Coming Home (25 page)

Danny leaned back against the couch, running both hands up through his hair as he said, “I’m sorry I asked you to leave the way I did, but Jesus Christ, Leah, I only have so much self-control. I was trying so hard to do the right thing, but the way you were looking at me…and the way you were kissing me…and then hearing you say
please
.” He closed his eyes and exhaled, the memory causing his stomach to flip in a way that had nothing to do with nerves. “I didn’t know how much longer I could hold out with you right in front of me. I was hanging on by a fucking thread as it was,” he said, rubbing his hand over his eyes.

He heard her shift slightly, and he turned his head to look at her.

“Just tell me,” she said softly.

Danny nodded as he sat up slowly, turning toward her. “You asked me once why I kept pulling away from you. Why I said it was a problem that I had feelings for you.” He took a steadying breath. “It’s because there’s a good chance I’ll be leaving soon.”

“Where are you going?”

Fuck. Just say it
.

He swallowed around the knot in his throat as his eyes met hers. “Prison.”

She sat completely still for a few seconds before she closed her eyes and pressed her fingertips into her temples. She looked more confused than upset, although Danny knew that was about to change.

“What did you do?” she said weakly.

Danny knotted his fingers together as he said, “I didn’t plan on it, Leah, and I didn’t mean to do it.”

She dropped her hands as she opened her eyes. “What did you do?” she repeated more firmly.

He took a deep breath before he said, “Bryan isn’t dead.”

Her eyes flew to his; there was fury behind them, and he held up his hand quickly. “I didn’t lie, Leah. He’s alive because machines do everything for him. Pump his heart, make him breathe, give him food. His body is alive, but he’s gone. He’s been gone for a year. There’s no brain activity. There’s nothing left. It’s just that Gram can’t let him go, because she’s still hoping. But he’s gone.”

Leah stared at him, her eyes softening slightly before she shook her head. “What does that have to do with you going to prison?”

Danny leaned forward, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes. It physically hurt to say these words. He had known it would be hard, but he hadn’t expected physical pain. It felt like his chest was caving in.

“The night it happened, I was with him. We were hanging out at this bar in Manhattan, and Bryan kept ordering round after round of Alabama Slammers.” He smiled sadly before he said, “That was his shot. He’d always start the night off with one, but that night he just kept going. And I went right along with him.

“At some point during the night, these three guys came up to us. We had no clue who they were, but apparently they knew this girl that Bryan used to mess around with. So the one guy started with Bryan, talking about how he was gonna make Bryan sorry for fucking his girl. The bartender was quick, though. The whole thing got broken up before it could come to blows, and the guys were asked to leave because they were the ones who instigated the whole thing.”

Danny rubbed his hand over his forehead before he said, “So they left, and we went about our business. We didn’t even think twice about it. Typical drunk assholes at a bar. We’d seen it a million times. Hell, we’d
been
them a few times. Nothing out of the ordinary, you know?”

She nodded gently, and he said, “By the time the bar was closing, we were both pretty fucked up, and I went to the bathroom—” He stopped suddenly, his jaw flexing in rapid succession as he rode out the sharp pain in his chest.

Danny cleared his throat. “I went to the bathroom, and when I came out, it was just chaos. And I knew. I just fucking knew. Some people were moving toward it, and some were trying to move away, but after a few steps, I could see them over the tops of people’s heads—the same guys from earlier. I don’t know how they got back in. They must’ve known a bouncer or something, because it didn’t make any sense why no one was trying to break it up this time.” Danny shook his head. “And if I hadn’t gone to the bathroom, or if we hadn’t been so fucking drunk…” His jaw tightened again as he felt rage and regret start to trickle through his veins, and it was a moment before he could speak again.

He glanced up at Leah; she was staring at him with equal parts sympathy and dread, like she knew where this story was going. And even though he knew that she didn’t, he grabbed on to the small thread of compassion she’d thrown him and pulled himself through the rest of the story.

“He couldn’t hold his own,” he said hoarsely. “Bryan was wasted, and there were three of them. And I had to get through that goddamn crowd.” He closed his eyes and sighed. “I could see everything, but I couldn’t get there fast enough. Bryan got hit and went down, and one of the guys kicked him hard in the side of the head. Right in his temple.”

He saw Leah press her fist to her mouth as she shook her head slightly.

“And I lost it,” he said. “I charged the guy, and we went over a table and through the front window of the bar.” He looked down and flexed his hand, watching his scars expand and contract with the movement. “I don’t remember a lot after that. I remember hitting the ground outside. And the broken glass. And the blood all over my hands. I had no idea where it was coming from.”

He looked up at her; her fist was still pressed against her lips, but her eyes were welled with tears. “And the next thing I knew, I was being thrown over the hood of a cop car and cuffed. They were reading me my rights, telling me to remain silent, and I just kept shouting at them to go help Bryan.”

Danny pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes again as they began to sting, and he took a slow breath before continuing. “They took me to a station and put me in a cell, and no one would tell me what happened. No one would tell me.” He shook his head slowly. “A few hours later, they came in and said I had made bail. I walked out to the vestibule, and Gram was there.”

He dropped his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. “And she just crumpled in my arms and started wailing. And then I knew.”

Danny heard her move beside him, and before he could open his eyes, she was crawling onto his lap, wrapping her arms around him as she buried her face into his neck.

He snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her against his body. Even though he knew the worst was yet to come, she felt so good in his arms that he couldn’t stop himself. He needed this right now. He needed
her
.

He heard a tiny muffled sob, and Danny closed his eyes as he pressed his lips against her shoulder. He wished the story ended there. He wished he deserved the sympathy she was showing him right now. Danny tightened his arms and held her closer, wanting to soak up every last second of what he was surely about to lose.

“I don’t understand,” she mumbled into the crook of his neck. “So now this guy is pressing charges against you? How can he do that? Why isn’t
he
in trouble for what he did to Bryan?”

Leah, please don’t hate me
.

“He’s not the one pressing charges,” he whispered against her shoulder.

She sat up and looked at him, her brow pulled together and her face streaked with tears. She looked so troubled and so saddened and so beautiful that he would have rather torn his arm off than say his next words.

He reached up and brushed at the tear stains on her face. “When we went through the window, an artery in his neck was severed. They took him to the hospital that night, but they couldn’t stop the bleeding in time.”

Her brow smoothed out, but she shook her head. “What…what do you mean?”

Danny looked up at her, wiping the other cheek with the pad of this thumb.

“Did he…?” She trailed off, and Danny nodded.

Something like panic overtook her expression as she said, “So you’re…?”

“I’m being charged with manslaughter.”

Leah stared down at him, and he watched the rapid rise and fall of her chest as her breathing grew ragged, that same panicked look on her face.

He looked at her dark hair falling over her shoulders, those beautiful, expressive eyes, her delicate nose, the lips that could steal his breath and make him feel alive at the same time. He wanted to memorize everything about her while he still could.

And then, without warning, she threw herself forward, wrapping her arms around him so tightly, he could feel her muscles trembling with the effort.

His heart stopped in his chest before it picked up double time.

Every time he had envisioned this moment, it always ended with some variation of her leaving, some version of her being horrified, afraid, disgusted.

But never once had he imagined
this
.

“Leah.” He sighed as he cradled her in his arms, and another sob broke from her lips, stifled by the front of his shirt.

“But you didn’t mean to do it,” she said through her tears. “It was an accident. Just tell them it was an accident.”

Danny closed his eyes as he rubbed his hand up and down her back. She was
defending
him. And in a way, it was almost more painful than it would have been if she told him to go to hell.

“It doesn’t work that way, sweet girl,” he whispered.

She nodded against his chest before she sniffled. “So there’s no way? There’s no way this will be okay?”

Danny slid his hand up under her hair, massaging her neck gently. “The best I can hope for is that the judge will take into consideration what happened with Bryan, that I have no priors…and maybe he’ll be understanding of the situation.”

“The judge? What about the jury?”

“It’s not going to trial,” he said. “I’m copping a plea. It’s better that way.”

“How?” she asked, wiping her nose with her sleeve as she sat up to look at him.

“It should lessen the sentence,” he said softly.

It was quiet for several seconds before she whispered, “How long?”

He ran his fingers through the back of her hair. “A couple of years, probably.”

She closed her eyes as her chin trembled violently, and he used his hand behind her neck to pull her back down to him.

“I’m so sorry, Leah,” he whispered as she buried her face in his shirt.

“Don’t apologize,” she said, her voice breaking before she sniffled and hiccupped against his chest, and he held her, running his hands over her back, her arms, her hair, anywhere he could reach.

After several minutes she spoke again, her voice softly breaking the silence. “How much more time do you have?”

“I don’t know. A lot of stuff got held up in the beginning because of everything with Bryan and his involvement in all this. It’s all paper pushing at this point. The court date for my sentencing hasn’t been set, but my lawyer says it will be sometime this year.”

She nodded against him.

“And I’ll understand, Leah. I swear to you, I’ll understand.”

“Understand what?” she whispered.

“If this changes how you feel about me.”

She sat up, looking down at him, and he stared back up at her. “I’ll understand,” he promised.

And he would. He wouldn’t hate her for walking away. He wouldn’t even hate her if she thought he was a monster, because the truth was, he’d never felt like more of a monster than he did in this moment, watching her hurt for him.

She stared at him until her eyes welled with tears again.

“This is a lot to take in,” she said as they spilled over her lower lashes.

“I know,” he whispered, wiping them away with his thumbs.

“I just…I need to think. There’s so much…” She trailed off and shook her head, and he nodded.

“I know. It’s okay.”

She looked down at him, and he smiled at her, hoping she couldn’t see the sadness behind it.

Leah brought her hand to his cheek, and he leaned into her touch.

“I just…I want you to know that no matter what happens, I
know
you, Danny,” she said. “I know who you really are.”

He stared up at her, and the vice-like pain in his chest began to soften for the first time since he had entered her apartment. There was nothing she could have said in that moment more perfect than the words she’d just spoken.

Because no matter what she decided after this, even if she chose to walk away and never look back, in a way, she had just absolved him.

She had looked straight through all the horror and the ugliness, and she still saw
him
.

And when she laid her head back down on his chest, he rested his cheek against her hair and closed his eyes, wondering if there would ever be a man on this planet who was worthy of her.

Leah sat at her desk, spinning a paper clip between her fingers.

She just wanted this day to be over.

Every Tuesday she ran the After-School Help program, or ASH, as the students called it. From two to four thirty, students could come to receive extra help in whatever classes they were struggling with, although most often it was overrun with athletes just looking for a quiet place to do their homework before practice began.

By the time the bell rang after Leah’s last class, it had already felt like the longest day she’d ever experienced, so the two and a half hours she still had to endure before she could go home seemed insurmountable.