Come Back To Me (9 page)

through me, how she knows me. Her words struck me

hard as a kick to the ribs, jolting something free inside of

me − a truth I’d been avoiding. Ever since I became a

marine I’ve felt like I belong to a different tribe, always on

the outside looking back in at the rest of the world, play-

ing a role that I put on the first time I wore my uniform.

But with Jessa, I don’t ever feel that way. Lying with

her right now, under this endless sky, it feels like we’re

the only two people in the world, and for once I’m not

on the outside, I’m right on the inside, exactly where I

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belong. When I’m in uniform, I feel like I’m pretending at

being someone – someone I’m not sure I really am. When

Jessa looks at me, my body lets go of all the tension it’s

been holding, all the pretence, and just relaxes, and it

feels good. It feels better than good. It feels like freedom.

I like the way she sees me, I think to myself as I stare

up at the million dead and dying stars above us. It’s

someone worth striving to be.

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Jessa

All he does is hold me, his hand gently stroking my

waist, occasionally pressing his lips to my forehead, but I

have never felt so connected to anyone before in my life.

My lips still burn, my cheeks are stinging from where

they scraped his stubble, and my heart is beating super-

naturally fast.

I was nervous – stupidly nervous – when he lay down

beside me, that, being way more experienced than me,

he’d have expectations, but now I smile to myself. I

should have known Kit would never push. I smile wider

when I remember how he felt when I lay down on top of

him. He was definitely turned on. And the fact he hasn’t

tried to go faster than I want to ironically makes me want

him even more. Last summer I had a fling with a guy

which ended because he kept trying to convince me to do

stuff I wasn’t ready to do. If he’d just played it cool and

not put any pressure on me, then maybe I wouldn’t still

be a virgin. Half of me wishes I wasn’t because Kit’s so

obviously not, but half of me is also glad because if I had

to choose anyone in the world to lose my virginity to,

other than say Ryan Gosling, it would be Kit.

Kit suddenly sits up. ‘Man, I forgot. Are you hungry?’

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He turns around and grabs his backpack, emptying out

some containers from inside.

I pull the blanket around my shoulders and sit up.

‘What you got?’ I ask.

‘Pasteis de nata,’ he says, handing me a little pastry

with yellow cream inside.

‘Where did you get these?’ I ask.

‘I made them,’ Kit says, smiling.

I pause with the cake halfway to my lips. ‘You made

this?’ I say.

‘A-ha,’ he says, waiting for me to bite into it.

‘Did they teach you how to cook too at etiquette

school? Because I’ve never seen Riley so much as boil an

egg.’

Kit shakes his head. ‘My mom taught me.’

I close my mouth. Kit’s mom died when he was nine. I

never met her and I’ve never heard him speak about her

much. I’m not sure he wants to talk about her now, so I

take a bite of the cake and − woah . . . oh my God . . . this

is
really
good. I finish it off in seconds and Kit’s already

handing me another. ‘This is so good,’ I say with a mouth

full of pastry.

‘I know,’ he answers smugly.

‘I didn’t know you could cook.’

‘I have many, many skills. As you will soon discover.’

He catches my eye and I totally do not misread the

look he’s giving me. My stomach flip-flops and heat rises

up my neck. If he’s that good a kisser I can only imagine

how good he might be at the other stuff.

After I’ve eaten at least six of the cakes, Riley stands up

and shakes out the blanket to get rid of all the crumbs,

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Mila Gray

then lays it down on top of me again. ‘You OK?’ he asks.

‘Not cold? Tired?’

‘You’re such a gentleman,’ I say as he sits back down

and puts his arm around me.

‘I have four aunts and fifteen female cousins. I had

manners beaten into me.’

‘Not by your dad?’ I ask, twisting to face him. My dad

still yells at us if we put our elbows on the table or start

eating before he’s done saying grace.

‘No,’ says Kit smiling. ‘He was browbeaten by all the

women in the house. My mom and all her sisters. He

gave up trying to win against an ocean of oestrogen.’

I like the image of Kit’s dad being overwhelmed by

his mom and her sisters. It’s easy enough to picture.

Whenever I’ve met Kit’s family I’ve never been able to get

a word in edgeways.

‘What else did they teach you?’ I ask.

‘To put the toilet seat down.’

‘Always a good habit. Could they teach Riley, do you

think?’

‘I’ll ask.’ He twists a strand of my hair around his

finger. ‘I can braid hair too.’

I narrow my eyes at him. ‘You can braid hair?’

‘Oh yeah. French braids, normal braids, you name it.

Just don’t tell anyone in my unit because my reputation is

on the line here. If they ever found out that would be it

for me.’

‘OK, I promise,’ I say. ‘Though you might have to make

it worth my while.’

‘What? Buy your silence?’ he asks, sliding his eyes in

my direction. ‘With money?’

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‘No,’ I whisper. ‘Maybe some other way.’

‘Some other way?’ he asks, his lips now against my ear.

‘I can think of a few ways that might work. Except . . . ’

He pauses, his voice so low it gives me chills. ‘I’m not

sure you’d be able to stay silent.’

My whole body arches towards him, my skin con-

tracted in a shiver so tight it’s painful. Just his words

make my breathing speed up in aching anticipation. Is he

going to follow through? But he doesn’t. He just links his

fingers through mine and turns to face me so we’re nose

to nose.

‘I meant it when I said I was thinking about you a lot

when we were away,’ he says. ‘I couldn’t get you out of

my head.’

Cold desert air fills my lungs as I draw in a huge

breath. ‘Me neither,’ I whisper. ‘I mean,
you
. Out of
my

head.’

‘Truth?’

I nod.

Kit lifts his hand and traces a finger along my cheek-

bone and then my lips. ‘Since when?’ he asks.

‘Last time you were back. You remember? That time at

the beach . . . ’

He stares at me for a moment in disbelief before his

face cracks into a grin. ‘Oh, I remember all right. You

were wearing a yellow bikini. It’s burned on my retina.’

He rolls his eyes to the sky and rubs his hand across the

bridge of his nose. ‘Man, what I would have done to kiss

you back then.’

He liked me back then? ‘You should have,’ I say. If only

he had. We’ve wasted so much time, that’s all I can think.

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Mila Gray

‘And I wouldn’t be alive today if I had. Your brother

would have had a piece of me.’

It’s the first time either of us has mentioned Riley,

though I’m certain Kit must have been thinking about

him too.

‘You OK with this?’ he asks when I don’t say anything.

The grin has gone and his expression has turned deadly

serious. ‘I realize I’m putting you in a difficult situation. I

mean, neither your dad nor Riley are going to be happy if

they find out about us.’

‘Well, we’ll just have to keep it a secret, won’t we?’ I

say, leaning closer so my lips are just a millimetre from

his.‘Are you sure? That’s what you want?’ Kit murmurs.

‘Because if you’re not sure . . . if you don’t want to get in

trouble, I’ll understand. If you want it to be just this one

night and nothing more.’

I kiss him before he can say anything else.

After a few minutes, Kit prises me off him. ‘I better

take you home,’ he sighs.

I groan inwardly. I wish we could stay here forever. But

Kit’s right. We need to get going before I get totally

busted, because then this really will be the only night we

ever get to spend together. My dad would ground me in a

way that makes a life sentence at Guantanamo seem like a

day at Disneyland.

Kit jumps down off the back of the truck and holds his

arms out for me. He catches me and holds me for a few

seconds, touching his lips to mine.

‘There’s going to be more, right?’ I murmur against his

lips.

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‘Oh, you better believe it,’ he answers, smiling as he

kisses me again, his hands winding through my hair, tug-

ging me closer. ‘We’re just getting started.’

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Kit

In the silvery light of the pre-dawn, I park up a block

from Jessa’s house. Jumping out the truck I jog around to

her side and open the door. She pulls off the sweater she’s

wearing – my sweater – and the flip-flops, and I try not to

stare, even though the top she’s wearing isn’t leaving

much to the imagination.

‘You sure this is going to work?’ she asks me as we

walk hand in hand towards her house.

‘I thought you were starting to trust me?’ I say.

In answer she bumps her head against my shoulder.

Just before we round the corner onto her street, I pull

her against a tree and run the flat of my hands up her

arms. She sighs; a sound I could really get used to. I take

her face in my hands and kiss her, a lingering kiss that

makes me feel light-headed. The sun’s rising by the time I

let her go, smoky gold and red light making Jessa’s skin

glow golden. Her hair’s all mussed up so I smooth it

down. There’s not much I can do about the inky smudges

beneath her eyes or the swollen chapped lips. Girl looks

like she’s had a wild night in someone’s bed. One day, I

remind myself. If I get lucky.

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‘OK. Good to go?’ I ask. She shakes her head but lets

me pull her towards her house.

The lights are all off at Jessa’s house. It’s a few minutes

before six, but just to be sure no one is awake we crouch

down behind her dad’s car and I spend a couple of min-

utes surveilling the front of the house. Confident we’re

in the clear, I nod at Jessa. She takes a deep breath and

then leans forward, giving me an unrivalled view of her

cleavage, and kisses me one last time before she scoots

towards the side gate.

Next door’s dog starts up howling when she draws the

bolt and I wince as a light snaps on in her parents’ room. I

spring to my feet and bound up to the front door feeling

like I could run a marathon, which is pretty impressive con-

sidering I’ve not slept in twenty-four hours. I’m pretty

proud of my foresight too in packing my jogging gear last

night. I managed to swap clothes before the drive back,

ditching my jeans for a pair of shorts and some running

shoes.

Halfway up the garden path I see the curtain in Jessa’s

parents’ room twitch. I press my finger to the buzzer just

as Jessa slips through the side gate.

A door slams inside. This is followed by Jessa’s dad

shouting, and about a minute and a half later a very

sleepy looking Riley comes to the door wearing just a

pair of boxers. He squints at me painfully through the

morning glare.

‘Dude, it’s like not even six. What the hell are you

doing here?’

‘You said you wanted to go for a run,’ I say, trying to

smooth my face into something resembling innocence.

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Mila Gray

‘I meant this afternoon,’ Riley groans.

‘We’ve got a physical fitness test in a couple of weeks,’

I remind him, starting to stretch out.

Both Riley and I will pass the test easily and he looks

like he’s about to tell me that, so I lean quickly on his com-

petitive streak. ‘I’m going to beat your ass this time,’ I tell

him.

Last time I got a 289 and Riley got a 293 out of a pos-

sible 300. Just like I knew it would, my threat works.

Riley can’t stand the thought of losing. ‘Fine,’ he huffs.

‘Let me get some clothes on.’ He makes to close the door

on me but I wedge my foot in the gap and push past him.

‘Can I get a glass of water?’ I say.

Riley grimaces and glances towards the stairs.

‘I’ll be quiet,’ I say. ‘I’ll tiptoe like a mouse.’

I pirouette past him and Riley stops trying to argue