Come to Me Quietly (Closer to You) (12 page)

My fingers twitched.

I wanted to reach out and run them down the side of his face. To whisper his beauty against his ear. To tell him I saw the good, that it was alive, so transparent in his words and in his eyes.

Instead I slinked by and murmured, “Good morning,” as I passed.

I could barely discern the subtle flinch in his muscles, but it was there. I’d taken him by surprise.

He mumbled, “Morning,” into his coffee cup.

I went to the fridge, grabbed the orange juice, and poured a glass. With my back to him I spoke. It was hard to do, but I didn’t want this unease to eat at us forever. “So, no work today?”

He grunted. “It’s the Fourth… boss closed up shop today.”

The Fourth of July.

Right.

I didn’t even realize the date.

Guess I’d been fixated on something else.

I leaned up against the counter that Jared had backed me into all those weeks ago when he’d first confronted me, and thought about the day. It was funny, how much I used to look forward to this holiday, the days dense with summer’s heat, our revelry shared out in our field as we played the sunlight away. How the excitement would build as the sun began to set, and our families would gather to turn our faces to the night sky to witness the beauty of the fireworks.

It had always struck me with an overwhelming awe.

I remembered how deeply it always struck Jared, too.

I stared at the floor. Off to my right, his presence tugged at my spirit as if mine were chained to his, a tension that wound through my consciousness and congealed in the air between us.

I doubted now we’d ever escape it.

Christopher suddenly shattered the strain wrapping up the room by barreling down the hall.

“Morning,” he said as he clapped Jared on the back and came around the bar and into the kitchen. He dropped a swift kiss to my cheek. “And good morning to you, little sister.”

“Morning,” I returned, confused by the overeager man-child almost dancing in the kitchen.

“Is there milk?” he asked.

I kind of laughed as Christopher dug into the fridge. It was about three hours too early for my brother to show his face.

“Should be,” I said, grinning at his back.

He stood and flashed me a huge one.

“What has you in such a good mood this morning?” I frowned in question.

“It’s the Fourth. Why wouldn’t I be in a good mood?” Christopher tipped his chin in Jared’s direction. “We haven’t all spent it together in years, and Timothy has his annual Fourth of July party planned.” He shrugged one shoulder. “Just think it’s going to be really cool to spend the night with everyone.”

Christopher had mentioned the party at Timothy’s house several weeks ago. I’d been to a few parties at his place. They were always packed, crawling with so many bodies that I usually ended up in the backyard, trying to catch a breath of fresh air.

From the corner of my eye, I caught Jared shaking his head. “Nah, I think I’ll just hang out here tonight or maybe go for a ride on my bike or something,” he said.

“What the hell are you talking about? Not a chance. I’ve been looking forward to this party all week. And it’s been so long since we all were together.” Christopher turned to me. “You’re still coming, right?”

It wasn’t really a question. I knew he’d force me into it if I even thought about backing out. “Yeah, I’ll be there. Do you mind if I invite Megan? I haven’t gotten to hang out with her that much lately.”

“Sure, Timothy’s not going to mind.”

I nodded before Christopher returned his attention to Jared, leveling him with a glare that vowed he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Jared casually sipped from his cup. “I don’t really do the party thing.”

“Really?” Christopher asked, completely incredulous. “You do remember I picked you up at a bar?”

Jared smirked and dropped his cup to the counter, that old playfulness filling his eyes when he taunted my brother. “You picked me up at a bar, huh?” he asked, the question packed with innuendo.

There was my friend.

I laughed, and Christopher did, too. “Fuck you, dude.” Christopher pointed at him. “You’re coming.”

Jared chuckled mildly, then sobered as he stole a glance my direction. I knew he was feeling me out, wondering if I wanted him there or if he’d already hurt me enough that I didn’t want to be anywhere around him.

I offered him an easy smile, one that promised I still would take whatever it was that he would give. And I would. I could be his friend. I could shove all these feelings aside, lock them in that place that had always been reserved for him. Could pretend that I didn’t crave his touch on my face, pretend he hadn’t spoken things that I knew he’d only ever spoken to me, pretend this bond we shared was just an invention of my imagination.

I’d been successful at hiding my feelings for so many years. What had changed?

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at myself.

The change currently sat at the bar in my apartment, his expression guarded but achingly tender at the same time. Could either of us ever forget the connection we’d shaped, one carved out in those perfect hours spent alone in my room?

No. Not me.

But I could pretend.

Resigned, Jared turned back at Christopher. “Fine. I’ll go.”

Warily, he chanced a glance back at me again, his eyes wavering as they fluttered over my face. Then he dropped his gaze back to his half-empty cup.

Was it foolish that I was excited for him to be coming? Foolish that this was the first Fourth I’d looked forward to in all the years he’d been gone because this was the holiday that had always been ours?

I risked lifting my face to find his eyes downcast, his hair flopping down to cover his gorgeous face.

Yeah, I guessed it probably was.

It was hot. The sun shone down, scorching everything in its path, the sky so bright it hurt to look up. Sweat beaded on Aly’s neck, and she pushed back the bangs stuck to her forehead. For what felt like the millionth time, she jammed the shovel into the hardened dirt, barely making a dent.

“If we’re going to make any jumps, we’re going to need a whole lot more dirt than that, Aly,” Christopher said, frowning at her progress.

“But it’s hard.” Both the work and the ground. Aly felt out of breath, and a blister threatened on the palm of her right hand. She’d been helping Jared and Christopher build their stupid bike track all day and she didn’t think she could work any longer. But if she didn’t work, she knew Christopher would still try to make her go home. Even though she was ten, he was still always trying to boss her around. The only difference was now that she’d gotten older, she didn’t listen to him all the time.

“Christopher, Aly, Jared!” Her mom’s blond head peeped over the top of their backyard fence as she called for them. “Come on home! We’re getting ready to leave.”

Thank God
.

Christopher dropped his tools, jumped on Jared’s bike, and shot across the lot over the tracks they’d just made, laughing at them over his shoulder as he left them behind.

“Do ya always have to be such a jerk, Christopher?” Jared yelled after him, throwing his pick onto the ground. “Damn it,” he swore, kicking at the dirt. Then his attention flashed to her. “Sometimes I want to pound your brother’s face in.”

Aly bit at her lip and felt her cheeks flush red. Jared was gonna get grounded if his mom heard him talking like that. But Aly was too damned tired herself to remind him of it. She dropped her hands to her knees, leaning over as she tried to catch her breath.

“You tired, Aly Cat?” Jared asked, his anger over the plundering of his favorite bike all but vanished. Christopher and Jared never fought for long. Her mom said they should’ve been brothers, the way they were fighting one second and best friends the next.

She heaved hot air from her lungs. “I think I’m going to pass out.” She didn’t really think so, but she liked what Jared’s face looked like when he thought something was wrong with her.

“Come on, Aly. Hop on my back.” He bent down so she could climb on.

She didn’t hesitate. She jumped on his back, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.

Jostling her around, Jared hoisted her higher; then he laughed and darted across the field, holding her by the legs as she fiercely clung to his neck. She bounced against his back as he ran.

“Hold on tight, Aly Cat.” Jared dipped and twisted, and he laughed loudly as they soared.

To Aly, there was no better sound.

“Don’t you dare drop me, Jared Holt,” Aly shouted near his ear as he raced across the lot, ducking down to miss a tree branch as they passed.

“I won’t drop you, silly girl.”

But really, she already knew that. Jared would never hurt her.

He hiked her up higher, and Aly held on tighter. When it was just the two of them like this, her stomach felt funny – light and excited and a little bit scared – and she knew it must be a real secret because she instinctively knew no one else should know. Least of all, Jared.

She didn’t want him to laugh at her.

He dropped her to her feet at the hole in the fence. “Beat you to your house,” Jared challenged before he took off running.

Aly almost kept up, her exhaustion from before all but forgotten. Her legs had grown long. She was almost as tall as Christopher. Her mom said it wouldn’t last, that boys got their growth spurt later, and she’d told Christopher not to worry that his little sister would pass him up.

Aly and Jared burst into the house, each clambering to get in front of the other. The front door slammed against the wall with a loud bang.

“Hey, you two,” Aly’s mom shouted from the kitchen, “settle down before you break something.”

Jared’s mom, Helene, called out even louder, “Jared! What have I told you about playing rough in the house? That’s for outside.”

But Helene was smiling when they came into the kitchen. Affectionately she ruffled Jared’s hair as he passed, and then she turned back to piling the containers of food into a basket for their picnic.

Chaos ruled the kitchen. Aly’s dad, Dave, lugged folding chairs from the backyard while their moms put everything they needed in paper sacks, yelling at the boys to get their things together. Jared and Christopher and Aug stuffed firecrackers and sparklers in their pockets.

Aly loved the buzz of excitement in the air.

The Fourth of July was one of her very favorite days.

“Jared, do you think you could help me out?” Helene asked as she maneuvered the basket from the counter and held it out for him to take.

“Sure, Mom.” He came to her side, grinned up at her as he took the handles in his hands.

“You got it?” she asked, her hands poised to help him get a better grip if needed.

“Yep.”

“Thanks, bear,” she said with a gentle smile. She turned back to take Jared’s little sister, Courtney, by the hand and grabbed a paper sack with the other.

Jared’s dad, Neil, hefted an ice chest from the floor and balanced it against his stomach. “Everyone ready? We need to get a move on if we’re going to get a good spot.”

“Ready,” everyone said in near unison.

They all filtered out the front door and piled into the old station wagon Aly’s mom drove. The kids were all cramped in the far backseat, Jared’s arm pressed up tight against Aly’s.

“You excited?” he asked as he looked down at her.

She bounced a little, unable to contain just how excited she really was. “Fireworks are my favorite.”

Jared’s smile was soft. “Mine, too, Aly Cat. They’re mine, too.”

Twilight spread its fingers across the yard. Oranges and reds and golds rose up and shot from the brink of the distant horizon, bright rays streaking through the sky to clash with the waning blue as all the light was sucked from the sky. A few of the brightest stars had begun to make their mark on the inky canopy above.

And it was hot. Really fucking unbearably hot.

I tugged at the neck of my T-shirt, hoping to find some sort of relief. I pressed a cold beer bottle to my cheek in search of reprieve.

Voices were too loud and too carefree, the crowd laughing and chatting. A steady stream of people had slowly but surely filled Timothy’s backyard far past capacity.

I’d hidden myself in the farthest recesses of the yard, concealed my discomfort in a bottle of beer while doing my best to ignore the constant urges that poked and prodded at me, alerting me that it’d be a really good time to run. I’d developed this perfect radar, a warning system that told me when to grab my shit and get out.

It was blaring now.

With a harsh shake of my head, I rushed a hand through my hair and rubbed at the tense muscles coiled at the base of my neck. If there was any possible place on this earth where I could feel comfortable, this definitely wasn’t it. Holed up at some party with the people Aly and Christopher had come to know, with their friends. Everyone seemed to know each other and they laughed without restraint and talked as if they’d known each other for years. These were all people they’d met after I’d gone and had been erased from their lives.

But how the hell could I say no? I mean, I’d tried to refuse, to come up with an acceptable excuse to convince Christopher that this was a bad idea. But he was insistent.

And the truth was, I fucking
missed
her. So much it’d become this crushing weight on my chest and an overbearing burden on my shoulders.

Nothing was ever right. But being without her just felt wrong.

The two weeks I’d spent hidden away behind her door had been the best two of my life. I’d almost felt as if I belonged.

Almost.

That was the problem, really. I’d gotten too comfortable, had felt too at ease, had allowed too many unwise words to pass from my mouth.

Worse was I’d gotten too used to how unbelievably good she felt lying next to me.

I’d come to want it. Need it. And it was wrong. It was insanity and stupidity all wrapped into one, selfishness in the extreme. But I wanted her. God, I wanted her. So badly that I’d ignored my conscience and snuck into her room night after night, dipped into her comfort, and taken from the girl who was so good and kind. Aly had welcomed me into her bed as if that was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Like she trusted me.

I wondered what she’d think if she could crawl inside the darkened corners of my mind, if she could witness the fantasies of her that I kept hidden there. If she could see how depraved I really was. How could I lie there beside her and pretend I was just her friend, while I listened to the throaty lilt of her thick laughter and imagined what it’d be like to have her laid out, taking it all? Burying myself in her – her flesh and sweat and sweet and every ounce of pleasure I knew I’d find in the tenderness of her touch. I’d gone so far as to imagine the exact way her lips would part and the expression that would hood her intense green eyes.

I shook my head to chase off the visions invading my mind.

I will destroy her
.

My eyes traveled the yard, washing over the groups of friends swarming the space. Water sloshed up from the pool, swelled, and spilled over the side from the movement of the bodies that sought a retreat from the heat. Everyone wore bathing suits or shorts and flip-flops, and here I sat in my jeans and boots.

Not that I cared what anyone thought about me. Christopher had introduced me to most everyone, toting me around the yard as he sang my praises. The guy was cool, that much was for sure. He might have his own issues, but he definitely had my back. Most of the people there looked at me with indifference or mild interest. A few girls had approached me in the last hour I’d been sitting here by myself. But none of them were the reason I was subjecting myself to this abuse.

I found her under the shade of a tree. She was in the same clothes she’d been in the night I’d first seen her, a red tank top with the green straps of her bikini peeking out and wrapping around her neck, the bottoms covered in little white shorts. The girl was perfection personified. Every inch. Every curve. She was laughing and talking with Megan, one of the friends she’d introduced me to earlier.

I searched Aly’s face. A casual easiness had taken her over as she enjoyed the setting sun. Maybe that’s what attracted me to her most, the fact that she was genuine, lacking all the superficial bullshit so many of the girls crawling the backyard seemed to have. But she was also fun, easy to smile. Not to mention she was undoubtedly the sexiest girl I’d ever seen.

She tipped her head back as she laughed, exposing her creamy neck. Dark hair toppled over one luscious bare shoulder and rolled down her back.

Lust curled through my stomach and tightened in the pits of my consciousness.

God
.

I dropped my eyes to the dirt under my booted feet.

She had gotten so far under my skin I couldn’t think straight anymore. At least I’d had the strength to put to a stop those tortured nights because they were heading nowhere good – and fast. What I should do was end it all, pack up my things, and leave before I left behind inevitable ruin. It was like I could feel it building.
Destruction
. I’d never outrun it. It followed me wherever I went. But the last two weeks of existing through the days, avoiding her as much as I possibly could while wishing for nothing other than to be near her, had made it impossible for me to leave.

So I’d taken from afar.

Watched her in the moments she didn’t know I was there, traced her face with my eyes instead of my fingers, hated myself a little bit more.

I was the worst kind of coward because I stayed when I knew I should go.

Throaty laughter floated through the yard, a distinct reminder of her presence. With my elbows on my knees, I barely lifted my head and stole another look in her direction. From under the hedge of my hair, I watched her chat with the group that had grown around her.

My attention shifted as some guy I’d never seen before came through the large sliding door. There was no looking away when the asshole snuck up behind her and lifted her off her feet.

Releasing a little surprised squeal, she flailed her bare feet in the air. He laughed and said something in her ear. The dickhead had barely set her back down when he spun her around and was smothering her in his fucking arms.

Uncontrolled, my hands flexed and fisted, the grinding of my teeth grating in my ears. Something knocked loose in my chest, and it was about the most fucking unpleasant feeling I’d ever experienced.

Who the hell is this guy?
 

For my sake… or his… she extracted herself, because I was damned close to losing it.

Fucking Christopher, goading me into this shit. I should’ve known better, known that Aly had a life outside the hours we spent closed behind her door.

Needing a reprieve, I turned away and tried to focus on something less excruciating than the scene unfolding with Aly. Across the yard, I found Christopher scoping out his next target, this little brunette with huge tits and a round ass. A subtle chuckle rolled from my tongue. He was relentless. I watched as he flirted with her, ran his finger under her jaw, made her smile. I had to admit, the guy was good.

But a distraction could only last for so long. Fidgeting with the rough edges of my beer cap, I finally gave in and turned my attention back to Aly. Dickhead had sidled up to her, attaching himself to her being like some tacked-on afterthought. His fingers slipped around her back. Even from a distance, I knew they were kneading into her side.

I drained the rest of my beer. That internal warning system roared. Looked like a really good time for me to make an exit. I wasn’t sticking around to witness this shit.

Standing, I tossed my bottle into an overflowing garbage can and turned to leave. I froze midstride when I saw Aly weaving her way through the crowd, making her way over to me. There was something in her expression, something wholly sad and earnest and entirely too sexy that had me all itchy and irritated. My jaw ticked as she approached, and I kind of wanted to lash out at her for having the ability to make me this uncomfortable.

“Hey,” she said, stopping a foot away from me, her chin tilted up, her face searching mine. A light from the porch reflected the emerald of her eyes. Discomfort mingled with the warmth, and she shifted on her feet. She knew I’d been watching her. “What are you doing hiding over here by yourself?”

I struggled to appear detached and lifted a shoulder in indifference. “Nothing. Just was going to take off.”

Disappointment flashed in her eyes. “What?” She inched forward, invading my senses with her soft scent, coconut and fresh and overwhelmingly girl – everything I’d tried to rid my brain of over the last two weeks. “You can’t leave now,” she argued. “The fireworks are going to start in like ten minutes. Jared,” she said, her voice quieting, “I was really looking forward to watching them with you.” A gentle hand fluttered out and grazed against the side of mine, and she almost whispered, her full lips moving slowly as she spoke, as if it were our greatest secret, “They’re our favorite. Remember?”

Damn it.
 

I wrenched an agitated hand through my hair, looked over her shoulder at her group of friends, eyed Dickhead, who was eyeing her ass.

She must have seen the excuse I was trying to work in my head because she suddenly squeezed my hand. “Please, Jared. I know things have been weird between us, but I really wanted to spend tonight with you. Even if it’s only for old times’ sake.” Redness colored her cheeks, as if her admission caused her some kind of embarrassment. But still she forged ahead. “It would mean a lot to me.”

“Aly… ,” I said quietly, just under my breath.

“Please,” she whispered. Then she smiled and took a single step back. “Let me get you another beer.”

She didn’t wait for my response, for my agreement that I would stay, because she already knew I would.

Had she always held this kind of power over me? A glimmer of a smile and a brush of her hand and the girl would get her way? Memories swirled through my mind like the whirlwind she was, the little girl who’d barely had to look at me and I already knew what she wanted or needed. Mom once told me Aly had me wrapped around her little finger. She’d been wrong. Aly had held me in the palm of her hand.

“Fine,” I mumbled as she edged away. She crossed the yard to a cooler sitting under the patio. Lifting the lid, she leaned down and disappeared behind it. She dropped it closed. Something inside me fluttered when she smiled across the yard at me as her face came back into view. Popping the cap and tossing it to the trash, she beckoned me to join her with a tic of her head.

Sighing, I gave in because I had no fucking idea how to tell this girl no.

Slowly, I crossed the space, never dropping my gaze as I approached, and accepted the proffered beer that she held out toward me. “Thank you,” I said.

“You’re welcome.” She twisted off her cab and tapped her bottle neck with mine. “To old times.”

Under my breath, I laughed and said, “To old times,” even though there was a huge part of me that didn’t share the sentiment. Old times hadn’t made me feel like this, as if I wanted to wrap her up and hide her away. They didn’t cause my blood to pound in my ears or make me want to knock that smug smile off Dickhead’s face when he glanced her way.

Okay, maybe that wasn’t entirely true.

Protecting her had always been my job.

But now it clearly was for different reasons.

He had started talking to someone else, but still he managed to keep her in his line of sight, a subtle trailing of her movements, each motion counted and calculated, as if he was assessing when he was going to make his move.

Possessiveness rose in a wave and crashed over my being.

Yeah, maybe Aly was right. I didn’t need to go anywhere. Right here was exactly where I was supposed to be.

“Come here, I want you to meet some of my other friends.” Aly took me by the hand and led me to the group of people she’d been standing with before.

A thrill shot through me with just that touch.

Dickhead’s brow rose to his hairline when he saw us walking toward them, hand in hand. Aly introduced me to a couple of new friends who’d arrived, a couple of girls who were obviously too flirty and some dude named Sam. I barely acknowledged them because I couldn’t stand the feel of Dickhead’s eyes roving over me as he sized me up. I could feel him considering, adding me up in the same breath he put me down, judging.

Nothing pissed me off more than people making assumptions they didn’t have a right to make.

Aly turned to him and gestured between us. “Gabe, this is Jared. He was one of my very best friends growing up.” Hesitantly, she looked at me. “Jared, Gabe.”

Gabe
. Of course, Dickhead was Gabe. The same guy who tried to get her to come over to “hang” out with him in the middle of the night. How fitting.

I shoved my hand out in front of me. “Nice to meet you, Gabe.”

He shook it, squeezing it hard. A warning. “Likewise,” he said, his voice tight.

I wanted to laugh. He had to be fucking kidding me. He was warning me?

Staring him down, I crushed his hand in my hold, silently promising him I would do anything to keep Aly safe. Safe from him. Safe from me. Safe from anyone who even for a minute thought of messing with her. Clearly, this douche bag didn’t deserve her any more than I did. I could see it there, written all over his self-righteous face and in his eyes, the
nice
guy act well played. Perfected.

Unbidden, my hand clamped down on his as thoughts of him with Aly swam through my vision like some fucking horror flick that you really didn’t want to see but can’t look away from, the slasher kind where there is blood and guts and gore and nobody comes out alive. When I was a kid, they always gave me nightmares until the cause of my nightmares became real and utterly unbearable.