Complete Plays, The (337 page)

Exit

A
CT
IV

S
CENE
I. A
PUBLIC
PLACE
.

Enter Second Merchant, Angelo, and an Officer

Second Merchant

You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
And since I have not much importuned you;
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage:
Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or I’ll attach you by this officer.

Angelo

Even just the sum that I do owe to you
Is growing to me by Antipholus,
And in the instant that I met with you
He had of me a chain: at five o’clock
I shall receive the money for the same.
Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
I will discharge my bond and thank you too.

Enter Antipholus of Ephesus and Dromio of Ephesus from the courtezan’s

Officer

That labour may you save: see where he comes.

Antipholus of Ephesus

While I go to the goldsmith’s house, go thou
And buy a rope’s end: that will I bestow
Among my wife and her confederates,
For locking me out of my doors by day.
But, soft! I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone;
Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.

Dromio of Ephesus

I buy a thousand pound a year: I buy a rope.

Exit

Antipholus of Ephesus

A man is well holp up that trusts to you:
I promised your presence and the chain;
But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
Belike you thought our love would last too long,
If it were chain’d together, and therefore came not.

Angelo

Saving your merry humour, here’s the note
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
The fineness of the gold and chargeful fashion.
Which doth amount to three odd ducats more
Than I stand debted to this gentleman:
I pray you, see him presently discharged,
For he is bound to sea and stays but for it.

Antipholus of Ephesus

I am not furnish’d with the present money;
Besides, I have some business in the town.
Good signior, take the stranger to my house
And with you take the chain and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof:
Perchance I will be there as soon as you.

Angelo

Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?

Antipholus of Ephesus

No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.

Angelo

Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?

Antipholus of Ephesus

An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
Or else you may return without your money.

Angelo

Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain:
Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
And I, to blame, have held him here too long.

Antipholus of Ephesus

Good Lord! you use this dalliance to excuse
Your breach of promise to the Porpentine.
I should have chid you for not bringing it,
But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.

Second Merchant

The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.

Angelo

You hear how he importunes me;— the chain!

Antipholus of Ephesus

Why, give it to my wife and fetch your money.

Angelo

Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.
Either send the chain or send me by some token.

Antipholus of Ephesus

Fie, now you run this humour out of breath, where’s the chain? I pray you, let me see it.

Second Merchant

My business cannot brook this dalliance.
Good sir, say whether you’ll answer me or no:
If not, I’ll leave him to the officer.

Antipholus of Ephesus

I answer you! what should I answer you?

Angelo

The money that you owe me for the chain.

Antipholus of Ephesus

I owe you none till I receive the chain.

Angelo

You know I gave it you half an hour since.

Antipholus of Ephesus

You gave me none: you wrong me much to say so.

Angelo

You wrong me more, sir, in denying it:
Consider how it stands upon my credit.

Second Merchant

Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.

Officer

I do; and charge you in the duke’s name to obey me.

Angelo

This touches me in reputation.
Either consent to pay this sum for me
Or I attach you by this officer.

Antipholus of Ephesus

Consent to pay thee that I never had!
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou darest.

Angelo

Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer,
I would not spare my brother in this case,
If he should scorn me so apparently.

Officer

I do arrest you, sir: you hear the suit.

Antipholus of Ephesus

I do obey thee till I give thee bail.
But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
As all the metal in your shop will answer.

Angelo

Sir, sir, I will have law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame; I doubt it not.

Enter Dromio of Syracuse, from the bay

Dromio of Syracuse

Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum
That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,
I have convey’d aboard; and I have bought
The oil, the balsamum and aqua-vitae.
The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all
But for their owner, master, and yourself.

Antipholus of Ephesus

How now! a madman! Why, thou peevish sheep,
What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?

Dromio of Syracuse

A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.

Antipholus of Ephesus

Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope;
And told thee to what purpose and what end.

Dromio of Syracuse

You sent me for a rope’s end as soon:
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.

Antipholus of Ephesus

I will debate this matter at more leisure
And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight:
Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk
That’s cover’d o’er with Turkish tapestry,
There is a purse of ducats; let her send it:
Tell her I am arrested in the street
And that shall bail me; hie thee, slave, be gone!
On, officer, to prison till it come.

Exeunt Second Merchant, Angelo, Officer, and Antipholus of Ephesus

Dromio of Syracuse

To Adriana! that is where we dined,
Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband:
She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
Thither I must, although against my will,
For servants must their masters’ minds fulfil.

Exit

S
CENE
II. T
HE
HOUSE
OF
A
NTIPHOLUS
OF
E
PHESUS
.

Enter Adriana and Luciana

Adriana

Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye
That he did plead in earnest? yea or no?
Look’d he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
What observation madest thou in this case
Of his heart’s meteors tilting in his face?

Luciana

First he denied you had in him no right.

Adriana

He meant he did me none; the more my spite.

Luciana

Then swore he that he was a stranger here.

Adriana

And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.

Luciana

Then pleaded I for you.

Adriana

And what said he?

Luciana

That love I begg’d for you he begg’d of me.

Adriana

With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?

Luciana

With words that in an honest suit might move.
First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.

Adriana

Didst speak him fair?

Luciana

Have patience, I beseech.

Adriana

I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still;
My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
He is deformed, crooked, old and sere,
Ill-faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.

Luciana

Who would be jealous then of such a one?
No evil lost is wail’d when it is gone.

Adriana

Ah, but I think him better than I say,
And yet would herein others’ eyes were worse.
Far from her nest the lapwing cries away:
My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.

Enter Dromio of Syracuse

Dromio of Syracuse

Here! go; the desk, the purse! sweet, now, make haste.

Luciana

How hast thou lost thy breath?

Dromio of Syracuse

By running fast.

Adriana

Where is thy master, Dromio? is he well?

Dromio of Syracuse

No, he’s in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.
A devil in an everlasting garment hath him;
One whose hard heart is button’d up with steel;
A fiend, a fury, pitiless and rough;
A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;
A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands
The passages of alleys, creeks and narrow lands;
A hound that runs counter and yet draws dryfoot well;
One that before the judgement carries poor souls to hell.

Adriana

Why, man, what is the matter?

Dromio of Syracuse

I do not know the matter: he is ’rested on the case.

Adriana

What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.

Dromio of Syracuse

I know not at whose suit he is arrested well;
But he’s in a suit of buff which ’rested him, that can I tell.
Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?

Adriana

Go fetch it, sister.

Exit Luciana

This I wonder at,
That he, unknown to me, should be in debt.
Tell me, was he arrested on a band?

Dromio of Syracuse

Not on a band, but on a stronger thing;
A chain, a chain! Do you not hear it ring?

Adriana

What, the chain?

Dromio of Syracuse

No, no, the bell: ’tis time that I were gone:
It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes one.

Adriana

The hours come back! that did I never hear.

Dromio of Syracuse

O, yes; if any hour meet a sergeant, a’ turns back for very fear.

Adriana

As if Time were in debt! how fondly dost thou reason!

Dromio of Syracuse

Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he’s worth, to season.
Nay, he’s a thief too: have you not heard men say
That Time comes stealing on by night and day?
If Time be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way,
Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?

Re-enter Luciana with a purse

Adriana

Go, Dromio; there’s the money, bear it straight;
And bring thy master home immediately.
Come, sister: I am press’d down with conceit —
Conceit, my comfort and my injury.

Exeunt

S
CENE
III. A
PUBLIC
PLACE
.

Enter Antipholus of Syracuse

Antipholus of Syracuse

There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me
As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
And every one doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me; some invite me;
Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;
Some offer me commodities to buy:
Even now a tailor call’d me in his shop
And show’d me silks that he had bought for me,
And therewithal took measure of my body.
Sure, these are but imaginary wiles
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.

Enter Dromio Of Syracuse

Dromio of Syracuse

Master, here’s the gold you sent me for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam new-apparelled?

Antipholus of Syracuse

What gold is this? what Adam dost thou mean?

Dromio of Syracuse

Not that Adam that kept the Paradise but that Adam that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf’s skin that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.

Antipholus of Syracuse

I understand thee not.

Dromio of Syracuse

No? why, ’tis a plain case: he that went, like a bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob and ‘rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a morris-pike.

Antipholus of Syracuse

What, thou meanest an officer?

Dromio of Syracuse

Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band, he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and says, ‘God give you good rest!’

Antipholus of Syracuse

Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any

Dromio of Syracuse

Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to deliver you.