Coming Home- Rock Bay 1 (12 page)

T
ALLY
woke in the darkness to an insistent beeping unlike the one he was used to. It took a few seconds to process. Lex… him…
last night
. Tally grinned and sat up slowly. He turned the alarm off and rolled over to shake the still sleeping man by his side. Just putting his hand on Lex’s shoulder made him shudder pleasantly. He wanted to start all over, touch Lex in all the places he missed the night before, make him moan and come and shiver with pleasure.

“Lex, babe, wake up.” It felt good to say it, but scary, like he wasn’t sure if he had the right. It had been years since he’d woken up in the bed of someone he actually liked. Someone he wanted to be with again and again. He felt something light and achy rise in his chest. It was terrifying and amazing, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to wallow in it or push it away.

“Hmmm?” Lex’s voice was disoriented and groggy. It took him a little while to open his eyes and sit up. “Tally? Why are you still…?”
He didn’t finish his sentence. He didn’t have to. Tally could see the look on his face. Lex was surprised he was still there. Unpleasantly surprised. That tender fragile feeling, the hope that had been growing, cracked and shattered into a million little pieces.
He doesn’t see me any differently than anyone else.

I’ll be gone in a minute.”
“Tally, that’s not what I meant. It just can’t be this way, with
sleepovers and, oh shit, I’m not making any sense. ” Lex sat up and
rubbed at his eyes.
Seconds before, Tally would’ve found the gesture endearing,
maybe even adorable. Instead, he wanted to punch the sleepy, sexy
look off Lex’s face. His gut clenched. If he didn’t get the fuck out of
there in about thirty seconds he was going to puke.
“No. You’re making perfect sense. It’s no problem. I’ve got my
stuff, and I’m going. I won’t be late to work. I’m not
fired
, am I?” Lex looked horrified. “No, no… of course not. Tally, wait.” “Gotta go. I’ll see you at ten.”
Tally slammed his shoes on and ran, jogging through the
apartment and down the stairs until he was locking the front door of the
shop with shaking fingers. How could he have been so stupid? He’d
thought there was real emotion in Lex’s eyes when they were
together—respect, if nothing else.
Tally had been a low-class trick one too many times back in
Seattle—wealthy businessman picks up the hot waiter and leaves a tip
before taking off in the morning. Tally’d hated it. It was a scenario he’d
never thought he’d be stuck in again. God, Lex must really think he
was a fucking asshole. Why would he want to have Tally in his bed for
more than the thirty minutes it took to get off? He was the town reject,
the jerk who stuffed Lex in his locker, a grown man who had to come
live off his grandmother because he couldn’t take care of himself. Tally
slammed his palm against the steering wheel of his grandmother’s car
and started the engine.
Great. Now I’m going to have to explain to her where I was too.
Just in case having it happen in the first place didn’t suck enough. I
need to get the fuck outta this town. Today.
The fact that he didn’t have anywhere to go made him want to
scream.

L
EX
was in absolute agony. What had he done? There were so many levels of stupidity to the previous night, the morning. The worst part was, he didn’t know what to torture himself about the most. He slept with his employee; he slept with Tallis effing Carrington, who was, well, everything he was. And the sex? Oh
God
. It was consuming and passionate, tender and raw, and… there really were no words. Lex was still reeling from it. But he hadn’t expected Tally to want to stay. He’d been so surprised when they woke up. Lex groaned out loud. He didn’t even know how to explain that look he knew was on his face. He wasn’t ashamed of Tally; he’d never be embarrassed to have him in his bed, in his life… but that was just it. Tally would never be in his life. Because the second he had a chance, he’d be gone.

If only his brain had been turned on, he could’ve explained himself, that none of the reasons why they couldn’t play house together had a thing to do with Tally not being good enough for him. He only hoped he had a chance. Lex pulled his cell out of his pocket and looked at the time. Nine. He groaned. Could the morning be going any slower? Even the rush, which usually kept him so busy he didn’t notice the hours slipping by, had seemed sluggish. The crowds of weekenders desperate for their coffee fix didn’t distract him at all. It seemed like every few seconds, he’d see Tally’s face from earlier, that crushed look, and he’d want to vomit.

Who’d have ever thought that I would have the power to hurt Tallis Carrington?
It sure as hell didn’t feel good.
Tally came in at nine thirty, a half hour early. Lex had looked up when the bell overhead rang, ready to greet a customer, but when he saw that familiar body in that one pair of worn perfectly and almost too-tight jeans, Lex’s heart started to race. Tally looked up at him, his face masked. The humiliation from earlier was gone, as was any trace of his usual humor or enthusiasm. Lex opened his mouth to talk, but Tally beat him to it.
“Morning, Mister Barry. I came in early so I could finish the supply room before my shift. I’m sorry I left it in such a mess last night.”
Oh, Tally.
“Wait. Come here.” Lex just wanted to touch him, to make the past twenty-four hours go away. Tally regarded him with an aloof but respectful look. “Tally, about this morning, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Tally winced.
Shit, wrong thing to say.
“I mean, I really like you, I’m not—” Lex broke off, feeling tongue-tied and awkward. He didn’t know what to say, how to explain any of it. Not to the stone wall that was in front of him.
“Can I go work on the supply room now?” Tally asked, his voice nothing but polite. It was horrible.
Lex nodded miserably. All of the things he wanted to say, the explanation he had planned, evaporated from his mind. It was like they’d reversed roles, Tally being unapproachable and coldly polite, him with his guts twisting, wishing there was something he could do to erase the past.
With Tally in the back room, Lex started to breathe again. He tried, at least. The gnawing, awful feeling didn’t go away, though. He had a trickle of customers but nothing to keep him even remotely busy enough to forget. It was the time he was usually the most dead during the day. It didn’t take long for him to wipe down the spotless counters or make sure the tables were lined up and clean, chairs tucked under the way they belonged. He could hear muffled thumps from the room behind the shop. Just the awareness of Tally back there working made the hairs on the back of his neck stand. His body was still waiting, wanting Tally’s touch, his nearness.
Fuck, shit, fuck.
Lex strode to the front door and hung his “be back in ten” sign on the door before he locked it. It was something he hated to do, but this, this,
thing
between him and Tally needed to be fixed. Immediately. Lex groaned.
Just in case anyone ever thought it was a good idea to sleep with an employee.
He rounded the corner into the storeroom just as Tally was coming out of it, dusting towel in hand.
“I was just finishing, Mr. Barry. I can get started on my shift now.”
Lex held out his arm, trapping Tally in the storeroom. “Tally, shit. Knock it off with the Mr. Barry crap!” He hadn’t meant for his voice to come out angry, hadn’t meant for a lot of things to happen.
“What do you want me to do, huh? Come in here and act like everything’s the same? I’m trying to be professional. I can’t afford to lose my job over that big fucking mistake we made.”
“Mistake?” Why did it suck so much to hear Tally call it that?
Tally lost it. “Yeah, it was a mistake! It was a mistake for me to think that you might actually have feelings for me. It was a mistake to want you so bad that I risked the one fucking thing that’s gone okay for me in the last million and a half years. Don’t tell me you don’t fucking agree. I saw the look on your face when you realized I was still in your bed this morning.”
“Tally, I didn’t mean—”
“Do you know they used to leave me tips?” Tally growled.
Lex stared at him silently. “What?”
“When I first got to the city, fresh out of butt-fuck Washington, kicked to the streets by my mother, I used to meet businessmen sometimes, waiting tables or at the bars I snuck into. They were rich, handsome, older than me. They’d flirt and ask for my number. I thought they really liked me. I’d get my hopes up that one of them was going to rescue me from the shit hole my life had turned into, like I was fucking Cinderella or something. But when I’d wake up in the morning they were gone. Every time. You know, sometimes there would even be cash on my dresser. Like I was a fucking prostitute. A few times I was so hungry that I took it.”
Lex’s throat tightened. “That’s awful. I’m sorry.” What the hell else was he supposed to say? Lex felt like the biggest ass in the world.
Tally shrugged. “I thought I was past that. I swore years ago that it would never happen again. But the way you looked at me this morning….”
He knew it was probably the wrong thing to do, but Lex couldn’t take it anymore. He stepped closer, as close as he could get, and cupped Tally’s face in his hands. Then he kissed him, hard and long, not even caring if he got a response.
“It’s not like that,” he finally whispered, drawing his lips away from Tally’s still mouth.
“Tell me then. What’s it like?”
He looked so angry. Lex knew it was hurt making his face twist like that, but for a second he thought he saw the boy he used to be terrified of. It would’ve been easier to run back to the front of his shop and avoid the whole thing, but he’d made the mess, at least part of it, and he knew he needed to be grown up enough to fix it.
“I’m not ashamed of you, Tal. It’s just—” He gulped. “—I can’t let myself fall for you, okay? And sleepovers, movies, dinners, anything more than just sex—it would be so easy to let myself… kid myself into thinking it was more.”
“What if it is more? Why aren’t you allowed to have feelings for me?”
“Because you’re leaving, Tally! In however long it takes you to get your shit back together, or money enough for a few months’ rent, you’ll be out the door and back in Seattle. What happens if I’ve bled my stupid heart out all over you by then?”
Tally’s eyes widened. “
That’s
what this morning was about?”
“This morning was about me panicking over every single reason why I can’t be doing exactly what we did. This—fuck. This morning was a big mess. It
is
a big mess.”
Tally was silent for a few long moments. The stillness stretched awkwardly between them. “Doesn’t have to be,” he finally muttered.
Lex dragged his hand through his hair and looked at Tally imploringly. “And how exactly do you propose to make this not a mess?”
“By doing exactly what you said. No sleepovers, no dates, no feelings beyond friendship, just two guys who haven’t had a good time in a while entertaining each other. ’Cause you’re right. I am leaving eventually, and it’s not fair to you to start anything real.”
Lex flinched, then drooped against the door, drained. “How do we know it’s not going to make everything worse?”
“We don’t. But, hey, it might be fun for a while to find out.”
“Fun? You call this fun?”
“I call this a misunderstanding that doesn’t have to happen again. We just needed rules. Expectations. Now we have some.”
“Rules.”
“Yes, rules. You willing to try it, or do you want to go back to constantly torturing ourselves with something we both want?”
Lex pinched the bridge of his nose. He felt a headache coming on. He didn’t know if what Tally was proposing was a massive internal hemorrhage waiting to happen or if it would be okay. Tally was right about one thing, though. Not touching after what they had the night before, after knowing what it felt like to have Tally’s skin all over his body…. It would be complete and utter torture.
“Okay. We’ll try it. Sex only. And it’s
not
because I don’t respect you.”
Tally huffed a small laugh. “I know. Sorry I thought that. It just felt like it always used to, and I hated that, coming from you.” He leaned over and gave Lex’s lips a small sucking kiss. “Better go open the door. For all we know, they’ve been out there pounding on the glass.”
Lex nodded, drained from the morning. “I’m going to go work in my office, unless you need anything.”
Tally gave him a quick smile. “I’ll let you know if something, uh, comes up.”
Lex chuckled and pushed him on the chest. “Get to work, you perv.”
Tally laughed, too, and Lex was glad the tension was broken somewhat. “Yes, sir!” he barked out with a jaunty salute before turning heel and heading back into the shop.

T
ALLY
hadn’t known quite how to treat Lex since their conversation in the supply room on that roller coaster of a morning nearly a week before. It would’ve been impossible for them to go back to being platonic work associates, for sure. Well, platonic in action at least. There had never been a lack of very non-platonic feelings on either of their parts. Not even on that very first day. He was glad they weren’t going to try to go back down that frustrating road. As it was, they had a nearly impossible time keeping their hands off each other when there were customers in the store. He knew that a public announcement of their status wasn’t something Lex wanted, though. Friends with benefits didn’t exactly kiss and touch outside of closed doors.