as I explained to him the truth.

“I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at myself. I have nothing to show for my life. For all these years, school, college, work, family, friends, I just caused problems and...I did nothing worth anything and now it all could be over. It just sucks having someone see the entirely lame failure your life is.”

“That’s not true,” he said with conviction and I felt his arm tighten around my waist. “I saw a lot of things worth something. Why do you think I fell in love with you?” I gasped slightly and looked up to his face as he continued. “The flowers you always sent your lonely old neighbor at the apartments on holidays, anonymously. The way you always straightened your bosses desk when she was gone, even though she was terrible to you. You let your parents push their ideas on you and were respectful, never complained. You always made sure that Danny knew what was important, and you hugged each other and loved each other. You may not know this but, Danny had a really hard time, for a while. You were the only thing he looked forward to, driving him to and from work so you could talk.”

This brought a whole new round of tears and hysteria, remembering my rant with myself over being Danny’s chauffer. More tears spilled over my already red and burning eyelids.

He looked even more concerned and guilty as his hands moved towards my face. I slightly gasped at the warmth when they actually reached it this time, cradling my face on both sides. He wiped the tears from my cheeks with his warm thumbs.

It was strange, these didn’t feel like Matt’s hands. The calluses were the same, the size was the same, but the movement, the warmth...the reason behind it made all the difference. Both of our breathing was out of control at this point, but he didn’t stop this time. I could feel tingling in my cheeks doing nothing to slow my breaths or heart beat. Little sparks. He spoke again.

“Please don’t cry anymore. I can’t take it,” he breathed hoarsely.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me, Sherry.”

“I’m sorry for saying sorry,” I joked and try to laugh but his hands on me distracted me beyond thinking.

“It’s not important whether you’re angry with me or not. What’s important is that you stop thinking that you’re worthless. I want you to be mad, what I did was wrong, but
you
have done so many right things. You’re still doing them, look at Susan. She was so moved by what you said and the way you spoke to everyone with such...conviction. No one here is mad at you, Sherry.”

“Are you sure you can’t read my mind?”

“No, I wish I could. Right now more than ever,” he chuckled to himself as he spoke.

He swallowed and moved one of his hands to rub my necklace charm in between fingers, then moved it up to rub the ends my hair laying across my shoulder, his fingertips brushed the side of my neck tentatively. He looked fascinated by his exploring. His other hand was still on my wet cheek, his eyes fixed on my lips again.

Then Danny burst through the door, knocking me into Merrick’s already close body, forcing him to catch me from toppling us both over. Danny was more surprised than we were, judging by his dropped jaw and wide eyes. We straightened up quickly, and Merrick immediately turned to leave, stopping at the door.

“See you later, Sherry,” was his grand departure.

“Bye,” was mine.

Danny grinned from ear to ear, more from I-told-you-so than genuine happiness for me, I thought. I was still reeling from the past half hour of crammed emotions and shocking revelations, as I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of the hideous sweat shirt that was folded on the end of my bed. I stood still for a few minutes, eyes closed, settling myself, letting my breathing and heart rate slow.

I was in no mood to have playful banter with Danny, and he could tell, because he settled into his cot and closed his eyes as I walked out without a word.

If I thought doing dishes with him was going to be weird before, it would definitely be weird now but I hadn’t eaten supper either, so ditching dishes wouldn’t solve that one. It sounded pretty quiet as I tip toed into the hall and crept towards the kitchen. When I looked, the dishes were done. No way Merrick had time to do them. I was startled by the voice behind me.

Merrick - No Touchy

Oh! I actually touched her. She was so soft. Softer than I’d ever imagined possible. I just reached out and grabbed that sweet teary face. Tears she was crying because of me.

What a jerk I was but she said she wasn’t mad, didn’t hate me, and she was telling the truth. I had no idea what to do. She was driving me every kind of human crazy. I wanted to just give in to my senses, but I also had a job to do. I wanted to ignore her but I knew I never could, and if I was honest and didn’t want to. I wanted to kiss her but how could I after what I’ve done? I wouldn’t even know what to do anyway. What would it be like to kiss her? Her lips were fascinating.

And she smells so good. So, that’s what vanilla smells like. And her hair, curling around my fingers...

What was I thinking? She must’ve thought I was crazy. Worse than crazy. She didn’t flinch away though, didn’t move. Her breathing even seemed to quicken like mine. Ah! Don’t get your hopes up, you were such an idiot.

And Bobby. As much as I don’t like him what could I offer her that he couldn’t and more? He was a jerk but, any human would be better for her. Right?

I shouldn’t have told her all of that. Things were just going to be weird between us. She did hug me though, but no, she was crying and just wanted comfort, just like Susan did that day. Humans act that way. These bodies were constantly in need of something. Comfort and compassion being a couple of them. Don’t read anything into it, fool.

Driving back here from the store with her was unbearable. I could smell her the whole time and her hair was brushing my arm, her face against my arm and chest. Embarrassing, her having to teach me to drive and then me freaking out about it like that but I couldn’t seem to keep this bodies reactions under control.

She actually thought I was repulsed by her. How could she ever think that? Of course, she had no idea how gorgeous she was. Gorgeous and cute, tiny. I just wanted to snatch her up and keep her behind me at all times, protected. My conscience doesn’t buzz for her because she wasn’t my charge but my heart does.

I walked slowly to the laundry room to check on my clothes that I had put in the dryer earlier. It was hard to get these minds to focus on more than one thing at a time. Remembering to get your clothes later, remembering what time is lunch and dinner, remembering what day it is for chores.

After I had a quick lesson on the washing machines knobs from Jeff, who had been shown by Bobby, folding clothes was pretty self explanatory but not everything was. Take cooking, for instance.

I had to ask Lillian to show me how to turn on the oven and then which pans to use, ect. I had to read the instructions on every box and can on how to prepare it.

I tried to mentally prepare myself for the awkwardness of doing the dishes with Sherry after that whole scene, after making a human fool of myself. I saw Susan finishing up the dishes in the kitchen.