Commanding Heart (19 page)

Catherine sighed bitterly and rose to
her feet once more. The petals that had lain in her lap tumbled to the floor in
a mocking parody of celebration. Catherine looked at them dejectedly then
stepped away. The prospect of living the rest of her life separated from Knight
was a bleak and empty one. He had come to mean everything to Catherine – her
fondest wish and her heart’s desire – but it was inevitable they part. Catherine
squared her shoulders in resolution. There was nothing left for her to do but
to draw on every ounce of courage she possessed and start anew; far from Jamaica, far from the cruel memory of her father, and far from Captain John Knight.

The sun was high overhead when
Catherine stepped onto the quarter deck of
HMS Triton
. She looked around
fondly at the familiar sights; the hands busy at their tasks on deck and on the
Kingston dock, the refreshing blue coolness of the harbor, and the wonderful
solidity of the ship itself. Catherine ran a trailing hand along the rail as
she moved forward, the wood warm and comforting to the touch. At her approach,
a polite murmur ran through the men assembled on deck, alerting Lieutenant
Matthews of his niece’s arrival. He stepped forward from the wheel house and
greeted her once more. Catherine followed her uncle to a position near the rail
overlooking the broad expanse of the harbor. The two settled together in
companionable silence, each lost in their own difficult memories of the past
day. “You look much better,” Matthews said finally in rough compliment.
Catherine laughed at his words and could not but agree; “Thank you, uncle” she
said with gentle humor, as she smoothed the fabric of her fresh linen gown.
“You have been so kind – thank you for arranging for my things to be brought
here. It was a great relief to shed last night’s clothes in order to meet the
new day.” Matthews shifted slightly at the rail and said, “I am afraid I cannot
take the credit for it, Catherine.” Catherine looked at her uncle questioningly
but before she could inquire, a deep voice spoke from behind: “I hope you do
not mind, Miss Gibson. It was I who took the liberty of arranging for your
things” said Captain Knight.

Catherine straightened at the sound
and turned slowly round to meet the captain. The sun shone brightly on Knight’s
face, illuminating his features. Catherine was startled at what was revealed;
his eyes were hooded and dark, a shadow of beard showed against his tanned
skin, and the state of his normally immaculate uniform gave testimony to the
fact that Knight had not rested since the events of last night. Knight noted
Catherine’s surprise with amusement and looked at himself critically; “I must
apologize, Miss Gibson, for my rough appearance. Business with the Admiralty
has occupied my time, I am afraid.” Knight looked at Catherine candidly as he
spoke. He saw the shadow that crossed Catherine’s face at his reference to last
night’s affair. He did not speak further but stood in respectful silence.

The beautiful young woman stood
before him pale and trembling. Catherine clasped and unclasped her hands
several times as a storm of emotions battled within her. It was Matthews who
finally ended the uncomfortable silence: “I believe” Matthews said to his
captain, “that there are some supplies just arriving at the dock. I will see to
the loading while you two talk. Catherine, I will speak with you later, after I
have finished my tasks” he said, more as a question than a statement. Catherine
gave her uncle a nod and he departed.

In the lieutenant’s absence, silence
descended upon the two once again. Captain Knight looked at Catherine for
several moments, watching the wealth of emotions at play in her face. She still
had not spoken but Knight was all patience. He stepped beside Catherine at the
rail and removed his bicorn, turning the hat absently in his hands. “I am glad
to see you recovered at last” he said hoarsely into the silence. Catherine
trembled at the genuine concern in his voice and the expression in his eyes.
She lowered her gaze a moment then bravely lifted her head knowing she must respond;
“I thank you, Captain, for your kind wishes. I am indeed well….. And it is all
due to your noble behavior last… last night.”

Catherine’s words faltered as the
horrible scenes flashed through her memory again. She closed her eyes, willing
the hateful details away. The evil of those hours was so strong she could still
feel it. Catherine knew how it must change everything between her and Knight,
despite his kind words this morning. She opened her eyes, pain shining forth
from their depths, to find the captain starring at her with concern. Catherine’s
careful eyes took in his uncharacteristically disheveled appearance from the
sleepless, watchful night; she saw how the worry of the past few hours had
lined his handsome face. Knight’s pain, his concern for her well being, was
acute and the realization gave Catherine an unexpected jolt. Doubt, belief,
despair and hope crossed her face in rapid succession. Catherine tried to still
her disquieting thoughts as she met Knight’s gaze once more; “Captain Knight,”
she said with shaky breath, “Words cannot express my gratitude for your
selfless act. If you had not been there…..”

“No,” the captain cut in suddenly. He
stood ill at ease, anger and self-loathing clear in his voice. He moved forward
with halting steps nearer to Catherine, a haunted look in his eyes; “No, Miss
Gibson” he said firmly, “I cannot accept your thanks. It was my carelessness
that endangered you in the first place. I only hope that you might someday be
able to forgive me” he finished, his breath ragged with emotion.

“Forgive you?” Catherine said bewildered;
“Captain, there is nothing to forgive. You were right about duMont and my
father. You tried to warn me but I was too stubborn to heed your advice. If you
had not insisted on helping me…..” she trailed off, refusing to think further
about what the final consequences could have been. “It is I who must ask your
forgiveness,” she continued, eyes cast low. “I know how insidious last evening
must have been to a man of your character. And I understand how unpleasant it
must be to have me onboard… as a reminder…..” Catherine said weakly. She reached
for the rail in support and starred blankly at the sea a long moment. Drawing upon
every ounce of courage to remain in control she looked at Knight and said; “I
have spoken to my uncle this morning. He agreed that I may return to live in
his home in England. I shall… I shall make arrangements for the journey right
away. I will leave
HMS Triton
with all haste.”

The declaration hung in the air
between them and Catherine finally had to look away in her pain. Knight starred
at the pale young woman trembling before him. He studied every detail of her
face; the normally proud bearing replaced by deep sadness and humility. His
heart knew the truth at once. Knight reached forward with his strong hand to
cup her lovely face, turning her to face his gaze. His thumb gently stroked her
cheek, wiping away a tear that fell unbidden from her eye; “I am afraid I
cannot allow that to happen, Catherine” he said in a husky voice. “I am not
willing to lose you again.”

Catherine starred up into the
captain’s face in wonder, her eyes widening in surprise. The breath caught in
her throat as she said haltingly; “You… you do not wish me to go?” Captain
Knight’s eyes danced darkly, a smile touching the corners of his mouth. He
spoke no word, and instead lowered his head to hers and caught her lips in a
deep kiss.

Joy and relief rushed through Catherine’s
body at his touch, her heart singing in response to his words and the firm pressure
of his lips. Knight pulled her closer, her slight frame melting against the
length of his own. His hands slipped down her back, enfolding her in his
protective embrace. Catherine’s hands stole up the front of his jacket to reach
for the planes of his familiar face, her fingers delighting in the feel of his
skin and the sharpness of his six o-clock shadow. Knight’s lips moved across
Catherine’s own in gentle possession, teasing, caressing in loving tribute
until the world disappeared and all that was left was two hearts singing in
unison.

After several blissful moments Knight
pulled away, keeping Catherine close against his chest. “I love you, Catherine
Gibson” he said simply; “And I will never let you go again. Last night, when I
thought I would lose you, it almost destroyed me.” Knight shook his head grimly;
“I knew my feelings before we reached Jamaica but my foolish pride would not
allow me to speak. Then, last night, seeing you again, knowing the danger you
faced. It was the worst feeling I have ever experienced. To know I had put you
in such a position. To know I had delivered you to duMont and Gibson without
protest. It was stupid and arrogant and I am more sorry than words can ever say.
I will spend my life making it up to you, if you will allow me?”  He finished
hopefully.

The light of Catherine’s eyes shone
brilliantly in reply; “There is nothing to forgive” she said with all
gentleness; “You rescued me. You gave me hope when all seemed lost. For that
alone you have my eternal gratitude” she finished quietly. A brilliant smile
came to Knight’s face at her words; “And my proposal?” he said, eyes flashing with
wicked delight, “Do you think a woman of your background could be content as
the wife of a humble sailor?’ Catherine laughed aloud at his reference to their
earliest encounter on this same deck. She marveled at how far they had come
together, at the strong bond of love that now joined her to him without end.
Catherine looked up to the birds that wheeled freely through the clear blue
skies; she felt their joy and freedom whispering in her own heart: “Yes,
Captain Knight,” she said, looking at him with deep affection “my heart is
yours to command.”