Complete Works of Bram Stoker (259 page)

He was rejoiced; but somehow disappointed.  He would rather Leonard had not been there.  He remembered  —  he could not forget  —  the white face of the boy who fled out of the crypt leaving Stephen in a faint within, and who had lingered outside the church door whilst he ran for water.  Harold came forward quickly and raised Stephen, intending to bring her into the fresh air.  He had a shrewd idea that the sight of the sky and God’s greenery would be the best medicine for her after her fright.  He lifted her in his strong arms as he used to do when she was a very little child and had got tired in their walks together; and carried her to the door.  She lent herself unconsciously to the movement, holding fast with her arm round his neck as she used to do.  In her clinging was the expression of her trust in him.  The little sigh with which she laid her head on his shoulder was the tribute to his masculine power, and her belief in it.  Every instant her senses were coming back to her more and more.  The veil of oblivion was passing from her half-closed eyes, as the tide of full remembrance swept in upon her.  Her inner nature was expressed in the sequence of her emotions.  Her first feeling was one of her own fault.  The sight of Harold and his proximity recalled to her vividly how he had refused to go into the crypt, and how she had intentionally deceived him, negatively, as to her intention of doing that of which he disapproved.  Her second feeling was one of justice; and was perhaps partially evoked by the sight of Leonard, who followed close as Harold brought her to the door.  She did not wish to speak of herself or Harold before him; but she did not hesitate to speak of him to Harold:

‘You must not blame Leonard.  It was all my fault.  I made him come!’  Her generosity appealed to Harold.  He was angry with the boy for being there at all; but more for his desertion of the girl in her trouble.

‘I’m not blaming him for being with you!’ he said simply.  Leonard spoke at once.  He had been waiting to defend himself, for that was what first concerned that young gentleman; next to his pleasure, his safety most appealed to him.

‘I went to get help.  You had let the candle drop; and how could I see in the dark?  You would insist on looking at the plate on the coffin!’

A low moan broke from Stephen, a long, low, trembling moan which went to Harold’s heart.  Her head drooped over again on his shoulder; and she clung close to him as the memory of her shock came back to her.  Harold spoke to Leonard over his shoulder in a low, fierce whisper, which Stephen did not seem to hear:

‘There! that will do.  Go away!  You have done enough already.  Go!  Go!’ he added more sternly, as the boy seemed disposed to argue.  Leonard ran a few steps, then walked to the lich-gate, where he waited.

Stephen clung close to Harold in a state of agitation which was almost hysterical.  She buried her face in his shoulder, sobbing brokenly:

‘Oh, Harold!  It was too awful.  I never thought, never for a moment, that my poor dear mother was buried in the crypt.  And when I went to look at the name on the coffin that was nearest to where I was, I knocked away the dust, and then I saw her name: “Margaret Norman, aetat 22.”  I couldn’t bear it.  She was only a girl herself, only just twice my age  —  lying there in that terrible dark place with all the thick dust and the spiders’ webs.  Oh, Harold, Harold!  How shall I ever bear to think of her lying there, and that I shall never see her dear face?  Never!  Never!’

He tried to soothe her by patting and holding her hands.  For a good while the resolution of the girl faltered, and she was but as a little child.  Then her habitual strength of mind asserted itself.  She did not ask Harold how she came to be out in the church instead of in the crypt when she recovered her senses.  She seemed to take it for granted that Leonard had carried her out; and when she said how brave it had been of him, Harold, with his customary generosity, allowed her to preserve the belief.  When they had made their way to the gate Leonard came up to them; but before he could speak Stephen had begun to thank him.  He allowed her to do so, though the sight of Harold’s mouth set in scorn, and his commanding eyes firmly fixed on him, made him grow hot and cold alternately.  He withdrew without speaking; and took his way home with a heart full of bitterness and revengeful feelings.

In the park Stephen tried to dust herself, and then Harold tried to assist her.  But her white dress was incurably soiled, the fine dust of the vault seemed to have got ingrained in the muslin.  When she got to the house she stole upstairs, so that no one might notice her till she had made herself tidy.

The next day but one she took Harold for a walk in the afternoon.  When they were quite alone and out of earshot she said:

‘I have been thinking all night about poor mother.  Of course I know she cannot be moved from the crypt.  She must remain there.  But there needn’t be all that dust.  I want you to come there with me some time soon.  I fear I am afraid to go alone.  I want to bring some flowers and to tidy up the place.  Won’t you come with me this time?  I know now, Harold, why you didn’t let me go in before.  But now it is different.  This is not curiosity.  It is Duty and Love.  Won’t you come with me, Harold?’

Harold leaped from the edge of the ha-ha where he had been sitting and held up his hand.  She took it and leaped down lightly beside him.

‘Come,’ he said, ‘let us go there now!’  She took his arm when they got on the path again, and clinging to him in her pretty girlish way they went together to the piece of garden which she called her own; there they picked a great bunch of beautiful white flowers.  Then they walked to the old church.  The door was open and they passed in.  Harold took from his pocket a tiny key.  This surprised her, and heightened the agitation which she naturally suffered from revisiting the place.  She said nothing whilst he opened the door to the crypt.  Within, on a bracket, stood some candles in glass shades and boxes of matches.  Harold lit three candles, and leaving one of them on the shelf, and placing his cap beside it, took the other two in his hands.  Stephen, holding her flowers tightly to her breast with her right hand, took Harold’s arm with the left, and with beating heart entered the crypt.

For several minutes Harold kept her engaged, telling her about the crypt in his father’s church, and how he went down at his last visit to see the coffin of his dear father, and how he knelt before it.  Stephen was much moved, and held tight to his arm, her heart beating.  But in the time she was getting accustomed to the place.  Her eyes, useless at first on coming out of the bright sunlight, and not able to distinguish anything, began to take in the shape of the place and to see the rows of great coffins that stood out along the far wall.  She also saw with surprise that the newest coffin, on which for several reasons her eyes rested, was no longer dusty but was scrupulously clean.  Following with her eyes as well as she could see into the further corners she saw that there the same reform had been effected.  Even the walls and ceiling had been swept of the hanging cobwebs, and the floor was clean with the cleanliness of ablution.  Still holding Harold’s arm, she moved over towards her mother’s coffin and knelt before it.  Harold knelt with her; for a little while she remained still and silent, praying inwardly.  Then she rose, and taking her great bunch of flowers placed them lovingly on the lid of the coffin above where she thought her mother’s heart would be.  Then she turned to Harold, her eyes flowing and her cheeks wet with tears, and laid her head against his breast.  Her arms could not go round his neck till he had bent his head, for with his great height he simply towered above her.  Presently she was quiet; the paroxysm of her grief had passed.  She took Harold’s hand in both hers, and together they went to the door.  With his disengaged hand, for he would not have disturbed the other for worlds, Harold put out the lights and locked the door behind them.

In the church she held him away from her, and looked him fairly in the face.  She said slowly:

‘Harold, was it you who had the crypt cleaned?’  He answered in a low voice:

‘I knew you would want to go again!’

She took the great hand which she held between hers, and before he knew what she was doing and could prevent her, raised it to her lips and kissed it, saying lovingly:

‘Oh, Harold!  No brother in all the wide world could be kinder.  And  —  and  —  ’ this with a sob, ‘we both thank you; mother and I!’

CHAPTER VI  —  A VISIT TO OXFORD

The next important move in the household was Harold’s going to Cambridge.  His father had always intended this, and Squire Norman had borne his wishes in mind.  Harold joined Trinity, the college which had been his father’s, and took up his residence in due course.

Stephen was now nearly twelve.  Her range of friendships, naturally limited by her circumstances in life, was enlarged to the full; and if she had not many close friends there were at least of them all that was numerically possible.  She still kept up to certain degree the little gatherings which in her childhood were got together for her amusement, and in the various games then instituted she still took a part.  She never lost sight of the fact that her father took a certain pleasure in her bodily vigour.  And though with her growing years and the conscious acceptance of her womanhood, she lost sight of the old childish fancy of being a boy instead of a girl, she could not lose sight of the fact that strength and alertness are sources of feminine as well as of masculine power.

Amongst the young friends who came from time to time during his holidays was Leonard Everard, now a tall, handsome boy.  He was one of those boys who develop young, and who seem never to have any of that gawky stage so noticeable in the youth of men made in a large pattern.  He was always well-poised, trim-set, alert; fleet of foot, and springy all over.  In games he was
facile princeps
, seeming to make his effort always in the right way and without exertion, as if by an instinct of physical masterdom.  His universal success in such matters helped to give him an easy debonair manner which was in itself winning.  So physically complete a youth has always a charm.  In its very presence there is a sort of sympathetic expression, such as comes with the sunshine.

Stephen always in Leonard’s presence showed something of the common attitude.  His youth and beauty and sex all had their influence on her.  The influence of sex, as it is understood with regard to a later period of life, did not in her case exist; Cupid’s darts are barbed and winged for more adult victims.  But in her case Leonard’s masculine superiority, emphasised by the few years between their age, his sublime self-belief, and, above all, his absolute disregard for herself or her wishes or her feelings, put him on a level at which she had to look up to him.  The first step in the ladder of pre-eminence had been achieved when she realised that he was not on her level; the second when she experienced rather than thought that he had more influence on her than she had on him.  Here again was a little morsel of hero worship, which, though based on a misconception of fact, was still of influence.  In that episode of the crypt she had always believed that it was Leonard who had carried her out and laid her on the church floor in light and safety.  He had been strong enough and resolute enough to do this, whilst she had fainted!  Harold’s generous forbearance had really worked to a false end.

It was not strange, therefore, that she found occasional companionship with the handsome, wilful, domineering boy somewhat of luxury.  She did not see him often enough to get tired of him; to find out the weakness of his character; to realise his deep-seated, remorseless selfishness.  But after all he was only an episode in a young life which was full of interests.  Term after term came and went; the holidays had their seasonable pleasures, occasionally shared in common.  That was all.

Harold’s attitude was the same as ever.  He was of a constant nature; and now that manhood was within hail the love of his boyhood was ripening to a man’s love.  That was all.  He was with regard to Stephen the same devoted, worshipping protector, without thought of self; without hope of reward.  Whatever Stephen wished Harold did; and Stephen, knowing their old wishes and their old pleasures, was content with their renewal.  Each holiday between the terms became mainly a repetition of the days of the old life.  They lived in the past.

Amongst the things that did not change was Stephen’s riding dress.  The scarlet habit had never been a thing for everyday wear, but had from the first been kept for special occasions.  Stephen herself knew that it was not a conventional costume; but she rather preferred it, if on that account alone.  In a certain way she felt justified in using it; for a red habit was a sort of tradition in the family.

It was on one of these occasions that she had gone with Harold into the churchyard where they had heard the discussion regarding God and the Angels.

* * * * *

When Stephen was about sixteen she went for a short visit to Oxford.  She stayed at Somerville with Mrs. Egerton, an old friend of her mother’s, who was a professor at the college.  She sent back her maid who had travelled with her, as she knew that the college girls did not have servants of their own.  The visit was prolonged by mutual consent into a duration of some weeks.  Stephen fell in love with the place and the life, and had serious thoughts of joining the college herself.  Indeed she had made up her mind to ask her father to allow her, knowing well that he would consent to that or to any other wholesome wish of hers.  But then came the thought that he would be all alone at home; and following that came another thought, and one of more poignant feeling.  He was alone now!  Already, for many days, she had left him, for the first time in her life!  Stephen was quick to act; well she knew that at home there would be no fault found with her for a speedy return.  Within a few hours she had brought her visit to an end, and was by herself, despite Mrs. Egerton’s protest, in the train on the way back to Norcester.

In the train she began to review, for the first time, her visit to the university.  All had been so strange and new and delightful to her that she had never stopped for retrospect.  Life in the new and enchanting place had been in the moving present.  The mind had been receptive only, gathering data for later thought.  During her visit she had had no one to direct her thought, and so it had been all personal, with the freedom of individuality at large.  Of course her mother’s friend, skilled in the mind-workings of average girls, and able to pick her way through intellectual and moral quagmires, had taken good care to point out to her certain intellectual movements and certain moral lessons; just as she had in their various walks and drives pointed out matters of interest  —  architectural beauties and spots of historic import.  And she had taken in, loyally accepted, and thoroughly assimilated all that she had been told.  But there were other lessons which were for her young eyes; facts which the older eyes had ceased to notice, if they had ever noticed them at all.  The self-content, the sex-content in the endless tide of young men that thronged the streets and quads and parks; the all-sufficing nature of sport or study, to whichever their inclinations tended.  The small part which womankind seemed to have in their lives.  Stephen had had, as we know, a peculiar training; whatever her instincts were, her habits were largely boy habits.  Here she was amongst boys, a glorious tide of them; it made now and again her heart beat to look at them.  And yet amongst them all she was only an outsider.  She could not do anything better than any of them.  Of course, each time she went out, she became conscious of admiring glances; she could not be woman without such consciousness.  But it was as a girl that men looked at her, not as an equal.  As well as personal experience and the lessons of eyes and ears and intelligence, there were other things to classify and adjust; things which were entirely from the outside of her own life.  The fragments of common-room gossip, which it had been her fortune to hear accidentally now and again.  The half confidences of scandals, borne on whispered breaths.  The whole confidences of dormitory and study which she had been privileged to share.  All were parts of the new and strange world, the great world which had swum into her ken.