Complete Works of James Joyce (313 page)

ROBERT

That will never be. Never.

RICHARD

And you turn even against yourself for having known me or trafficked with us both?

ROBERT

(Gravely.)
It will never be like that, Richard. Be sure of that.

RICHARD

(Contemptuously.)
I care very little whether it is or not because there is something I fear much more.

ROBERT

(Shakes his head.)
You fear? I disbelieve you, Richard. Since we were boys together I have followed your mind. You do not know what moral fear is.

RICHARD

(Lays his hand on his arm.)
Listen. She is dead. She lies on my bed. I look at her body which I betrayed — grossly and many times. And loved, too, and wept over. And I know that her body was always my loyal slave. To me, to me only she gave...
(He breaks off and turns aside, unable to speak.)

ROBERT

(Softly.)
Do not suffer, Richard. There is no need. She is loyal to you, body and soul. Why do you fear?

RICHARD

(Turns towards him, almost fiercely.)
Not that fear. But that I will reproach myself then for having taken all for myself because I would not suffer her to give to another what was hers and not mine to give, because I accepted from her her loyalty and made her life poorer in love. That is my fear. That I stand between her and any moments of life that should be hers, between her and you, between her and anyone, between her and anything. I will not do it. I cannot and I will not. I dare not.

583

(He leans back in his chair breathless, with shining eyes. Robert rises quietly, and stands behind his chair.)

ROBERT

Look here, Richard. We have said all there is to be said. Let the past be past.

RICHARD

(Quickly and harshly.)
Wait. One thing more. For you, too, must know me as I am — now.

ROBERT

More? Is there more?

RICHARD

I told you that when I saw your eyes this afternoon I felt sad. Your humility and confusion, I felt, united you to me in brotherhood.
(He turns half round towards him.)
At that moment I felt our whole life together in the past, and I longed to put my arm around your neck.

ROBERT

(Deeply and suddenly touched.)
It is noble of you, Richard, to forgive me like this.

RICHARD

(Struggling with himself.)
I told you that I wished you not to do anything false and secret against me — against our friendship, against her; not to steal her from me craftily, secretly, meanly — in the dark, in the night — you, Robert, my friend.

ROBERT

I know. And it was noble of you.

RICHARD

(Looks tip at him with a steady gaze.)
No. Not noble. Ignoble.

ROBERT

(Makes an involuntary gesture.)
How? Why?

RICHARD

(Looks away again: in a lower voice.)
That is what I must tell you too. Because in the very core of my ignoble heart I longed to be betrayed by you and by her — in the dark, in the night — secretly, meanly, craftily. By you, my best friend, and by her. I longed for that passionately and ignobly, to be dishonoured for ever in love and in lust, to be...

584

ROBERT

(Bending down, places his hands over Richard’s mouth.)
Enough. Enough.
(He takes his hands away.)
But no. Go on.

RICHARD

To be for ever a shameful creature and to build up my soul again out of the ruins of its shame.

ROBERT

And that is why you wished that she...

RICHARD

(With calm.)
She has spoken always of her innocence, as I have spoken always of my guilt, humbling me.

ROBERT

From pride, then?

RICHARD

From pride and from ignoble longing. And from a motive deeper still.

ROBERT

(With decision.)
I understand you.

(He returns to his place and begins to speak at once, drawing his chair closer.)

ROBERT

May it not be that we are here and now in the presence of a moment which will free us both — me as well as you — from the last bonds of what is called morality. My friendship for you has laid bonds on me.

RICHARD

Light bonds, apparently.

ROBERT

I acted in the dark, secretly. I will do so no longer. Have you the courage to allow me to act freely?

RICHARD

A duel — between us?

ROBERT

(With growing excitement.)
A battle of both our souls, different as they are, against all that is false in them and in the world. A battle of your soul against the spectre of fidelity, of mine against the spectre of friendship. All life is a conquest, the victory of human passion over the commandments of cowardice. Will you, Richard? Have you the courage? Even if it shatters to atoms the friendship between us, even if it breaks up for ever the last illusion in your own life? There was an eternity before we were born: another will come after we are dead. The blinding instant of passion alone — passion, free, unashamed, irresistible — that is the only gate by which we can escape from the misery of what slaves call life. Is not this the language of your own youth that I heard so often from you in this very place where we are sitting now? Have you changed?

585

RICHARD

(Passes his hand across his brow.)
Yes. It is the language of my youth.

ROBERT

(Eagerly, intensely.)
Richard, you have driven me up to this point. She and I have only obeyed your will. You yourself have roused these words in my brain. Your own words. Shall we? Freely? Together?

RICHARD

(Mastering his emotion.)
Together no. Fight your part alone. I will not free you. Leave me to fight mine.

ROBERT

(Rises, decided.)
You allow me, then?

RICHARD

(Rises also, calmly.)
Free yourself.

(A knock is heard at the hall door.)

ROBERT

(In alarm.)
What does this mean?

RICHARD

(Calmly.)
Bertha, evidently. Did you not ask her to come?

ROBERT

Yes, but...
(Looking about him.)
Then I am going, Richard.

RICHARD

No. I am going.

ROBERT

(Desperately.)
Richard, I appeal to you. Let me go. It is over. She is yours. Keep her and forgive me, both of you.

RICHARD

Because you are generous enough to allow me?

ROBERT

(Hotly.)
Richard, you will make me angry with you if you say that.

RICHARD

Angry or not, I will not live on your generosity. You have asked her to meet you here tonight and alone. Solve the question between you.

ROBERT

(Promptly.)
Open the door. I shall wait in the garden.
(He goes towards the porch.)
Explain to her, Richard, as best you can. I cannot see her now.

586

RICHARD

I shall go. I tell you. Wait out there if you wish.

(He goes out by the door on the right. Robert goes out hastily through the porch but comes back the same instant.)

ROBERT

An umbrella!
(With a sudden gesture.)
O!

(He goes out again through the porch. The hall door is heard to open and close. Richard enters, followed by Bertha, who is dressed in a darkbrown costume, and wears a small dark red hat. She has neither umbrella nor waterproof.)

RICHARD

(Gaily.)
Welcome back to old Ireland!

BERTHA

(Nervously, seriously.)
Is this the place?

RICHARD

Yes, it is. How did you find it?

BERTHA

I told the cabman. I didn’t like to ask my way.
(Looking about her curiously.)
Was he not waiting? Has he gone away?

RICHARD

(Points towards the garden.)
He is waiting. Out there. He was waiting when I came.

BERTHA

(Selfpossessed again.)
You see, you came after all.

RICHARD

Did you think I would not?

BERTHA

I knew you could not remain away. You see, after all you are like all other men. You had to come. You are jealous like the others.

RICHARD

You seem annoyed to find me here.

BERTHA

What happened between you?

RICHARD

I told him I knew everything, that I had known for a long time. He asked how. I said from you.

BERTHA

Does he hate me?

RICHARD

I cannot read in his heart.

BERTHA

(Sits down helplessly.)
Yes. He hates me. He believes I made a fool of him — betrayed him. I knew he would.

RICHARD

I told him you were sincere with him.

587

BERTHA

He does not believe it. Nobody would believe it. I should have told him first — not you.

RICHARD

I thought he was a common robber, prepared to use even violence against you. I had to protect you from that.

BERTHA

That I could have done myself.

RICHARD

Are you sure?

BERTHA

It would have been enough to have told him that you knew I was here. Now I can find out nothing. He hates me. He is right to hate me. I have treated him badly, shamefully.

RICHARD

(Takes her hand.)
Bertha, look at me.

BERTHA

(Turns to him.)
Well?

RICHARD

(Gazes into her eyes and then lets her hand fall.)
I cannot read in your heart either.

BERTHA

(Still looking at him.)
You could not remain away. Do you not trust me? You can see I am quite calm. I could have hidden it all from you.