Complete Plays, The (94 page)

Leaps into the grave

Laertes

 
The devil take thy soul!

Grappling with him

Hamlet

Thou pray’st not well.
I prithee, take thy fingers from my throat;
For, though I am not splenitive and rash,
Yet have I something in me dangerous,
Which let thy wiseness fear: hold off thy hand.

King Claudius

Pluck them asunder.

Queen Gertrude

Hamlet, Hamlet!

All

Gentlemen,—

Horatio

 
Good my lord, be quiet.

The Attendants part them, and they come out of the grave

Hamlet

Why I will fight with him upon this theme
Until my eyelids will no longer wag.

Queen Gertrude

O my son, what theme?

Hamlet

I loved Ophelia: forty thousand brothers
Could not, with all their quantity of love,
Make up my sum. What wilt thou do for her?

King Claudius

O, he is mad, Laertes.

Queen Gertrude

For love of God, forbear him.

Hamlet

’swounds, show me what thou’lt do:
Woo’t weep? woo’t fight? woo’t fast? woo’t tear thyself?
Woo’t drink up eisel? eat a crocodile?
I’ll do’t. Dost thou come here to whine?
To outface me with leaping in her grave?
Be buried quick with her, and so will I:
And, if thou prate of mountains, let them throw
Millions of acres on us, till our ground,
Singeing his pate against the burning zone,
Make Ossa like a wart! Nay, an thou’lt mouth,
I’ll rant as well as thou.

Queen Gertrude

This is mere madness:
And thus awhile the fit will work on him;
Anon, as patient as the female dove,
When that her golden couplets are disclosed,
His silence will sit drooping.

Hamlet

Hear you, sir;
What is the reason that you use me thus?
I loved you ever: but it is no matter;
Let Hercules himself do what he may,
The cat will mew and dog will have his day.

Exit

King Claudius

I pray you, good Horatio, wait upon him.

Exit Horatio

To Laertes

Strengthen your patience in our last night’s speech;
We’ll put the matter to the present push.
Good Gertrude, set some watch over your son.
This grave shall have a living monument:
An hour of quiet shortly shall we see;
Till then, in patience our proceeding be.

Exeunt

S
CENE
II. A
HALL
IN
THE
CASTLE
.

Enter Hamlet and Horatio

Hamlet

So much for this, sir: now shall you see the other;
You do remember all the circumstance?

Horatio

Remember it, my lord?

Hamlet

Sir, in my heart there was a kind of fighting,
That would not let me sleep: methought I lay
Worse than the mutines in the bilboes. Rashly,
And praised be rashness for it, let us know,
Our indiscretion sometimes serves us well,
When our deep plots do pall: and that should teach us
There’s a divinity that shapes our ends,
Rough-hew them how we will,—

Horatio

That is most certain.

Hamlet

Up from my cabin,
My sea-gown scarf’d about me, in the dark
Groped I to find out them; had my desire.
Finger’d their packet, and in fine withdrew
To mine own room again; making so bold,
My fears forgetting manners, to unseal
Their grand commission; where I found, Horatio,—
O royal knavery!— an exact command,
Larded with many several sorts of reasons
Importing Denmark’s health and England’s too,
With, ho! such bugs and goblins in my life,
That, on the supervise, no leisure bated,
No, not to stay the grinding of the axe,
My head should be struck off.

Horatio

Is’t possible?

Hamlet

Here’s the commission: read it at more leisure.
But wilt thou hear me how I did proceed?

Horatio

I beseech you.

Hamlet

Being thus be-netted round with villanies,—
Ere I could make a prologue to my brains,
They had begun the play — I sat me down,
Devised a new commission, wrote it fair:
I once did hold it, as our statists do,
A baseness to write fair and labour’d much
How to forget that learning, but, sir, now
It did me yeoman’s service: wilt thou know
The effect of what I wrote?

Horatio

Ay, good my lord.

Hamlet

An earnest conjuration from the king,
As England was his faithful tributary,
As love between them like the palm might flourish,
As peace should stiff her wheaten garland wear
And stand a comma ’tween their amities,
And many such-like ‘As’es of great charge,
That, on the view and knowing of these contents,
Without debatement further, more or less,
He should the bearers put to sudden death,
Not shriving-time allow’d.

Horatio

How was this seal’d?

Hamlet

Why, even in that was heaven ordinant.
I had my father’s signet in my purse,
Which was the model of that Danish seal;
Folded the writ up in form of the other,
Subscribed it, gave’t the impression, placed it safely,
The changeling never known. Now, the next day
Was our sea-fight; and what to this was sequent
Thou know’st already.

Horatio

So Guildenstern and Rosencrantz go to’t.

Hamlet

Why, man, they did make love to this employment;
They are not near my conscience; their defeat
Does by their own insinuation grow:
’Tis dangerous when the baser nature comes
Between the pass and fell incensed points
Of mighty opposites.

Horatio

Why, what a king is this!

Hamlet

Does it not, think’st thee, stand me now upon —
He that hath kill’d my king and whored my mother,
Popp’d in between the election and my hopes,
Thrown out his angle for my proper life,
And with such cozenage — is’t not perfect conscience,
To quit him with this arm? and is’t not to be damn’d,
To let this canker of our nature come
In further evil?

Horatio

It must be shortly known to him from England
What is the issue of the business there.

Hamlet

It will be short: the interim is mine;
And a man’s life’s no more than to say ‘One.’
But I am very sorry, good Horatio,
That to Laertes I forgot myself;
For, by the image of my cause, I see
The portraiture of his: I’ll court his favours.
But, sure, the bravery of his grief did put me
Into a towering passion.

Horatio

Peace! who comes here?

Enter Osric

Osric

Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark.

Hamlet

I humbly thank you, sir. Dost know this water-fly?

Horatio

No, my good lord.

Hamlet

Thy state is the more gracious; for ’tis a vice to know him. He hath much land, and fertile: let a beast be lord of beasts, and his crib shall stand at the king’s mess: ’tis a chough; but, as I say, spacious in the possession of dirt.

Osric

Sweet lord, if your lordship were at leisure, I should impart a thing to you from his majesty.

Hamlet

I will receive it, sir, with all diligence of spirit. Put your bonnet to his right use; ’tis for the head.

Osric

I thank your lordship, it is very hot.

Hamlet

No, believe me, ’tis very cold; the wind is northerly.

Osric

It is indifferent cold, my lord, indeed.

Hamlet

But yet methinks it is very sultry and hot for my complexion.

Osric

Exceedingly, my lord; it is very sultry,— as ’twere,— I cannot tell how. But, my lord, his majesty bade me signify to you that he has laid a great wager on your head: sir, this is the matter,—

Hamlet

I beseech you, remember —

Hamlet moves him to put on his hat

Osric

Nay, good my lord; for mine ease, in good faith. Sir, here is newly come to court Laertes; believe me, an absolute gentleman, full of most excellent differences, of very soft society and great showing: indeed, to speak feelingly of him, he is the card or calendar of gentry, for you shall find in him the continent of what part a gentleman would see.

Hamlet

Sir, his definement suffers no perdition in you; though, I know, to divide him inventorially would dizzy the arithmetic of memory, and yet but yaw neither, in respect of his quick sail. But, in the verity of extolment, I take him to be a soul of great article; and his infusion of such dearth and rareness, as, to make true diction of him, his semblable is his mirror; and who else would trace him, his umbrage, nothing more.

Osric

Your lordship speaks most infallibly of him.

Hamlet

The concernancy, sir? why do we wrap the gentleman in our more rawer breath?

Osric

Sir?

Horatio

Is’t not possible to understand in another tongue?
You will do’t, sir, really.

Hamlet

What imports the nomination of this gentleman?

Osric

Of Laertes?

Horatio

His purse is empty already; all’s golden words are spent.

Hamlet

Of him, sir.

Osric

I know you are not ignorant —

Hamlet

I would you did, sir; yet, in faith, if you did, it would not much approve me. Well, sir?

Osric

You are not ignorant of what excellence Laertes is —

Hamlet

I dare not confess that, lest I should compare with him in excellence; but, to know a man well, were to know himself.

Osric

I mean, sir, for his weapon; but in the imputation laid on him by them, in his meed he’s unfellowed.

Hamlet

What’s his weapon?

Osric

Rapier and dagger.

Hamlet

That’s two of his weapons: but, well.

Osric

The king, sir, hath wagered with him six Barbary horses: against the which he has imponed, as I take it, six French rapiers and poniards, with their assigns, as girdle, hangers, and so: three of the carriages, in faith, are very dear to fancy, very responsive to the hilts, most delicate carriages, and of very liberal conceit.

Hamlet

What call you the carriages?

Horatio

I knew you must be edified by the margent ere you had done.

Osric

The carriages, sir, are the hangers.

Hamlet

The phrase would be more german to the matter, if we could carry cannon by our sides: I would it might be hangers till then. But, on: six Barbary horses against six French swords, their assigns, and three liberal-conceited carriages; that’s the French bet against the Danish. Why is this ‘imponed,’ as you call it?

Osric

The king, sir, hath laid, that in a dozen passes between yourself and him, he shall not exceed you three hits: he hath laid on twelve for nine; and it would come to immediate trial, if your lordship would vouchsafe the answer.

Hamlet

How if I answer ‘no’?

Osric

I mean, my lord, the opposition of your person in trial.

Hamlet

Sir, I will walk here in the hall: if it please his majesty, ’tis the breathing time of day with me; let the foils be brought, the gentleman willing, and the king hold his purpose, I will win for him an I can; if not, I will gain nothing but my shame and the odd hits.

Osric

Shall I re-deliver you e’en so?

Hamlet

To this effect, sir; after what flourish your nature will.

Osric

I commend my duty to your lordship.

Hamlet

Yours, yours.

Exit Osric

He does well to commend it himself; there are no tongues else for’s turn.

Horatio

This lapwing runs away with the shell on his head.

Hamlet

He did comply with his dug, before he sucked it. Thus has he — and many more of the same bevy that I know the dressy age dotes on — only got the tune of the time and outward habit of encounter; a kind of yesty collection, which carries them through and through the most fond and winnowed opinions; and do but blow them to their trial, the bubbles are out.

Enter a Lord

Lord

My lord, his majesty commended him to you by young Osric, who brings back to him that you attend him in the hall: he sends to know if your pleasure hold to play with Laertes, or that you will take longer time.

Hamlet

I am constant to my purpose; they follow the king’s pleasure: if his fitness speaks, mine is ready; now or whensoever, provided I be so able as now.

Lord

The king and queen and all are coming down.

Hamlet

In happy time.

Lord

The queen desires you to use some gentle entertainment to Laertes before you fall to play.

Hamlet

She well instructs me.

Exit Lord

Horatio

You will lose this wager, my lord.

Hamlet

I do not think so: since he went into France, I have been in continual practise: I shall win at the odds. But thou wouldst not think how ill all’s here about my heart: but it is no matter.

Horatio

Nay, good my lord,—

Hamlet

It is but foolery; but it is such a kind of gain-giving, as would perhaps trouble a woman.

Horatio

If your mind dislike any thing, obey it: I will forestall their repair hither, and say you are not fit.