Complete Works of Bram Stoker (265 page)

As Stephen looked, the anxiety and chagrin which tormented her seemed to pass.  She realised that here was a nature different from her own, and which should be dealt with in a way unsuitable to herself; and the conviction seemed to make the action which it necessitated more easy as well as more natural to her.  Perhaps for the first time in her life Stephen understood that it may be necessary to apply to individuals a standard of criticism unsuitable to self-judgment.  Her recognition might have been summed up in the thought which ran through her mind:

‘One must be a little lenient with a man one loves!’

Stephen, when once she had allowed the spirit of toleration to work within her, felt immediately its calming influence.  It was with brighter thoughts and better humour that she went on with her task.  A task only, it seemed now; a means to an end which she desired.

‘Leonard, tell me seriously, why do you think I gave you the trouble of coming out here?’

‘Upon my soul, Stephen, I don’t know.’

‘You don’t seem to care either, lolling like that when I am serious!’  The words were acid, but the tone was soft and friendly, familiar and genuine, putting quite a meaning of its own on them.  Leonard looked at her indolently:

‘I like to loll.’

‘But can’t you even guess, or try to guess, what I ask you?’

‘I can’t guess.  The day’s too hot, and that shanty with the drinks is not built yet.’

‘Or may never be!’  Again he looked at her sleepily.

‘Never be!  Why not?’

‘Because, Leonard, it may depend on you.’

‘All right then.  Drive on!  Hurry up the architect and the jerry-builder!’

A quick blush leaped to Stephen’s cheeks.  The words were full of meaning, though the tone lacked something; but the news was too good.  She could not accept it at once; she decided to herself to wait a short time.  Ere many seconds had passed she rejoiced that she had done so as he went on:

‘I hope you’ll give me a say before that husband of yours comes along.  He might be a blue-ribbonite; and it wouldn’t do to start such a shanty for rot-gut!’

Again a cold wave swept over her.  The absolute difference of feeling between the man and herself; his levity against her earnestness, his callous blindness to her purpose, even the commonness of his words chilled her.  For a few seconds she wavered again in her intention; but once again his comeliness and her own obstinacy joined hands and took her back to her path.  With chagrin she felt that her words almost stuck in her throat, as summoning up all her resolution she went on:

‘It would be for you I would have it built, Leonard!’  The man sat up quickly.

‘For me?’ he asked in a sort of wonderment.

‘Yes, Leonard, for you and me!’  She turned away; her blushes so overcame her that she could not look at him.  When she faced round again he was standing up, his back towards her.

She stood up also.  He was silent for a while; so long that the silence became intolerable, and she spoke:

‘Leonard, I am waiting!’  He turned round and said slowly, the absence of all emotion from his face chilling her till her face blanched:

‘I don’t think I would worry about it!’

Stephen Norman was plucky, and when she was face to face with any difficulty she was all herself.  Leonard did not look pleasant; his face was hard and there was just a suspicion of anger.  Strangely enough, this last made the next step easier to the girl; she said slowly:

‘All right!  I think I understand!’

He turned from her and stood looking out on the distant prospect.  Then she felt that the blow which she had all along secretly feared had fallen on her.  But her pride as well as her obstinacy now rebelled.  She would not accept a silent answer.  There must be no doubt left to torture her afterwards.  She would take care that there was no mistake.  Schooling herself to her task, and pressing one hand for a moment to her side as though to repress the beating of her heart, she came behind him and touched him tenderly on the arm.

‘Leonard,’ she said softly, ‘are you sure there is no mistake?  Do you not see that I am asking you,’ she intended to say ‘to be my husband,’ but she could not utter the words, they seemed to stick in her mouth, so she finished the sentence: ‘that I be your wife?’

The moment the words were spoken  —  the bare, hard, naked, shameless words  —  the revulsion came.  As a lightning flash shows up the blackness of the night the appalling truth of what she had done was forced upon her.  The blood rushed to her head till cheeks and shoulders and neck seemed to burn.  Covering her face with her hands she sank back on the seat crying silently bitter tears that seemed to scald her eyes and her cheeks as they ran.

Leonard was angry.  When it began to dawn upon him what was the purpose of Stephen’s speech, he had been shocked.  Young men are so easily shocked by breaches of convention made by women they respect!  And his pride was hurt.  Why should he have been placed in such a ridiculous position!  He did not love Stephen in that way; and she should have known it.  He liked her and all that sort of thing; but what right had she to assume that he loved her?  All the weakness of his moral nature came out in his petulance.  It was boyish that his eyes filled with tears.  He knew it, and that made him more angry than ever.  Stephen might well have been at a loss to understand his anger, as, with manifest intention to wound, he answered her:

‘What a girl you are, Stephen.  You are always doing something or other to put a chap in the wrong and make him ridiculous.  I thought you were joking  —  not a good joke either!  Upon my soul, I don’t know what I’ve done that you should fix on me!  I wish to goodness  —  ’

If Stephen had suffered the red terror before, she suffered the white terror now.  It was not injured pride, it was not humiliation, it was not fear; it was something vague and terrible that lay far deeper than any of these.  Under ordinary circumstances she would have liked to have spoken out her mind and given back as good as she got; and even as the thoughts whirled through her brain they came in a torrent of vague vituperative eloquence.  But now her tongue was tied.  Instinctively she knew that she had put it out of her power to revenge, or even to defend herself.  She was tied to the stake, and must suffer without effort and in silence.

Most humiliating of all was the thought that she must propitiate the man who had so wounded her.  All love for him had in the instant passed from her; or rather she realised fully the blank, bare truth that she had never really loved him at all.  Had she really loved him, even a blow at his hands would have been acceptable; but now . . .

She shook the feelings and thoughts from her as a bird does the water from its wings; and, with the courage and strength and adaptability of her nature, addressed herself to the hard task which faced her in the immediate present.  With eloquent, womanly gesture she arrested the torrent of Leonard’s indignation; and, as he paused in surprised obedience, she said:

‘That will do, Leonard!  It is not necessary to say any more; and I am sure you will see, later on, that at least there was no cause for your indignation!  I have done an unconventional thing, I know; and I dare say I shall have to pay for it in humiliating bitterness of thought later on!  But please remember we are all alone!  This is a secret between us; no one else need ever know or suspect it!’

She rose as she concluded.  The quiet dignity of her speech and bearing brought back Leonard in some way to his sense of duty as a gentleman.  He began, in a sheepish way, to make an apology:

‘I’m sure I beg your pardon, Stephen.’  But again she held the warning hand:

‘There is no need for pardon; the fault, if there were any, was mine alone.  It was I, remember, who asked you to come here and who introduced and conducted this melancholy business.  I have asked you several things, Leonard, and one more I will add  —  ’tis only one: that you will forget!’

As she moved away, her dismissal of the subject was that of an empress to a serf.  Leonard would have liked to answer her; to have given vent to his indignation that, even when he had refused her offer, she should have the power to treat him if he was the one refused, and to make him feel small and ridiculous in his own eyes.  But somehow he felt constrained to silence; her simple dignity outclassed him.

There was another factor too, in his forming his conclusion of silence.  He had never seen Stephen look so well, or so attractive.  He had never respected her so much as when her playfulness had turned to majestic gravity.  All the boy and girl strife of the years that had gone seemed to have passed away.  The girl whom he had played with, and bullied, and treated as frankly as though she had been a boy, had in an instant become a woman  —  and such a woman as demanded respect and admiration even from such a man.

CHAPTER XII  —  ON THE ROAD HOME

When Leonard Everard parted from Stephen he did so with a feeling of dissatisfaction: firstly, with Stephen; secondly, with things in general; thirdly, with himself.  The first was definite, concrete, and immediate; he could give himself chapter and verse for all the girl’s misdoing.  Everything she had said or done had touched some nerve painfully, or had offended his feelings; and to a man of his temperament his feelings are very sacred things, to himself.

‘Why had she put him in such a ridiculous position?  That was the worst of women.  They were always wanting him to do something he didn’t want to do, or crying . . . there was that girl at Oxford.’

Here he turned his head slowly, and looked round in a furtive way, which was getting almost a habit with him.  ‘A fellow should go away so that he wouldn’t have to swear lies.  Women were always wanting money; or worse: to be married!  Confound women; they all seemed to want him to marry them!  There was the Oxford girl, and then the Spaniard, and now Stephen!’  This put his thoughts in a new channel.  He wanted money himself.  Why, Stephen had spoken of it herself; had offered to pay his debts.  Gad! it was a good idea that every one round the countryside seemed to know his affairs.  What a flat he had been not to accept her offer then and there before matters had gone further.  Stephen had lots of money, more than any girl could want.  But she didn’t give him time to get the thing fixed . . . If he had only known beforehand what she wanted he could have come prepared . . . that was the way with women!  Always thinking of themselves!  And now?  Of course she wouldn’t stump up after his refusing her.  What would his father say if he came to hear of it?  And he must speak to him soon, for these chaps were threatening to County Court him if he didn’t pay.  Those harpies in Vere Street were quite nasty . . . ‘  He wondered if he could work Stephen for a loan.

He walked on through the woodland path, his pace slower than before.  ‘How pretty she had looked!’  Here he touched his little moustache.  ‘Gad!  Stephen was a fine girl anyhow!  If it wasn’t for all that red hair . . . I like ‘em dark better! . . . And her being such an infernal boss!’. . . Then he said unconsciously aloud:

‘If I was her husband I’d keep her to rights!’

Poor Stephen!

‘So that’s what the governor meant by telling me that fortune was to be had, and had easily, if a man wasn’t a blind fool.  The governor is a starchy old party.  He wouldn’t speak out straight and say, “Here’s Stephen Norman, the richest girl you are ever likely to meet; why don’t you make up to her and marry her?”  But that would be encouraging his son to be a fortune-hunter!  Rot! . . . And now, just because she didn’t tell me what she wanted to speak about, or the governor didn’t give me a hint so that I might be prepared, I have gone and thrown away the chance.  After all it mightn’t be so bad.  Stephen is a fine girl! . . . But she mustn’t ever look at me as she did when I spoke about her not obeying.  I mean to be master in my own house anyhow!

‘A man mustn’t be tied down too tight, even if he is married.  And if there’s plenty of loose cash about it isn’t hard to cover up your tracks . . . I think I’d better think this thing over calmly and be ready when Stephen comes at me again.  That’s the way with women.  When a woman like Stephen fixes her cold grey on a man she does not mean to go asleep over it.  I daresay my best plan will be to sit tight, and let her work herself up a bit.  There’s nothing like a little wholesome neglect for bringing a girl to her bearings!’ . . .

For a while he walked on in satisfied self-complacency.

‘Confound her! why couldn’t she have let me know that she was fond of me in some decent way, without all that formal theatrical proposing?  It’s a deuced annoying thing in the long run the way the women get fond of me.  Though it’s nice enough in some ways while it lasts!’ he added, as if in unwilling recognition of fact.  As the path debouched on the highroad he said to himself half aloud:

‘Well, she’s a mighty fine girl, anyhow!  And if she is red I’ve had about enough of the black! . . . That Spanish girl is beginning to kick too!  I wish I had never come across . . . ‘

‘Shut up, you fool!’ he said to himself as he walked on.

When he got home he found a letter from his father.  He took it to his room before breaking the seal.  It was at least concise and to the point:

‘The enclosed has been sent to me.  You will have to deal with it yourself.  You know my opinion and also my intention.   The items which I have marked have been incurred since I spoke to you last about your debts.  I shall not pay another farthing for you.  So take your own course!

‘Jasper Everard.’

The enclosed was a jeweller’s bill, the length and the total of which lengthened his face and drew from him a low whistle.   He held it in his hand for a long time, standing quite still and silent.  Then drawing a deep breath he said aloud:

‘That settles it!  The halter is on me!  It’s no use squealing.  If it’s to be a red head on my pillow! . . . All right!  I must only make the best of it.  Anyhow I’ll have a good time to-day, even if it must be the last!’

That day Harold was in Norcester on business.  It was late when he went to the club to dine.  Whilst waiting for dinner he met Leonard Everard, flushed and somewhat at uncertain in his speech.  It was something of a shock to Harold to see him in such a state.