Commitment (76 page)

“You swear?”

“You
and
me,”
he said firmly.

“You know we’re going to have to talk about this,” she said. “Right?”

He nodded, his eyes never leaving hers. “Yeah, I know.”

“Maybe a lot,” she said, testing him. “Until I feel comfortable again. Until I can trust you.”

“Okay.”

Their
eyes held until Shawn looked down to release
her hold on his belt loops, instead
pressing
his palms against hers
then
weaving his fingers through her own.

“Let’s go,” he said
.

“
We’re in
the middle of a party for you.
Where
are we going
?”

“
I want to be alone with you.
We can come
back later.
They’ll be here all night.”

g

Shawn
was
propped
on his elbows
, the weight of his lower body resting on hers
.
His face was glistening with sweat
and
Riley
could still feel him inside her, gently pulsating, and her own muscles, clenching and unclenching
about
him.
He kissed her, and she could taste the saltiness of their combined perspiration; involuntarily, she
tightened about him once again.
Shawn emitted a light groan agai
nst her lips.
She
ran
her fingertips over his triceps
feeling the
scratches
,
carved i
nto his skin
minutes earlier
by her fingernails.
Turning her head to the side and raising it slightly off the pillow, she could just reach up enough to kiss him there.

“These are going to sting,” she said.

Shawn smiled at her. “I don’t care.”

“Was it like this?” she asked him
before she could censor herself
.
“With Keisha?”

“
Riley
, c’mon
.”

“I just . . .”
She needed to know that this kind of int
ensity wasn’t routine for him.
Something he got from just anybody. “I want to know.”

“You want to know what?
What it felt
like?
I was drunk . . .”

“You told me that,”
she said impatiently.
“I want to know if it was l
ike this. Like it is with us.
Or better.”

“No,” he said
right away
. “Look at me.
When
we’re
together like this, when I’m inside you,
feeling you,
making love to you?
It’s like, some astral plane,
seriously
spiritual
type shit. Nothing else even comes close.
Nothing
.”

g

Shawn
watch
ed
his
wife dancing with Chris Scaife,
who was a little closer tha
n he needed to be,
and
noted
that it had been
a long time since he’d
been
this mellow.
Riley had
wanted to know everything so he
told her, leaving nothing out
, as difficult as that was
.
Yes, h
e’d sent Keisha a plane ticket.
Yes, he’d flirted with her for w
eeks before
that
.
Yes, he’d known
she
was attracted
to
him and would sl
eep with him if he was willing.
Yes, to all of it.
While he talked, tears had streamed down her face, but she hadn’t made a sound. When he reached out to her, she’d held him at bay.

No
, Riley said.
Just finish. Let’s just get it out and finish it.

And so he kept talking. Shawn watched her cry and kept his distance and when he was done, when she knew everything she wanted to know and had asked every difficult question, she turned over onto her stomach and
with her back to him,
held the pillow and cried some more.
When
finally
she spoke
again,
her voice was muffled.

Now I know what happened
, she said.
But
someday
soon we’re going to have to talk about why.

Then he reached out and placed a hand on her naked back, testing to see whether it was safe to touch her again. She’d turned over to look at him and her eyes were puffy and tinged in red.
She held out her arms to him, her lower lip trembling.

You can hold me now
, she said.

And so he went to her. They lay there together for awhile until Riley had gotten up and headed for the bathroom.

C’mon
, she said.
Let’s go back to your launch party.

Maybe confession
really was good for the soul. And it just might save his marriage.

Over the time they
’d
been separated, Shawn had
had a good long time to contemplate his role in what happened and
the truth
was,
he’d
never considered the consequences of cheating on
Riley
before he did it
.
Having her
marry him
was mostly
about making sure she wasn’t available to anyone but him and as long as that was true, he’d consi
dered their marriage a success.
He hadn’t given serious thought to the fact that
Riley
had every right to expect that he would be available only to her
. 

While
he definitely hadn’t planned on infidelity as a lifestyle, he’d subc
onsciously given himself a pass—
after all, he knew that
there was
no one
out there who would put even a dent in his feelings for his wife, so the occasional slip-up
could
be
forgiven,
so long as
he wasn’t caught.
What he hadn’t counted on was the
God-awful
feeling th
e deception alone had produced.
The gulf in his marriage hadn’t been created by Riley
finding out
, it had been created by the act itself
.
Nothing he’d done with Keisha,
nothing he could do with
anyone
would be worth it.

If it hadn’t been for the party, he could have stayed in the hotel room
with Riley
all night
, reacquainting himself with her body, her sounds, the smell and taste of her
.
But th
ere was plenty of time for that;
it was
one of the
perks of
being married
,
lovemaking
at your leisure.

“I to
ld you I wasn’t playin’, right?
I told your wife everything.”

Shawn turned and looked at Keisha, incredulous that she would even dare approach him after what she’d
done
.
Around them, the party went on, but a few people slowed down as they walked by, curiously watching the young woman who had leaned over into the VIP area but not had quite enough courage to walk right in.

“You need to get the fuck out my face,” he said.

At the sound of his voice, slightly raised, one of the security guys, stationed at VIP entrance made as though he was about to remove Keisha but Shawn waved him away.

“Why
, your wife gon’ beat me up?”
she
sneered
.

He
looked at her
.
“Somebody need
s
to.”

Keisha pulled back
.
“Oh so you gon’ hit me now?
You threatening me?
”

“Keisha.
Let the shit go.
We did it, it’s done.
Forget it.”

“It wasn’t all that . . .”

“Then why you sweatin’ me?” Shawn said exasperatedly.
“Don’t act like you ain’t been
in this situation
before.”

“Oh, so y
ou thought you could just hit it and treat me like I was some kind
a hoochie or some-fuckin’-thing.
And it ain’ even . . .”

“You want me to apologize?
Is that it?”

“Yeah.
Exactly.
I want you to apologize.”

Shawn crooked
his finger, calling her closer.
Smiling with satisfaction, she leaned in.

“Y’know what, Keis
ha,” he said, his eyes on hers.
“You’s a
triflin’
-
ass, hood-rat bitch.
You
think the sex wasn’t all that?
Well guess what?
I don’t e
ven remember that shit.
If you think I’m about to apologize when you should probably be thanking my ass, then you must be sucking on a crack pipe in between all the dicks I hear you been had in your mouth.”

Keisha blinked twice and her lips trembled as she spoke.
“Fuck you,
Smooth
,” she said.
S
he turned and pushed people out of her path as she walked away.

Shawn
sighed
.
Now,  finally,
maybe
he could look ahead
.

g

The
next
day was Riley’s last day there.
Shawn had a
four a.m.
call time
for the
video shoot
and worked straig
ht through until after ten a.m.
Then he went
back to the hotel
for brunch with
his wife.
She
was just waking up and reached for him sl
eepily as he entered the suite.
Shawn crawled into bed with her, still fully clothed.

“I ordered us up some food,” he said, speaking into her shoulder.

“Good. I don’t think I could get up now even if I wanted t
o,” she said, her voice hoarse.
“Last night was insane.”

“It was,
”
Shawn said, thinking about his confrontation with Keisha.

“But I think I’ve h
ad enough of insane, honestly,”
Riley said ser
iously.
“I want our life
back.
I want you
back
.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. But I’m still angry with you.
And I’m not sure how much I can trust you so
I’m sure I’ll be a bitch sometimes, and ask too many questions, and make your life a living hell . . .”

“I can hang if you can,” Shawn stopped her.

“Are
you
sure?”

“I’m sure.”

Riley gave him a small smile an
d touched the side of his face.
“So we’re in this thing, huh?”

“We’re in it,” he said.

After they ate, it was back to the set until it was time for Sh
awn to take her to the airport.
When he dropped her off, he felt his throat tighten as she
disappeared into the terminal.
When he got back into the car Brendan turned and stared at him.

“Wait a second. Don’t tell me you’re
crying
,” he said.
“Shake it off, punk.”

Shawn laughed.
“Fuck you, man.”

They were on the freeway
headed back to the hotel when Brendan’s mobile rang.
He said a few words an
d handed it off to Shawn.
It was Mike.

“I been t
ryin’ to reach you,” Mike said.
He sounded sober, serious—
so
basically,
unlike
himself.