Coming Home- Rock Bay 1 (23 page)

T
HE
alarm blared noisily. Tally reached for it, slamming his hand against the clock radio. God, it seemed like he was always waking up. The hours when he was blissfully asleep were shrinking on a daily basis. His head was pounding. He had to have said no to at least five drink offers from Brock, but he’d still managed to have enough that his brain felt like it was going to rupture. He glanced over at Lex, who was curled around his pillow, sleeping. Lex looked exhausted… and beautiful. Tally missed him, to tell the truth. He’d been with Brock, Drew, and the guys so much in the past few weeks it felt like he barely got to see Lex anymore, and usually when he did they were both at work or sleeping. They hadn’t made love in over a week, and it felt like each morning he woke up with Lex further and further away from him in the bed.

Tally knew he was being stupid, but he didn’t know how to get out of the situation he’d managed to entangle himself in. Every time he left the house, every night he went out, he told himself:
This time I’m doing it
.
This time I’m going to tell Brock I’m with Lex and then leave Drew to do whatever he feels like he needs to do.
It hadn’t happened yet. He was a damn chicken. Why was it so hard for him to admit that he didn’t want one more person looking at him like he was a leper? He reached out and smoothed the tangle of Lex’s hair with a smile.

“Mmpph.” Lex opened his eyes blearily. “Is it time to get up?” “I’ll let Travis in, baby. Go back to sleep.”
“M’kay,” Lex mumbled, turning back onto his stomach. Lex was stretching in bed and yawning by the time Tally came

back up from getting Travis started for the day. “Morning,” he murmured. “Sorry I was so passed out when the alarm went off. I know it was my turn today.”

Tally smiled at him, loving his sleepy morning voice and the way his eyes drooped, like his eyelashes were too heavy to hold up. “It’s okay. I was awake anyway.” He sat on the edge of the bed and reached out, running his hand down the golden expanse of Lex’s flank.

“Hey, it’s a gorgeous day. We should drive down to Cannon Beach.” Lex slipped his fingers under Tally’s shirt and rubbed at his lower back.

Tally cringed. Cannon Beach with Lex sounded like exactly what he wanted to do that day or any other. It would’ve been perfect. Shit. “I kind of already promised the guys I’d go fishing.” The soft, swirling caress on his back stopped. Lex drew his hand out from under Tally’s shirt.

Shit. I should cancel.
Tally
wanted
to cancel. He wanted to sit on the beach with Lex and bask in the early summer sun. He wanted to feel Lex’s touch again. He’d been missing it so badly. But if he canceled, Brock would want to know why. He didn’t want to get caught in a lie, didn’t want to deal with the drama of a showdown with Brock.
Shit is right. What the fuck am I doing?

“Babe, I’d really rather go to the beach with you. I would. I just already promised.”
Lex scooted away, swung his legs over the side of the bed, and stood. “Nah, I get it. It’s fine. I have paperwork to do anyway.”
He grabbed some clothes and a pair of new underwear from his dresser and walked, without another word, into the bathroom. The sound of the door closing and the shower starting shocked Tally out of his momentary trance. He stood as well and went to the bathroom door, ready to get in the shower with Lex. He was canceling on Brock. He wasn’t going to keep doing this to Lex or himself. Only problem was, when Tally went to turn the knob it was locked.
“Lex?” he called, loud enough to be heard over the water. “I was going to get in the shower with you.”
“Just go fishing, Tally. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Lex….”
Tally stood at the door for a good five minutes but got no answer.
Shit.
How had things gotten so weird? His stomach coiled, and for the first time he started to feel a bit panicked. Lex had
never
shut the door on him like that.
I need to talk to Drew. This has got to end.

T
ALLY
wasn’t paying attention to what was going on around him. The guys were fishing, he supposed, and drinking beer and flipping each other shit, but all he could do was think about Lex. He could almost smell the saltwater in the air, feel the sun on his face, the comfortable weight of Lex’s head resting in his lap. He imagined they were lying there, napping, enjoying their day together. Maybe his hand was in Lex’s hair, or brushing along his collarbone. Maybe after the beach they’d head home, shower together all warm and wet, dry off and meet Amy and Drew for pizza. God, what the hell was he doing fantasizing about something that easily could’ve been his?
Moron….

“Tally. Yo, where the hell are you?” Brock reached over and poked him with a pepperoni stick. Tally had to suppress his eye roll at the irony.

I’m at the beach with my man instead of sitting here with you.
“Just thinkin’. What’s up?”
“You’ve been a space case all day, man. What’s your deal?”
“Just work stuff,” Tally lied.
Brock gave him an odd look. “Dude, you work in a coffee shop. You worried about the chocolate syrup?”
Tally shook his head. “Nah, just thinking about stuff. Where’d Drew go?”
“He went back to the car. Probably forgot his mascara or something.” Brock rolled his eyes.
“I’ll be right back.”
Tally struggled his long frame out of the camping chair and went in search of Drew. He found him texting on his blackberry behind Brock’s car.
“Whatcha doing?”
Drew jumped and nearly dropped his phone. “Just doing some work e-mails. My office is never really closed.”
“I hear that. We’re never closed either.”
Drew smiled.
“What?”
“Nothing, I just like the ‘we’. It’s nice to see someone having what I want, you know. Makes it seem more possible.”
“So what, have you found the guy?”
“No. I know he works at Columbia Memorial, though.”
Tally chuckled. “You’re not following him, are you?”
“No, dork. I do some work for the hospital. I saw him there.”
“And you didn’t get his number? How ’bout a name?”
Drew shook his head. “I’m a fucking chicken.”
Yeah, I know how that feels.
“Speaking of chicken….” Tally looked up at Drew. “I can’t do this after today. Lex is getting pissed, and I’m not going to risk my relationship over fucking Brock.”
Drew smirked. “You’re fucking Brock? That should make my life easier.”
Tally punched him on the shoulder. “Shut up, D, I mean it. Lex is seriously getting mad because I keep hanging out with Brock. You know how much of a dick he is to Lex. It’s gotta feel like I’m being disloyal. I need to end this today. This fishing thing has gotta be it.”
Drew looked panicked. “Listen, how ’bout tonight? We’ll get him a drink or two, you can tell him about Lex and then take off. It should be cool, right?”
“Truthfully, I’m not sure he’ll ever be okay with it, but I’m starting not to care. I could’ve been at the beach with Lex today, D. I actually caught myself fantasizing about spending time with my own damn boyfriend. I don’t
want
to be here with Brock.”
“Okay, so tonight, then you’re out. We’ll take him to the bar, get him a little loose, then you can lay it on him. If he’s cool, then I’ll be next in line.”
“And if he’s not?”
Drew cringed. “I’ll get there when I get there.”
Tally gave Drew a glare. “Tonight. That’s it, right?”
Drew nodded. “For better or worse, that’s it.”

“
W
HY
are you going out with them again? You were with Brock last night
and
all day today.” Lex looked a bit hurt, actually he looked more than a bit hurt. Tally tried not to concentrate on it.

“Tonight’s it, babe. I promise. Drew just wants me to be around one last night so I can smooth things over when he tells Brock that he’s bi.”
Or whatever his plan is. I better not have jeopardized things with Lex over nothing.

Drew I wanted to be done.”
The hurt turned to flustered confusion. “Why the hell does he need to be friends with them, anyway? Both of you should tell Brock to fuck off and come eat pizza with us.”

Tally sighed. “It’s not like that for Drew. He can’t run his business on high school kids and moms in tracksuits. He needs the assholes of Rock Bay to send clients his way or he’d go under. You’ve gotta understand that.”

It was true, but he still didn’t get it.
Lex sneered. “Yeah, but he’s not going to when he finds out that
you’re a fucking fag just like me.”
“Jesus, Lex. I just want to help Drew, okay? He was actually
decent to me back in school. I want to be decent back. It’s nice to have
someone need me, anyway.”
“
I
need you.”
“No you don’t. You’ve got your shop and your family and Amy.
You don’t need me.”
“I love you. Isn’t that the same thing?”
Tally’s stomach still fluttered when he heard it. He stepped closer
and wrapped Lex up in a tight hug. “I love you too, babe. I really,
really
do. I just need to do this for Drew, okay? One more night, let
him come out, and then I’m back with you where I belong.” “You haven’t even told them you’re gay yet.”
“No, but I said I’m going to tonight. I wanted to before, but you
can’t rush things with guys like Brock.”
“You mean total assholes?”
Tally huffed out a laugh. “He’s not that horrible.”
“Yes he is, and you’ve been acting differently ever since you
started hanging out with him. I don’t like it.”
“I haven’t been acting differently at all!”
Had he?
“I think you’ve
just been expecting me to turn back into the guy I used to be this whole
time so now you’re seeing it when it’s not there.”
“I’m not! You’re acting distant, and you don’t touch me as much
as you did just a few weeks ago. It’s like all of a sudden you’re
ashamed of us.
Are
you ashamed of us?”
“No! Hell no. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Ever. You’ve gotta know that.”
“Then why are you doing this still?”
Tally hesitated. He wished he knew the real answer. “Because I
have to,” was all he could think of to say.
Lex backed away from Tally and squeezed his temples. “I’ll see
you later.” His voice was soft, resigned. It sucked having Lex pull
away. Again. He wondered if that was what Lex had been feeling for
the past weeks—like Tally was pulling away. He hadn’t meant to.
Shit
.
He wished he knew what to do. He’d never had anyone before who
gave a shit what he did one way or another. It was a bit overwhelming
to want to make everyone happy.
God, what happened to Tallis “I
don’t give a fuck” Carrington?
Tally went to leave but couldn’t do it. He didn’t
want
to do it.
What a mess. Either way he turned he was going to disappoint
someone. It was going to have to be Drew. He turned back, ready to
take Lex into his arms and tell him he was staying home. Too late. Lex
was walking back toward their room. “You’re never going to tell him.”
He heard Lex say softly before closing their bedroom door. He heard
the distinct click of a lock shutting him out.
Lex was wrong. He was going to tell Brock. He
was.
He plodded out the door and down the stairs and practically ran
into Amy, who was on her way in.
“Hey, Tal. Where you headed? Aren’t you going to pizza with
us?”
Tally hesitated. He didn’t want to tell her that he was going out
with Brock again. He knew it didn’t sound good. “Not tonight. I’m
meeting Drew and the others for a drink.”
Amy gave him what could only be a stare down.
“What the hell are you doing, Tally?”
“Going out for drinks?”
She rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. “I know you’re not
stupid. That’s not what I asked. What are you
doing
?”
Tally sighed. Fuck if he knew. “Drew asked me to help him out
with Brock. He wants to come out, but he thinks that Brock will make a
huge problem for him. He’s hoping I’ll ease the way.”
Amy shrugged. “As long as you have a plan.” Didn’t
Lex say that
exact same thing?
“You do know it hurts Lex when you’re out with
those guys. They’re total assholes to him.”
Tally winced. “I just had to get in with them. To help Drew. After
tonight I’m going to back away.”
“Are you sure that’s all this is about? Helping Drew?” She eyed
him shrewdly.
Of course it’s all this is about. Liar. You like how they look at you
like you’re not a fuck-up. You like the attention. You like not having to
work for their respect. Still not worth it.
“I’m ending it. I love Lex.”
She poked him in the chest with one of her little poky fingers.
“You better. You’re a fucking idiot if you choose those assholes over
him.”
“I know.”
Another poke. “He’d do anything for you.”
“I know.”
A third poke, even harder. “And if you hurt him, I’ll rip your balls
off.”
Tally winced. “I
know
.”
Amy backed off and gave him a smile. “Just as long as we’re
clear. Have a good night. I’ll probably see you at the shop on Monday.”
Man, she’s crazy.
“See you Monday.”
Tally knew his voice sounded tentative. He
felt
tentative. What
the hell was he doing? Tally turned for the second time to go back
inside and tell Lex he was staying with them that night, always, not
going out with Brock again. Ever. But he had promised Drew, or
maybe he really just liked the way his old friends treated him, or maybe
he was a big flaming moron. Hell if he knew.
Fuck.

L
EX
was sitting on his bed wondering what the hell had just hit him. He wasn’t sure what he thought Tally was going to say when he asked him not to hang out with Brock again. Was he delusional when he thought that maybe just this one time a guy would pick Lex over his friends, his latest trick… his weird and inexplicable agenda with the assholes in town? Guess not. He still wanted so desperately for Tally to be different than the others.