Coming Back To You (7 page)

Rob’s brow dug into his eyelids. “Hey, give
me a break. I’m trying to say I’m sorry here.”

Mark set his bottle on the bench. He wasn’t
being fair to Rob. “I know.” He turned and offered Rob a crooked
grin. “I know you are, and I’m sorry for being such an ass. I—”

“You miss her.”

Mark’s blood ran cold for a split second as
he met Rob’s gaze.

“You. Miss. Her.” Rob said again. “I get
it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Mark
returned to the bag and shot a vicious jab-cross into the red
leather. Just the mention of Karma sent a shock of frustration down
his spine. He’d promised to let fate decide his future, but the
longer he waited, the harder it became. He was beginning to think
he was going to have to renege on his deal with the universe, say
to hell with patience, and take matters into his own hands.

Rob remained silent for several seconds then
said, “I’m going to ask Holly to marry me.”

Mark halted in mid-jab. Ice plunged into his
blood again. He’d known months ago that this moment was coming, but
Rob’s announcement still caught him off guard. “I figured.”

Deep down, he was happy for Rob, but seeing
Rob and Holly thriving was a painful reminder of how alone Mark was
and what he’d lost when he walked away from Karma. Right now, the
mental smack in the head was too much for Mark to handle.

Rob’s brow crinkled. “You ‘figured’? How
about ‘Congratulations, Rob’? Don’t you think that would be more
appropriate?”

Mark lowered his gaze. The blue mat under his
feet was dappled with sweat. “Congratulations.” Then he faced the
punching bag again, turning his back on Rob. He didn’t need to see
someone else’s happiness when he’d squandered away his own like a
dumb shit.

“You know what, Mark? Fuck you.” Rob swiped
his bag off the floor. “Fuck. You.” He turned on his heel and
headed for the exit.

Mark steadied the bag with one hand, glaring
at Rob’s retreating back. As Rob disappeared around the corner,
Mark blew out a frustrated breath as his shoulders sagged. What was
he doing? He was chasing everyone away. Karma. Crystal. Now Rob. He
was isolating himself. He hadn’t even seen his parents since
Thanksgiving. He’d stayed home alone on Christmas. He’d bailed on
Rob and Holly on New Year’s Eve. Now, dreaded Valentine’s Day
loomed on the horizon, and before he knew it, the one-year
anniversary of the night he met Karma would be upon him.

This was not the time to be alienating
everyone.

Snatching his bag and water bottle, he took
off after Rob and caught up to him in the parking lot after blowing
through the locker room to yank on his sweats and grab his
coat.

“Rob, wait. I’m sorry. I was an asshole.” The
biting Chicago wind stung his sweat-streaked face.

Rob spun and jammed a finger against Mark’s
chest, making him ricochet backward. “You know, I got why you did
what you did after Carol walked out on your ass, but I don’t get
this. I don’t get why you’re so pissed off when you’re the one who
said you had to walk away.”

Mark hung his head. “I know, I know. I’m
sorry.” As usual, Rob pegged him.

“If you like Karma so damn much then call
her. Tell her you miss her. Tell her you made a mistake.”

“I can’t.” Even as he said it, he wasn’t sure
how much longer he could hold out, despite his tattoo artist’s
words of encouragement to do just that.

“Why the fuck not?”

“Because that’s not how it’s supposed to
work. I set her free.”

“Jesus Christ!” Rob began marching toward his
car again. “What is this obsession you have with staying locked in
misery, Mark? For God’s sake, if you love her, fight for her. It’d
be better than this shit. You’re imprisoning yourself in some kind
of self-imposed torture. And for what? Because you set her free?
What is that, Mark? What’s that all about? You’re making no sense!”
Rob tossed his bag in the backseat of his car and slammed the
door.

How could Mark make Rob understand this? He
barely did himself, but he’d made his deal with the universe, and
he didn’t want to fuck that up by being impatient, even though
impatience was all he was feeling. “Haven’t you ever heard the
saying that if you love something, set it free?”

Rob’s head bobbed up and down and side to
side as if he were an angry bobblehead. “If it comes back to you,
it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, it never was. Yeah, so?”

“That’s why I can’t call her. I set her free.
Do you get it now?” Mark raked his fingers through his hair, more
agitated than he should have been. “I set her free, goddammit. If
it’s meant to be, and when I’m ready, God or the forces at work in
the universe that control this shit will bring her back to me. They
will. I have to believe that.”

Have faith. Let go. Don’t force it.

Razor’s words had become a mantra.

Rob sighed heavily and jacked his hands on
his hips. For a long moment, he said nothing. “Man, Carol really
fucked you up, didn’t she?” Compassion filled his voice, as well as
his eyes.

Mark dropped his bag by the back tire of
Rob’s car and parked his ass against the rear quarter panel. His
shoulders sagged. “Ya think?”

Rob joined him, and for a long, silent
moment, they stood together, leaning against Rob’s car, not
speaking a word as the binding threads of their friendship sewed
themselves back together. Mark relied on Rob in so many ways. He
hadn’t realized until just this moment how much. Rob was his
conscience, his sounding board, the kick in the ass he needed every
once in a while.

“This isn’t like you, Mark.” Rob spoke
gently. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

Maybe that was because Mark had never felt so
lost. Until he met Karma, he’d been in total control of every facet
of his life. He’d had a plan and he’d never deviated from it. Then
came Karma. She’d shot enough holes in his scheduled, orderly life
to leave him feeling like Swiss cheese. And the harder he tried to
fill the craters, the larger they grew.

Karma had changed him as much as he had
changed her. He didn’t look at women the same way now. In fact, he
hardly looked at them at all. None of them could hold a candle to
Karma. Other women were merely posers trying to fit into a glass
slipper much too small and dainty for their big, clunky feet. The
only foot capable of wearing such an exquisite shoe belonged to
Karma. And what lovely feet she had.

Beyond that, she had shown him he could trust
again. Their last night together, right before she blindfolded him,
she had asked if he trusted her. With anyone else, the answer would
have been no, but with her and only her, he knew without a doubt
that, yes, he did.

That night, his heart opened to hers more
than it had ever opened to anyone. But at the time, he’d been too
mired in the battle between emotion and logic to see how right she
was for him. As a result, he’d denied his heart’s only wish—to stay
with her. Instead, he had appeased his mind by walking away.

Fool.

Only when it was too late, after she’d told
him good-bye and he was driving back to Chicago, did he realize the
gravity of his mistake and struck his deal with a higher power.

“Stay with her or leave her?” Mark shrugged.
“It was a decision I couldn’t make, man. My head wanted one thing
and my heart wanted another, so I’m letting fate decide.”

“Should’ve gone with your heart.”

Mark scowled out of the corners of his eyes.
“Hindsight’s twenty-twenty. And when you’ve lived your whole life
making decisions with your head, switching to the heart isn’t
easy.”

“So…what? You gave the decision over to
God?”

“God, the universe, fate, a higher power.
Whoever or whatever controls this kind of thing…but yeah, since I
couldn’t decide what to do, I took a leap of faith and made a deal.
I turned her loose. I let her go. If Karma and I are meant to be
together, we’ll find our way back to one another.”

Rob glanced toward the sky between the tall
Chicago buildings. “Sounds like a pussy move to me.”

“Fuck you.” But there was no punch to Mark’s
words.

“I think you’re scared.”

Mark blew out a derisive puff of air. “Me? Of
what?” But Rob was right. He was terrified, which was probably why
he was as moody as a bipolar patient off his meds.

“I think you’re scared of getting hurt
again.” Rob kept his voice neutral.

Mark frowned and looked away.

“Hey, I get it,” Rob said. “I know what you
went through with Carol, and I get why you’d be scared of going
through that again. But, Mark, like I said before, life isn’t
always going to give you roses. Sometimes it throws shit on you.
It’s up to you to wash it off, pull yourself up, and flip life the
middle finger and try again. You don’t just give up. You don’t just
relinquish control.” Rob chuffed. “Man, you just can’t find the
middle ground, can you? First, your self-control was so rigid you
refused to even fathom giving Karma a chance. Now you’ve given
complete control over to fate. Meanwhile, Karma’s between the two,
waiting for you to get off your fucked-up ass and find the middle
ground and take what you want. And you
want
her. I know you
do.”

“I’d probably just mess up her life.” Mark
sighed. “She deserves someone who isn’t afraid of commitment. Who
won’t go into an emotional hemorrhage and physical meltdown at the
idea of marriage.” He shifted against the car and glanced at his
feet. “Besides, she’s probably moved on by now, anyway.”

“Now you’re just making excuses.”

“Damn, Rob, I’m trying here.”

Rob shook his head. “No you’re not. You’re
dying. Every day you don’t reach out to her, a small part of you
withers and dies. If you’re not careful, you’ll end up cold and
heartless, with no feeling whatsoever.”

Mark frowned and screwed up his face in a
dubious smirk. “Aren’t you just full of good cheer today.”

Rob offered a flippant shrug. “Just keeping
it real.”

“Sometimes I wish you weren’t so damn
honest.”

Rob gave him a light shove. “I’m awesome like
that. And you know I’m right.”

Mark smiled. His first smile in days, if not
weeks. “Have I ever told you how modest you are?”

“Once or twice.”

He and Rob stared at each other for a long
moment.

“Do you realize I bought her a Christmas
gift?” Mark knew how pathetic that sounded. Why would you buy
someone a gift you may never be able to give?

“Who? Karma?”

Mark nodded. “Yes. A scarf. It’s in a gift
bag on my credenza.”

Rob blew out a heavy exhale, his cheeks
puffing out. “My man, you’ve got it bad. What are we going to do
about you?”

“There’s nothing to do. I committed to this,
and come hell or high water, I’ve got to see it through. Is the
waiting around driving me crazy? Hell, yes. But this is the deal I
made. I have to live with it.”

“No, you don’t. You just think you do.” Rob’s
earnest gaze scratched something deep inside Mark’s soul, awakening
a niggle of discomfort.

He looked away and shuffled his feet against
an icy patch of snow, letting silence consume the uneasiness for a
long moment. “By the way. Congratulations.” He hesitantly met Rob’s
eyes again. “Really, I’m happy for you. Honestly, I am.” He waved
toward the gym. “I’m sorry I was such a douche in there.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Rob fist-bumped him,
bro code for
I forgive you
.

“When are you going to pop the question?”

“Valentine’s Day.”

A tremor of pain throbbed inside Mark’s
heart. For so long, he’d been the hopeless romantic. Big tough guy
like him, and all he’d wanted was a wife to give flowers and a
heart-shaped box of chocolates to on Valentine’s Day. To take
dancing, kiss, and make love to on a bed covered in rose petals.
That had been his dream for so long. He’d thought Carol would be
the fulfillment of that dream, but then she’d destroyed everything.
Now he wasn’t sure he would ever see his dream fulfilled.

“Be my best man,” Rob said.

Mark’s pulse kicked up a notch at the idea.
“Rob—”

“I
want
you to be my best man, Mark. I
know how you are with churches and weddings, but you’re my best
friend. You have to stand up with me.”

Mark dropped his gaze to the snowy
pavement.

“Please.” Rob’s voice implored him.

He knew he couldn’t bail on Rob. Doing so
after being best friends for twenty years would be a betrayal.

“Okay.” Mark met Rob’s gaze. “I’ll do it. For
you, I’ll do it.”

Rob was his brother from another mother. No
way could he let Rob down and not be there for him on the most
important day of his life. Hopefully, Rob’s big day would go better
than his had seven years ago.

“How about a beer?” Rob said.

Mark nodded. “Yeah. I’d like that. I could
use
a beer right now.” Maybe the alcohol would dull the
rampage of despair and frustration inside his head. At least for a
little while.

Rob pushed away from the car and grabbed the
handle of the driver’s side door. “What you could
use
is a
shower. I think your sweat is freezing to your hair. Jeez, how long
were you at it in there?”

“Over an hour.” More like ninety minutes.

Rob sighed. “Well, at least all this anger is
getting you ripped.” He opened his car door.

Mark picked up his duffel. “Let me run by my
place and get cleaned up. I’ll meet you in an hour?”

“I’ll see you then.”

Mark waved as Rob pulled out of the parking
lot. Then he climbed behind the wheel of his BMW.

Before putting the car in gear, he grabbed
his phone and pulled up Karma’s contact information. For about the
hundredth time since returning to Chicago, Mark typed her a text
message.

I miss you. Can’t stop thinking about
you.

He stared at the message, his thumb hovering
over the send button. One of these days, when enough time had
passed, and when he no longer felt like his heart would
self-destruct if she didn’t reply—or did reply and told him not to
contact her again or that she had gotten married—he would actually
grow the balls to send one of his texts.