Complete Works of Joseph Conrad (Illustrated) (510 page)

It was Therese’s habit to begin talking directly she entered the room with the tray of morning coffee.  This was her method for waking me up.  I generally regained the consciousness of the external world on some pious phrase asserting the spiritual comfort of early mass, or on angry lamentations about the unconscionable rapacity of the dealers in fish and vegetables; for after mass it was Therese’s practice to do the marketing for the house.  As a matter of fact the necessity of having to pay, to actually give money to people, infuriated the pious Therese.  But the matter of this morning’s speech was so extraordinary that it might have been the prolongation of a nightmare: a man in bonds having to listen to weird and unaccountable speeches against which, he doesn’t know why, his very soul revolts.

In sober truth my soul remained in revolt though I was convinced that I was no longer dreaming.  I watched Therese coming away from the window with that helpless dread a man bound hand and foot may be excused to feel.  For in such a situation even the absurd may appear ominous.  She came up close to the bed and folding her hands meekly in front of her turned her eyes up to the ceiling.

“If I had been her daughter she couldn’t have spoken more softly to me,” she said sentimentally.

I made a great effort to speak.

“Mademoiselle Therese, you are raving.”

“She addressed me as Mademoiselle, too, so nicely.  I was struck with veneration for her white hair but her face, believe me, my dear young Monsieur, has not so many wrinkles as mine.”

She compressed her lips with an angry glance at me as if I could help her wrinkles, then she sighed.

“God sends wrinkles, but what is our face?” she digressed in a tone of great humility.  “We shall have glorious faces in Paradise.  But meantime God has permitted me to preserve a smooth heart.”

“Are you going to keep on like this much longer?” I fairly shouted at her.  “What are you talking about?”

“I am talking about the sweet old lady who came in a carriage.  Not a fiacre.  I can tell a fiacre.  In a little carriage shut in with glass all in front.  I suppose she is very rich.  The carriage was very shiny outside and all beautiful grey stuff inside.  I opened the door to her myself.  She got out slowly like a queen.  I was struck all of a heap.  Such a shiny beautiful little carriage.  There were blue silk tassels inside, beautiful silk tassels.”

Obviously Therese had been very much impressed by a brougham, though she didn’t know the name for it.  Of all the town she knew nothing but the streets which led to a neighbouring church frequented only by the poorer classes and the humble quarter around, where she did her marketing.  Besides, she was accustomed to glide along the walls with her eyes cast down; for her natural boldness would never show itself through that nun-like mien except when bargaining, if only on a matter of threepence.  Such a turn-out had never been presented to her notice before.  The traffic in the street of the Consuls was mostly pedestrian and far from fashionable.  And anyhow Therese never looked out of the window.  She lurked in the depths of the house like some kind of spider that shuns attention.  She used to dart at one from some dark recesses which I never explored.

Yet it seemed to me that she exaggerated her raptures for some reason or other.  With her it was very difficult to distinguish between craft and innocence.

“Do you mean to say,” I asked suspiciously, “that an old lady wants to hire an apartment here?  I hope you told her there was no room, because, you know, this house is not exactly the thing for venerable old ladies.”

“Don’t make me angry, my dear young Monsieur.  I have been to confession this morning.  Aren’t you comfortable?  Isn’t the house appointed richly enough for anybody?”

That girl with a peasant-nun’s face had never seen the inside of a house other than some half-ruined caserio in her native hills.

I pointed out to her that this was not a matter of splendour or comfort but of “convenances.”  She pricked up her ears at that word which probably she had never heard before; but with woman’s uncanny intuition I believe she understood perfectly what I meant.  Her air of saintly patience became so pronounced that with my own poor intuition I perceived that she was raging at me inwardly.  Her weather-tanned complexion, already affected by her confined life, took on an extraordinary clayey aspect which reminded me of a strange head painted by El Greco which my friend Prax had hung on one of his walls and used to rail at; yet not without a certain respect.

Therese, with her hands still meekly folded about her waist, had mastered the feelings of anger so unbecoming to a person whose sins had been absolved only about three hours before, and asked me with an insinuating softness whether she wasn’t an honest girl enough to look after any old lady belonging to a world which after all was sinful.  She reminded me that she had kept house ever since she was “so high” for her uncle the priest: a man well-known for his saintliness in a large district extending even beyond Pampeluna.  The character of a house depended upon the person who ruled it.  She didn’t know what impenitent wretches had been breathing within these walls in the time of that godless and wicked man who had planted every seed of perdition in “our Rita’s” ill-disposed heart.  But he was dead and she, Therese, knew for certain that wickedness perished utterly, because of God’s anger (la colère du bon Dieu).  She would have no hesitation in receiving a bishop, if need be, since “our, Rita,” with her poor, wretched, unbelieving heart, had nothing more to do with the house.

All this came out of her like an unctuous trickle of some acrid oil.  The low, voluble delivery was enough by itself to compel my attention.

“You think you know your sister’s heart,” I asked.

She made small eyes at me to discover if I was angry.  She seemed to have an invincible faith in the virtuous dispositions of young men.  And as I had spoken in measured tones and hadn’t got red in the face she let herself go.

“Black, my dear young Monsieur.  Black.  I always knew it.  Uncle, poor saintly man, was too holy to take notice of anything.  He was too busy with his thoughts to listen to anything I had to say to him.  For instance as to her shamelessness.  She was always ready to run half naked about the hills. . . “

“Yes.  After your goats.  All day long.  Why didn’t you mend her frocks?”

“Oh, you know about the goats.  My dear young Monsieur, I could never tell when she would fling over her pretended sweetness and put her tongue out at me.  Did she tell you about a boy, the son of pious and rich parents, whom she tried to lead astray into the wildness of thoughts like her own, till the poor dear child drove her off because she outraged his modesty?  I saw him often with his parents at Sunday mass.  The grace of God preserved him and made him quite a gentleman in Paris.  Perhaps it will touch Rita’s heart, too, some day.  But she was awful then.  When I wouldn’t listen to her complaints she would say: ‘All right, sister, I would just as soon go clothed in rain and wind.’  And such a bag of bones, too, like the picture of a devil’s imp.  Ah, my dear young Monsieur, you don’t know how wicked her heart is.  You aren’t bad enough for that yourself.  I don’t believe you are evil at all in your innocent little heart.  I never heard you jeer at holy things.  You are only thoughtless.  For instance, I have never seen you make the sign of the cross in the morning.  Why don’t you make a practice of crossing yourself directly you open your eyes.  It’s a very good thing.  It keeps Satan off for the day.”

She proffered that advice in a most matter-of-fact tone as if it were a precaution against a cold, compressed her lips, then returning to her fixed idea, “But the house is mine,” she insisted very quietly with an accent which made me feel that Satan himself would never manage to tear it out of her hands.

“And so I told the great lady in grey.  I told her that my sister had given it to me and that surely God would not let her take it away again.”

“You told that grey-headed lady, an utter stranger!  You are getting more crazy every day.  You have neither good sense nor good feeling, Mademoiselle Therese, let me tell you.  Do you talk about your sister to the butcher and the greengrocer, too?  A downright savage would have more restraint.  What’s your object?  What do you expect from it?  What pleasure do you get from it?  Do you think you please God by abusing your sister?  What do you think you are?”

“A poor lone girl amongst a lot of wicked people.  Do you think I wanted to go forth amongst those abominations? it’s that poor sinful Rita that wouldn’t let me be where I was, serving a holy man, next door to a church, and sure of my share of Paradise.  I simply obeyed my uncle.  It’s he who told me to go forth and attempt to save her soul, bring her back to us, to a virtuous life.  But what would be the good of that?  She is given over to worldly, carnal thoughts.  Of course we are a good family and my uncle is a great man in the country, but where is the reputable farmer or God-fearing man of that kind that would dare to bring such a girl into his house to his mother and sisters.  No, let her give her ill-gotten wealth up to the deserving and devote the rest of her life to repentance.”

She uttered these righteous reflections and presented this programme for the salvation of her sister’s soul in a reasonable convinced tone which was enough to give goose flesh to one all over.

“Mademoiselle Therese,” I said, “you are nothing less than a monster.”

She received that true expression of my opinion as though I had given her a sweet of a particularly delicious kind.  She liked to be abused.  It pleased her to be called names.  I did let her have that satisfaction to her heart’s content.  At last I stopped because I could do no more, unless I got out of bed to beat her.  I have a vague notion that she would have liked that, too, but I didn’t try.  After I had stopped she waited a little before she raised her downcast eyes.

“You are a dear, ignorant, flighty young gentleman,” she said.  “Nobody can tell what a cross my sister is to me except the good priest in the church where I go every day.”

“And the mysterious lady in grey,” I suggested sarcastically.

“Such a person might have guessed it,” answered Therese, seriously, “but I told her nothing except that this house had been given me in full property by our Rita.  And I wouldn’t have done that if she hadn’t spoken to me of my sister first.  I can’t tell too many people about that.  One can’t trust Rita.  I know she doesn’t fear God but perhaps human respect may keep her from taking this house back from me.  If she doesn’t want me to talk about her to people why doesn’t she give me a properly stamped piece of paper for it?”

She said all this rapidly in one breath and at the end had a sort of anxious gasp which gave me the opportunity to voice my surprise.  It was immense.

“That lady, the strange lady, spoke to you of your sister first!” I cried.

“The lady asked me, after she had been in a little time, whether really this house belonged to Madame de Lastaola.  She had been so sweet and kind and condescending that I did not mind humiliating my spirit before such a good Christian.  I told her that I didn’t know how the poor sinner in her mad blindness called herself, but that this house had been given to me truly enough by my sister.  She raised her eyebrows at that but she looked at me at the same time so kindly, as much as to say, ‘Don’t trust much to that, my dear girl,’ that I couldn’t help taking up her hand, soft as down, and kissing it.  She took it away pretty quick but she was not offended.  But she only said, ‘That’s very generous on your sister’s part,’ in a way that made me run cold all over.  I suppose all the world knows our Rita for a shameless girl.  It was then that the lady took up those glasses on a long gold handle and looked at me through them till I felt very much abashed.  She said to me, ‘There is nothing to be unhappy about.  Madame de Lastaola is a very remarkable person who has done many surprising things.  She is not to be judged like other people and as far as I know she has never wronged a single human being. . . .’  That put heart into me, I can tell you; and the lady told me then not to disturb her son.  She would wait till he woke up.  She knew he was a bad sleeper.  I said to her: ‘Why, I can hear the dear sweet gentleman this moment having his bath in the fencing-room,’ and I took her into the studio.  They are there now and they are going to have their lunch together at twelve o’clock.”

“Why on earth didn’t you tell me at first that the lady was Mrs. Blunt?”

“Didn’t I?  I thought I did,” she said innocently.  I felt a sudden desire to get out of that house, to fly from the reinforced Blunt element which was to me so oppressive.

“I want to get up and dress, Mademoiselle Therese,” I said.

She gave a slight start and without looking at me again glided out of the room, the many folds of her brown skirt remaining undisturbed as she moved.

I looked at my watch; it was ten o’clock.  Therese had been late with my coffee.  The delay was clearly caused by the unexpected arrival of Mr. Blunt’s mother, which might or might not have been expected by her son.  The existence of those Blunts made me feel uncomfortable in a peculiar way as though they had been the denizens of another planet with a subtly different point of view and something in the intelligence which was bound to remain unknown to me.  It caused in me a feeling of inferiority which I intensely disliked.  This did not arise from the actual fact that those people originated in another continent.  I had met Americans before.  And the Blunts were Americans.  But so little!  That was the trouble.  Captain Blunt might have been a Frenchman as far as languages, tones, and manners went.  But you could not have mistaken him for one. . . . Why?  You couldn’t tell.  It was something indefinite.  It occurred to me while I was towelling hard my hair, face, and the back of my neck, that I could not meet J. K. Blunt on equal terms in any relation of life except perhaps arms in hand, and in preference with pistols, which are less intimate, acting at a distance — but arms of some sort.  For physically his life, which could be taken away from him, was exactly like mine, held on the same terms and of the same vanishing quality.