Come as You Are (15 page)
Authors: Emily Nagoski
Setting | |
• Private/public (at home, work, vacation, etc.) | |
• Distance sex (phone, chat, etc.) | |
• See partner do something positive, like interact with family or do work |
Other life circumstances | |
• Work-related stress | |
• Family-related stress | |
• Holiday, anniversary, “occasion” |
Things you do | |
• Self-guided fantasy | |
• Partner-guided fantasy (“talking dirty”) | |
• Body parts that were touched or not | |
• Oral sex on you/on partner | |
• Intercourse, etc. |
Other
sexy contexts
Think of a positive sexual experience from your past. Describe it here, with as many relevant details as you can recall:
Now consider what aspects of that experience made it positive:
Category | Description |
Mental and physical wellbeing | |
• Physical health | |
• Body image | |
• Mood | |
• Anxiety | |
• Distractibility | |
• Worry about sexual functioning | |
• Other |
Partner characteristics | |
• Physical appearance | |
• Physical health | |
• Smell | |
• Mental state | |
• Other |
Relationship characteristics | |
• Trust | |
• Power dynamic | |
• Emotional connection | |
• Feeling desired | |
• Frequency of sex |
Setting | |
• Private/public (at home, work, vacation, etc.) | |
• Distance sex (phone, chat, etc.) | |
• See partner do something positive, like interact with family or do work |
Other life circumstances | |
• Work-related stress | |
• Family-related stress | |
• Holiday, anniversary, “occasion” |
Things you do | |
• Self-guided fantasy | |
• Partner-guided fantasy (“talking dirty”) | |
• Body parts that were touched or not | |
• Oral sex on you/on partner | |
• Intercourse, etc. |
Other
sexy contexts
Think of a positive sexual experience from your past. Describe it here, with as many relevant details as you can recall:
Now consider what aspects of that experience made it positive:
Category | Description |
Mental and physical wellbeing | |
• Physical health | |
• Body image | |
• Mood | |
• Anxiety | |
• Distractibility | |
• Worry about sexual functioning | |
• Other |
Partner characteristics | |
• Physical appearance | |
• Physical health | |
• Smell | |
• Mental state | |
• Other |
Relationship characteristics | |
• Trust | |
• Power dynamic | |
• Emotional connection | |
• Feeling desired | |
• Frequency of sex |
Setting | |
• Private/public (at home, work, vacation, etc.) | |
• Distance sex (phone, chat, etc.) | |
• See partner do something positive, like interact with family or do work |
Other life circumstances | |
• Work-related stress | |
• Family-related stress | |
• Holiday, anniversary, “occasion” |
Things you do | |
• Self-guided fantasy | |
• Partner-guided fantasy (“talking dirty”) | |
• Body parts that were touched or not | |
• Oral sex on you/on partner | |
• Intercourse, etc. |
Other
not-so-sexy contexts
Think of a not-so-great sexual experience from your past—not necessarily a terrible one, just a not-so-great one. Describe it here, with as many relevant details as you can recall:
Now consider what aspects of that experience made it not-so-great:
Category | Description |
Mental and physical wellbeing | |
• Physical health | |
• Body image | |
• Mood | |
• Anxiety | |
• Distractibility | |
• Worry about sexual functioning | |
• Other |
Partner characteristics | |
• Physical appearance | |
• Physical health | |
• Smell | |
• Mental state | |
• Other |
Relationship characteristics | |
• Trust | |
• Power dynamic | |
• Emotional connection | |
• Feeling desired | |
• Frequency of sex |
Setting | |
• Private/public (at home, work, vacation, etc.) | |
• Distance sex (phone, chat, etc.) | |
• See partner do something positive, like interact with family or do work |
Other life circumstances | |
• Work-related stress | |
• Family-related stress | |
• Holiday, anniversary, “occasion” |
Things you do | |
• Self-guided fantasy | |
• Partner-guided fantasy (“talking dirty”) | |
• Body parts that were touched or not | |
• Oral sex on you/on partner | |
• Intercourse, etc. |
Other
not-so-sexy contexts
Think of a not-so-great sexual experience from your past—not necessarily a terrible one, just a not-so-great one. Describe it here, with as many relevant details as you can recall:
Now consider what aspects of that experience made it not-so-great:
Category | Description |
Mental and physical wellbeing | |
• Physical health | |
• Body image | |
• Mood | |
• Anxiety | |
• Distractibility | |
• Worry about sexual functioning | |
• Other |
Partner characteristics | |
• Physical appearance | |
• Physical health | |
• Smell | |
• Mental state | |
• Other |
Relationship characteristics | |
• Trust | |
• Power dynamic | |
• Emotional connection | |
• Feeling desired | |
• Frequency of sex |
Setting | |
• Private/public (at home, work, vacation, etc.) | |
• Distance sex (phone, chat, etc.) | |
• See partner do something positive, like interact with family or do work |
Other life circumstances | |
• Work-related stress | |
• Family-related stress | |
• Holiday, anniversary, “occasion” |
Things you do | |
• Self-guided fantasy | |
• Partner-guided fantasy (“talking dirty”) | |
• Body parts that were touched or not | |
• Oral sex on you/on partner | |
• Intercourse, etc. |