Commitments (35 page)

you want themv '.' ' she doesn't. She's afraid.' ' what she's been through, I suppose she has a point.' ''s bullshit. She'd be a terrific mother.' ' think so, too.' ' have kids.' ''s using birth control, so I can't exactly trick her into it - even if I wanted to, which I don't. She has to be willing to take the chance.' J.B. said nothing. to that. He raised the poker, lowered it, raised it, lowered it. ' you planning to hit me with that thing?' Derek asked. J.B. looked up, seemmig surpnsed to find him still there.'Hmmm?' ' poker." He -stepped forward to take a closer look, trying to discover what J.B. found so intriguing. He'd used the poker himself. It was nothing spectacular, just another heavy iron poker. ' you have plans for it?,

"No.' Then why were you studying it that way?' 1. B. seemed more puzzled than affronted by Derek's bluntness. Vhy do you want to know?' 355 Derek backed off. ' curious. I'm a trained inquisitor.',It was true, but told only half the story. He sighed. ' if I understand what you're doing, I won't think you're so strange. Frankly, you make me nervous." Their eyes held. J.B. stared, but Derek stared right back. In the end, J.B. was the one to look away. He lowered his head, pushed himself to his feet and ambled toward the wing chair in the comer of the room. Page 128

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"Should I leave? I he asked without turning. ' course not. You're Sabrina's brother. You're welcome here.' ' you're her husband." Slowly he turned. Vhat are your plans?' '?' ''t you going back to work?' '.' '?' '.' '?' ' haven't quite

figured that out yet., There was a long pause before J.B. said, '

you're satisfied living off Sabrina for a while? I Derek's spine grew very straight.' ' have never had, nor do I now have any intention of living off Sabrina. If YOU think I married her for her money, think again. With very little effort, I could probably buy her out.' '

socked it away? ' invested -it. ' be glad to hear that/ J.B. said and slumped into the wing chair. He stretched out his legs. '

any plans for the bam? I Derek frowned at the non sequitur. J.B. cocked his head toward the side of the house. ' ham. What are you going to do with it? I 356 it as a garage, Derek answered, still frowning. '@@And a workroom. I was thinking of insulating it. Y. 1 want a comer of it."

"For whatv ' office.' ''re going to write in the bam?', With the tiniest shift of his eyebrow, J.B. indicated that he was. ''ll need a Franklin stove, some lanterns @'tnd a typewriter. Think Sabrina will mind?' ' don't know/ Derek said. ' suppose not.' Then realization dawned. ' want to keep an eye on me, is that it? 11 want to write a book.' Vhy here?' Secause I like it here.' ' long will it take?' J. B. gave a one-shouldered shrug. ' months. Maybe three.' Derek lowered his head and rubbed his neck. He and Sabrina were newlyweds. He wasn't sure he liked the idea of having a chaperon. ' months, he muttered. He rubbed his neck some more. ' me a little more space and Id have an apartment in the bam. You wouldn't have to see me at all.' ', two months is a long time.' ' to write a book.' ', but you could make Sabrina miserable.' '?' J.B. asked with such innocence that Derek scowled. ''s her decision/ he muttered. ' farmhouse, her bam, her decision. I only pay the bills. You'll have to @sk her.' 357 Sabrina couldn't say no. J.B. was her brother. He was a sad figure, very much alone - a fact all the more obvious by contrast to the life she now shared with Derek. When J.B. had visited before, they had been two people alone. Now things were different. She could afford to be generous. Not that she gave in without a fight. She made it clear that Derek was no longer on trial, that she loved him, that he was staying. She told J.B. that if he intended to sit and stare and offer nothing more than the occasional, acerbic remark, he could just pack up and head back west. And she informed him that he wasn't to create a horror tale about her bam. She loved the bam, the farmhouse, the acreage surrounding it. She found peace there. Not even under the guise of fiction did she want that dis turbed. There was only one other condition she needed met to let J.B. stay. Derek had to approve. when he did, she was actually surprised. She knew he felt uneasy with her brother. But he, too, felt badly for J.B. He, too, was in a mood to be generous. Christmas was nearly there. J.B. was alone. And then, there was a tiny part of Derek that needed to be with family, too. He had none of his own, just Sabrina. He wondered what it would be like to broaden his family base even more. Sabrina was still worried. She was prepared to find J. B."s presence a problem, and she told Derek so. ''re worried, that I'll find his presence a problem, so you're saying it first, I Derek was perceptive enough to Point out, ' I'll tell you if it happens, hon. I'll tell you if it bothers me., Surprisingly, J.B. didn't bother either of them. Hmis presence was unobtrusive. Perhaps held taken sabrina's warnings to heart. Perhaps he'd sensed that Derek 358 be either friend or foe, depending on his own behavior. Whatever the case, he took over the guest ., which was far enough from the master suite ' afford Derek and Sabrina the privacy they wanted. But he did Page 129

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plan to move into the bam, and to that end he accompanied Derek to the building-supply house. I I ' done this before?' Derek murmured to J. B. as . examined the various insulating materials. He -spoke under his breath so as not to be heard by the salesman. B., who was frowning behind his glasses, shook his head. '?' he whispered back. ; , qih-uh.' Derek gnawed on the inside of his mouth. His eye jumped across the room to the wood paneling yet to be chosen. A little bewildered, he returned to the insulation and mumbled to J. B., ' guy says this , the best.' @, 11 ' to be the most expensive/ J.B. mumbled ,'bback.

"Most expensive isn't always the best.' ''t you know it.' '

is/ Derek went on, talking now out of the -comer of his mouth, ' don't know much else when it comes to this stuff.' There was nothing vacant abbut J. B.'s stare. He was eyeing the insulation as though it were truly alien. ' writer isn't supposed to know much else.' ' a reporter. I flunked shop in high school.' ' too.' Ve need help."

"Professional advice.' ' carpenter.' Of one mind, they turned on their heels and left the '. They hired a carpenter to advise them on materials 359 and teach them all they didn't know, which was considerable. Fortunately, they'd matured since their high school days. Or maybe it was the motivation factor. Or determination. But they stuck with it and began to see progress. Sabrina, who visited the barn often, hearing hot drinks and sandwiches, felt as though she were watching a trade-school class. When she dared say as much aloud, she was bombarded with snowballs made of insulation remnants. Laughingly she retreated, but she found herself smiling for a long while after. Turning the barn into livable space was providing a common interest for Derek and J. B., and that pleased her. Derek was engrossed in the project enough not to be thinking about Noel Greer. J.B. was engrossed enough not to be staring off into space. Though communication between them was never overwhelming, that was more because neither was an habitual talker than because they couldn't get along. They did talk when so moved. They did get along. And that gave Sabrina a kind of inner pleasure that she hadn't expected. Sabrina spent Christmas morning with Nicky. She was accompanied not only by Derek, but by J. B., which made things easier. For the first time, she didn't dissolve into tears at the visit's end. During the week that followed, while Derek and B. worked diligently on the bam, Sabrina entertained Maura, who had popped in unexpectedly and settled herself in one of the spare bedrooms. Her combination-" housewarming-wedding gift to Sabrina was, quite fortunately, a futon, which she proceeded to use as a bed in lieu of the floor. ' forbid J. B. should share the four-poster/ she remarked, but playfully. Sabrina knew why. 360 U, : never did get along. ''s an understatement. He's a weirdo., ' are many who'd say the same about you/ Sabrina teased. She tipped her head to study Maurals hair. ''ve gone darker again.' Maura grinned. ''s working.' She'd already told Sabrina about the new man in her life. He was, incredibly enough, the one who'd been looking at her that day when she was at lunch with. Sabrina. She'd long since learned that the tie tack had indeed held a diamond and that there were more where they came from. Well aware that her friend had been sketchy on such specifics as the man's name and occupation, Sabrina K'@

had decided that Maura was serious about him but was taking the cautious approach. Sabrina didn't blame W her. in some ways, she was pleased by Maurals caution. A, V! It s 0 h wed the maturity that Maura claimed to aim at. At the moment, though, Maura was looking more @A 1: mischievous than mature. Lowering her voice,, she leaned forward. It was all for effect. She and Sabrina were alone in the second-floor solarium. There Page 130

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

was no way the men could overhear their conversation from the bam.

"Derek is gorgeous. You didn't tell me that.' I thought you knew. He was' on TV for years.' ' yeah, I've seen him on TV, but, Christ, he's even A better looking in the flesh.' She sat back on one of the

.,I large cushions that were strewn about the floor. ' obviously didn't do him any harm in that-respect. He's aging nicely. Life up here must be agreeing with him.' With several swallows of white wine already under her belt, Sabrina was feeling mellow enough not to pick up on the harm that prison had done Derek. instead, she finished slicing the Cheddar cheese into small squares, passed one to Maura, popped one into 361 her own mouth. Then she too sat back. ' think so. We're very happy.' ', I'm glad/ Maura said with comical relief. ' I have to say that it amazes me.' '?' ' you can be happy up here in the middle of nowhere.' ''m not in the middle of nowhere. There are other people, and stores and inns and restaurants.' ', it ain't New York.' '/ Sabrina conceded with a crooked grin. ' you were always a city person. What happened?' ' to explain/ Sabrina answered, momentarily looking confused. ''m not sure I would have been ready for this five or ten years ago. Maybe I've grown into it. Maybe circumstances made me ripe for it ... Then again/ she said, tapping a Wheat Thin against her lip, ''ve only been here since September. Maybe by this time next year I'll be starving for New York.' ' Derek? Think he'll last up here? @ The Wheat Thin went into Sabrina's mouth. It crunched between her teeth. She washed it down with her wine, thinking all the while. It wasn't the first thought she'd given'the subject. indeed, brooding nught be a more accurate description. ' don't know/

she. said finally. ' seems happy, but whether he'll get tired of all this ...' Her words trailed off with a shrug-Maura didn't pick up on her friend's concern, or if she did she chose not to pursue it. '

about work? Is he thinking of getting back into it? "Eventually.' '

into reporting?' ' think so.' @But how? Where., 362 sure he's figured that out yet.' he"s not looking for something?' at the moment.' Yent is

.. She squinted with one eye. ', t I -huh., @t "is he talking with people?' Tlm not sure. Originally he wanted Derek to do the -sho circuit, but Derek refused, and he's stuck by ..,.@Ais refusal. Craig calls here every so often, and I don't what he's saying; but from Derek's end of the conversation I'd guess that Craig is champing at the bit. Whether he's already lookin& though, or whether ,'s waiting for a green light from Derek, I don't know. N' IT have a feeling it's a combination of the two. Craig's looking, but he hasn't come up with anything that appeals to. Derek; and since Derek won't settle for x6cond best, he's prepared to wait it out.' "And in the meantime?' In the meantime, he's on vacation.' Maura snorted. '? Doesn't look to me like he's on vacation. Looks like he's changing professions. 1$ecoming a carpenter.' ' quite. What he's doing in the bam is for fun. I mean there's a practical purpose to it, but it's strictly an avocation.' She thought for a minute. ''s therapeutic. He needs it."

"Prison was rough? Maura asked, and was answered by a look that was eloquent in its bluntness. She studied Sabrina for a minute, then placed a Wheat Thin on her tongue and brought it into her mouth as though it were a sacramental, wafer. ' I were in his shoes' she mused, ''d be furious. I'd be wanting to lash out at everyone and everything I'd feel used and abused. And I'd want revenge. But Derek seems calm. 363

Content. is that because of this place and your marnage, or has he legitimately accepted what happened?, Sabrina didn't answer immediately. She thought about the discrepancy between what she wanted to be true and what, in fact, she knew to be true. ' think/ she said at last, '

the contentment you see is because of this place and our marriage. He hasn't accepted what happened. I'm not sure he ever will. He was Page 131

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deprived of two years of freedom. His name has been dirtied, his career derailed. There are times'-she lowered her eyes and continued more quietly -'when he's still very angry. Not often - at least I don't think it's often - just from time to time. He tries not to let me see, but I do. It's in his eyes, in his jaw and his hands and his shoulders.' Maura was regarding her strangely. fyou sound defeated. I ' would have liked/

Sabrina admitted after a moment's consideration, ' our marriage - and me - to have been enough. I keep asking myself what I can do to make it so, but I don't have the answer.' She frowned at the bit of wine pooling in the bottom of her glass. ' wanted to be successful at this, and to some extent I guess I have been, but not completely., She looked back at Maura. ' want him to forget the past. But he can't., . ' what's he going to do about it? Sabrina wore a painful look on her face but said nothing. ' are his plans? He won't just sit back and brood. I mean, hell, I don't1now the man other than by reputation and the little time I've spent with him here, but he doesn't strike me as the type to live with that kind of anger forever. Seems to me he was a doer. 364 The general consensus is that he had balls steel. Has he lost them? behalf of her husband, Sabrina was offended by Is, statement. ' hasn't lost a thing/ she said, are right ways and wrong ways to do things. can't just walk out on the street and start accusations.' would he accuse? 4 very long story.' shrugged and tossed her gaze around the it was empty except for the pillows, the tray of and crackers, and the two friends. It was a room -iless time and leisure. ''m game.' was initially reluctant. To tell Derek's story be to betray his confidence. But as she looked at off-the-wall Maura with her newly darkened . stylish disarray, her canary-yellow tunic, royal-4e tights and sea-green granny boots somethini! W came over her. Maura was her best friend and had so since they were kids. Over the years they'd many intimacies. And as far as this one Went, needed to get it out. it had been festering. 4, her since she heard it from Derek. She wanted ther opimon. ura had that. ', what a book/ she said, eyes In ight i excitement by the time Sabrina had reached end of her tale. ' makes for a great plot.' ''m not writing it.' ' YOU are. You're a writer. That's your thing.' ''m also Derek's wife. For now, that's my thing.' ' you kidding?' '."