Complete Works of Joseph Conrad (Illustrated) (764 page)

“You must be a good swimmer.”

“Yes.  I’ve been in the water practically since nine o’clock.  The question for me now is whether I am to let go this ladder and go on swimming till I sink from exhaustion, or — to come on board here.”

I felt this was no mere formula of desperate speech, but a real alternative in the view of a strong soul.  I should have gathered from this that he was young; indeed, it is only the young who are ever confronted by such clear issues.  But at the time it was pure intuition on my part.  A mysterious communication was established already between us two — in the face of that silent, darkened tropical sea.  I was young, too; young enough to make no comment.  The man in the water began suddenly to climb up the ladder, and I hastened away from the rail to fetch some clothes.

Before entering the cabin I stood still, listening in the lobby at the foot of the stairs.  A faint snore came through the closed door of the chief mate’s room.  The second mate’s door was on the hook, but the darkness in there was absolutely soundless.  He, too, was young and could sleep like a stone.  Remained the steward, but he was not likely to wake up before he was called.  I got a sleeping-suit out of my room and, coming back on deck, saw the naked man from the sea sitting on the main-hatch, glimmering white in the darkness, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.  In a moment he had concealed his damp body in a sleeping-suit of the same grey-stripe pattern as the one I was wearing and followed me like my double on the poop.  Together we moved right aft, barefooted, silent.

“What is it?” I asked in a deadened voice, taking the lighted lamp out of the binnacle, and raising it to his face.

“An ugly business.”

He had rather regular features; a good mouth; light eyes under somewhat heavy, dark eyebrows; a smooth, square forehead; no growth on his cheeks; a small, brown moustache, and a well-shaped, round chin.  His expression was concentrated, meditative, under the inspecting light of the lamp I held up to his face; such as a man thinking hard in solitude might wear.  My sleeping-suit was just right for his size.  A well-knit young fellow of twenty-five at most.  He caught his lower lip with the edge of white, even teeth.

“Yes,” I said, replacing the lamp in the binnacle.  The warm, heavy tropical night closed upon his head again.

“There’s a ship over there,” he murmured.

“Yes, I know.  The Sephora.  Did you know of us?”

“Hadn’t the slightest idea.  I am the mate of her — ”  He paused and corrected himself.  “I should say I was.”

“Aha!  Something wrong?”

“Yes.  Very wrong indeed.  I’ve killed a man.”

“What do you mean?  Just now?”

“No, on the passage.  Weeks ago.  Thirty-nine south.  When I say a man — ”

“Fit of temper,” I suggested, confidently.

The shadowy, dark head, like mine, seemed to nod imperceptibly above the ghostly grey of my sleeping-suit.  It was, in the night, as though I had been faced by my own reflection in the depths of a sombre and immense mirror.

“A pretty thing to have to own up to for a Conway boy,” murmured my double, distinctly.

“You’re a Conway boy?”

“I am,” he said, as if startled.  Then, slowly . . . “Perhaps you too — ”

It was so; but being a couple of years older I had left before he joined.  After a quick interchange of dates a silence fell; and I thought suddenly of my absurd mate with his terrific whiskers and the “Bless my soul — you don’t say so” type of intellect.  My double gave me an inkling of his thoughts by saying:

“My father’s a parson in Norfolk.  Do you see me before a judge and jury on that charge?  For myself I can’t see the necessity.  There are fellows that an angel from heaven — And I am not that.  He was one of those creatures that are just simmering all the time with a silly sort of wickedness.  Miserable devils that have no business to live at all.  He wouldn’t do his duty and wouldn’t let anybody else do theirs.  But what’s the good of talking!  You know well enough the sort of ill-conditioned snarling cur — ”

He appealed to me as if our experiences had been as identical as our clothes.  And I knew well enough the pestiferous danger of such a character where there are no means of legal repression.  And I knew well enough also that my double there was no homicidal ruffian.  I did not think of asking him for details, and he told me the story roughly in brusque, disconnected sentences.  I needed no more.  I saw it all going on as though I were myself inside that other sleeping-suit.

“It happened while we were setting a reefed foresail, at dusk.  Reefed foresail!  You understand the sort of weather.  The only sail we had left to keep the ship running; so you may guess what it had been like for days.  Anxious sort of job, that.  He gave me some of his cursed insolence at the sheet.  I tell you I was overdone with this terrific weather that seemed to have no end to it.  Terrific, I tell you — and a deep ship.  I believe the fellow himself was half crazed with funk.  It was no time for gentlemanly reproof, so I turned round and felled him like an ox.  He up and at me.  We closed just as an awful sea made for the ship.  All hands saw it coming and took to the rigging, but I had him by the throat, and went on shaking him like a rat, the men above us yelling, “Look out! look out!”  Then a crash as if the sky had fallen on my head.  They say that for over ten minutes hardly anything was to be seen of the ship — just the three masts and a bit of the forecastle head and of the poop all awash driving along in a smother of foam.  It was a miracle that they found us, jammed together behind the forebits.  It’s clear that I meant business, because I was holding him by the throat still when they picked us up.  He was black in the face.  It was too much for them.  It seems they rushed us aft together, gripped as we were, screaming “Murder!” like a lot of lunatics, and broke into the cuddy.  And the ship running for her life, touch and go all the time, any minute her last in a sea fit to turn your hair grey only a-looking at it.  I understand that the skipper, too, started raving like the rest of them.  The man had been deprived of sleep for more than a week, and to have this sprung on him at the height of a furious gale nearly drove him out of his mind.  I wonder they didn’t fling me overboard after getting the carcass of their precious ship-mate out of my fingers.  They had rather a job to separate us, I’ve been told.  A sufficiently fierce story to make an old judge and a respectable jury sit up a bit.  The first thing I heard when I came to myself was the maddening howling of that endless gale, and on that the voice of the old man.  He was hanging on to my bunk, staring into my face out of his sou’wester.

“‘Mr. Leggatt, you have killed a man.  You can act no longer as chief mate of this ship.’”

His care to subdue his voice made it sound monotonous.  He rested a hand on the end of the skylight to steady himself with, and all that time did not stir a limb, so far as I could see.  “Nice little tale for a quiet tea-party,” he concluded in the same tone.

One of my hands, too, rested on the end of the skylight; neither did I stir a limb, so far as I knew.  We stood less than a foot from each other.  It occurred to me that if old “Bless my soul — you don’t say so” were to put his head up the companion and catch sight of us, he would think he was seeing double, or imagine himself come upon a scene of weird witchcraft; the strange captain having a quiet confabulation by the wheel with his own grey ghost.  I became very much concerned to prevent anything of the sort.  I heard the other’s soothing undertone.

“My father’s a parson in Norfolk,” it said.  Evidently he had forgotten he had told me this important fact before.  Truly a nice little tale.

“You had better slip down into my stateroom now,” I said, moving off stealthily.  My double followed my movements; our bare feet made no sound; I let him in, closed the door with care, and, after giving a call to the second mate, returned on deck for my relief.

“Not much sign of any wind yet,” I remarked when he approached.

“No, sir.  Not much,” he assented, sleepily, in his hoarse voice, with just enough deference, no more, and barely suppressing a yawn.

“Well, that’s all you have to look out for.  You have got your orders.”

“Yes, sir.”

I paced a turn or two on the poop and saw him take up his position face forward with his elbow in the ratlines of the mizzen-rigging before I went below.  The mate’s faint snoring was still going on peacefully.  The cuddy lamp was burning over the table on which stood a vase with flowers, a polite attention from the ship’s provision merchant — the last flowers we should see for the next three months at the very least.  Two bunches of bananas hung from the beam symmetrically, one on each side of the rudder-casing.  Everything was as before in the ship — except that two of her captain’s sleeping-suits were simultaneously in use, one motionless in the cuddy, the other keeping very still in the captain’s stateroom.

It must be explained here that my cabin had the form of the capital letter L the door being within the angle and opening into the short part of the letter.  A couch was to the left, the bed-place to the right; my writing-desk and the chronometers’ table faced the door.  But any one opening it, unless he stepped right inside, had no view of what I call the long (or vertical) part of the letter.  It contained some lockers surmounted by a bookcase; and a few clothes, a thick jacket or two, caps, oilskin coat, and such like, hung on hooks.  There was at the bottom of that part a door opening into my bath-room, which could be entered also directly from the saloon.  But that way was never used.

The mysterious arrival had discovered the advantage of this particular shape.  Entering my room, lighted strongly by a big bulkhead lamp swung on gimbals above my writing-desk, I did not see him anywhere till he stepped out quietly from behind the coats hung in the recessed part.

“I heard somebody moving about, and went in there at once,” he whispered.

I, too, spoke under my breath.

“Nobody is likely to come in here without knocking and getting permission.”

He nodded.  His face was thin and the sunburn faded, as though he had been ill.  And no wonder.  He had been, I heard presently, kept under arrest in his cabin for nearly seven weeks.  But there was nothing sickly in his eyes or in his expression.  He was not a bit like me, really; yet, as we stood leaning over my bed-place, whispering side by side, with our dark heads together and our backs to the door, anybody bold enough to open it stealthily would have been treated to the uncanny sight of a double captain busy talking in whispers with his other self.

“But all this doesn’t tell me how you came to hang on to our side-ladder,” I inquired, in the hardly audible murmurs we used, after he had told me something more of the proceedings on board the Sephora once the bad weather was over.

“When we sighted Java Head I had had time to think all those matters out several times over.  I had six weeks of doing nothing else, and with only an hour or so every evening for a tramp on the quarter-deck.”

He whispered, his arms folded on the side of my bed-place, staring through the open port.  And I could imagine perfectly the manner of this thinking out — a stubborn if not a steadfast operation; something of which I should have been perfectly incapable.

“I reckoned it would be dark before we closed with the land,” he continued, so low that I had to strain my hearing, near as we were to each other, shoulder touching shoulder almost.  “So I asked to speak to the old man.  He always seemed very sick when he came to see me — as if he could not look me in the face.  You know, that foresail saved the ship.  She was too deep to have run long under bare poles.  And it was I that managed to set it for him.  Anyway, he came.  When I had him in my cabin — he stood by the door looking at me as if I had the halter round my neck already — I asked him right away to leave my cabin door unlocked at night while the ship was going through Sunda Straits.  There would be the Java coast within two or three miles, off Angier Point.  I wanted nothing more.  I’ve had a prize for swimming my second year in the Conway.”

“I can believe it,” I breathed out.

“God only knows why they locked me in every night.  To see some of their faces you’d have thought they were afraid I’d go about at night strangling people.  Am I a murdering brute?  Do I look it?  By Jove! if I had been he wouldn’t have trusted himself like that into my room.  You’ll say I might have chucked him aside and bolted out, there and then — it was dark already.  Well, no.  And for the same reason I wouldn’t think of trying to smash the door.  There would have been a rush to stop me at the noise, and I did not mean to get into a confounded scrimmage.  Somebody else might have got killed — for I would not have broken out only to get chucked back, and I did not want any more of that work.  He refused, looking more sick than ever.  He was afraid of the men, and also of that old second mate of his who had been sailing with him for years — a grey-headed old humbug; and his steward, too, had been with him devil knows how long — seventeen years or more — a dogmatic sort of loafer who hated me like poison, just because I was the chief mate.  No chief mate ever made more than one voyage in the Sephora, you know.  Those two old chaps ran the ship.  Devil only knows what the skipper wasn’t afraid of (all his nerve went to pieces altogether in that hellish spell of bad weather we had) — of what the law would do to him — of his wife, perhaps.  Oh, yes! she’s on board.  Though I don’t think she would have meddled.  She would have been only too glad to have me out of the ship in any way.  The ‘brand of Cain’ business, don’t you see.  That’s all right.  I was ready enough to go off wandering on the face of the earth — and that was price enough to pay for an Abel of that sort.  Anyhow, he wouldn’t listen to me.  ‘This thing must take its course.  I represent the law here.’  He was shaking like a leaf.  ‘So you won’t?’  ‘No!’  ‘Then I hope you will be able to sleep on that,’ I said, and turned my back on him.  ‘I wonder that you can,’ cries he, and locks the door.

“Well, after that, I couldn’t.  Not very well.  That was three weeks ago.  We have had a slow passage through the Java Sea; drifted about Carimata for ten days.  When we anchored here they thought, I suppose, it was all right.  The nearest land (and that’s five miles) is the ship’s destination; the consul would soon set about catching me; and there would have been no object in bolting to these islets there.  I don’t suppose there’s a drop of water on them.  I don’t know how it was, but to-night that steward, after bringing me my supper, went out to let me eat it, and left the door unlocked.  And I ate it — all there was, too.  After I had finished I strolled out on the quarterdeck.  I don’t know that I meant to do anything.  A breath of fresh air was all I wanted, I believe.  Then a sudden temptation came over me.  I kicked off my slippers and was in the water before I had made up my mind fairly.  Somebody heard the splash and they raised an awful hullabaloo.  ‘He’s gone!  Lower the boats!  He’s committed suicide!  No, he’s swimming.’  Certainly I was swimming.  It’s not so easy for a swimmer like me to commit suicide by drowning.  I landed on the nearest islet before the boat left the ship’s side.  I heard them pulling about in the dark, hailing, and so on, but after a bit they gave up.  Everything quieted down and the anchorage became as still as death.  I sat down on a stone and began to think.  I felt certain they would start searching for me at daylight.  There was no place to hide on those stony things — and if there had been, what would have been the good?  But now I was clear of that ship, I was not going back.  So after a while I took off all my clothes, tied them up in a bundle with a stone inside, and dropped them in the deep water on the outer side of that islet.  That was suicide enough for me.  Let them think what they liked, but I didn’t mean to drown myself.  I meant to swim till I sank — but that’s not the same thing.  I struck out for another of these little islands, and it was from that one that I first saw your riding-light.  Something to swim for.  I went on easily, and on the way I came upon a flat rock a foot or two above water.  In the daytime, I dare say, you might make it out with a glass from your poop.  I scrambled up on it and rested myself for a bit.  Then I made another start.  That last spell must have been over a mile.”